429729963-Lui-s-Journal-Collected-Works.pdf - luish

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Who ever he may be for you (Buddha, Jesus Christ, Allah, etc…) ⦁ The man who is indifferent to sin does more wrong than committing a sin to correct the sin he sees… You lead the way, I'll close my eyes, To all my temptations everyday, I'll hold your hand, You lead the way, Take me to that place we both enjoy, Your heart, Something so beautiful, I could never destroy… 1 14 Everyone thinks they know where they're going. Late to an appointment, late to this, late to that. Fuck you, how dare you...Everyone works toward their dreams, their aspirations, placing their priorities in order. Condescending in nature, unnaturally nice. Why does everyone try to be the 'better man' in a confrontation? What ever happened to "hey, hey, you know what FUCK you", whatever happened to the traditional ideal of being a man? Whatever happened to “beating your wife” [within reason and never physically in real life]? That's it, from now on, here and today, I will not take shit from anyone (unless I really deserve it). Today, a [white] motherfucker (I'm not racist) pissed me off. He picked me out unnecessarily. Looking for a fight? Maybe not this time. I should have thrown down my ballot, turned around and said, "I fucking heard you. Now what the FUCK do you want? A fight? Well come over here you motherfucker, come here and let's fight. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. (scream now) Fuck You. FUCK YOU" Fuck everyone who thinks they're so self-righteous. Fuck the athletes. Fuck women. Fuck people who never graduated from high school. Fuck teen mothers, especially them. Fuck altruism. Fuck women. Fuck pussy. Fuck my dick, all it wants is pussy. Fuck pussy. Fuck my mind. Go fuck yourself. Fuck Iraq. Fuck terrorists. Fuck the U.S.A. Fuck peace. Fuck war. Fuck women. Fuck that uneasy silence around them. Fuck supermodels. Fuck regular models? Fuck being a role model. Fuck pretty women. Fuck pretty women who know they are. Fuck the pretty women without their consent, rape them, terrorize them, traumatize them. Fucking put them in their place. A Woman should know her place. Fuck titles. Fuck people who have an honorary title. Fuck people who have an honorary title and know it, rape them too. Fuck thugs. Fuck homies. Fuck chinks. Fuck ethnocentrism, fuck the music everyone listens to, rape whoever listens to it. Everyone rape each other. Fuck time. Fuck women. Fuck women who think they're smart. Fuck women who think they're smarter than me. Fuck women who think they're as capable as me. Fuck man, I'm tired. 1 15 Greg Fox Quotes - Let's make like a fetus and head out. - Let's bust this clambake. - Bend over, it's my turn to drive. Gay Club Ideas --------------- - The manhole - The Jackhammer "Man lotion" "Man Yoghourt" 1 16 hypocritical is it to say "I hate money" when I depend on it everyday? Is it like saying "I hate eating shit", but a moment after taking a bite? Is it enough to claim to dislike something (or some system) but seconds late joining the herd? If someone eats shit everyday why do they claim not to? Is it like the napkin that wipes it off your lips? Is it better to hypocritically claim that your ideals are inclined toward an equitable future for mankind when in reality you participate in the very destruction of it, or is it better to just admit to reality and say "Yes, in money I trust"? I have a creeping suspicion, one that makes the hairs on my neck stand on end; that there's a reason "In God We Trust" is printed on a $100 bill. Understandably (and by extension), there are only two god$ in America: the only I haven't mentioned being ignorance. My grandchildren are Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, printed neatly on 6 X 3 inch bills. After all, that's all I will someday leave behind to the world, a stack of papers with dead slave owners printed on it. 1 17 [originally titled "like i said what the fuck is"] the point of freedom of speech if we never say anything anyways? Sometimes I feel like Myspace=Prolefeed. And blogs are stupid (I can't believe I actually just searched for what music I'm listening to so that you know, this is fucking gay). 1 18 I was in a parking lot trying to get out. It was like a university parking lot and apparently a large event had just ended. There were people walking to their cars everywhere and people who had already gotten to their vehicles were driving down as well. Police were at every turn for crowd control (as is common at many large events). I remember feeling strapped into the car. It was more than just being belted to the car seat, it was like a roller coaster. It was almost suffocating. I don’t know exactly who I was with but we left our parking space and we drove down the parking lot towards the exit. I remember distinctly the person I was with was female because her driving skills worried me (I only worry when a girl drives). I saw many CHiPs lining the small street down to the exit. All of the sudden, my cousin (I don’t know why it feels like I was with a female cousin) almost hit a pedestrian wearing white shorts in front of us. One of the cops saw this and told her to pull over. Because she was extremely drunk, she knew that if they caught her, she was going to be arrested for driving inebriated. It’s really strange to me how this all felt like it was in the future, but as my cousin ignored the cops instructions to pull over, we continued down the parking lot. The cop had tapped the window and asked her to pull over but she just kept going. At this point, there were no alarms or anything to stop us. We kept the same speed going down (speed limit) and when we got to the bottom of the structure, it seems my cousin finally decided to pull over like the cop had instructed her to. She saw a clearing right by the exit of the parking lot and decided to pull over there. There was a cop car parked there and there were utility doors on the walls. A stairwell led up to the 2nd floor. As she moved in to park in front of the cop car, she almost drove straight into the cop car and out from under our car, just in front of the hood, lept up a police dog. It seemed like it was afraid for