Hopes don't die last Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/15454086. Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Major Character Death Category: M/M Fandom: South Park Relationship: past Kenny McCormick/Craig Tucker, Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick Character: Kenny McCormick, Kyle Broflovski, Carol McCormick, Stan Marsh, Craig Tucker, Tricia Tucker, Kevin McCormick, Karen McCormick Additional Tags: Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Character Study, Adults, Canon Compliant, Cult of Cthulhu Language: English Stats: Published: 2018-07-27 Completed: 2019-06-02 Chapters: 17/17 Words: 58456 Hopes don't die last by StarsMadeinHeaven Summary When his curse indirectly causes the death of somebody close to him, Kenny McCormick has all but given up on hope that things will ever change. Then Kyle Broflovski storms back into his life again. Notes This is just the prologue, and if people are interested I will try to update at a regular pace. I apologize in advance for all the angst. I was thinking about Kenny's curse recently, and there were some things that made me wonder. This fic wants to tackle some of those issues I came up with. As always, comments and constructive criticism is always welcome! Prologue The car is driving slowly over the asphalt. Kenny knows they are going faster than what it looks like. In his mind they are going at cruise speed. But in truth, they weren’t. The tires roll lazily under him. He is the one driving. He is laughing; his eyes are not on the road. The landscape pass slowly by, a green mass of trees is stretching its branches towards the rolled down car windows. An ochre, wrinkled finger is pointing at the road, passes by fast, another takes its place, but Kenny isn’t listening. A cold draft is coming in and gently caresses their faces. The sun is setting on the horizon, casting orange and violet shadows on the clouds above them. The man sitting in the passenger’s seat is hanging his hand out of the window, playing with the airflow. Kenny can’t hear him, but he knows he is talking about stars. There’s a small soft smile on his usually expressionless face. His blue eyes are full of life, he’s amused by Kenny’s antics, that’s much is obvious. Everything moves in slow motion, so that Kenny can capture each detail in its perfection. And suddenly everything stills. Kenny feels his soul leave his body. It happened so many times he is not surprised anymore. The car stops. A bird soars over them with its wings stretched out. Or maybe it’s a bat. Kenny doesn’t look up to check. His eyes are fixed on the road. There’s a truck right in front of them and another car moving fast behind them. He knows that now, but he hadn’t paid attention when the accident happened. He gets out of the car. He doesn’t even need to push the door open. His body remains behind. He takes a step back, studies the way his own fingers are wrapped around the steering wheel. His lips are stretched up in a smile that reaches up to his ears; his blond hair is blowing in the wind. Kenny doesn’t care what he had looked like. He walks around the car instead. Reaches for the passenger’s door, but his hand just waves through it. Craig’s arm is unreachable. He’s facing away, towards Kenny’s body. From outside the car, Kenny can only see the line of Craig’s jaw. There is a trickle of sweat rolling down the other’s temple. It never reaches Craig’s cheek. And the car moves again. Kenny has dreamed about it so many times he knows what to expect. The car speeds up; there are going sixty miles per hour. The car behind them is going much faster and it pushes them against the truck and off the side. He can see his body propelled abruptly forwards. The blood seeps through the cracks in the windows. His skull is broken. He died on the spot. The trees smacked into Craig’s car and leave a dent behind. He knows because he has read the report. Craig’s hand hangs limply to the side. Kenny knows because he has seen the pictures. The only difference is that Craig is sitting in the driver’s seat, while Kenny knows that that wasn’t the truth. He was dead at the time, so he doesn’t know what happens next. His dream just ends there. When he opens his eyes, he’s in the small rat hole he calls his apartment. Outside the traffic is