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No part of this book may be reproduced in any form by an electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review. The reuploading and distribution of this ebook without permission is theft of the author's intellectual property. For bulk pricing, publishing rights, and film/TV rights please email hotmealsrights@gmail.com 4 The Hot Meals series is dedicated to Mary Roach. Without Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex I wouldn't know any of the science that makes Hot Meals so juicy... 5 Prologue: Paige “I t ’ s true! It happened to Annie! ” “ Shut up, Paige. A vampire sucked your sister ’ s pussy instead of her blood? ” “ Her plasma ,” I correct Kelsey. We ’ re splayed across my bed in a nest of homework and dollar store candy. Her lips are stained with strawberry Gushers and that ’ s what reminded me. “ Hand me your textbook, listen – it ’ s the clear stuff that the blood cells float in –" Kelsey giggles and pretend-bites my neck. “ Kels, I ’ m serious!" “ Seriously distracted! We ’ re supposed to be studying. ” “ We are! ” I insist. “ Biology, anatomy, mythology ...” I fix her with the same look I gave her when I first confessed my feelings, a look that says: This is serious but I ’ ve never said it out loud before so I ’m nervous. Just listen... "When a woman's aroused the capillaries inside her vaginal walls become so full of blood that some of the plasma seeps out into the vagina," I read aloud. " That's why girls get wet. And Annie says that's what vampires eat. They'll drink blood from your neck if they really have to but it's the plasma they want – and the quickest 6 way to get it is to go down on a girl! That ’ s why they hunt at nightclubs! ” Just like the first time I told her I liked her, she can ’ t contain her smile – but this time it ’ s coupled with a disbelieving eye roll and a smirk: “ You ’ re telling me she met a vampire at a club ? “Shut up!” she says again. “ You know how I know this can ’ t be true? Human boys would have killed them off by now – they ’ d hate having that kind of competition! I mean... boys want an ‘all natural girl’ who’s got lip fillers, eyelash extensions, and foundation on 24/7. They want us to ‘get our bodies back’ after having babies! But in a world with vampires we could just roll our eyes and say, ‘ Yeah? You wish we were perfect and airbrushed? Well, I wish you were dead ! ’” She cuddles closer against me and I can smell the candy on her breath. “ We don’ t need boys anyway, alive or undead, ” I remind her, running my hands up the inside of her thigh. “ I bet it was a lesbian vampire who discovered it ...” “ You are not going to convince me vampires are real, Paige! ” “ Are you sure? ” I tease my fingers across her, “ What if I ’ m one? ” Before she can roll her eyes again, I bury my head under the blankets, open her legs, and pretend like I ’ m feeding ... 7 Chapter 1: Annie O ne of us is tall and curvy, olive-skinned, and one is blonde with cheeks pinker than the plastic flamingos that dot the lawns all across our town – but we're both filled with blood, and that's the part that matters. "Is there anyone you like?" Nadia shouts over the music, bringing the straw of her fruity pink drink to her lips. Her cheeks are flushed from dancing, even brighter pink than normal. I roll my eyes. I knew I shouldn't have told her I wanted to bring someone home tonight. Now it's all she's talked about since the second we stepped through the doors of SACRIFICE – a seedy, black-walled bar with a weird vampire theme that would look out of place anywhere, but especially here in the Florida Everglades. "Nadia, I want to bring someone home after I'm finished dancing. We aren't on a mission, we're just having fun!" I try to take her drink and lead her back onto the dance floor but she bats me away. "Annie, I just want you to be happy! Like me and – Winn !" 8 The world's most perfect boyfriend strides over to meet us, fresh drinks in hand. Of course she's happy – her boyfriend's parents literally named him Winner. Somehow they knew he was going to grow up to be a quintuple threat: tall, dark, handsome, smart and funny. He hands Nadia a drink and snakes one arm around her waist. Oh, now she wants to dance, grinding against him. I sip my drink and think, I wouldn't mind someone like Winn Loving and gentle but with a bit of a dark side – or at least, a healthy dose of curiosity about the dark side. Winn was so obsessed with Agatha Christie and Sherlock Holmes growing up that he thought he wanted to be an author – until he realized real life in Florida is stranger than fiction, so he became a cop. I moved here six months ago for work, right across the street from Nadia and Winn, and they quickly took me under their wing. "How's the hunt?" Winn asks me, smiling. "Not hunting yet! Just dancing! Come find me out there – " I shoot Nadia a wink and disappear into the crowd, letting the smells and smoke