its life and it squeezed in closer to the police car it was chained up to so as to not be killed by our impeding vehicle. My cousin realized what she was doing and stopped moving forward. The dog then jumped up on a table containing the chain (the chain holding him to where he was) and then jumped back on our hood and began sniffing (I’m guessing for drugs). Panic rushed into me as I knew that we had drugs in our car (how I knew, I don’t know, this wasn’t something I remember from earlier in the dream). I suppose the same panic that rushed into me, attacked my cousin as well because then she backed up and began to try to leave the parking structure. I remember all of the sudden things changed a little. All of the sudden, I remember now feeling like I was strapped in with something around my neck (I distinctly remember a heavy yellow quick tie strap, like the ones 18‐wheeler trucks use to hold cargo). Whether this was new (dreams tend to do that as we all know, just invent new shit out of nowhere that wasn’t before) or if this was the strapping device that had always been there, I don’t know. What I do know is that the feeling of that ‘safety’ device felt like it was the strap but it was somehow connected to my shirt, like it was part of my shirt. I remember that now I was facing outside toward the outside of the building. I was now right under the exit. Outside, there were still people leaving the building, but they were not in any sort 1 19 of panic. All of the sudden, I look up and I see heavy metal gates begin to descend upon me. I try to back up, but I’m strapped in firmly. Also, the yellow strap attached to me, goes outside the building (as does four people’s next to me) and I try to pull to back up so the gate doesn’t crush me, but its futile. The gates begin to fall and to my surprise, it doesn’t kill me, though I am firmly secured to where I am. At this point, I know I can’t move one inch. I was no longer in a car, now I was on a rollercoaster type car. My cousin was still next to me, but now we were strapped into a different car, one that has no roof, windows, doors, steering wheel – its really just like a rollercoaster car. There are two other people there with us but they are next to my cousin so I can’t see them, I am furthest to the right. The feeling I had from before is still there, I feel ominously that all that is going on is happening to apprehend me. I look near my feet, and all of the sudden, the building has become very complex below me. The best way I can describe it is that it looks like a rollercoaster track below me. But it’s the sort of track that you see at the theme parks in the area where you board the coaster. There are wires, and small ‘status’ lights, small compartment doors, red hoses, and all sorts of other technological gizmos that I don’t understand but I know are there. They are all painted bright blue, and this contrasts quite nicely with the dull grey of the building’s concrete. I hear voices in an intercom sort of prepping for something that is going to occur. The heavy grey gates from before are no longer in front of me, they have either been removed or simply never existed (funny how you don’t question this in a dream), I can see outside and the late afternoon sky is interestingly the same color as the concrete parking structure. For some reason, I know that there are many more people in cars just like mine who are strapped down and who can’t move. This whole event now feels like the cops (or whoever the ‘higher ups’ are) aren’t trying to catch us anymore, it seems like they’re doing all this for crowd control now. For some reason, I know the next step, the next step is to drug the crowd, make us all complacent. I feel an earthquake coming on (could it be that now this wasn’t crowd control, but a terrible disaster was going to occur? Was it the end of the world?). I knew that this tactic of drugging people (I somehow knew this in this little world) was used to make them forget what was just occurring and make them ‘have a nice day’. On the intercom, a stereotypical female voice is heard (its like all those voices you hear in science fiction movies where things are automated but whenever something happens, a soothing female voice announces it, sort of like ‘self‐destruct in T‐minus 5 minutes…’ kinda thing). The voice announces, “Now applying benzodiaprene”. All of the sudden a mist of liquid is sprayed down from the walls and from the arm rests on the seats and from everywhere, it seems, we are being sprayed. As the spray began to hit my face, I knew I had been here before, I had tasted the sweet benzodiaprene cocktail. I knew what the effects of benzodiaprene were. All of the sudden, I began to hallucinate (yes hallucinate in my dream) that I was in my childhood room. Then I came back to reality on the rollercoaster. My vision was hazy and colors were distorted, my vision just looked 2 20 like everything was made of water and it was all very vibrant. I could feel millions of ‘waves’ pulsating in my head. I felt like I could ‘sense’ the billions of synapses that occurred in my brain, it was like I could feel my brainwaves, like I could sense these brainwaves as waves that literally deformed my skull like waves. Then it felt like someone was massaging my head. I was more aware of my body for like 3 seconds before total hallucination took place. At first the hallucination had been something of a memory, but then, as I began to fully hallucinate, I was literally transported to my childhood room. It was just as I remembered it with my bookshelf on the left and my bed on the right, my computer desk at the front of the room. Then I opened my eyes and the same view I had in my in‐dream hallucination was the view I had from my bed when I woke up. I have officially tripped balls……………………………………again. 