heavy, loud. It’s time to get up and go to work, but Kenny doesn’t want to. He just pulls up his tattered blankets over his head and goes back to sleep. There is a car. His hands are on the steering wheel. Craig is alive besides him. His power is a curse. It’s not going to be the last time he dies, but it’s the first time he outlives someone. He died with Craig. He woke up without him. No one knows he had been the one driving, that he was present at the time of the accident. His body had disappeared, as it always does. Some force moves him around, takes him back to his old bed, shifts time and space so that there’s no evidence of Kenny’s existence. Craig is teleported in Kenny’s place. The police report states clearly that he had been the one driving. The truck pulled over, there was something wrong with the brakes, a mushy pedal maybe. Craig was not paying attention to the road. It was dark, he got distracted, no one knows. The driver behind him was drunk and just kept putting his foot down on the gas. A series of unfortunate events. Does it matter that Kenny knows the number engraved on the truck’s license plate? No. Does it matter he knows what Craig was wearing at the time? No. Does it matter he knows what kind of car the drunk driver had? No. Because it’s information he could have got through the newspaper and the police reports. The morning after the accident a nice police officer called him. He needed to identify Craig’s body. Kenny didn’t want to go but he did. He regretted it immediately after. He was supposed to lie on the mortuary table next to Craig’s but there’s a stranger in his place. Kenny is unscathed. Craig’s eyes are closed, and he almost looks peaceful. He’s stiff, cool and pale, and Kenny doesn’t find him as gorgeous as he had been when he was still alive. The blood has been cleaned, the sheets cover the wounds on Craig’s torso. His lips are blue. It was his favorite color. It’s been six months and still Kenny wishes he had been the one lying on that cold table. No matter how much he tries, Kenny can’t die. It’s one thing to tell this to his friends in fourth grade. Back then he wanted someone to mourn him, to pay attention to him. He wanted people to understand how much it hurts to die. It’s another thing to tell people that being alive hurts much more when you are an adult. He can’t stand the pity. How many other deaths will Kenny go through? How many will die before him? Is he going to outlive everyone? Does this curse ever end? Kenny is fed up with it all. It’s one of the reasons why he left South Park. Craig had found him by accident, but Kenny will never let somebody else in. If all he touches is destined to die, then it would be better if he stays away. The automatic bell above the front door of the coffee shop he is working at rings. Chapter 1 Chapter Notes Thank you so the comments! I'm glad to see people are interested in this. Here's the first chapter. Comments are highly appreciated, as always. Enjoy! Kenny’s breath catches in his throat. His hand stops mid-air. The cup he’s holding shakes uncontrollably. The bald, slightly oversized man reaches out for his order, and Kenny almost leaps back in surprise when his cold fingers touch his. He momentarily forgets he is supposed to be working. His eyes keep flickering towards the redhead who has just gotten in line to take his order. “You can let go now,” the bald man says, worried, “I’ve got this.” “Yeah,” Kenny says and smiles widely at his customer. “Thank you!” he exclaims, maybe a little bit over-enthusiastic. The man casts him another concerned look before he finally leaves, and his co-worker eyes him worriedly too. Kenny wills himself to move. Do something. Hide. Anything . But his feet are rooted to the floor; his body doesn’t want to collaborate with his mind. Kenny’s eyes shift towards Kyle Broflovski again. There’s no way he’s mistaken. He’s getting closer, and Kenny recognizes the shape of Kyle’s nose, his frown, that me-against-the-world aura that’s so characteristically his Kenny would recognize that mass of red hair anywhere. It has been four years since they last saw each other but Kyle Broflovski looks the same, acts the same, moves the same. Kenny resents him for it, actually. His past pops out of nowhere, and Kenny is stuck in the present with nowhere to go. He