7 The Book of Jones The Story of Four Siblings Opens on a book called The Book of Jones INTRO: “Ol ’ William Jones was an oil tycoon from El Paso Texas. It was said that his love for oil was only second to his love for money. At its peak, some say his company -- Jones Unlimited -- owned half the gold this side of the Mississippi and all the politicians that gold could buy. But by his death, in his 82nd year, his partners had run the company into the ground and William’s personal fortune had dwindled down to just shy of seven billion dollars -- still more than you and me will ever see in our lifetimes. Before h e died, Ol’ William declared “Ain’t none of my good for nothing partners gonna see this money. Like the oil that brought it, this money’s going in the ground.” His lawyer drew up a map and on the day Ol’ William died, he handed it to William’s son, Lil’ Jo hnny Jones. But the same damn day I’m told, as Johnny was walking out the door *BOOM* he was struck down by a rogue lightning strike. And so the map passed to his son, Bill. Now Bill didn’t believe in buried treasure. “I don’t believe in buried treasure. T hings that are underground belong to the devil.” And so the map passed to his four children. Bill’s first child’s name was Tom. Tom sold mobile homes in mobile alabama. He was known as “The Mobile King of Mobile” Cut to commercial of him selling mobile ho mes: “... and they said I couldn’t sell no mobile homes in Mobile. Said the market had run dry. But here I am... selling mobile homes in Mobile Alabama...” His second child’s name was Lilly. Lilly was an amateur golfer and currently ranked number three in th e women’s amateur golfing circuit. Cut to shot of her hitting a ball “Damn, sliced it” His third child’s name was Russell. He was the third cause he came out first. Russell called himself The Exterminator. Everyone else just called him the Ant Sniffer Cu t to scene with camera on ground and Russell getting his nose right up close to it: “SNIIFFFFFFFFF... they’re here all right. I can smell ‘em” His final child’s name was James. James, the identical twin of Russell, was the youngest by 2 minutes, a fact that Russell never failed to point out. James was perhaps the only normal one of the bunch. He went to college and then became an accountant. Alth ough it always seemed like his clients brought in a little more then expected in their tax returns... “Indubitably” 1. Attorney Office - INT - DAY NARRATOR: The four children were summoned into the family attorney's office two days after their father’s passing This was a surprise to the group who knew their father had squandered his money attempting to dry the wetlands of Louisiana. When the attorney presented them with their Great Grandfathers map, the room was abuzz with excitement. TOM: Seven Billion bur ied in the desert out west, who would imagine?! RUSSELL: I can imagine what I’ll do with the cash when I get it! LILY: Who says you will get it! RUSSELL: YOU SEE MY NOSE?! I’ll sniff that treasure out so quick, I wouldn’t even need the map! JAMES, Standing in the corner of the room, shaking his head. JAMES HAS A COCKNEY ACCENT JAMES: Maybe Pops was right? The room settles TOM: What are you talking about James? JAMES: He always taught us the dangers of things like this, the last thing he would want is for this to tear us apart. There is a reason he never pursued it. Narrator: The children agreed to put the map in the family vault and continue their lives as they had before. But TOM RUSSELL and LILY all went to bed that night , unable to get that treasure out of their minds. The next day to everyone’s surprise, JAMES called a family meeting with an interesting Proposal. 2. FAMILY MEETING - INT - DAY JAMES: I’ve slept on what we learned about yesterday, and think that we s hould actually pursue the treasure, but we should do it together, and split is four ways. RUSSELL: Finally the kid is talking some sense. LILY: Alright, let’s get the map! NARRATOR: But when the family vault was opened, they found that the map, was m issing. TOM: IT’S GONE! RUSSELL: *Turning to JAMES* It was you! You were the one who wanted the map locked up anyways. The camera is faced directly at RUSSELL who punches toward the camera. Cut to a shot directly at JAMES face who gets punched. JAMES drops to the floor. RUSSELL: *Feeling JAMES pulse* *Looks up in shock*: He’s Dead. TOM: And I guess the location of the map died with him. LILY: Pops did always say you would be the one to kill him RUSSELL. Everyone nods in agreem ent. RUSSELL: So long kid. 3. TOM’S APARTMENT - INT - NIGHT NARRATOR: Three nights later, TOM got an unexpected phone call: *RING RING* TOM: Hello? RUSSELL: I have the map, but I need your help, want to get this treasure and split it even? TOM: You killed James over that map! RUSSELL: Yes, and found it folded up in his pocket! TOM: So we was pissing down our backs and calling it rain. RUSSELL: He sure was, but we have the map now. TOM: Alright, let’s go get that here treasure. 