3 21 I'm the philosophical mediator of my upper brain and my lower member. In the words of the man who stabbed his chest and died of a broken heart (do you remember?), "I can take some psychic pain, if it'll slow down my higher brain". But what is reality? What is consciousness? To the ambitious, it is a perpetual belligerent continuity and is neither weak nor strong when cornered before the consistent viscosity of the oppressed. I design my mind in the proper direction but all this congestion makes my mind too slow to coordinate what is real and what is a figment of what was just digested. Can you see a world where the dendrites and axons impel me to compel THEE: "Powers That Be" to controllably and perhaps religiously deductively decree that anything/everything that physically imparts reactions in the aforementioned dendrites and axons to fire away in pain be abolished? Yet, to quote the silence, "..." 1 22 originally titled "The Only Next Step" The only next step now is to end it, the thin point of my letter opener through my heart. It’s the most logical decision I’ve ever made, and fuck damn it feels so right to think about it. What was the point of stepping in? I leave this world to you motherfuckers – I leave it to the people with faded jeans, the five-star generals, the people with stocks and bonds, you fucking imbeciles! I leave this world to the cocksucker who smiles everyday, this one’s for you, you fucking automaton! This is for you! Oh fuck here I go. I leave this world to the Christians, to the selfish little kids who learn to kill, to the old fuck that a nest egg, to you I leave this place that could have been so beautiful. Why did I ever see things differently? There was no point in seeing through a clean, clear looking glass, it was a fucking dick in my skull! Fuck you. Fuck you Jenna Jameson and fuck you America, you never helped me, you only hurt me. Fuck you people who program kids with $++. Fuck you Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Jackson, Franklin, I always loved you. I should have known better, I should have closed every book I ever opened. I should have known that you can swim upstream but I never thought of what happened once I got to the spring, I should have known that. Just because you can swim upstream doesn’t mean that the water will change direction, not at your whim. Never. Don’t forget it. Ever. Now take this stainless steel and do it already you fucking pussy. Plunge it into your left ventricle, then your right. Take that n00b tube, put it in your mouth, pull the joy trigger. Paint your wall with your carbon-based brain, it’ll only smell for a while, then there won’t be a memory. But wait, I didn’t have kids. Shit. Oh well. Ha! Fuck you. At least I’m one step ahead there. There’s one mistake I didn’t make. People just don’t get it. If you really love your little shit head kids, if you really gave a fuck about them, if you really “love”, then you should have had your uterus ripped out. You douche, you numbskull, you fucktard. If you really loved your kids you should never have had them, don’t you know this world is ending? Didn’t you notice? You must have been someplace else. This place is definitely going up, up, up, and away! It’s the end of the world. I can see it now. A lack something, an empty space. A simple press of your delete button. ___. An absence of anything meaningful or important. Lucky for me, I beat everyone to it, I hope you are embarrassed. And I hope you don’t copy me, this was my idea first. 1 23 Text erased because it involves descriptions of events eventually involving sex with a minor (age of consent law). 1 24 Today I started cooking half a freezer bag full of peyote in my stove. I started at about 11:30 and I was finished cooking at about 2:30. I then went to pick up my friend Thao at her house. On our way home, she told me that she had alot in common with a friend because they both believed that curses and voo doo were real. She also told me that she had read her friend's palm and told her that something major would happen to her when she will be 44-years-old. I thought that was a fairly serious prediction to make but then again, I could have come up with the same thing, but just pulled it out of my ass. So here I was back at home at about 3:30 and I began eating the peyote paste I had just made earlier. It was bitter and nasty, I literally gagged each time I took another spoonful of that green gruesome gruel. I decided to chase it down with a little water and even sprinkled some artificial sugar on it. I ate approximately 2/3 of what I began with. My brother got home at 4:00 and brought out some vodka I had stored away. The mood was nice and my friend Thao was busy mixing paints. She said that her corner to paint was located way in the corner of my room and was an awesome spot. Personally, I liked the whole wall to paint on. It was all blue and is just one of those walls that needs to be painted. "We should go upstairs on the deck", Alvaro said. "Ohh that sounds nice....fancy!", replied Thao. "Yea, and let's grab your speakers on our way up", I said to my brother. After stumbling our jolly asses upstairs, we smoked a little more herb and smoked cigarettes. "I think this is what they mean by seeing with absolute clarity on peyote", I commented staring down my street". "Yea, I feel really good right now", Alvaro said. And Thao and I nodded in unison. We sat down and talked a while on the deck, shooting the shit. Then Alvaro brought up the topic of Salvia. Thao said she'd never tried it and said "See, now there's something I wish I knew more about". So Alvaro told her, "Well, it's a pretty intense trip, but it lasts about 3 to 5 minutes". "It's really sort of out-of- body", I added. "Do you wanna try it?", he asked with a serious expression on his face. I know this is how he gets women to do things, it's that stare. I've seen it work before and I'll damn sure attest to the fact that I saw it work today. "Okay" replied Thao. It was decided that more marijuana and music we necessary since we had neither. I agreed to get the music and ganja from my room and Alvaro said he would grab his laptop from his car. As I ran back upstairs with the speakers, I found Thao alone staring off to the distance. She heard me but did't acknowledge my presence. "Hey", she said as she turned and caught me before I could do anything to startle her. I sat on a chair and she laid on a small portable hammock. We talked for a couple of minutes about general things. "You see, this is what I needed, just a relaxing day here with you and your brother just hanging out. It's been nice." She inhaled and