wants to go back as well, but all he can do is move forwards and-! Kenny needs to leave. “I need to leave,” Kenny mutters and starts fiddling with his apron. His co- worker stupidly blinks at him and wraps his fingers around Kenny’s hand as he tries to rip his nametag off. “Woah!” his friend says. Kenny doesn’t remember his name. In that moment there’s only Kyle in his mind, getting closer. “What’s gotten into you, pal?” the other says, and Kenny finally realizes he’s shaking all over. At this point his only way out is to die from cardiac arrest. Too late. Kyle is now standing in front of them. “Kenny?” The lump in his throat makes it difficult to breath. He slowly turns to face his next customer head on and his eyes meet fiery green. Kyle fixes his gaze on him. His bottom lip quivers slightly and a hopeful look flashes across Kyle’s face, so fast Kenny has trouble deciphering it. Kenny can’t stand seeing him so happy. “Kenny!” Kyle exclaims, and if it weren’t for the counter separating them, Kenny knows Kyle would have thrown his arms around his shoulders. But yet again, this was Kyle they were talking about, and his joy lasts but a moment. Indeed, his wide grin falls into a frown not a second later. “Kenny!” Kyle calls him again, his tone turning reproachful. “Hi, Kyle,” Kenny says, tugs the corner of his lips upwards like he usually does when he sees a particularly hot woman. The flirty tone is completely lost on Kyle. “Do you have the freakiest idea how worried we were, you donkey fucker?” Kyle cries. “Disappearing like this. Stan and I were worried sick. And Cartman too, although he’s too much of a dickhead to outright say it. We asked your parents and-!” “Sir,” Benjamin interrupts him. Oh, yes, Kenny thinks. His co-worker’s name is Benjamin. “Shall I take your order?” “Yeah,” a teenager waiting in line after Kyle pipes in. “I don’t mean to interfere in your lover quarrel, but there’s, like a line here? And this is a coffee shop? It’s not like we came here for the pictures on the wall, did we?” Kyle’s head snaps to the young woman behind him and he looks ready to kick her teeth right in when Benjamin decides to intervene again. “I’m sorry, madam, I’ll take your order,” Benjamin says and leans towards Kenny to whisper in his ear: “I see you have issues here, so just take a break and go sort it out? I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.” Kenny wants to protests, but Benjamin is adamant. He gently pushes Kenny away and turns his attention back to the teenager waiting in line. Kyle is fuming but he keeps his mouth shut and looks at Kenny as if he wants answers and is not going to leave until he gets them. Kenny sighs. “Okay,” Kenny mutters. He walks around the counter in a way that hopefully appears confident and comes to stand next to Kyle. “Do you want to drink anything?” Kenny asks, stalls. “How long have you’ve been working here?” Kyle asks instead. Typical of him to answer a question with another question. Kenny is not in the mood to play this game. “No then,” Kenny mumbles. Kyle arches an eyebrow, and Kenny tries his best to look natural. He smiles widely at him and slides an arm around his shoulders, but Kyle shrugs him off. “There’s an empty booth right there.” “Yes, let’s sit,” Kyle agrees and marches forwards. Kenny sighs again and follows him, shooting a glance behind his back to Benjamin, who is now serving customers all on his own. “So,” Kyle says when Kenny slides into his seat. “So,” Kenny repeats, raises his eyebrows and intertwines his fingers in front of him. It’s awkward, to say the least. Nevertheless, he knows the prolonged silence is not going to put Kyle off and he has to act fast before his old friend starts pestering him with questions. “What’s a gorgeous guy like you doing in an ugly city like this?” Kenny asks. “I should be asking you the same thing,” Kyle quickly replies and blushes slightly at the slip of the tongue. “I mean,” he starts again, shooting Kenny a murderous look when the blond snickers. “I’m glad to see you are doing well.” “I’m not struggling to make ends meet, so I guess I’m doing great,” Kenny remarks. Kyle studies him through half-lidded eyes, and Kenny feels like he is getting the third degree. “What about you?” he asks, although he’s not really interested. He wants to go back to work. Do