Life Waves Back A BlogB ook on Personal Growth By Fiza Ameen Writer of Defog Your Focus To the long lost days when it was hard to be okay , it’s all down to you Copyright © Life Waves Back [ 2023 ]. All rights reserved The material and information contained on this BlogBook and blog is for general purposes only. Whilst I endeavor to keep the information up to date and correct , it cann ot encompass the individuality of your situation. It should no t be used treated as a surefire guide. TABLE OF CONTENTS The Chase for Silvery Light (Within and Without) | Nuances on Personal Growth .. 6 Do Not Die Before Your Death | A Minimalist Guide to *Being* Alive .................. 13 W hen Words Are Not Enough | A Peep into World Beyond World ....................... 20 Finding Like - minded People| The Bounties of Gratitude Along the Way ............... 2 5 Distinguishing the Null Information Set from the Informa tion Box ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... 30 About the author ................................ ................................ ................................ ..... 35 About the Blog ................................ ................................ ................................ ......... 36 Defog Your Focus ................................ ................................ ................................ ..... 37 The Chase for Silvery Light (Within and Without) | Nuances on Personal Growth “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” ― Martin Luther King Jr. R esearchers show that about 10 percent of our everyday thoughts involve some form of comparison. Either we compare ourselves with others or we compare ourselves with our former selves, situations, and perspectives. At times, we compare people with people an d situations with situations and then there are times when we compare a person’s response and approach in one situation compared to another. This person, of course, can be you The thing is : comparison is knitted in the fabric that makes us human. We navigate through life amongst the shades of comparison. However, at different stages we are different. Sometimes, instead of doing what is truly needed (to the soul of everything), we might allow the situation or even other people to trigger a reaction in us. That, we think, is the need of the situation. Am I getting my point across? Let’s see it plainly... For example, if a sort of betrayal broke one of your connections. Now, the people who have seen you so intimate with each other, eye you both as we’d expect ourselves to eye aliens. They question, they probe, they assume. Let’s say you have an overall reserved aura. You won’t allow people to ask anything which crosses their minds. The blame for the broken connection might fall into your basket for you were reserved. Let’s assume it further: your former friend further stirred the fire by discussing what went on between you two with other people. And now you’re the villain in a story where you suppose yourself to be a victim. You tolerate as much as you c an. But just like other human limitations, losing hold on tolerance is just possible. So, let’s picture you lost grip on your tolerance and confided the reality of the situation in your acquaintances. A part of you did not like to glimpse you talking bad — about anything — and more specifically about the person you have known and loved knowing some time ago. But a part of you consoles you that it was not you who started disclosing the story — it was your friend. Your one half tells you that what you did wa s justified. It was just the demand of the situation. But.... What about the other half? W hen we wonder what we truly want from life — your ultimate wish — what pops up in the mind before the mundane stuff? The desire to not die — more specifically the desire to live forever? Of course not. The desire to keep loved ones alive always? No. (What if they die each day because of severe pain from a fatal illness or old age) A Materialistic thing? No. It’s not ultimate. (There’s always a desire for more, insat iable desires, you know.) Ambitions and aims? Of course, we do want them. But what if they are the end of the story? The secondary search options end here. N ow comes the original search – the search within you. There comes, as the spiritual gurus say, su btle whispers within you about eternal love, compassionate fellows, and deep understanding, shaking the world with kindness. You don’t need to be in a spiritually healing place to find these desires. They are just there. Within every one of us. All of them , to generalize, are just one desire — the desire to leave a legacy — the desire to leave something in the world that does not die as the day dies — the desire to be more than a physical being — the desire to leave an eternal gift in universe’s pocket. A q uestion might find your way about what that desire had to do with the betrayal story. Actually, it does. To leave a legacy, we need to be the truest, rawest, and soulful version of ourselves — the version that does not let the apparent world define us — the version that’s as deep as eternity demands us to be. I remember once I was looking for a publishing company to get one of my writings published with them. I came across a press centered especially on the religious way of life. My manuscript did not ali gn with the press’s requirements. But after having communicated with the inspiring lady, I felt a calming energy, that had nothing to do with the publishing contract whatsoever, within me. I realized almost instantly the woman is truest to her core. Though social sites