Maximizing Singlehood.pdf - Sam Swaj & Shekinahamy

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Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood Swaj andSheki Do Maxi mizinah ngSi ngl ehood Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood Tabl eofCont ent s. CHAPTERONE…….Under standi ngPur pose. CHAPTERTWO………Adam Cul ti vat ed. CHAPTERTHREE………Bef oreYouFal lInLov e. CHAPTERFOUR….Br eakTheCy cleOfRepet it ion. CHAPTERFI VE……………….ForThi sReason. CHAPTERSI X………ThePr oact iveSi ngl e. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood I NTRODUCTI ON…. Al otofy oungpeoplehaveact uall ygrownupwi t h themi ndsetthatbeingsi nglei saprocessanda stageev eryonepassesthroughbef oremar r iage.It’ s notst r anget ohearsingl essayt hingslike“ I ’ m st i ll singlebecauseGODi sworkingonme" .Itisev en mor ealarmingtoseepeopl egauger eadi nessf or relationshipsbyfinanci alstr engt h,whichunar guably i si mpor t ant,buti snotev erythi ng. Themi ndsetthatbeingsi ngleisastateof dormancyhasmadeal otofy oungpeoplegeti nto rel ati onshi psunprepar ed.Ti meandt i meagain, heartbreakafterheartbr eak,weclaimtobeunlucky i nl ove.BeingSingleisnotdor mancy,i tiswor k,i tis preparati on,itisdiscov ery,i tisbuil ding. Wet akeourbear ingf rom t heHol yScr ipt ures. Genesi s2v s(15, 18- 21) . Genesi s2: 15, 18- 21. [ 15] AndtheLor dGodtookt hemanandputhimi n t heGar denofEdent otendandguar dandkeepi t. [ 18] Nowt heLor dGodsai d,I tisnotgood( suf fi ci ent , Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood sat isf actor y)thatthemanshoul dbealone; Iwi l l makehim ahelpermeet( suit abl e,adapt ed, complementar y)forhi m. [19]Andoutoft hegroundtheLor dGodf ormedev er y [wil d]beastandl i vi ngcr eatureofthefiel dandev ery birdoftheairandbroughtt hem toAdam t osee whathewoul dcallt hem; andwhat everAdam call ed everyli vingcreatur e,thatwasi t sname. [ 20]AndAdam gav enamest oall theli vestockandto t hebirdsoftheairandtoevery[wil d]beastofthe f iel d;butforAdam therewasnotfoundahel per meet(sui tabl e,adapted,complementar y)forhim. [ 21]AndtheLordGodcausedadeepsleeptofal l uponAdam;andwhi l eheslept, Hetookoneofhis ri bsorapartofhi ssideandclosedupthe[ place wit h]fl esh.( Amplif iedBi ble). Scr i pturesclearl yshowust hatAdam was culti vatingandt endingtothegar denbefor et hev oi d ofnothav i ngapar tnerwasobv i ous.Adam hadal so givennamest oalltheanimalswhi chcanbel ikened toawor ldsystem orapictur eofwhathewant edi n hislif e.Itwaswhenhehadcr eatedthi ssystem, that i tbecamemor eobviousthattherewasn’tanyone suitableforhim. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood Thisshowst hatbei ngsi ngl eisnotador mant process.Majori tyoftheissuesinmoder nday rel ati onshipsandmar ri agescanbeav oidedwit ha simplechangeofmi ndset.Workt hatneedst obe donebef or erelati onshi pst ar ts,shouldnotbedone i nt herel ati onship. Joi nusaswejourneyt hrought hest epsof Maximi zi ngSi nglehood. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood CHAPTERONE…. Under standi ngPur pose… Aquitepopul aradagesays“WhenThePur poseOf AThingIsNotKnown, AbuseIsInev itabl e.”Manwas cr eatedforareason.Tworeasons,wecansay . Accordi ngtotheHolyscri ptur es. Thei ssueofpur posehascausedal otofdi vi si oni n t hebodyofChri st, wit hpeoplegetti ngmor eand moreconf usedastowhatpurposemeans. Thewor d“ purpose"means“ t her easonforwhich somet hingi sdone.”Italsomeans“ aresul tthatis desired.”Itisinter estingtonot ethatpeoplehavea l otoft heori esonpur pose.Mor eof t enthannot, peopl eendupmor econf usedthant heywerebefore researchingonpur pose.Scr i ptur eshowsushowt o simplifythis. Genesi s1: 26- 27 [26]Godsaid,LetUs[ Father, Son, andHol ySpiri t] makemanki ndinOuri mage, af terOurlikeness,and l ett hem havecompl eteauthorit yov ert hef i shoft he sea, t hebirdsoft heair, the[tame]beast s,andov er alloftheearth,andov ereveryt hingthatcr eepsupon theear t h. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood [ 27] SoGodcr eatedmaninHi sowni mage, inthe i mageandli kenessofGodHecreatedhim;maleand f emaleHecreatedthem.