something else than having someone from South Park read right through him. “I’m a law student,” Kyle says, “obviously,” he adds, a bitter tone seeping through his words. “Here?” Kenny asks, taken completely aback, but Kyle shakes his head no. “I’m here for a project,” Kyle confesses. Kenny’s forehead creases in puzzlement, so Kyle continues: “I need to study some legal cases against a transport company. It recently went out of business, but it was well known here. The NS Express Inc. ” “Oh,” Kenny says, for lack of something better to say. His breath quickens, and he immediately puts a hand in front of his mouth, as if to cover his sudden uneasiness. Kenny will never forget that name. The truck Craig and Kenny crashed into belonged to the NS Express Inc. “All documents I need are here in the city,” Kyle explains, apparently unaware of Kenny’s sudden change in mood. “That’s so boring,” Kenny says instead, tries to play it cool. Kyle chuckles, and Kenny calms down at the familiar sound. “I know, but I have to do this,” Kyle says. Kenny looks up and their eyes meet. He wants to ask why but he’s afraid of the answer. Kyle continues: “One of them is a car accident case involving one of the company’s trucks.” “That doesn’t make it less boring,” Kenny jokes. It’s halfhearted. Kyle’s gaze narrows. “Have you been in touch with anyone of our gang lately or were you a dickhead to everyone?” Kyle asks. Kenny turns his head and looks out of the window. He wants to be angry at the accusing tone, but he can’t. He’s past the point of caring. “I had to leave South Park, Kyle,” Kenny says in the end and he can see the ‘why’ hanging on Kyle’s lip. Ten seconds tick awkwardly by, but then the unexpected happens. Kyle doesn’t push it, and Kenny feels obliged to talk: “You’re the first one I see from South Park in four years.” Kyle casts his eyes down. He nervously taps his fingers on the table, and Kenny is tempted to reach out and grab his hand. He doesn’t, for obvious reasons. “What about Craig Tucker?” Kyle asks, his stare resolute. Kenny congratulates himself for keeping a poker face. “No,” Kenny lies. Kyle sighs. “It’s actually surprising,” Kyle says. “I’ve taken this case because...” he hesitates, and Kenny fears he knows why. “You are right, this project is indeed terribly boring,” Kyle admits and laughs. He’s nervous. “But I’ve taken this case because Craig was involved in the car accident I’ve mentioned to you about. He...” Kyle takes a big breath. “He died half a year ago, Kenny.” “Craig, huh,” Kenny breaths. “We weren’t really on speaking terms, were we?” Kyle asks. “And I didn’t get to go to the funeral, but the news of his death was devastating all the same. When the NS Express Inc. legal cases fell into my hands, I knew I had to be the one to do this project. Of course, Craig was nothing but collateral damage to them, but I wanted to somehow pay my respects to him by properly handling this case.” Kenny doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing. “His parents told me he was living here, although I didn’t dare to ask his address. But they mentioned the fact he was working part time in this coffee shop to pay off tuition costs –he was studying astrophysics, by the way- and I wanted to see the place with my own eyes.” Kenny doesn’t trust his voice, so he keeps silent. “How come you’ve never met each other?” Kyle asks with a curious look on his face. “How long have you been working here?” “Just a couple of months,” Kenny lies. It’s longer than that. He’s been working at this coffee shop for the past three years. Only his family knew where Kenny was, and when Craig appeared in front of him Kenny suspected that Karen had something to do with it. But no. Craig just happened to study Astrophysics in the city Kenny was hiding in. The first thing Craig told him was that he was an idiot for thinking that the world revolved around him. Meeting him has been as awkward as seeing Kyle after four years. And Craig drove Kenny nuts as Kyle did. He was kind of a stickler in his work, a clean freak, proud of himself and simply annoying when he decided he didn’t give a damn. What’s more, he understood Kenny. He understood why he had to leave and promised not to tell anyone, because it wasn’t his place to do so. He said he didn’t care what Kenny and his friends