closed her eyes, her peaceful expression radiating positive-ness. As she exhaled, she leaned back on the hammock and let out a yelp as she fell straight back. She was too heavy for the small, portable hammock and had pushed it too far. She'd fallen on her back and rolled over backwards. Immediately we both began to laugh until our stomachs hurt. It was the funniest thing ever. A movie scene gone totally wrong. As I was laughing, I thought it would be best to get rid of the hammock and replace it with some more chairs (it was taking up all the space). "Aw, but I thought maybe I'd try again and just lay on it", Thao said. I knew that she meant so I started dragging the hammock back. "What are you doing?", my brother 1 25 asked with his laptop in hand. I just smiled and said, "Oh nothing, just making some more space up here". Thao smiled. "You might feel a little angry", Alvaro said as we sat down once again. "Honestly, if there's one thing I would recommend, is just watch out for that aggression you feel", I add. Alvaro passed the pipe to Thao and she smoked the whole bowl of Salvia; passing it to Alvaro as she exhaled. After about seven seconds, Thao said, "I'm just....I'm fighting something right now....", she was obviously spaced. She stared at me with a look of peaceful bewilderment. I knew what was going on inside her head, it was chaos. Pure and unbridled craziness. See, that's the thing about bona fide "I did that?" trips. They are always someplace else but you never really remember them. It's always a hazy blur like a dream really, nothing more. Measured psychedelics are always more meaningful; spiritually and emotionally. As I sat there that slightly-overcast-with-a-chance-of-showers day, I felt a slight head change as I looked at the tree behind Thao. "Was.....was that all....of it?", she asked. "You felt like something was pulling you away somewhere huh?" I asked her. "Yea....but....I was trying to stay here.....", she scratched her head, "And your face...dude...your eyes...are what I focused on to stay here..." she said and I believed her. I heard a voice. Was it real? This sort of doubt of my mind is normal, I assured myself. I got the urge to stand, so I did. I walked to the middle of the deck and stared out into the distance. "So this must be the clarity that peyote gives you", I said as Alvaro and Thao staggered to join me. The head change was definite, little did I know that this trip was going to be interesting. "Let's go for a drive", Alvaro said. "Better yet, how about the park?", I asked. "Sure" they said. My brother started driving really fast in an attempt to scare me. He was doing this because he thought that he could somehow scare me like I had done to him so many times before when he was high. He was right about one assumption, I was high. But I wasn't scared. In fact, I wished to go faster. We arrived at the park and I was feeling the peyote pretty strongly. I wanted to sit in the car for some reason to "recompose" myself, whatever I meant by that. I eventually got out and walked with my brother and Thao down to the same field I used to play baseball in as a kid. Eagle Rock Park had meant a great deal to me at various points in my life. It would once again play a memorable role in my life. I reflected on that as I walked through the grassy field in the dark with my brother and friend. I felt comfortable in my body. I felt like a total human-"one with everything", etc. This was the same place my parents had brought us to talk when they found out I smoked weed for the first time. It was also where my last relationship (at the time) had ended. In addition, there were millions of scattered memories from childhood of that park, really so many uncountable things had happened to me at that park. So many memories I can't even begin to remember. "Listen to the trees....and cars", Alvaro said. "I'm glad places like this still exist....", I said looking at the park, "...within all that....", I said turning my head to look in the cars. Alvaro and Thao nodded in agreement. I laid back on the grass and it felt good. I stared at the stars and they began to slowly multiply and move about. I could feel the energy of each star. I looked further up and the tree above me vibrated. Each branch was a very definite and distinct color. The clarity with which I could see everything was astounding. I felt as though I was keen on all my surroundings. I was tripping but not too 2 26 much. It was just enough to appreciate the moment and still be able to deal with the two crazies sitting next to me. I got the urge to stand so I did. I walked around for a little and eventually turned back toward them. "Stay where I can see ya", said Thao. I fell back and just laid in the grass staring face-up at the world. I felt really good at that point. "Hey can I have a cigarette?" a man's voice asked some distance away. "Oh, sorry this our last one", said Alvaro. "Is that guy alright?", asked the man. "Yea I'm good dude", I responded sharply noticing the man was a soldier. "I didn't know it was a recruiter", said Alvaro, "If I would have known I would have given him one, I just didn't want some bum hanging out over here". "Well he thinks we didn't give it to him for that reason", I said. "I mean, obviously us three here in the dark and me laying upside down on this hill....we're just the kind of people that don't like recruiters, and they don't like us...", I laughed. I stood up and laid back down on my belly facing uphill. I noticed the beauty of the grass. "So what do you guys wanna do?", Thao asked and looked at me. "Just touch the grass huh?", she asked with a look of understanding why the grass was so interesting at that minute. We decided to leave a few minutes later and on the way home bought some beer. When we got home, we painted for 45 minutes to an hour in my room. "Adrian is on his way over here con la nena", Alvaro said. "Oh yea? Cool. Why is he bringing her?" I asked. "He said that he got into a fight with Lili", Alvaro replied. The fact that the baby was being brought along did seem strange but I figured The face I saw Adrian make as I walked into the house with his luggage. "Okay Lili, esta bien, no....esta bien". As I was hauling the large