( Ampli fi edBibl eVersion. ) Onecanbeeasi l ymisl edbyt his,t oassumeour onlypri marypurposeasmeni st ohavedominion overtheear th.However,t hereismor e.Scr ipture makesusunder st andthatGODwant edfel lowship withman.HEwoul dcomei nthecool oft heev eni ng tofel lowshi pwithman. Thefi rstAdam’spurposewast ohavea r elat ionshipwit hthecreator .Howev er, aft erthef all , t hatrelat ionshi pbecamest r ained,wit honlyafew menexper i enci ngthi srelati onship. Thisl edtot hecomingofthesecondAdam i nthe personofJESUS.Hispurposewassimple.Weshal l seeinscri ptureshor tly . John3: 14- 18 [ 14] AndjustasMosesli ft eduptheserpentint he desert[onapole] ,somust[soi tisnecessaryt hat ] theSonofManbel i ft edup[onthecross] ,[Num. 21:9.] [15]I nor dert hatevery onewhobeli evesinHim[who cleavest oHi m, t rust sHi m, andrel iesonHim]may notperish,buthaveeter nall if eand[act ual ly ]li ve Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood f orev er! [16] ForGodsogr eatlyl ovedanddear lypri zedt he worldthatHe[ even]gaveupHi sonlybegotten (uni que)Son, sot hatwhoeverbel ievesin(trust si n, cli ngsto, r eli eson)Hi m shal lnotperish(comet o destr uction,belost)buthaveeternal(ever lasti ng) l ife. [17] ForGoddi dnotsendt heSonint othewor l din ordertojudge(t oreject, tocondemn, t opass sentenceon)thewor l d,butthatt heworldmightf ind salvat ionandbemadesaf eandsoundt hr oughHim. [18]Hewhobel i evesi nHim[ whocl ingst o,trustsin, reli esonHi m]i snotjudged[ hewhot rustsinHi m nev ercomesupf orjudgment ;f orhi mt hereisno rejecti on,nocondemnat ion–heincur sno damnat i on];buthewhodoesnotbel ieve(cleav eto, relyon, t rustinHi m)i sjudgedalready[ hehas alreadybeenconv i ctedandhasal readyr eceivedhi s sent ence]becausehehasnotbel iev edi nand trustedinthenameoft heonl ybegot tenSonofGod. [Hei scondemnedf orrefusi ngt olethi str ustr estin Chr i st'sname. ](Ampl i fi edBi bl eVer sion.) Fr om t hebiblepassageabov e,wecanseeGOD’S pur poseforsendi ngJESUS.Hecametogiveus Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood eter nalli fe.Contr arytopopul aropini on,eter nalli feis notsimplyescapi nghell, iti smor ethanthat .If avoidi nghellwasallt hatmatter ed,atthepointof salv ati on, weshouldhavegonetoheaven i mmedi ately .Let’ sseehowJESUSdef i nedeternal l ife. John17: 2-3 [2] [Justas]Youhavegr antedHim powerand authori tyoveral lfl esh( allhumanki nd),[ nowglor if y Him]sot hatHemaygiveeter nall ifet oallwhom Youhav egivenHim. [ 3] Andt hisiseter nalli fe: [ itmeans]toknow( t o per cei v e,recognize,becomeacquai ntedwit h,and under stand)You, theonl ytrueandrealGod,and [ likewise]t oknowHi m, Jesus[asthe]Chri st(t he Anoi ntedOne, t heMessi ah),Whom Youhavesent. (Ampl ifiedBibleVer sion.) Thispassageshowsusexact l ywhatJESUScame todo.It’ sadeeperexpr essionofthefirstAdam’s purpose.Recall ,thatwesai dthatAdam’ spurpose wasnotj usthavingauthori ty,butal sohav inga rel ati onshipwi t hGOD.Wecansaf elysaynowt hat purposecanbecl assi fi edintotwo.First, your purposeinrelat ingwi t hGOD, andy ourpurposein Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood r elat ingwi thman. Nowt hatwehav ebeenabl etocategori zepurpose, youcanseet hatiti snotascompl i catedasy ou thought.I nfulf il li ngyourpur posewithGOD, you musthav erecei vedthel i feofChri standgot tenborn again.I tisGOD’Swi l lthatal l menbesav ed.Thatis purpose. Now, fulf il li ngpur poseasr elatingt omen, all believershav et hesamemandat e.Themandat eis thatal lmencomei nt ot hereal i tyofet ernalli feas Jesussai dinJohn17v s3.Themi nistryof reconci l iati oni sev erybeliever ' spr i mar ypurpose. Howev er,thepl atf or m andmanneri nwhi cht hi sis carriedoutdi ffers.Thi siswher emanyr unintoerr or. Ever ybodywoul dnotendupopeni ngachur chinthe nameoff ulf il li ngpur pose.Ev er yonewoul dnot mountt hepul pitinor dertof ulfi llpurpose. Under standingt hist r uthwi l l leadt omor e effectivenessi npr eachingthegospel andwi ll reducest r ifeandj ealousyi nourev ery dayl i v es. Thequestionwealwaysaskoursel vesis“whatis mypur pose?”Thequest ionshoul dchanget o“what plat for m doIusei nful fi ll ingmypurpose?”Wesee manybel i eversaf rai dtotakebigj oboppor t unit ies becausetheyareafr aidofbei ngdistr actedfrom Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood GOD.That ’ saf ault ymi ndset ,becausewehav enot yetcomei ntotheplaceofunderstandi ngt hatyou’r e notinthathighplaceforyoursel falone!You’rether e toful fi llpurposeinrelati ontoman!You’ r et hereto changeandbl essliv es. Yourpl at f ormforf ulf ill ingpur posecannotbe somet hi ngy ouar enotf amili arwi t h.Itisconcur r ent allt hr oughscr i pturethatt hemenwhof ulf il led purposedi diti ndi ff erentway s,eachmanhav inga uniquest ory .Isitnotsur pri singt hatJESUSl ooked atfisher menandt ol dt hem thatt heywoul dbecome fi sher sofmen?I twasnotwor dplay!Hewas rel at i ngt heirpurposet osomet hingtheywer e fami l iarwi t h,fi shing!Thef ishingoccupat i oni sone ofpat ience,hardwor k,persistenceandt hesewer e thequal iti estheyneededt of ulfi llpurpose. Thisbookisn’ tonhowt odi scoverpur pose, howev er ,itwasi mportantt olayasoli dfoundat ion beforefor gingahead. Ify ouareyettocomet otheunder st andingof pur pose,nomat t erhowol dyoumaybe, goingi ntoa relationshi