did, that they’ve always been assholes and that he wasn’t going to sell him out. But fact is, Craig did care. He was the most caring person Kenny has met in his life. “I need to go back to work,” Kenny says, peeking behind his shoulder at Benjamin, who is holding up his wrist and taps on an invisible watch with his finger. Kyle nods his head in understanding. “Okay,” Kyle says and Kenny senses the dejected tone in his voice. In that moment Kenny finally realizes how much he has missed him. He doesn’t want to let go of this opportunity. It’s been so long. He’s lonely, maybe. “Hey, Kyle,” Kenny says as he stands up. “How long are you going to stay in the city?” “Just a couple of days,” Kyle replies. “Are you staying in a hotel or something?” Kenny asks. “Err...” Kyle scratches his head, “I didn’t book a room yet.” Kenny laughs. “You didn’t book a room yet?” Kenny teases him. “Did you finally stop planning everything out, Kyle?” “Shut up, Kenny,” Kyle snaps. “I just left in a hurry.” “You can always crash at my place,” Kenny blurts and regrets it immediately after. Kyle looks up at him in shock, but Kenny doesn’t have the guts to take it back. On the contrary, his mouth moves on its own accord: “My shift ends at four.” Kyle is confused. “Okay,” he says after a long silent moment. “I’ll wait for you outside.” Kenny nods and quickly walks back to Benjamin. Kyle sighs, stands up and finally leaves the coffee shop. He doesn’t know why he proposed something like that and for the rest of the day he hopes Kyle is not going to take up on his offer. But of course Kyle does. Punctual as a clock, Kyle waits for him in front of his working place, and Kenny has to muster his most nonchalant expression and act as if he’s indeed happy that they finally reunited. And he is really not, because it took Kyle four fucking years to find him. Kyle, Stan, and Cartman were supposed to be his friends, but they didn’t try hard enough to see if there was something wrong with him. They just let him go. While Craig was not supposed to care. They weren’t best friends in the strictest sense of the word. They were acquaintances. But once Craig found him, he held him close. Kyle will do what he has to do and will just leave. Kenny tells himself that over and over again during their ride to his apartment. It’s Kyle’s car, and Kenny slides into the passenger’s seat, glad that he’s not the one driving. He is regretting his decision. As they climb up the stairs, Kenny entertains the idea of telling Kyle that it was all but a joke and that he should book a room somewhere, anywhere, just-! Just stay away from me. He doesn’t. What he does instead is pushing Kyle into his apartment and showing him his room. Kyle lets his eyes wander over the living room and Kenny finds himself unable to speak. There’s no trace of Craig’s presence anymore, he made sure of that months ago, but he has a bad feeling about this. He shouldn’t have brought Kyle here. He feels vulnerable, pathetic. When he remembers he needs to go grocery shopping, Kenny seizes his opportunity and leaves Kyle alone. “I should go buy something for dinner,” Kenny stutters. “I’m coming with you,” Kyle suggests. “No, you must be tired after such a long drive. I’ll be back in a few.” He needs to calm himself down. He needs a moment to pull himself together. Fortunately, Kyle doesn’t insist. All Kyle can think about is that Kenny is not himself. Kyle shouldn’t be nosy while Kenny is not home, but he is curious to see how his old friend is doing and he’s strangely attracted to this place. It’s not a big apartment, on the contrary. Whoever has integrated the living room and the kitchen in one place has not thought it over well, but it’s not an eyesore. The whole thing is a little bit larger than the room Kyle is going to sleep in, and the bathroom is so small it’s a wonder they managed to stick a bathtub in there. Nevertheless, the apartment feels too big for just one person. And it’s sad. There are happy memories hiding between the yellowed curtains, and it’s obvious someone used the kitchen much more frequently once upon a time. Not anymore, though. The fridge is empty except for two cans of beers and Chinese takeout. Dirty plates are scattered around on the coffee table and in the sink. Kyle is almost tempted to wash the dishes, but he’s not sure