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What a wife should do to help her husband in marriage *Navigating a successful marriage can be challenging. Whether you've been together thirty days or thirty years, you've probably figured this out. As wives, we had expectations that began way before our man got down on one knee.* *We had hopes of what our lives as a forever couple would look like.* *Marriage has it ups and downs* *When the relationship (marriage) is at where things are not right. There are questions we ask ourselves. "What can I do to help", where do I come in" etc* _Things you can do to help your husband:_ *1. Show Him Respect* *You might be wondering why this is coming first as things I've to do as a wife to help* *The reason is not far fetched, men recognizes or read respect as love, mostly, that's the way they know you love them* *Respect isn't about letting him make every decision and then going along blindly. Respect is about trusting him as your life partner, and treating him the way you want to be treated. It is also about considering his thoughts before you make decisions, and talking things out and working as a team.* *A lot of responsibilities come along with the words, “I do.” Respect is trusting him to take care of those things he's promised to take on so you're free to handle the things you've promised to take on too.* *Why is respect so important to your husband?* *•Respect expresses a wife's trust.One friend wrote,"Respect won't exist unless trust exists first".* *•Respect gives a husband the belief that he can do difficult things* *•Respect acknowledges his leadership and discourages passivity. Giving respect shows the husband that he can be a leader in the relationship* If you don't know before; *•Respect provides encouragement and makes him want to love you even more.* *How then do you show your husband unconditional respect?* *1. Look for opportunities to show your husband honor and build him up.* *Most especially, honor him in public places* *2. Accept that you married an imperfect man.* *If your husband makes a bad decision, avoid saying “I told you so.” Trust that God will somehow make even his bad decision work out in the long run* *3. Focus on what your husband does well.* *4. Speak well of your husband.* *Don't belittle him to your friends, families, foes or make him feel unnecessary or incapable.* *5. Think before you speak.* *Here, most wives miss it, they believe that we are partners and not his slave make us speak to him anyhow, which is not too good* *Don't listen to reply, but listen to understand the situation* *6. Consider the three T's: Text (what you will say), Time (when you will say it) and Tone (how you will express your words).* *Before discussing something difficult with your husband, ask yourself three questions: “Is it true? Is it right? Does it build up?* *Still on WHAT A WIFE SHOULD DO TO HELP A HUSBAND* 2. *Make available your resources* *Before you say "I do", I'm sure most of us must have considered the fact that you'll also be spending in the relationship* It should not be every time you request, even for money to get matches. *Help him by paying some bills once in a while* *at times it might require that you foot some bills in order for him to foster some projects such as building house, buying car and some other stuffs* *Carry some of his burden financially, let him know he's not alone*. *This alone nourish love* *3. Help in washing the car* *I know most of us will be wondering, isn't it the male's job?* *To build love in marriage, this little thing can help in a mysterious way* *I'm not saying you do that often, probably you noticed the car is dirty and he's not ready to wash it and you're free, you can help out. That in turn save money meant to be used to wash it* *4. Discipline your children* *You can help your husband in doing his part by disciplining the children* *Often at times, the man is not always available to do this things, due to the nature of his Job.* *Do some things to your children in the name of your husband* *Let them know the importance of their father, the efforts he's putting to make them live well* *Some wives will talk bad of their husband to their children inorder to make the children love them more, this is so wrong. Very wrong* *5. Wash and iron his clothes* *Its not every time you take the clothes to the laundry.... Do them yourself at times* *In one way or the other, a responsible husband will love you more for doing all this* *6 Be submissive* *The word submission for many women is completely abhorrent to them when used in reference to a wife's role in marriage.* *Many women have told me they believe this teaching of submission is a tool used by many men to manipulate and control their wives. I tell these women that in some cases I would have to agree with them. However, if submission is understood biblically it can never be used in this manner.* *We all must submit in a multitude of ways throughout our lives where we don't think submission is evil or manipulative. We all must submit to traffic laws or we get a ticket. We must submit to the laws of our nation or we go to jail. We must submit to our employers or we risk getting fired from our jobs.* *Everyone submits to someone in some way. We do so to be obedient, to keep harmony, to show love, and to keep order in life, so submitting to your husband being the head of the family as commanded by the Holy books shouldn't be hard thing to do* *Submission creates a chain of command, harmony, and order to any organization, including the family.