pmaybeaf at almi stake.Iti st hereforeof utmosti mpor tancethatsi nglemenandsi ngle womenwor koutthei rspecif icpl atfor msf orfulfi l li ng pur posebeforegoingint oar elationshi p.Thi sleads Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood ust ocompat ibi l ityofpur pose. I tisexpect edt hatabel i everwoul donlybe i nterest edi ngoi ngi ntoarelat ionshipwithafel low bel iever.Assuch,theirpur posei sthesame,just wit hdi f ferentpl atforms.Compat i bil it yofpurpose si mpl yi scompat ibil it yofplatf orms. I tisveryimportantthatpl atf ormsbecompat ible, becausewehav ev ari ousdoctri nest oday.Doctrines aresimplyman'sownper cepti onofGOD’Smodeof operati on.Whil et hi sisnotnecessar il yay ar dstickto measureChr i sti anity ,whenitcomestorelat ionship andmar ri age,i tplaysav i talr ole. Platformsdi ffer ,sameast hemodeofoper ati on.A manwhoai msatev angeli sm throughmusi cmay notbecompat ibl ewi t hawomanwhosol elybeli eves deliverancei st hegreatestf orm ofev angel i sm.This doesn’ tmeant heyar eondiffer entpur poses, but theirplatformsar edif ferent .Anot herexampl eisa Mal ebel i ev erwhohast hedesiretor eachsoul s throughdr amaandaf emalewhof eelsdr ama mi ni stryisal azyman’ sapproachandcl i ngst oher megaphonef ordearlif e.Therewi lldefini t el ybe clashesi nt her el ati onship. Fi ndi ngsomeonewi tht hesamepl atf orm asy oui s Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood veryessential .Cant wowal ktoget herunlessthey agree?ItisGOD’ Sdesiretoseecouplesfulf il l purposetogether.That’sthedream.Donotl et spi rit ualit yandr eli gionblindyoutothepointof thi nkingthateverybelieveriscompati blewithyou becauset heyprayintongues. Asbeautif ulasitistot al ktoabel i everandfindout thatyourpl atf ormsar esi mil arorthesame, ensure youactuall yseethisper sonact ivelyworki ngont he plat form.Alotofpeopl ehavedreams, t heybel i eve somuchi nthesedreamst hati tendsupbei ngjust dreamsandnotr eali ty.Zealandpassionexpressed vocall yisnotenough,theymustbeact i veinthat plat form. Youwoul dbesurpr isedathoweff ort lessandeasy ar el ati onshi pbuil tont hesamepur poseand platf ormis. Aver ycommonquestioni s“whati fourplat for ms ar edif fer entbutwecanfi ndacommongr ound?” Now, whil ethisisnoti mpossibl e,wemustbe carefulthatthiscommongroundisnotdesperat ion cloudingourj udgement .So,wehavetakenthe l ibertytoattachaf ewquest ionswethinkyou’ dfind helpful. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood DoIgenui nelyappr eci atet heuni quenessofmy par tner ’spl atfor m? CanIt olerat etheexcessest hi splat form may requir e?E. g.amusicministermayhav eendl ess rehearsalsandyou’ dhav et ohearcountl ess melodiesanddeal withseeingmember softhe crewal ltheti me?Isthatfinebyyou? Doesmypartnergenui nelyappr eci atet he uni quenessofmyownpl atf orm? Dowehav edi ff erentdoct ri nesori ginal ly? (compromiseofbeli efsbasedondesir etobei n arelat ionshi pneverendswell .) DoIhav ethebasicknowl edgeofmypartner’ s plat form,am Ialsowill ingtolear nandpickupa fewthingsastimegoesby ?(Adramaincl ined personwoulddef i nit elyneedapar t nerwhomust notnecessari lyplayaleadr ol ebutcanstandin asanunder st udywhent hesit uati oncomesup, ) samef oranyfiel d. Now,arewesay i ngcompat i bil it yofpurposeis al lthat ’srequi red?Ofcoursenot!However, compatibi li tyofpur posegivestherel ati onshipa sol idbackbonethatkeepsitst andingt hrough Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood t hickandt hin. Assoonasy ouhav epassedthisstage successf ull y,t heworkbegi ns.Forboththemanand thewoman. CHAPTERTWO…… ADAM CULTI VATED… Aswesawi ntheintroducti on,i nGenesis2v s15, Adam wascult ivat ing, t endingandnurt uri ngt he gar denofEden.Inv erse18, av oidi snoticed.The voi dwasnoticedint heplaceofcul ti vati on. Wewil lbelooki ngatt hemeani ngoft hreewor ds, “ cul ti vat e",“ tend" ,and“ nur tur e". I tisi nter est ingt onot ethatt hewor d“cul ti vat e"i s Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood anembodimentoft heothert wowor ds, “tot endand tonur tur e“(wi kti onar y). Tonurt uremeans“t ogivet endercar e,tonur se, to nour ish, toencour agethegr owthordevel opmentof somethi ng.” To“ tend"means“t okindl e,t oigni te, tosetonf ir e, l ookaft er,car efor ,manage. ” So,tof ull yunder st andthedepthofthewor d “cul ti vat e",wejointhevari ousdefi nit ionsofthe words“nur ture"and“ t end".Wecanseet hatAdam wasnotjokingi nt hegardenofEden.Wewi ll be seei ngtheapplicati onofthesewordsquiteshort ly. Genesi s2v s19t o20showsAdam cr eati nga system ofoper at ion.Donotf orget , hehadbeen culti vatingthegardenofEden, nowGODhad entrustedhim witht henami ngoftheani malswhi ch l ivedt ogetherwit