overtake me, losing myself in the music. There's something strange about SACRIFICE. The second you step through the doors under that blindingly bright, neon white sign, it's like you're in another reality. There's something a little dangerous in the air and every single person who works here is weirdly beautiful. It's the only place in town you don't see plastic noses or bottle-bronzed skin; no matter how frenzied the dancing, 9 you never see tracks in anyone's hair or falsies flying loose off their faces. It's like they require the staff to be effortlessly perfect – way more stunning than any normal human should be. Because of the eerily beautiful people and the weird vampire vibe, SACRIFICE is always packed – even though it ’ s in the middle of nowhere – way out in the swamp. Nadia, Winn, and I live just around the corner, on the edge of town a few miles up the heavily forested road that twists past SACRIFICE ’ s big front doors. We could walk, if we wanted, except we ’ re all too scared of these woods at night. Strange things happen in the Everglades: bodies get dumped, people go missing, and Nadia and I get to hear about it all, thanks to Winn ’ s love for bringing his work home with him. But I feel safe with them here, tonight. I ’ m not sure I ’ d be as eager to bring someone home if I was all alone. The last time I had sex was weeks and weeks ago, now – with a woman who told me she was a vampire. That ’ s the kind of crazy you run into in these woods. She was tiny and sweet-looking, and I thought I could overpower her if I needed to, but tonight, I think I ’ m looking for a man. I ’ m glad I brought Nadia and Winn as backup, just in case I find one who thinks he ’ s a skinwalker or a wolf. I scan the crowd of beautiful faces, swaying with my drink in hand. I love dancing . I want to dance with someone, tonight. The women I like are usually delicate and gorgeous and remind me of 10 my high school girlfriend: soft and sweet. But tonight I want to wrestle, I want someone big and tall and long; with firm hands and a hard jawline. Nothing soft and tender at all. Across the smoke and strobe lights, I spot a familiar face: pale blonde and angelic. Oh my god, I have to tell Nadia. I double back through the crowd and find her still entangled with Winn. I push through the throng of beautiful dancing people while memories of the angelic girl push themselves to the front of my mind: legs and laughter; the smell of honeysuckle tinged with blood. "Winn, Nadia, she ’ s here again " "Huh– ?" They're being disgustingly cute, lost in each other's eyes. Nadia can barely pull herself away. "That girl I went home with, the one who told me she was a vampire. She's here!" "WHAT?" That gets her attention and her eyes snap back to me. I've got Winn's focus, too. "Wait, what?" He says, "She told you she was a vampire ?" I'm a little surprised he doesn ’ t know, I just assumed Nadia tells him everything. For a moment I ’ m touched – I guess it's a testament to our friendship that she'll keep secrets for me, even from Winn. 11 Not that this girl ’ s a secret – as unconventional as her pickup line was, I really did enjoy it. ("Excuse me, I'm hungry and you look delicious.") I got a job offer during my Junior year of college and dropped out of school to take it. I don't have many crazy hookup stories, so this is the one I trot out at drunken wine nights with Nadia or whenever I need to feel better about my own flirting skills. "It's amazing," Nadia says to Winn. "She told her she feeds on wetness. Honestly, at least she didn't say moistness . Is it official now, is ‘moist ’ the worst word in the English language? We all hate it! It was a super risky pickup line. If she wasn't so hot it wouldn't have worked. Now point her out, Annie, I need to see exactly how much of a babe you've got to be to pull off a line that cheesy!" "You didn't even tell him the best part," I chastise her, as I lead them through the crowd. I see a flash of white-gold hair again and follow it to the tables above the dance floor. Farther from the music, when I don't have to shout anymore, I say, "The line might have been weird but her acting was phenomenal. She went into this, like, zombie-mode, all glazed over behind the eyes, totally focused on me. I don't think she even remembered I was there, it was like she really was just... feeding ." "So hot," Nadia says, her own eyes a little cloudy. "You can get but feel like you're giving ? What a smart proposition from her – get it, Fangs!" 