luggage bag in, I turned and saw my cousin's face for a split second. It was a split second but many things became evident at that moment to me. I saw a knot in the throat and a slight glazing over his eyes. This had become serious. "She called the police", Alvaro told me. A rush of panic flowed through me and I just began to say "Oh no, no no....Damn, this sucks...shit...". I was afraid of what was to come. What choices would be made. I remembered what my uncle had done in this same situation a couple of decades ago. I felt the urge to grab the phone and tell Lili to forgive him and to try to work things out (knowing full well that the roots of this problem sank much much deeper than this small fight) I felt that it could all be resolved through talking, and this thought still persists to this day. It was obvious that the problem was a lack of money. All relationships fail without a steady cash flow. My cousin had stopped talking but was just listening to the voices coming out of his phone. "Si señor, lo entiendo. Llegare en un poco." My cousin's face was pale. I couldn't look him in the face. "Aqui....yo no puedo....." and gave me the baby with such an expression that I have never seen on that man's face. It was humiliation, resentment, and most importantly, fear. I can only guess at what may have been rushing through his mind. Kidnapping the baby like his dad had done? If he was going to do it, right now was the perfect dejavu. The exact same thing had happened years ago. Would history repeat itself? My brother got my cousin a cigarette and my cousin called his girlfriend back. They exchanged a few heated words and he expressed his resentment to her for having called the fuzz. 3 27 Seeing Adrian handcuffed, me sneaking around for a while, crying. Seeing Adrian cry. I knew that he feared that he wouldn't be seeing his baby for a while (at this point he knew that they were going to take him downstairs to verify that he didn't have a warrant). That face I saw was something very terrifying, total destruction. They walk out and they take him through the stairs down handcuffed, policeman sees me red eyes and assumes I'm crying. "Calm down" is the response I got I drop off the bag with Lili, everyone sees me stoned I follow Adrian and the police downstairs without them knowing I see Adrian in the cop car and he gives me a look as though to go away. I look for alvaro, trying to call him many times The suspense I felt when they turned on the car and drove away I talk to the cops, the cop tries to look in my pocket I call adrian he says he'll call me back I walk to 7-11 Cross the street on green and the man in the car says, "Mucho trago". I see him again at 7-11. Sometimes people are timed to meet I realized at just the right moment to offer a word of encouragement. Walk back and meet adrian outside I waited just long enough for the elevator door to close and as Alvaro was about to drive out of the parking lot before the gate closed, I told him that Quetzali's bag was still in the car (I had already seen it much before then) and that I would follow Adrian 4 28 [originally titled "me"] No point in lamenting that which could have been. I know there's something wrong here, why must the origin elude me? Time marches on too fast, too intensely without direction. And I'm scared. If I'm in homeostasis, why do I feel so scared of what's coming? I'm fine, I'm alive and someday we'll all be dead. Welcome future, fuck you. 1 29 Have you seen how the snakes have decorated their pit? Find your place in the universe and redefine it. What will happen when the last visionary dies? Learn and invent. 2 30 [originally titled "me2"] Won't it be sad when we're old? Not able to say: "I still remember the good old day..." Won't it be sad when the last baby dies? And all that's left is your greed... Who will save us from ourselves? And what is it all for? To what have we come 1 31 Taking this deep breath, And hoping for pleasant slumber, I exhale with awe of this place. And when pondering of the future's tides, The ebbs of happiness and all of it's antonyms, I simply hope. 1 32 United States foreign policy is extremely careless. Analogous to the child who hits another and immediately lies when questioned, the most serious long-term reverberations of U.S. foreign policy are yet to be felt in my opinion. As long as constant neglect and disregard for consequence is the Pentagon's Standard Operating Procedure, the pressure being felt by the rest of the world (that does not benefit from the America's exploitation) will continue to grow exponentially. Organizations like the IMF, that loan money to nations and demand payment through the elimination of debtor nation's social programs are part of the problem. Also part of the problem is the undissolvable cronism that appears to exist between the Pentagon and Wall Street. The President of the United States, it appears, has become a purely public relations figure. Men whose names are unknown in the Pentagon run the show today and their interests are largely shared by Wall Street. At this point however, I am largely optimistic. I believe that someday, as information access gains fluidity, there will be a general decline in the American empire's hegemony through force. I believe that the United States will still have a distinguished place in the world as an important presence in the arts, scholarly pursuits, equality, and justice. The decline of the United States empire will coincide directly with the growth of systems that provide information more rapidly. I believe that all people are innately good. That we all desire “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” The vast majority of people desire this not only for themselves, but for others as well. Working upon this philosophy that we as humans are by nature peaceful and compassionate, it follows that the problems currently plaguing the planet (wars, dictatorships) are not agreeable to the majority of people within this empire. The overthrow of the warmongering American empire will not be violent. It is possible that it will occur without notice. As people become more and more informed of events occurring globally (increasingly through unofficial sources), there