hhi m.Pleasenot et hati twasof Adam' sv oli ti onthatt henami ngwasdone.GOD gavehi mt hecomponent srequiredt oform asyst em andat mospher etodwel lin.Everyt hi nghedidwast o HISbenef i tandatt hesamet i me, i twast oGOD’S pleasure. I tisobv iousthatAdam hadbeengiv enan at mospheretocult ivat e,hewasalsogiv ent he Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood l ibertytomodif ytheenv i ronmentbyt hevari ous names( char acter isti cs)hegavet otheanimals. Everythi ngwasalreadyworkinginharmonyanda system wasalr eadyputinplace.Itwasont hebasi s oftheseaccompli shment sthattheneedfora suit ablepart nerbecamemor eobvious. Iti ssadanddi shearteni ng,t hatthisgener ati onhas menwhoar enotwi l li ngtoculti vatetheirEdenor namet hei rani malsandcr eat easy stem.Yet ,they aremor ethanwi ll i ngt ogetanEv eandf ulf ill purpose.I t’sabr eachofspiri tualprocedureandt he resul tswilltel lwitht i me.Thegener ati onofl azymen hopingforaPr overbs31womanandapr ay i ngwife cannotexper i encet heful lbeautyofrelati onshipand mar r iage. Wedar etomakear athercontrover sialstatement hereandnow.Thi si sf orev er yAdam outt here searchi ngfortheperfectEve.Theideaoft hedr eam womanv ar iesfr om mant oman.Thi si san i ndicati onthatyourdream womanexi stsonlyiny our mindandnoti nreal i ty. Wecanal readyfeelyourpul sequicken.Wewi l lbe breaki ngthisdownher eandnow.Al so,toever yEv e outther efeelingshe’stheult imat edr eam, y our rel evanceisrelat ive.Thi sisbecauseev eryi ndi vidual Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood hasdi fferentquali tiestheydesir ei napart nerand wearedifferenti nourway s.Nowomancansat i sfy al lmeni nallcri ter iaandv iceversa.Assuch,we shoul dgiv eroom forimprovement ,uponmeeti ng Adam orEv e. Thetr uthremainsthatever ysuccessf ul marri age/r elat ionshi ptakesintent ionalhardwor k fr om bothpart ies.I t’ simportantyouknowwhaty ou aregoi nginto,soastobeproper l yprepared. Backt oourear l i erdefi niti onoftheword“culti vat e" whichshowst hegr avi tyofwhatAdam wasdoi ng, havingtheperfectwomanormani nvol vesbeing i ntent i onal .Weof t enthinkrel ati onshi psblossom basedonemot ionsonly.Thati snotthecase.The workweusual lythinkshouldbedoneinthe rel ationshi p,shouldactuall yhavebeendonei nthe fri endshipstage. Thequesti oni s,“ HowDoICul ti vat eMyDesi rabl e Qual it iesInMyPart ner ?” Rememberwesai dthatyourownv ersi onoft he i deal manorwomansol el yexist si nyourhead. Nobodywoul dfi tallofthequali fi cationsfrom numberonet oi nfinit y.Howev er ,inthestageof fr iendshi p,cul ti vati oncant akeplacequi t eeasily .We Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood wil lbegiv ingsi xstepsonhowtocul ti vat eyour par tner ,maleorfemale.Wewoul dal sobegivi nga det ail edexample. Si xStepsToCul ti vat ingYourPar tnerI nThePl ace OfFri endshi p. 1. SeeTheBesti nYourPar tner: Whil eyouar ein theget ti ngt oknoweachot herphase, st ri veto onlyseet hegr eatpot ential si nhim orher.This isthet i met oreal lydev elopeachot herand investoni mpr ov ingy our selveswi t hout expect i ngany t hi nginr eturn.What everpositi ve potentialyouseei ny ourpar t nershoul dbe investedupon.Donotf ocusont heweaknesses from thebegi nni ngofy ourfriendshi p.You focusont hest rengt hs.Gi vesuggest ionsand showsuppor ttowar dseachot her’ sprojects. Thatway ,thest rengt hsofy ourpar t nerwi l lbe mor ev i sible. Forexampl e,i fthepersony ou’ rei nv ol vedwith hast al entsthathavenotbeenwor kedony et andy oucanhel phim orheroutwit h, doit withoutexpecti ngpay ment.Youshoul d endeav ourt omagni fyandf ocusonthegood fi rstandnott hebad.Suggestbookst othem to read,IGpagest ofol low,etc. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood 2. JudgeNot : Donotbequi ckt opi ckoutev ery faulti ny ourpar t ner .Focusi ngont heirflawsand weaknessesonl ymakest hem f eel very vulnerable.Adam passedt hebl amet oEv e,out offear.Howev er , wedonotseehi m despi seEv e forhermi stake.Peopl ecomef rom di ff er ent cultur esandbackgr ounds.Cer tainthingsmay beabomi nabl etoy ou,buti sanor mf orot hers. Thisiswher epat ienceis.Thi sstepi sv ery impor t ant .Ifbychance, thef lawsar ethingsy ou knowy ouhonest lycannotcopewi th,nohar mis done, becausey out ookt hisst epwhi l ebei ng mut ualfri ends.I tisadv isabl e,youwi t hdr awand notgiv emi xedsi gnals.Youcannotchanget he basiccor eofaper son.Donotat temptt o changet heper soncompl etely. Thisiswhythesest epshavetobetakenbefor e goingintoarelat ionship.Wehavetounder stand thatfi ndingshavetobedonequi t ecareful l yto avoidstori esthattouch. 