4. UT AH ROAD DRIVING MONTAGE - EXT INT - DAY Narrator: The two brothers left their sister Lily behind and headed to the deserts of Utah. Driving montage with good ass music. https://www.youtube.com /watch?v=EaqKdl_T3ak 5. CAMP 1 - EXT - EVENING RUSSELL: Alright, based on the map, we will want to camp out here and go by foot from this point forward. TOM: Damn right, but I’m freezing out here! Why don’t we get a fire going. While RUSSELL and TOM are collecting wood there are some shots of feet creeping through the trees and shots of people holding guns watching RUSSELL and TOM. (Build some tension) Did you bring matches? RUSSELL: Did Pops ever tell you the story of our Great Great Grandfat her Billy “The Balls” Jones? TOM: I can’t say that he did... RUSSELL: Well it was back around 1940... *Flashback Begins* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shzJafxvaq4 Possibly use “Everybody Loves Y ou Know” by Billy Joel RUSSELL(VO): Old Billy was living in Los Angeles in the hopes that we might make it big as a movie star. Now that never did come true, but something even greater began in that city of dreams. Billy was working the counter at a small bowling alley, renting out shoes. Every day, on his break, he would bowl for free. What he quickly found out was that he was pretty damn good. That man could throw a ball! Soon he wasn’t the only one to notice his skills. Rick Yemps, coach of the U.S. Olympic team caught wind about Ol’ Billy and recruited him to the U.S. team. Billy quickly became a star, he had it all, sponsorships, cereal boxes, even his own underwear line. But then his sec ond Olympic games rolled around... TOM: What happened?! RUSSELL(VO): Well, Billy was the best in the world, everybody called him Billy “The Balls” because no one could throw the rock like him. Then, Howard “The Hound” Murphy turned up... Howard was the pr evious world champion who retired to a commune after converting to bowling pacifism. When he saw what Billy was doing though, he knew he had to come back. Billy was worried about hitting the lanes against Howard so he started a controversial and experiment al new diet that was supposed to take him to the next level... Unfortunately, when he hit the Olympics again, that new diet stopped agreeing with him. Poor Billy crapped his pants out there in front of everyone. RANDOM SCOTTISH VOICE: Smells like somebody crapped their pants! (Sounds like shrek) RUSSELL(VO): He was ruined, the sponsorships dried up, his then unfortunate business venture into underwear became the laughing stock of the country. He lost everythin g. Flashback ends: RUSSELL: Pops always believed that Billy put a curse on us all, that when anyone in the family makes it big, they will end up losing everything. And you know, I’m starting to believe it Grandpa’s partners screwed him. Pops spent all h is cash on those damn wetlands, I’m sure we will be getting ours soon too... TOM: Don’t talk like that RUSS, I’m sure as long as we play everything smart we will be just fine. There ain’t no curse from our no good pants crapping great great grandpa. RUSSE LL: I sure hope you are right Tom, you’re the biggest success out of all of us, I don’t want to see you fall the hardest. TOM: *laughing* Well, if I do, I can always live in one of those mobile homes I’m sellin... A cracking in the bushes TOM: Did you h ear tha - Gags are put over TOM and RUSSELL'S mouth and their hands are tied behind their backs. A hand holding a rock is seen raising into the air. The camera looks down at TOM who has fear in his eyes. The hand comes down hitting TOM off camera with a lo ud noise. The screen cuts black. TOM AND RUSSELL come to, back to back tied up. RUSSELL: Tom, Tom! You awake? TOM: Yeah, I’m awake, what’s going on? RUSSELL: I’ve heard about these guys, outlaws, leftover men who followed Ammon Bundy up in Oregon and made their way down here to escape the Law. TOM: Well we have to get away from them! I have 2 guns tucked into my pants, you might be able to grab ‘em. RUSSELL: *Moves around* Got em! TOM: Well hot damn! Can y ou shoot this here rope and spring us free? BANG TOM and RUSSELL jump up, RUSSELL gives TOM and gun and they start blasting. Big shootout TOM and RUSSELL win. TOM: Looks like they’re high tailing it out of here!, we won, for now at least. We best be keeping a keen eye for if they turn back Up. RUSSELL: We got a problem here... The water is pouring out of the jug from a bullet hole. TOM: Damn, we ain’t getting water again until we make it to the mountains! We will be thirstier than a hippo in the sahara. RUSSELL: We should get some sleep, we have 2 days of walking ahead of us to get that treasure. TOM: Alright, we will sleep in shifts one of us best be watching these bushes. TOM falls asleep to RUSSELL playing Water on guitar, this fades into the actual song ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9JQkxu_ofE ) and a walking montage. TOM drinks the last drop of his water. TOM: That’s the last of it.She gone. RUSSELL *hol d up his hand up to the sky.