will be a decrease in the United States federal government's ability to “fabricate consent” of the American people. Chomsky once said (not a direct quote but close enough) that “if you asked the majority of people if they favor spending a million dollars on some military expenditure like a bomb or on social program like a school, the overwhelming response will be social spending.” I find this to be consistent with my experience. Humans are constructive animals. For the most part, we all promote knowledge and art whenever possible. We all love and love to be loved. The majority of us are are naturally positive in all aspects. It is only a small minority of us that are greedy to the point of having a strong disregard for others (a disregard for the life of other humans, encompassing the millions of aspects of life we all desire e.g. freedom, justice, happiness, dignity, etc.). This minority of humans that disregard human life are what I have termed “archaic humanity”. You can count Bush, Cheney, and all the other White House monkeys in this category. Any other powerful empire politicians in this world can be grouped in this category as well. It is important to note, however, that the true enemy to the planet today is the faceless enemy which I collectively call The Pentagon. The Pentagon simply implicates any of the men who are part of the secret military establishment. If you saw them on the street, you'd think they were The problem with these humans is that the 1 33 Psychedelic Drugs Based on anecdotal evidence (and plenty of it), psychedelic drugs enable a person to speak truthfully of themselves. And once a person is in such a mindset of truth telling (even if it is only about themselves), they begin to seek truth in all aspects of their human experience (politics, society, art). Therefore, a person who has fully appreciated the psychedelic experience, is capacious – to a greater extent than a non-tripper – to seek truth. Psychedelic substances “force” the user to realize personal truth. This can be frightening to some people. It is my hypothesis that people people who are more accustomed to denying reality are more frightened when truth is “forced” upon them. What is meant by the word “truth” in this context? Truth in the context is the same as any definition that can be found in a dictionary; essentially, the ability to see reality. The truths that are usually revealed during a psychedelic experience are usually personal. There is a great body of evidence supporting this. Native American Indians have long been known to cure alcoholism through the ceremonious ingestion of peyote. Participants claim that they are able to pinpoint the tendencies that cause their alcoholism. This is perhaps due to a realization of the peyote user to see their destructive tendencies (the causes of their alcoholism) truthfully and develop solutions for their tendencies. It is important to note that the tendencies or causes of alcoholism are as diverse as the alcoholics themselves. One person may be an alcoholic due to “learned alcohol appreciation” (find proper psychological term for this) which involves positive memories that are attached to alcohol consumption that indirectly trigger the user to drink. Another person may be an alcoholic due to example (from parents or friends) while another alcoholic may drink to “forget their problems”. The common cliché is that “they don't know they have a problem”. While it is true that perhaps many people do not realize that their consumption of a substance is hindering their full potential (potential in the workplace, “societal potential” or reaching the full potential of marriages or friendships), the majority of people are fully aware of the benefits of ceasing alcohol consumption. It is the author's belief that what is hidden to the majority of alcoholics is not the fact that they are alcoholics but the root cause of their alcoholism. An analogy can be made to fixing a car. To fix a car, one must first know the root cause, be it the engine, transmission, brakes, etc. The same is true of fixing a computer, the problem must be located before it can be fixed, video card, hard drive, etc. The same is true for any emotional problem a person faces yet these seem to be the most difficult to locate and for this reason, the psychedelic experience is invaluable. This is a powerful and truly revolutionary concept – the user ingests a “truth enabling catalyst” that permits a realization of reality. Once a vision of personal reality has been attained can constructive solutions to destructive tendencies be sought. This seems like the exact same reasons that people visit a psychologist, to help them realize truth (through a direct realization of their personal defects) to help them become better at detecting their destructive tendencies as they commit them in the future and as a result, become happier. This is useful of course to helping alcoholics or people with troubled marriages but it is the long-term implications that concern me. To me, it is not the psychedelic experience what really matters, it is the mindset that this experience leaves 1 34 you with that is to me, of paramount importance. It is my belief that once a person has been subjected to so many hours of truthful personal inspection, that this leaves a “psychedelic impression”. This “psychedelic impression” is a term that I have fabricated for this article because the concept I am about to present cannot be found anywhere (not on Google or in any publication by the American Psychiatry Association) but it is my belief that the same insights that were realized when a person learned to see the truth in themselves when they were “high” in the psychedelic experience, create an attitude of constant truth-seeking. The person (in my opinion), is usually unaware of the correlation between the drug and this change within them (based on the population of psychedelic users I have run into). However, the change is real and extremely powerful. How exactly does the psychedelic drug effect such a profound change on a human being? Anyone who has experimented with the psychedelic experience knows that through the exhausting 12 hour chemically-induced introspection, much is revealed