3. Communi catewithCompassionandHonest y:I t isi mpor t antthatyouchoosey ourwordswisely whentalki ngt oyourpar tner .Donotf l att er unnecessari l y.Beboldtotel lhi m orhert hetrut h. Letyourwordsalwaysbeencour agingandful l Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood oflov e.Doesheorshehav eabri ghti dea?Don’ t j ustbeexcit edandhappyf ort hem,Expr ess vocal lyhowproudy ouareoft hem. Speakli feconti nual lyt ohim orher.Yourwords andconfessi onsoverhim orherar every i mpor t ant.Theycanei therbuil dthem upor breakt hem down. 4. PayAt tent ionandShowAppr eci ati on:I tis importantthatyoupayattenti onandshow appreciati ontoy ourpar tner.Donotref rai nfr om payi ngcompl i ment sasatwhendue. Getusedt oli steningt othi sper son.You’ ll probablybeli steningt othem fortherestofyour l ife.Donotalway st al k,beintenti onalenoughto payattenti ontot hem.Appr eciatethei ropini ons andideasandact uall ycarrythem out. 5. Empathize:Whil ewemaybeexci t edtoshow loveandcaretoourpar tner, iti si mportantto remembert hatyou’r enoti narelati onshipy et. Assuch, i nti mat eandexpensi v epr esentsar e notanecessaryr equi rement.Thisisbecause recei vi nggi f tscaneasi l ycloudone’ sj udgement . Themai nrequir ementi sempat hy.Empat hyis yourcapacit ytounder standanotherper son’s Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood pointofv iew.Atthi sstage, youshoul dli sten mor e, askquest ionsanddonotmake assumpti ons. 6. BeTheBestYouCanBe: Donotsav eall ofy our nicenessforwhenyou’r einar elat ionshi por mar r ied.Beint ent ionalaboutcreati ngan atmosphereofhappinessandpeace. Aspr omisedear l ier,wewi llbegi vi ngadet ail ed pract i calexampl eont hesesi xpoi nts.Wewi ll be l ooki ngatabackgr oundst oryonaf i eryguy whosenamei sPhi ll ipandadecentl adywhose namei sLy dia.Now, Phi lipgrewupan i ndependentguyf rom thehood.He’ sself - sufficientandhasbeenf endingf orhimsel f .He hasseent hehi ghsandl owsofl if e.Hei s deter minedt ogetabet terlif ef orhisf ut ur e fami l y.He’ samanofst andar dandqui t e knowl edgeabl e.Hemeet sLydiawhosepl atform ofpur posei st hesamewi t hhi m.Howev er ,Lydia i sf rom adi fferentwor ldent i rely.Lydiaisslightly spoiledandhasonesol ut i onf orev eryproblem, tocal lmummy .Shedoesn’ thav emuchst reet exper i ence, she’ sreservedandal sowant st he besti nlif e. Att hispoi nt, iti sobv ioust hatPhi l li phashi s Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood wor kcutoutf orhi m.AndLy dianeedstogrow upandl ear n.Itisimportantthatcul ti vat ion takesplaceatthisst aget opr ev entsayi ngsli ke “thi swashowIwaswheny ouaskedmeout , whyar eyounowcompl aini ng?“ 1.Philli pseest hebesti nLydia,Ly diaalsosees thebesti nPhi ll i p:ItisnotinPhi ll i p’sbest i nterestt oimmedi atelyexposeLy diatohi s ruggednessandst ori esoflif e.It’salsonot advisablef orhimt otrytosepar ateherf rom her spoiledlifestyl e.Atthesamet ime, Lydiashould neverl ookdownonPhi l li p.Sheshoul dn’tjust if y herlackofi ndependence.Theybot hwor k towar dscommongr ound,whichi s, t heki ndof l ifetheybot hwanti nthei rfuture. Thatisanamazi ngst art ingpoi ntbecause Phil l ipcanbegi nt opai ntthepictureofwhatit wouldt akeforthebot hoft hem t ogettothei r desi reddest inati on.Hebegi nst oteachher i ndirectlyatfi rstbysendi ngherv i deosofpeople l ivi ngasi mil arqual i tyofl ifetheydesi r e.Her i nterestisspikedandshewoul dwantt oknow more.Shehast obet eachabl eandwi l li ngto l earn.Hehast ot aket het eachingonest epata ti me, nev erj udging, easilyforgi v i ng. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood 2.Theydonotj udgeeachot herforthei r dif ferentvi ewsandbackgr ounds: I twouldbe veryunwiseforPhill iptohar borresentment towardsLydiafornotlearningasf astashe thoughtshewoul d.Lydi aont heotherhand shouldnotfeeloverpoweredbyt heteachi ng. Mistakeswouldbemade, butr esentmentand j udgementshoul dnev erbepassed. 3.Theymustcommuni catewi thcompassion andhonesty : Itisimport antt hattheydonotlie toeachother.Itisimport antt hatbackgr ound stori esthatmaycausecont roversyi nthefuture beshared.Itisveryimportant,asthi swoul d helpindecisi onmaki ng. 4.Theymustpayat t enti onandshow appreci ation:I tisimportantthatPhi ll i p underst andst hatthi sisnotthest agetoshower Lydi awi t hunnecessar ygift s.Thi sistheti me wherecommuni cati oniskey.Ly diaandPhili p shouldbot happreci ateeachot herandspend ti met al kingandgat heri nginformat ion. 5. Empathize: Atthisstage,theycaneasil y empathi zewitheachot herbecausetheyhav e becomeacquaint edandf amil iarwit heachother . Opini onsarenolongeroppor t unit iesfor Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood di sagr eement . 