are considered to worsen human connectivity, the lady made me feel calm regardless of our medium of communication and the small number of messages that crossed. N ature is following some laws. It’s rhythmically dancing and we enjoy its dance each day as if we have never seen such a thing before. No one, for example, gets bored of twilight, of the starry sky, of the moon and its repeating phases, of the rain and the way it makes our world smell, of the sun that illuminates the world, of the air caressing your hair and kissing your forehead. Every day is the same — but every day is different, bathing in a new light — helping us clear the fog from the inside out. That’s all because of the rules imposed on the universe which when followed never make us feel exhausted by the oft - repeated patterns, colors, turns, etc. The universe has a loving energy and it’s because of adherence to the rules. If we humans stick to the rule s of the conscience, the inner self, and the spirit, God whispers, we overflow with divine energy — the energy that does not keep it needed to chase the world. It makes the world flow with us. We might aspire to be someone — be in some profession — practic e the profession in that person’s way. But regardless of all that we achieve, there’s nothing we can leave as a permanent retort in the world unless we are deeply who the universe wants us to be. We may die as a scientist, with more research and developmen ts than any other lived scientist but to leave a permanent impression in the world there’s such an important thing as being truest to the core. T hat is simple and easy as well when the world is going just normal. You have someone to share your dining table with, someone who cares, someone who listens, someone who discusses. However, not every day is the same. (And it shouldn’t be.) In a situation, if one is not at fault, it’s awfully difficult to bear the changing landscapes . One day we might look back and see the day behind us as a lesson but the time that it takes to feel that way for a tortured past is usually long and merciless. It takes every ounce o f courage to show up in the world in those days. However, whatever we do, whatever happens to us there’s always a way to embrace the light that’s within ourselves. If we connect with that light, our words will have an influence on world the (not too easily , but there will be a way) our actions will inspire others, our aura will vibrate the World, and our presence will illuminate the memories. You do what your inner world wants you to do even if it’s against the way people expect most people to do in a blam ing or a provocative situation. T hrough constantly battling with demons to embrace the silvery light within, our physical body and beauty will not find a way into the equation for the people will glimpse the beauty of such tender, compassionate, and true souls without having to rely on knowing us physically — without needing a beautiful face and body to listen to — and without even needing us physically in the world. In the end, those who battle with the darkness within them touch the people in a way that ’s intimate and lasting in comparison to physical touching. The battle against darkness is never ending but as Rumi has said, “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi DO NOT DIE BEFORE YOUR DEATH | A MINIMALIST GUIDE TO *BEING* ALIVE “The revolution loves and creates life; and in order to create life it may be obliged to prevent some men from circumscribing life. In addition to the life - death cycle basic to nature, there is almost an unnatural living death: life which is denied its fullness.” ― Paulo Freire H ave you ever wondered what can be the easiest way to live through life? The easiest thing to do in life, I foun d, is sleepwalking through it. For I was a sleepwalker. The kind who would write an essay without really knowing clearly beginnings and clear ending. The kind who’d make dinner for six people and tomorrow when there’s be four people to serve, she’d have to think or even ask her mother how mu ch food to make today. Too lazy to translate word problems one learns in elementary mathematics in real life, you could say. Losing focus along the way. So, you write the story of your life, not really knowing. In that life, you just live; nothing more, no thing less. Because it is easy. Now, I’ll stop to let you read some wise words: “ The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the o pposite of life is not death, it's indifference.” – Elie Wiesel You see? Death is the dreaded and haunted place. But, actually, indifference is the haunted place, a haunted place where when some creature possesses you, you don’t even know you’re possessed but something is amiss, of course. It takes nothing more than indifference to being a living death. Just let ting things be. Nonchalant Not bothering them, nor allowing them to bother you! W hen we ignore probing the details of our reasons, the sight is blurred by a one - sided perspective. That’s when all we look for is a backing for the ground we stand — that’s what deliberate blindness is all about. Allow me to make my point plain through an example. In this connected world, we’re connected to others n ot only through the physical world but also through a window of the virtual world. The world beyond the screen is perhaps more compassionate or it appears so, at times. Now, let’s imagine two childhood friends who had always been there for each other thro ugh thick and thin. When in today’s world a misunderstanding rattles their stage of friendship, the greater are the chances of