about oneself. Many people confuse this with “enlightenment” and a great deal of care should be taken to differentiate truth-seeking from enlightenment. Many of the intellectuals that pushed for the embracing of psychedelia --in particular, 1960's intellectuals like Timothy Leary-- have muddled the concept of the psychedelic experience by injecting it with ideas of religion and eastern mysticism. For the record, the author sees nothing morally wrong with the human need for religion or mysticism. However, it is important to clarify what, in the author's opinion, is the “enlightenment” that Leary spoke of. “Enlightenment” in many eastern religions is ________________________________________________________. Seeking this sort of enlightenment seems to be synonymous with seeking the truth. This is usually attained through lengthy reflection (meditation) on a given topic. This involves pondering a thought, idea, or concept (the thought, idea, or concept can be large or small in scope) and organizing what they know about this idea or concept into coherence to produce what they believe is truth based on evidence. This is in many ways the same as the historian that seeks to write truth based on available evidence. In this way it seems that eastern cultures seek enlightenment (truth). It is interesting to note however, that meditation and truth seeking of this sort requires a mature and serious mind (Buddha was not a child). There is no doubt that a person who seeks the truth always is much more beneficial to the planet than a person who is incapable of seeking the truth. It logically follows that a group of people who seek truth are more valuable to the planet than a group of people who do not. In this way, it seems, would psychedelic substances brought about a significant change in the world in forcing people (young and old) to seek truth, thereby bringing about change. One may question, how significant is truth seeking in today's world? This is a frequently 2 35 A person that says that they plan to never have children is essentially a mistake in the natural order of things. If one can accept that humans are biological creatures – no different from animals – then it naturally follows that our most natural and basic instinct (like that of bacteria and viruses) is to reproduce. Charles Darwin elegantly pointed out what has existed for millions of years; that biological systems best adapted to survive will reproduce and pass on their superior traits. The desire to reproduce and by extension, sex, is the most fundamental difference between living and non-living collections of atoms. Some may be offended by my assertion that reproduction and those who indulge in it enjoy a “simpler” happiness. Most people may be offended because they feel as though they are being singled out as humans with “base” motivations or needs. They may feel as though I am implying that they are abnormal in some way. However, I see the hurt feelings as being misled or perhaps a result of a misconception of my true message. Is it not true that a human that intentionally decides to not partake in the most common and innate need (that of reproduction) is in fact the abnormal one? It is! I am the mistake, the unusual one, for I have decided to deny what is most basic and common. “What causes a person to take such a radical position on something most of us do not reflect upon? For it is true that reproduction is perhaps the one concept very few truly think about and seek the value of. Humans of all ethnicities, cultures, nationalities, and genders reproduce without a second thought to the 'bigger picture' effect their choice has. For it is true that reproduction is perhaps the most basic instinct”, are generally my thoughts on the subject. Yet the question persists in my mind, “what causes someone like myself to take such a radical position?” I feel that the primary reason for this is that I have pledged (within my psyche) my life to trying to understand the planet we live in on two very basic (perhaps superfluous) presuppositions. The assumptions I speak of are 1) that it impossible for anyone to know everything and 2) that there will always be stupider humans in control of the resources of our planet (be they politicians, businessmen, or other rats of the like). Since I have come this far, it is now my responsibility to be a voice of dissent, to reveal truth as much as humanly possible for me. Of uncovering mystery, telling everyone what I see. That everything around us is not how it seems. Of revealing the vulgar lies that exist. (Previous two sentences quoted directly from Jose Gonzalez's song, Deadweight on Velveteen). But this is how I feel. I feel that my purpose and what gives me direction is attaining knowledge and the spreading my ideas. My ideas are worthy of spreading because I (unlike the majority of politicians, businessmen, and other goons in power) always strive for truth based on evidence. Furthermore, I believe that once a person has the strong desire to understand truth based on evidence then it is the responsibility of that individual to use that capacity for the betterment of mankind. To use aforementioned talents in the pursuit of helping the population - not just the nation- state, but of the planet – attain a standard of living like that which we desire. I suppose that ultimately what I find saddening is that no one stops and thinks about what the reality on our planet is. We don't stop to think about the impact of another human life on this planet that everyday becomes weaker and weaker under the weight of its massive population. With the power to evoke the most powerful human emotions, the realization that we are hurting to such great an extent such a beautiful a garden that has existed for billions of years is a most invaluable realization. We should all stop and think for a moment with a “cosmic mindset”, attempt to discern what we want for our children, 1 36 not necessarily those from our own loins, but our children in the collective, human sense. Do we really want to bring another life into this place, that is already burdened enough with the weight of the existing population, when a new life is not necessary? The latter statement only takes into