* We got about an hour of sunlight left, still a few miles to those mountains. TOM: I ain’t feeling too hot, the sun’s beating down on me like a Nun on a kid writing with their left hand. Just leave me to die. RUSSELL dr ags Tom onto a blanket and starts dragging him. RUSSELL: I ain’t leaving you TOM, I already killed one brother. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4JiXtZ16KQ Montage of RUSSELL dragging TOM into the mountains and to a stream, TOM monologues sadly TOM MONOLOGUE: Just leave me RUSSELL, this is what my life has led to. Since I was a small boy, I have always believed i n the beauty of a mobile home. To up and move anywhere you want to go, to make any place your home in an instant. That was the reason I became the Mobile king of Mobile. But the title that I proudly held, was also my greatest shame. To be the king of Mobil e meant that I could never be truly mobile, I had to stay in that town of Alabama and sell my dream away to everyone else. While people moved their lives around the world, I always stayed put, selling my mobile dream of mobile homes in my stationary home o f mobile alabama. Just let me die here, in the western desert brother, don’t let me go back to Mobile where I will surely grow old and die. I can feel my spirit slipping from my body as I speak, each word getting me one step closer to my death. I will neve r make it to the mountains RUSSELL and I will only slow you down. If one of us should make it, it should be you brother. Get to the mountains for me, drink the water, find the treasure, and go and be a free mobile man like I could never be. TOM and RUSSEL L make it to the mountain, RUSSELL feeds TOM from the river. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOOrDdC2vPc TOM and RUSSELL sit around the fire, RUSSELL plays “Paddy’s Ballad” Song ends and RUSSEL L is just strumming away. Side shot of TOM reveals he is sitting next to Billy. TOM: Hells Bells (Lord almighty, butter my ass and call me a biscuit, by god)Billy, you ain’t really here. BILLY: You’re seeing me ain’t you. TOM: Leave me alone, I ain’t w ant nothing to do with you or your damn curse. BILLY: Well that will be up to you now won’t it. Greed is what brought my curse about. What are you doing out in the west anyways. TOM: I’m gonna find your son’s treasure. BILLY: Gold? *Looks disapproving ly.* TOM: You know of any other kind? BILLY: There are many treasures to be found in the west... few have anything to do with gold. TOM: Damn Billy, you’re crazy. BILLY: I ain’t the one talking to a ghost. BILLY vanishes. RUSSELL: You alright Tom? You look pale as the snow! TOM: Yeah, I’m alright, lets hit the hay. Fade out to the next day. RUSSELL and TOM are walking through the mountains. Music montage. https://www.youtube.com/watch ?v=cadvn16N188 RUSSELL: Alas, a fork in the road and a decision to make! Both trails lead to the treasure. We can go on this dark and dangerous path that rumored to be haunted. It will be quicker but will be at greater risk to life and limb. Shows RUSSEL L and TOM walking through a dark woods scared, running and screaming. RUSSELL: or we can walk an extra mile through this pleasant meadow. NARRATOR: At this point, the writers were tempted to turn this into yet another horror film, as they so often love to, but after a spiritual consultation (cut to Sweg Bond shot), they agreed to keep the film’s tone steady and have the characters trek through the pleasant meadow. TOM: How close are we to the treasure? RUSSELL: We are real close now, it should be a few miles Away, should be smooth sailing in this extremely safe and pleasant meadow. NARRATOR: But as TOM and RUSSELL were about to find out, the meadow was neither safe, nor pleasant. Shots fired, the bandits are back. RU SSELL: *Shot in both eyes* I’ve been shot, I can’t see! *Reveal a ton of blood on RUSSELL’s face TOM: THEY STOLE THE MAP! TOM takes off running after 2 bandits, he turns the corner and one bandit is holding a gun while the other runs away. BANDIT: End of the line buster brown... BANG The BANDIT falls to the ground, (head hits the ground shot) a golf ball rolls away. Django type zoom in shot on Lily who is holding a golf club, LILY: Howdy boys, that’s what I call a hole in one... TOM: Lily! You found us! RUSSELL is running around yelling walking into trees. RUSSELL: My eyes! My eyes! They shot out my eyes! TOM grabs him and wraps a bandana around his eyes. LILY: You’re going to be alright. TOM: But we won’t be, those bandits stole the map! They are gonna get