6.Bethebesttheycanbe:Thi sisself - expl anator yast heyar eatapointofcomf or tand areworki ngtheirwayint oabli ssfulr elat ionshi p. Thisshowst hatwi thpati enceandl ove,Adams cult ivateandEv esreci procate.Youwantasl i m l ady ?Inst il l t hehabitofjoi ntwor koutplansand motivateher.Donotwai tti llt her el ationshi pand thentellt hev daught erofZiont hatsheis overweight.Not wopeoplefellfr om heav enand becameper f ect.Itt ookpatience,hardwor kto getthere. Itisimportanttoknowt hatthisisan i llustrat ionandmaynotbev eryspeci fi cto ev ery one.Howev er, wear eavail ablef orphysi cal sessions,tr ainingsandconsul t ati ons.Our det ai lsareonthel astpage.Wewoul dbemore thanhappyt ohel p. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood CHAPTERTHREE. BEFOREYOUFALLI NLOVE…… Nowt haty ouhav eunderstoodtheconceptof purposeandt heactofcult ivat ingeachother ,iti s ti met oknowwhatar el ati onshipreal lyi sandt he i mpor tantt hingstoknowbef orefal li nginlov e. Itsi mpor t antyouunderst andtheconceptof relat ionshi p.So,wedefi netheter mr elat ionship. Pleasenotethatthi sdefi nit ionwasrecei v edint he placeofprayer .Thisgoestoshowushowi nterested Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood GODi s,wheni tcomest oourr elat ionshi ps. Relat ionshipisbr okenint otwowor ds.Relat ionand Ship.Relat ionisthepr ocessofbui ldingintheplace ofcommuni cat ion.Thiscanbedividedintothree processes:Knowi ng,underst andi ngandt rust. Knowi ngisfamiliar izi ngy ourselfwi t hi mportant detail sofy ourpar t ner.What’stheirdr esssensel ike? Whatar etheirboundar i es?What ’ st heirfamil ylike? Who’ sinthei rsoci alci rcl e?Whatar et heirfi nancial andgener alpoli cies?Whatar et heirpetpeev es? Thereal otofquest i onstoaskbef or eproceeding.It i simpor t antyouknowal lt hesei nthebegi nni ng, so youknowwhaty ouar egoingintoandav oi d unpleasantsurprises.Keepaski ngt hesequest i ons anddonotmakeassumpt ions. Under standingi scomi ngt otermswi t hal l the i nformat i ongot tenandwor ki ngoutasy stem together , notov erlookinganydet ail .Iti sv al idating theent i retyofy ourpar tnerandsat i sfacti oninal lof thei rqual it ies.Itisimpor tanttodoall t hesebef ore emot i onsseti n.Thisisbecauseemot i onscl oudour senseofper cept i on.Int hequalit iesoflovein1st Corinthians13, lovewasnev erdescr ibedasbl ind. So,let’ sbegui dedi njustify ingcommuni cat ion l apsesi nthenameofl ov e. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood Tr ustisbi rt hedafterunder standi ng,youknowy our par tneri nsi deandoutandcanst andfort hem any t i meandanyday .Tr usti sani mportantfact orin bui ldi ngRel ation. Intheprogr essofRel at ion, youmustknow everyt hingandtheonlywayt oknowev eryt hingi sto tal kaboutev er ythi ng.Wecannev eroveremphasize theplaceofcommuni cati onintheprogressof Relati on. Thesecondpar tofrel ati onshipist heshi paspect . Thisisthepoi ntofact i onintheRel ation.Allthe i nf or mat i ongat heredfr om Knowi ng, understanding andt r ustasasi nglehelpsintheshi poft heRel at ion. Thisisbecauset heShipofRel at ionmov esint othe seaofl i fe.Nowt hattheshipisont hemov e,what keepsitstr ong,steadyandint heri ghtdi rect ioni s thecapacit ybuildi ngintheplaceofRel ati on.So, whent her elat ioninsidetheshipisst rong,whent he stormsofl ifecome, youwillbeablet oweat her through. Whatarethest ormsofl i fe?Mor eoft ent hannot , st ormsi nt heear l ystageofr el ati onshiparepeopl e. Peopleandtheiropinions.Peopleandtheirvi ews. Every onewant st ohav easayandcont ri bute.Whi ch bri ngsustot henex tpoint, Understandi ngSt or ms. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood Asweear li erexplained,stormsinr elati onshipscan bepeopl e.Itcanalsobeci rcumst ancesand situati ons.Wecanl earnfrom JESUS.Henev er changedHI Sdestinati onort urnedbackf r om an assignmentbecauseofast orm.Ther ewillbe disagr eement sandf allout s,buthowy oureactto them i sdependentonhowst rongy ourRel ati onis. Fori nstance,argument sonspendi ngina relati onshi pwillnotbeassev ereasi tshouldhave been, becausei nthepl aceofKnowi ng, Under standingandTr ust,t hishasbeent alkedabout andanagr eementr eached.Followingt hesesteps sav eusal otofstressandheadachesi n relati onshi ps. Toav oidthei ssueoft hir dpartyi nrel ati onshi ps,we mustunder standt hepl aceofpeopl eandhowt o relat ewi t ht hem.Thisalsoshoul dhavebeen discussedint heplaceofRel ati on. Iti sv er yimportantyouandy ourpart nert al kand fi ndoutev ery thi ngbef or egoi ngintoar elati onship. Theinformati ongat heredhelpsindecisionmaki ng. Acommonmi st akewemakei sgetti ngt oknowour part nerintermsofRel ationwheny ouar eintheship. It ’shardertogetthetruthbeforethatpointbecause emotionshavetakenov er. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood Beforeyoufal linl oveandgetint otheShip,ensur e youhav equal it yRelat ion.Thi sbri ngsustothenext chapter. CHAPTERFOUR. BREAKTHECYCLEOFREPETI TION. Hav eyouheardt hetestimonyofpowercoupl es thatyourespectsomuch?Thest oryi salway sso sweetanddr amat ic!I t’ssomethi ngal otofusdr eam about.Howev er, itisimpor t anttobeguidedi nthis area.Inyourappreciationofanotherman’slove story,donotlosey ours. There’ sat hinglinebetweenmot i vati onand obsession.Thaty ourmentorheardthenameofhi s wif ei nadr eam i snotaguaranteethatyouwillhear anythi nginy ourdr eam.I tisagraveerrortofashion thi ngslikerel at ionshipstr ict lyaft eranotherperson’s Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood exper ience. Perhapsy ou’reoneoft hosepeopl ewhohav ebeen i nbadr el ationshipsint hepast .Perhapsy ou’rethe onewhoscr ewedupi ny ourpastr elati onshipand you’resti llcarr y i nggr udgesorhopeofr estorati onof therelati onship.Although, mostpeopl ewillspeedil y classif ythemsel vesast hefi rstcat egorybecause wedon’ twantt oadmi tourmi stakessomet i mes.To maxi mizesinglehood, youmustmakepeacewi th yourselfandy ourformerpar tner . Wewi ll belookingatbr eaki ngthecy cleof repet it ionforeachofthetwocat egor iesment ioned above. Breaki ngTheCycl eofRepeti ti onIfYouWer eA Vi cti m OfAPastToxi cRelat ionshi p. 1. Recogni zeTheFactThatTheRel at i onshi pI S Ov erAndYouHav eBot hMov edOn: Thef irst stepinget t ingclosureandav oidi ngt hecycleof repetit ionisrecognizingthef actt hatthe rel ationshipisoverandy ouhav ebot hmov edon. Dear l ybeloved,yousai dyou’ vemov edonbut you’restil lstal ki ngy ourexonsoci almedi aand maki ngment alnotesonwhot heyendedupwi t h. It sact uall ynoneofy ourbusi ness.Youhopi ngt o Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood hearheorshehasbeendumpedbyt hei rcurrent l oveinter estisnotagodlyt hing.Youwil lnever getcl osurethatway.Wedonotadv i seblocking eachotherandkeepingmal ice,butacer tain l evelofdist anceshouldbekept. Donotholdont osouv enirsorgif tit emsfr om thepastrel ati onshi p.Commonsenseshouldtel l usthat, butwhenwear ehurt,commonsense doesn’ treal lyhaveasay,doesit? Therei snothingtobeashamedof .Reall y,itis alli nthepast .Whi l ewedonotr ecommendy ou preachinganent iresermonbasedony oursad experience,wedonotencour agehidinginthe closetandmaski ngyourpain.TalktoGOD abouti tfi rst .Talkt oatrust edbelieverabouti t too.Prayf orthatexgenuinelyandunderstand thatli feisgoingon, t hechoicetomov eon remainsy ours. 2. Discardthesi l l yment ali tythatmakesy oujoin peoplewhoar eunser i oust omar ketfunny catchphrases:Itsnothar dtoseeal adywhohas gonet hr oughadi ff icultbreakupusephr ases suchas: Menar escum, Lov ei sunder rated,and manymor er i dicul ousst atementst hatcarryno heali ngv alue.Ifal lmenwer etr ulyscum, t he Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood happyhomesi nexistencewoul dhav eal l crumbl edbynow.Yousee, scriptur esay sthat ‘ Asamant hi nksi nhisheart,soishe. "Ifyou keepr eadingsadbr eakupst ori esonl ineand keepsay ingmenorwomenar escum, dearly beloved,ittakesahol dofy ourhear tandy our ment ali tybeginst ochange.Suchaper sonmay appearst rongandunbot hered,butdeepdown, theyar ebroken.Scr i pturealsosay sto“ guard ourhear tswithalldil igence,foroutofi tflows theissuesofl if e.”Tor eall ymov eon,y oumust avoidjoiningthebandwagont osay unnecessar ythings. 3.Seekt oi mpr oveyoursel fandengagei n acti v i ti est hatwillhelpy ougr ow:Weal lknow thatani dl emi ndwi l ldefinitel ybei nvolvedin mischief.Donotsi thomeal ldaybi ngewat chi ng seri esorf eelingsor r yfory oursel f.Getupand makesomet hingmeani ngf ulofyourl if e.Wewi l l beaddi ngal istofwhol esomeact i v it iesyoucan carryoutasasi ngleper sonatt heendoft his book. Breaki ngTheCy cleOfRepet it ionI fYouWer e TheOneWhoScrewedUpADecentRelat ionshi p. Mostpeopl edonotr eal i zet hati t’ sev enmor e Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood diff icultt omov eonwhent herelat ionshi pcame toanendbecauseofami stakeoraf l awont heir part.It ’scommont ohearustalkaboutforgi ving thatterri bleexbuthowaboutforgivi ngyourself forbeingthatter ri bleex? 1.Recognizet hef actt hattherelat ionshi pisov er andst opemot i onal blackmail:Bei ngt heter r ibl e exi saquitedi f ficultposi ti ontobei n.Qui te frankly, acommont endencyi semot ional blackmai l .Recogni zeandr espectt hedeci sion ofy ourpartner.Theyhav edecidedt omov eon, i t i sext remelyimpor tantt orespectt hatandnot playtheemot i onal bl ackmai l car d.Donotst alk them orkeepsendi ngt hem pictur esor messagesr emi ndingt hem ofhowhappyy ou wer etogether.Donotusephr asesl ike“ i fy ou trul ylovedme, y ouwoul dhav est ay ed, orI’ m not perfectandy ou’llstillcomebackt ome. ”That ’ s j ustpl ai nev il .Pl easeacceptt hatt hishas happenedandwor kony ourselftobecomea betterpersoni nt hef uture. 