if Kenny will like it if he does. He paces around the living room instead, killing time, waiting for Kenny to come back. He drops down on the couch. Despite appearances, it’s comfortable. He lays down, suddenly exhausted, but when his head hits the pillow he feels something hard nudge his side. He pulls himself up in a sitting position and searches under the cushions. He doesn’t expect to find a camera. It’s relatively new. Kyle studies it from all angles, fascinated. Kenny doesn’t look like the type to own a camera, and Kyle is afraid to know what the guy has been filming. He gives in to curiosity and switches the camera on. He presses the rewind button and starts the video. There is a pair of bare feet –Kenny’s feet. The camera is shaky in Kenny’s hands. He is laughing. Kenny is recording himself with his feet up on the coffee table, sitting right where Kyle is sitting right now. He flexes his toes and laughs again. (When was the last time Kyle heard Kenny laugh that way?) “Dude, you are going to remember my feet forever!” Kenny’s voice startles Kyle. He’s undoubtedly happy. “Are you playing with my camera again?” Kyle almost drops the camera on his lap at the sound of the familiar nasal voice. Kenny laughs, turns the camera on him. Kyle sees his sky blue eyes flicker with amusement. Kenny sticks his tongue at him, makes a vulgar gesture with his fingers and then the whole room shakes as he moves around the couch to point at the camera upwards towards the bathroom’s door. Kyle’s breath hitches. There’s Craig. Naked after a shower, with a towel hanging around his waist. His wet hair sticks to the side of his face, and Kenny zooms in on the rivulets of water trickling down Craig’s torso. “Yeah, you’re right,” Kenny says. “This is a much better shot than my feet.” And Craig snorts. Kyle is fascinated. Kenny zooms out on Craig’s face. He is smiling. “Put that down,” Craig says. “It’s embarrassing,” he adds and disappears in Kenny’s (their?) room. “Don’t worry, I’ll delete it,” Kenny promises following Craig with his camera until the raven haired man closes the door behind him. “I don’t believe you,” Craig shouts. The video goes static. Kyle waits for another video, but there’s none. He presses rewind again and imagines Kenny doing that again and again in the past few months. The button is worn out. Kyle’s throat aches. Kenny sticks his tongue at him again. He looks incredibly happy. It’s not the Kenny that has gone grocery shopping mere minutes before. He pauses the video again. Focuses his gaze on Kenny’s eyes. Kenny sticks his tongue out. Kyle presses the play button again. Studies Craig’s features. His heart clenches when Craig’s lips imperceptibly tug upwards. “Don’t worry, I’ll delete it.” His voice is amused. Full of life. The playful tone Kyle remembers from the past. “Don’t worry, I’ll delete it.” He presses rewind. “Put that down.” Kenny is fascinated with him. He is staring at him, enjoys the view. He loves him. It’s crystal clear. “Don’t worry, I’ll delete it,” he says. Teasing. Fond. Loving. Kyle plays the video until the end, switches the camera off and hides it back between the couch’s cushions. He’s angry at Kenny for lying straight to his face. He has seen Craig. He knew Craig more than he wants to admit. Why the lies? But then he can’t be angry at Kenny for long. He bits his lips and presses his palms against his eyes. He has to talk to someone about it. Kenny is not doing okay. That much is obvious. He quickly reaches for his phone and dials Stan’s number. “Stan. I found Kenny.” Chapter 2 When he was sixteen years old Kenny discovered that, if he concentrates hard enough, he can revive past deaths in his sleep. He doesn’t know how exactly this power works or what it’s good for. Maybe he is supposed to learn from it. Yet, these dreams are worse than 1950s educational videos. They are anything but enlightening. It’s just him dying over and over again, in every possible way. In his dreams he can’t physically feel the pain, but it's a disturbing sight all the same. There is one death he likes to relive, though. When he was nine years old he died laughing. Whenever nightmares torment him, he plays that particular death in his head. It helped him greatly when he was a teenager, especially when Kevin left. Nowadays, however, Kenny can’t