them turning to the socially connected virtual world to avoid the problem. Of course, friendship does matter, but this virtual wo rld has allowed us a way to distract ourselves. They might both look for the reasons and visuals backing the ground each one of them stood at, completely ignoring the deepest urge to reach out to the other friend. The thing is : we are hung up in competitio n, with our former selves, with the situations we have been in, with the family we were born in, and with the relationships we had through life. Of course, not to out shadow them but because we believe we are at the right stance and are failing to prove it , regardless of the efforts we put in. Without recognizing, we are focusing more on winning and not losing, at all costs, than on the process. We are growing within our own side of stories, unaware to peep into that of others. Of course, we cannot really know each facet of the other side. But what I’m trying to refer to here is not the lack of chances of knowing all but the lack of attention we could pay to the other side. Because we are, unconsciously, sleepwalking. Here’s a thing to remember: We might nestle people closer to our hearts, but we do not dare to allow unconditional love to drive us, our relationships, and our life. That unconditional love is the need of the situation. I n my book Defog Your Focus, I discussed the fear enveloping the thoug hts about death. I’ll let you read the sections of the essay with relevance to this writing: In her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, she ( the Australian caregiver Bronnie Ware) identified the common theme knitted in the regrets of dying patients. Surprisingly, none of the regrets had anything to do with the people who had been cruel (to the patient), nor did it have any connection to lost passions. Instead, they had everything to do with the connectivity to the inner self and its simple demands. 5 Regrets of Dying People: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I wish I didn’t work so hard. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. I wish tha t I had let myself be happier. The regret and fear are thus interlaced in the texture. So, it is might not always the fear or anticipated regret of death that disturbs us, but rather the fear that when death does occur, we will have not truly lived. While offering a way out, the essay goes as: Experts on death and dying suggest that when a person has lived a fulfilling life, they will not be afraid of death. When we cherish the time we get, living and experiencing the beauty of life, death becomes a part of the process. The way Elisabeth K u ̈ bler - Ross, a pioneering figure in near - death research, addresses the intricacies is phenomenal. She, while discussing the life lessons that she had gleaned from years of experience with dying patients, notes that we, huma ns, can only experience two emotions: love, which is the source of all positive feelings, and fear, which is the cause of all negative feelings. We, of course, identify each of the positive and negative emotions uniquely, but the source is the same for eac h. She goes on to explain that if we're scared, we can't be in love. So, to cope with the fear of death, as she explains through a plethora of research, we must hold on to the love of our loved ones and to life itself. For love chases fear out. She writes , “It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth — and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest as if it was the only one we had.” — Elisabeth K u ̈ bler - Ross B ehind its stillness, life has much to offer. And, As Irtiqa Nabi says, “The sea speaks more willingly to those willing to drown.” -- Irtiqa Nabi The beauty is in the depth. The change is in seeking depth. There’s no win, no lose, no success, no failure as long as you’re learning to be a better version of yourself. Life is all about what we do about where we are going and where we want to go. The real way to live life in one word is: deliberation . It just t akes a conscious choice to run away from whatever does not serve humanity as a whole. Everything makes a difference. So, my discerning reader, life is about daring to truly open the eyes before it is time for them to close forever. Whatever you do, do not sleepwalk through life. It’l l get easier. Universe promises it. “For whilst I live, here lives my soul's sole hope, And when I die, here shall my spirit walk.” ― Christopher Marlowe W hen Words Are Not Enough | A Peep into World Beyond World “Words can lie. See beyond them.” — Victoria Aveyard A s we start expressing ourselves through art, we realize the nuances knitted as complexities on the way. Every creative endeavor takes every ounce of courage — the courage to show up even when your work is not making sense to anyone or even to yourself. I remember when I started blogging. It was the pandemic year. Staying put at home with little newness and a huge burden of the deaths of people I knew and cared about. My li fe beyond paper was in a mess. But my writing life was even more difficult. I’d think one way, write it another way, and when I read or re - read it’d sound much unlike what I thought or wrote. The sense was the same, but only to me. It took me months of wri ting whenever I could to tear down the block surrounding my writing nerves My point here? At times, we, inspired by eminent figures, celebrate the creativity God has bestowed in this world. But, at the core, we all are creative, maybe not channeling that creativity yet , but we all are the same — especially with pertinence to creativity.