12 "Shhhhh-it!" As I turn to go up the stairs to the seating area, I walk right into her. Her name hits me as hard as her honeysuckle perfume. It's Lily, I remember suddenly. I can't tell if she recognizes me. She smiles and hesitates for a moment but then brushes past us. "Wait, I love her," says Nadia, watching her long pale hair disappear into the crowd. "A vampire that looks like an angel? Let's sit up here and just watch, maybe we'll see her find tonight's prey." We hurry to an open table and cram ourselves in – Winn and I on the edges of the booth and Nadia in the middle. He puts an arm around her shoulder but it's so long it kind of snakes around us both. "Can you cuddle, like, twenty percent less?" I ask. I love them but I have to admit it's making me jealous. (" We're only dangerous when we're horngry ," Lily had said that night. Hungry-horny.) That's how I feel now, seeing her again. I want another night like that. It doesn't have to be vampire sex, it doesn't even have to be with her. I just want something new and exciting. I curl my toes in my black leather shoes, trying to stave off the empty feeling between my legs. Nadia doesn't know how good she's got it, being able to go home to Winn every night. Dating's hard – especially when you're new in town and everyone's a stranger. Somehow, "Hey, I'm a vampire," is the least scary pickup 13 line I've heard recently. Regular humans can seem much more dangerous, with their blurry ideas of consent and their firm-held belief that "No" means "Chase me harder." People suck, too. At least vampires are upfront about it. Ha . I look over, wanting to say the joke aloud to Nadia and Winn but their faces are hovering just centimeters away from each other and I know any second now they're gonna start making out. I want that, tonight I've been so into work lately I haven't made time to see anyone but Nadia. Tonight I want to see someone naked. Someone like ... "Him! That's our target, look at him !" Nadia says, pulling her face away from Winn's so abruptly I think she might have whiplash. He follows her gaze and agrees immediately, "Annie, yes! I know you don't have a type but when I picture myself at your wedding, you're standing next to that guy." Oh my god Maybe I am. A strobe flashes behind him, illuminating his wavy black hair like he's got a halo. Lily isn't the angel – he is. Chin, nose, and cheekbones like he was carved from marble... eyes the same color as his skin... slightly sharp teeth when he smiles... "Guaranteed he's from Miami. An internationally famous underwear model – only in town for tonight – but that ’ s Mr. Annie Pennetti!!" Winn points, and to my horror, the guy sees. 14 "Winn, stop!" I push his hand down and smile apologetically in the direction of the impossibly handsome man. "Lower your voices, please !" Nadia and Winn can't stop talking about him, arguing if he's a model or a brain surgeon or the world's sexiest librarian. Wondering how anyone can get that lucky. As Nadia says next, he's “ an indisputable super-babe." Then: "He's coming over, he's coming – oh!" Nadia looks as if she's just been personally rejected when he breaks for another table across the room. "Go follow him," Winn nudges me. "Pretend like you're looking for the bathroom and just – whoops! Sit down at his table, have a shotgun wedding and start having his babies. I'll officiate and name the kids. Go!" I roll my eyes in protest but Nadia and Winn both shimmy to take up more room in their seats, forcing me out of the booth. "Seriously?" I stand and hurry to smooth my dress, but it's not fast enough for Nadia who kicks me under the table. I fall sideways, colliding with someone carrying a tray. "Easy, Bambi!" says a familiar voice. Lily manages not to spill anything, but it ’ s a close call. We regain our balance and I'm about to apologize when she says, "Hey! I remember you." Nadia and Winn are giggling behind us. I don't want to look at them so I turn my face the other way, right towards that incredibly 15 handsome guy – and I ’ m horrified to discover he's looking at me, too. His eyes hit me like a bolt of lightning, and somehow, Lily sees it. Before I can divert my attention to my feet she's putting her hand on my elbow and steering me towards his table. "Let me introduce you." The smell of honeysuckle follows us. I wonder if she remembers my perfume, too. Why else would she recognize me? Her pick up line was memorable for me but it was only one night to her. And if she works here , she's got her pick of the Everglades Most Eligible every single weekend. "Guy," she says when we've reached his table. "This is Bambi." He smiles up at us and his eyelashes are even longer than mine. "Annie," I correct her, reaching to shake his hand. It's cold and mine's sweaty. "But I bumped into her back there, so..." "Bambi," she says firmly, like that ’ s the name on my birth certificate. "All our friends get nicknames." Am I one of her friends? She pulls out my chair and I sit. In high school a boy who had a crush on me called me LOL, which stood for "large and long." He was trying to be cute, saying I had large eyes, hips, and lips; long hair and legs. But I never liked how it sounded. Bambi's much better. 