concentrate on anything that isn’t Craig. And in those moments he wishes he could relive past near-death experiences too, because those are by far happier memories. The joy of being alive. The hope that this time nothing can’t go wrong. No one realizes how nice it is to breathe until their lungs collapse. With time having been on the verge of eternal darkness once is not a groundbreaking experience anymore. Memories fade away, details become blurred, and loved ones don’t have a voice. There is no sound. Just silence. Maybe to forget is the most human thing. But it’s worse than dying. His favorite near-death experience includes Craig. The almost accident happened a couple of months before they moved in together, a particularly cold winter evening, when they were heading home after an exhausting day of work. “You shouldn’t keep it a secret anymore, dude,” Craig says. It’s sudden. Kenny whips around and blinks at him as if he has sprouted a second head. Craig doesn’t look ashamed in the least. In fact, his face is devoid of emotion. Dark blue eyes pierce Kenny’s soul, Craig’s mouth is a thin line, he’s not joking. There is no one there on the bridge but them. The traffic is thick under their feet. Someone honks. The headlights of the cars racing by temporarily blind them. “Everybody has a secret to keep,” Kenny jokes, tries to play it cool. But Craig is having none of it. He leans against the guardrail with a loud sigh and looks up at the first stars dotting the darkening sky above them. “Yeah,” is all Craig mutters. Kenny is intrigued. “You look constipated,” Kenny teases him, leaning right next to him. “You are pain in the ass sometimes,” Craig retorts, not missing a beat. “I am almost tempted to throw you down this bridge.” “You wouldn’t dare,” Kenny says. “Wanna bet on it?” Kenny throws back his head and laughs. There are tears in his eyes, and Craig’s face suddenly softens. Kenny doesn’t notice. “Seriously, Craig, they don’t need to know I live here,” Kenny says when his laughter subsides. He tries to sound cheerful, indifferent even, but Craig can see right through him, and Kenny has to avert his gaze somewhere else if he doesn’t want to betray himself. “Sure they don’t.” “You know as well as I do that they never cared about me,” Kenny says, irritation seeping through his words. He feels Craig’s shoulder brush against his, but it’s not intentional. It’s actually Kenny who steps closer. “And neither do you,” Kenny adds, finally looking up into Craig’s eyes, dares him to retort. Craig just holds his gaze, and Kenny suddenly resents him for being able to keep a poker face no matter what. He needs to learn it from him. It was easier to bluff when he constantly wore his parka over his head. “Keep telling yourself that,” Craig says, and a smirk spreads across Kenny’s face. “Oooh,” he taunts. “Tweek is not gonna like it.” Kenny is completely taken aback when Craig bursts out laughing. His forehead creases in confusion, and he leans closer to Craig, trying to decipher the other’s face. “Do you want to know my secret?” Craig asks, resting his elbows on the guardrail. “Tweek and I have never really dated,” he confesses. “What?” Kenny is at a loss for words, and he gazes at Craig as if he were some kind of mysterious animal. “We were faking it,” Craig says, and if Kenny isn’t mistaken, he looks actually relieved to get this off his chest. “People became so invested in our supposed relationship that we decided to go along with it. We didn’t want to see people hurt because we broke up. We were kids at the time, but... well, we just got used to it in the long run. We are best friends. Nothing more.” Eyes cast down, all Kenny can mutter is a simple: “Oh.” “Now that I’m in college and he’s working in the family business people think we are in a long distant relationship, but it’s not true.” “Why are you telling me this?” Kenny asks when Craig falls silent. His fingers tap nervously on the guardrail, and Kenny is drawn to the rhythmic sound. “Because if I hadn’t told you this, you wouldn’t have been surprised to know I am starting to have gay feelings for you, but for me it is a big deal. It’s completely unexpected.” Kenny wants to tease Craig for his choice of words, but he doesn’t have the guts to. Not when Craig is gazing at him like that. There is no hesitation, no