2.St opdisturbi ngthemut ualfri endsyouboth hadasar esul toftherelationshi p:Thesepeople exi stedbeforeyourrel ationshipandtheyaresti ll exi sti ngaf t eryourrel ati onshi p.Theyshoul dn’ t Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood havet obeart hebur denofbei ngpesteredt o helpy ougety ourpar tnerback.Weunder stand howdesper atey ouar etor estorethe rel ationship,buti t simpor t anty ouunder stand thatther eareli mi tsandboundar ies.Donott ext them ev erysingledayaski ngt hem tocheckup ony ourex.Amor edespi cablethingistost art spreadingr umour stot hesepeopl ei nabi dto appearuni nterestedwhendeepdown, y ou’ r ei n pain.Donotmakeanev enbi ggerissueofi t. Under standthatheal ingtakest imeandi t’syour expar tner’ schoi ceev entually,t ocont i nueort o mov eon.Assuch, otherpeopl eshoul dnotbe continuallydraggedi ntoabr eakupst or y . 3.Forgiv eyour selfandwor kony ourf l aws: To avoidthecycleofr epeti tion,learnfrom the mistakesandwor kony ourf l aws.Unt i lyou forgi veyourself,you’l lbest uckinanendl ess cycleofsel fhat redandt hat ’ snotgodl yei t her . Wemustunder standt hatweneedt obe unashamedoft hemi stakeswehav emade.We mustownupt ot hem andwor kreall yhardt o becomebet terversionsofour selv es.Weadv i se tal kingtoaf el lowbel ieveryoucant rustabout thi s. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood There’ snoeasyshortcutt oemot ionalheal ing, youmustdealwithitdi rect ly.For givenessisnot asignofweakness.Forgi venessisasignof i ntegrit yandst rength. It si mport antwel earntol iv eandl etother slive. It simpor t antwel earntomoveon.I t simportant wel ear nthatbeingsinglei snothingtobe ashamedof .It ’sastageweal l got hroughand wewon’ tstopwor ki ngonourselv es. CHAPTERFI VE…. ForThi sReason, ….. Genesi s2: 24 Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood [ 24]Thereforeamanshal lleavehi sfatherand hismotherandshal lbecomeunitedandcleave tohi swi fe,andtheyshallbecomeonef l esh. (Ampli fi edBi bl eVer sion. ) Thisparti cularverseisquit epopul ari n weddingsi nchurch.Alotofushavei t memor ized,whichisquiteadmir abl e.However , t of ull yunderstandt hi sscri ptur e,wedonott ake i toutofcont ext.Wewi ll belooki ngatver se22 t o23. Genesi s2: 22- 23 [ 22]Andtheri borpartofhi ssi dewhichtheLor d Godhadtakenfr om t hemanHebui l tupand madeint oawoman, andHebroughthert othe man. [ 23]ThenAdam sai d, Thi s[creat ure]i snowboneof mybonesandf leshofmyflesh; sheshal lbecal l ed Woman, becauseshewastakenoutofaman. ( Amplif iedBibleVersi on. ) From theversesabov e,wecanseewhatthe reasonforleavi ngt heparentsi sbecausethe womanandt hemanar etobecomeone.Theyareto startaf reshandcreat ethepatt erntheywant .Not necessari lyfoll owinganal r eadylai ddownpatter n. Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood Notwopeoplearethesameandassuchour pat ter nsshouldbediff erent.Ift hemanandwoman werenotone,t herewouldn’thavebeenaneedt o l eavethefat hersandmot hers. Understandingthatyou’dbestarti ngawholenew l ifewithyourpar t neri sv eryimportant. Understandingthispr incipl ebeforegoingi ntoa rel ati onshipi sevenmor eimportant. Tobei nar el at i onship,youshoul dbeabl etot hi nk i ndependent ly .Independentt hinki ngi svery i mpor tantinr elati onships.It’ sv er yimpor tant becausei topensupr oom f orTheHol ySpi r ittofi nd expression.Donothol dont oapictureofsomeone el se’smar r iaget ootightl y.Tobal ancethis,itisa goodt hi ngt ohav ement ors,butat i mewoul dcome wherey ou’l l hav etotakeast andf oryourself. Bel owarequest ionstoaskyoursel ftoascer tai n y ourlev elofi ndependentt hinki ng. Am Iabl etomakedeci sionsonmyownev en af terseeki ngt heopi nionsofother s? DoIhaveani deaofwhatIwantmyr elat ionshi p tobel ike? DoIhav egoal ssetwi thspeci fi cti mef rames? Swaj andSheki nah Maxi mizedSi ngl ehood Whati smyl evel ofcr isi smanagement ? HowdoIcopeunderpr essur e? CanIstandf orandwi thapar tneragai nstal l odds? DoIhav eawor kingsy stem i nmyl i fe? DoIletpeopl efeel li ketheyar epeopl ewhoar e st akeholder sinmylif e? Doesmybackgr oundst il laf fectmywayof thi nki ng? Am Iopent olear ningnewt hings?Howf lexi ble am I ? Am Ist il lov erl yat tachedt omyf ami l y? Am Iunbi asedi njudgement ? Am If inanci all yindependent ? Fort hi sreason,yougety ourselfprepared.For thisreason,youworkony ourself .Fort hi s reason, y ou’r eintent ionalabouty ourchoi ceofa par t ner.Forthi sreason,yout akeoutt i mei nthe placeofpr ay ertogetabl uepr i ntfory our relati onshipandmar r iage. Swaj andSheki nah