16 "Thanks, Lily," I say boldly, wanting her to know I remember her, too. I wonder if she remembers she told me she was a vampire but maybe that was just her story of the day and she never used it again. Maybe tonight she'll tell her hookup she's a witch, or a mermaid and her legs are going to turn back into fins at midnight so they better get off quickly. I'm a little surprised when she sits with us but also glad for the distraction. I'm usually not a nervous person but there's something about Guy that makes my brain go fuzzy. He stirs his drink and looks at me and I'm glad to be sitting down because my knees go weak when he smiles. "Is Guy a nickname, too?" I ask, hesitant to meet his eyes. He laughs and it's so perfect, it twists my guts with desire. "No, it's my birth name," he says. “ Guy Gomez. ” "Didn't I tell you about the names?" Lily asks, "I can't remember." "I'm not sure, ” I laugh. “ You did tell me you were...a..." I feel stupid for even thinking it but the word's already on my tongue, "...a vampire." I force myself to meet Guy's eyes and smile, so he knows I'm just playing along and that I never really believed in Lily's pickup line, even though it worked. "Right," she says matter-of-factly, tossing back her long hair. "We all are, and I'm sort of the den mom so I give everyone 17 death-names. After you're a vampire, you know? You need a new look, a new identity. Guy kept his birth name but sometimes people assume I gave it to him because he's 'the perfect Guy ’ or whatever. Now I'd have gone even more literal – called him Adam or Adonis or Angel. I love biblical symbolism and mythology – I love when things are right on the nose. You know it's Lilith, not Lily, right? Lily's just a nickname for my death-name..." This whole rant really sets my head spinning. I think it's all I've had to drink combined with her heavy perfume and the way Guy's sort of glowing, backlit by strobe lights and too gorgeous to look at directly. I steal a quick glance at him, hoping he'll find Lily's antics hilarious and I'll get to hear his laugh again but he just looks uncomfortable. I take one of the glasses off Lily's tray. After a big sip I say, "Yeah my friends and I were just talking about what a great line that is, telling people you're a vampire who has to feed on girls...you know. One of the few times a risky pickup line has ever worked." Guy glares at Lily and the intensity of his brown eyes startles us both, "What are you doing?" He asks sternly. "What didn't you tell her?" "What?" I ’ m dumbfounded. Is he mad? Why would he be mad at a cheesy pickup line like that? I look between them. Lily's swirling a drink, ignoring Guy's narrowed gaze. 18 "Oh come on, they don't care! Well, the boyfriends might, so don't be anyone's third; I wouldn ’ t try to take home a married woman if I was you. But if you've got a single girl, why not? It doesn't scare them in the slightest, and honestly, if they really believed us they'd want it even more!" He breathes air out his nose, sharply, and stands suddenly but Lily catches his arm. "You aren't in any danger, Guy. You think little Bambi could hurt you? Sit, you're just hungry. I'll get her some food." Lily stands, leaving the drink tray between us. She keeps her eyes on Guy until she's halfway across the room, then turns and heads for the stairs, leaving us all alone. He puts his face in his hand and sighs. "I'm sorry, she's a lot. You know." "Oh, not really. We met once." I shrug but he looks up, worry marring his beautiful face. "And you're ok?" His concern startles me. Why wouldn't I be? Though I am starting to piece it together: maybe Lily really believes what she's saying and she's hurt people by getting too into the role play before. Maybe she bites people? Or cuts them? I guess I'm lucky I survived the night without a scratch. "I'm fine, it's a great story to tell my friends. They all went crazy for it – a world where vampires eat-out girls to survive? Sounds like heaven!" 19 He still looks wary, but he smiles again and I love it. I want more. "Hey, what would your vampire superpower be?" I ask, and that gets a laugh. "Superpower?" "You know. Mind reader or super-speed. Something you have in life that gets amplified in death." "Amplified? I guess it would have to be super-hunger." "Super horny, you mean." I feel my face flush but this time I hold his gaze. I don't want to do the boring small talk. I don't want to know where he's from or if he has siblings or whether or not he really is an underwear model from Miami. I came here to find someone to feed my inner horngry and he's the most appetizing guy I've ever seen. Plus, Lily knows him, and even though I've only met her once she didn't try to hurt me – I feel like that's a good indicator he's safe, too. Anyway, I can take him back to my place, right across the street from Nadia and Winn, with Winn's police cruiser parked in the driveway ... Lily reappears and sets a plate of wings in front of me. Just me. "Oh, I'm not – " I push the plate toward Guy but he shakes his head. "Well someone's gotta eat, ” Lily huffs, “ I can't spend all night playing matchmaker or I'll miss my own chance. ” So she's sticking with the vampire line, tonight? 20