consideration our overall impact on the planet, but what of the pain in knowing that we are bringing a new life into a planet that is already scarred and hurt so badly? If you love a child, would you throw them into an oven? Most would undoubtedly respond “no”, then why throw them into a planet whose temperatures are steadily rising to a level that no one can say with certainty where the limit is? Is it possible that in 100 years, the global climate will be like that of an oven? No one can say. Is that the future a loving parent wants for a child? What of the hurricane our empire is brewing in the middle east? By now it has been proven with nearly scientific accuracy that the threat of “terrorism” has risen and is rising as a direct result of the Bush administration. The implications are so great and our minds so small and so lacking in vision. The problem is not “terrorism”, the problems in the middle east are the same that have plagued our planet since civilization's birth. Radical religious fanaticism and poverty. Each one of these is powerful enough to cause millions of deaths and immeasurable suffering by itself. A cursory understanding of the Catholic church in Latin America or the Catholic Church in any nation at any time reveals endless suffering and death. Religion is a problem that the world just can't seem to shake off. Religion is the result of our extremely intelligent animal brains attempting to understand the world. Imagine a time when people had to somehow explain thunderstorms or hurricanes or birth and death without radars and weather balloons. Without ultrasound, MRI's and CT scans. The only and best explanation humans could invent was God. It's the best answer when there is no answer. If someone died, God, not cancer or a fever, decided it was time. This worked for thousands of years. But what about today? Today an explanation can be sought, an explanation can be given for thunderstorms and hurricanes, birth and death. Think for a minute about the fact that DNA has existed in the collective human consciousness for only 60 years. 60 years ago, people did not worry about being in the sun or being sunburned. There was no reason to worry about our DNA being destroyed by the sun's UV rays because we had no idea DNA existed. Most people who remember how widespread X-Ray use was chuckle when they remember that X-Ray's were even used to “see” your foot size when buying a pair of shoes. These days, no one debates the harmfulness of UV rays and X-Rays, we all know that overexposure to these things are not healthy. Anyone who debates this might be considered an imbecile by other humans in his immediate viscinity. The ultimate question then becomes, if the majority of us can agree that religions in the past have been used to hurt and kill human life, why can't we simply accept that like UV and X-Rays, religion is simply not healthy for humanity. The fundamental question is “does god even exist”. This is the most basic question for which there is no answer. If that cannot be answered, then there is no reason to take another step forward in any direction. We should use the same careful logic we apply to our health when saying “X-Rays are bad” to religion. If, in its long and well-documented history, religion has done more bad than good for humanity, then we should all rethink what we know is “true” simply because a religious book preaches it. After all, religion has killed more human life throughout history than UV and X-Rays combined. 2 37 What happened 40 years ago was a preview. A preview of what could have been. A world where art runs rampant. Minds opened. Truth, a constant goal. Love, the law. Happiness, realized. 1 38 From my vantage point, as the pilot of this situation and although I shouldn't always be at the driver's seat, today I am; flying, diving into this smooth, wet, warm, soft...clima-...climate. And those firm round mounds that from my vantage point are like a runway guiding my burning, crashing, exploding... And from this vantage point, from way back here: exclusivity, fertility, tranquility. She moans, have we hit rough terrain? Should we deploy the KY landing gear? Nah, fuck it...yea...spit... As wise men once said: "Love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket," do you feel this? Or "I submit my incentive is romance, now watch the pole-dance of the stars." I've heard that, "for every dirty old man, there's a dirty old woman," so for every dirty young boy is there a dirty young girl? I'd hardly like to think so, that's why I'm thankful I have you; right here, right now; affirming my actions are warranted. "High Flyer to control tower, permission to ejac-...eject?" "No," she says, "keep going, I'm going to come...I'll come to you." "Roger, that control tower." My kite's tied to my head, flying high in the sky, I hope this peaceful breeze will continue to lick my flesh, I did not become aware of when this became a threesome; you, me, and the breeze, it can stay. My back's sweaty anyways... 1 39 I like the way you think: are not afraid to question any belief, idea, or mode of thought, and I am the same. When old modes of thought are allowed to live without question, new solutions can never blossom and in this way the world will never change. But change isn't what I want, I want peace, understanding, and life. I constantly reassess my own ideas and I assume you do the same. I love to be free, to move my body wildly (I call it dancing sometimes) feeling truly alive, but I realize that eventually I must return to thought and routine. Sometimes I'm filled with awe in the world I live in and sometimes I do dorky breathing techniques and meditation, oxygen in the brain can do wonders. In all honesty, I said I'd love to take that dance class in the spring primarily because you'll be there. I appreciate the moment when I am graced by your presence, I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I realize why you autolabel yourself "queen" I just thought you should know, I don't play games, video games, love games, none, I'm honest and forward about my feelings, this is why I write this right now. If these feelings are not reciprocated, I totally understand, I don't blame you and you're not the first. 1 40