the treasure! LILY: Maybe we can follow them? TOM: They are long gone! Zoom in on RUSSELL’s head, goes to brain animation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Dotiqbtvoo (beginning of this video) and exits out his nose. NARRATOR: With the loss of his eyesight, RUSSELL’s already impressive nose developed into a sniffer wi th the strength of a thousand bloodhounds. RUSSELL gives a giant sniff. RUSSELL: I SMELL ‘EM! RUSSELL: You two be my eyes, I’ll be the nose, we’ll find them! Let’s hurry, they are not far ahead! Chase montage, dramatic music, RUSSELL falls a few times, eventually they come around to where the treasure is, the BANDITS are already digging. TOM: *Pulls out gun* Lets get them. BILLY VO: Tom, don’t make the same mistakes I did. TOM: *Lowers the gun* I can’t do it. RUSSELL: You what?! TOM : I don’t need this treasure, I need my freedom. RUSSELL: This treasure is freedom, this gold will change everything, you will be as rich as a king. TOM: Russ, as a wise man told me, there are many treasures to be found in the west, few have anything to do with gold. TOM tosses RUSSELL the gun. TOM: And besides, I’m already a king. RUSSELL: Suit yourself, *RUSSELL charges down the hill blasting guns. The bandits, caught off guard run away* RUSSELL: They gone! Get down here Lily! LILY: *Turning to Tom* You really sure about this? TOM: I need my freedom sis, I’m gonna go catch up with them Bandits, join their ranks, roam the west, be free. TOM walks into the sunset. RUSSELL and LILY walk down to the treasure and dig up and envelope. RUSSELL: What is it?! Is it the treasure?! LILY: It’s a letter RUSSELL: A letter, what do you mean a letter?! LILY: *Opening the letter* It’s a letter from Pops... RUSSELL: Well.. read it! CUT BACK to the punch at the beginning of the movie. RUSSELL: He’s dead. Everyone leaves the room. JAMES jumped off the floor. He unfolds the map from his pocket. He then heads to utah, montage of him walking and getting the treasure. He replaces the treasure with the letter. He walks away with bo th duffels. BACK to the present. RUSSELL: Well.. read it! JAMES VOICE OVER: To my children, I always knew that this treasure would tear you all apart, but the journey to it could bring you all together, I hope that is the case. I dug this treasure up years ago and spent all the money on the wetlands. You will be happy to know, that my ventures in the wetlands was an incredible success and they could not be drier. I hope this journey has brought my children together and you will all be the b etter for it. May god be with you all, You’re father, Bill. FLASHBACK to JAMES walking with both DUFFEL BAGS down the street at night, he arrives at RUSSELL’s apartment. KNOCK KNOCK. RUSSELL opens the door. JAMES: Hello brother, its done. Here is your half. Make the Call. PHONE CALL TOM: Hello? RUSSELL: I have the map, but I need your help, want to get this treasure and split it even? TOM: You killed James over that map! RUSSELL: Yes, and found it folded up in his pocket! TOM: So we was pissi ng down our backs and calling it rain. RUSSELL: He sure was, but we have the map now. TOM: Alright, let’s go get that here treasure. PRESENT DAY RUSSELL: Damn, so the treasure is gone... LILY: And this was all for nothing, what will be do now, go home? RUSSELL: I guess so, can’t believe I lost my sight over a damn letter. What will you do. LILY: I heard of a new eating regiment that is supposed to focus your mind and take your golf game to the next level. Think I might try it. LILY leads RUS SELL back and they walk offscreen. RUSSELL stumbles into his home. JAMES sits waiting for him. RUSSELL: JAMES? Is that you? JAMES: Yeah, its me brother. RUSSELL: Well, its done, they think the treasure is gone. You can launder it for us and we wil l go our separate ways. JAMES: *pulls out the gun* RUSSELL: James? *sniff* What you doing? JAMES: I was planning this from the start, but seeing the sorry state the treasure hunt has left you in, *points gun* I don’t even feel bad. RUSSELL: I smell the clouds rolling in, rains acoming. JAMES: *shoots RUSSELL* JAMES shoots RUSSELL I’m A Man You Don’t Meet Everyday plays starting at 1:25 drums. Russel voice over and James walking and shots of location from the movie. JAMES stand up, straightens his tie, picks up both duffel bags and walks out the door. Cut back to the campfire scene. This part will cut back and forth between the campfire and JAMES walking with the bags out of RUSSELL’s apartment. RUSSELL: Pops always bel ieved that Billy put a curse on us all, that when anyone in the family makes it big, they will end up losing everything. And you know, I’m starting to believe it... JAMES walks outside with the Duffel bags, he breaths in the air and looks up at the clear bl ue sky. Opens his mouth as if to smile or say something Hard cut to black. End credits,