* *Its our rightful duty to submit to our husband, by so doing we are in a way helping him* *Mentally, socially and spiritually* 7. *Pray for him* *There's no greater love than this, if you do, you're also doing your self good* *Prayer answereth most of the things we worry about in marriage* *His doings are wrong, pray* *You don't like the way he stays long outside, the way he treats you, talk to you and all, pray* *Everything is going smoothly for you in the relationship, pray my sister* *8. Comfort and console him when needs arises* *We all know that, man can't be man always, anytime he feels down, stand to his aid and support him* *This is what a virtuous woman do* *Trust me, no sane man will want to treat such virtous woman like a slave* *Men really do needs to be consoled and encouraged as much as how women needs it* *They are not different from the ladies, although they tend to hide it than the ladies* *Anytime you notice something is wrong or there's a slight change in his reaction, countenance, instead of being selfish and not observant*.... *Encourage him and console him* 9. *Give him good sex* *Many times in marriage counseling I have found that wives attempt to control and manipulate their husbands by withholding sexual relations. I have seen some wives use sex in such a way as to control their husbands in order that they can become the head of their homes.* *If you use sex in this manner you have taken what God intended to be an expression of love and affection and made it a weapon of control. Behavior like this will only cause your husband to lose respect for you and will drive him away.* *Sex is the is best food you can give your man* _Quote me anywhere_ *Try out new styles with him..... Stop that missionary style, its old fashion* *Now some of you are thinking I can't meet his sexual needs because his drive is so much higher than mine. How can you address this issue? Love will always find an agreement on frequency of sexual relations.* *If you truly love each other you will always find a way to give - which is always the solution. Love will help one partner to restrain their desires, and love motivates the other to initiate when there is no desire. Therefore, meet one another's needs.* *You may also struggle in your mind with meeting his needs because you do not think that he meets your needs emotionally or sexually. How can you resolve this issue?* *Don't say I'm being sentimental here, its just as it is* *If you refuse to meet his sexual needs what will happen? Your relationship will only worsen because of the tension and his sense of rejection. Instead, you should meet his sexual needs and then lovingly discuss how he can meet your needs as well.* 10. *Make the home clean and Give him good food* *How can you expect him to love you more when you're dirty?* *Make his home clean and give him nourishing meals* *Don't always let him come home and see everywhere dirty, he won't want to come home with friends and won't be proud of you amidst his friends* *BE A NEAT WOMAN AS WELL* *I know most of us are neat while we are outside our homes, but are worst inside!* *I've known some ladies that won't take their bath, just because they are not going out that day, this is so bad* *If you're not taking care of your home, his home (your body), how can you help him to love you* *Lastly....* *11. Appreciate him and praise him* *Everyone in one way or the other loves to be appreciated for things we do* *He's your husband, appreciate him even for doing his responsibilities as a man and head of the house* *Acknowledge that there are men out there that aren't performing theirs* *Let him know how lucky you're to have him* *This alone in itself can make him do more. He won't know when he's going to empty his pocket for you* *Men loves to be appreciated* *On this note*: *I say a very big thank you for your time and audience* *To the leaders of the house, I really appreciate it for giving me this opportunity* © *SAMMYSOAR* *FOR RGA* *Changes in people and sacrifice that are not needed.!* You see; You are not God, never in your life hope to change anybody! Allow me to feed you with a small story, there was a man in Akungba (a lecturer) sacked now anyways. If I mentioned his name many that finished from that school will know him. This man is a drug addict and womaniser but at a point he saw a sister he like to marry. Unfortunately for him this sister is one spiritual CAC sister; in order to get her, he started coming to church and the sister beleived she has worked on him and he has changed. He pretended successfully for three years in that church and they got married .. *note* so many people warned the sister and told her this guy has not changed but she said *no* he has. They got married and gave birth to three kids. Three kids then the man started from where he stopped.To cut the long story short, the sister is in owo with the three kids now divorced while the man is somewhere is ekpoma lecturing and doing his parol.. That is telling you that you can't change anyone and never you beleive when people tell you they have changed because of you. *lies* Let people change if they want to do so! If your boyfriend or girlfriend is doing his/her originality you better be happy and think of how to cope, you are better than those in some fake relationship. _Nobody change because of anything_ The best that happens is adjustment! Adjusting to new realities and agree to stay with it. Changing people can take you the rest of your life to do! *Many people that actually changed did so from their heart not because you wanted them to* They saw the need for it themselves. And don't try to date someone and start lying to yourself that he will change in marriage. You think marriage is some kind of security? Seriously? Common you are better than that! Think straight ore, Think straight! On the other hand; Never you sacrifice what you can give away for security! _It's the dumbest idea ever_ I always say this; If you want to have sex have it with full understanding of the fact that you are responsible and you like it. Not because you don't want him or her to go. He that will go will go even if you bring all pussy in your family to him. Trying to sacrifice your hard earned money on a lady because you don't want her to go is likewise stupid! She will go .. if the little you have can't sustain her, the much you will have won't still be okay for her! Arabella asked some days ago that what can we or should we sacrifice for our partner? I want to say this; Don't sacrifice any shit because you want anybody to stay, sacrifice because the person agree to stay. Does that sink ? If you stay with me through my dark days I can go to any length for you! But if the sacrifice is because you wanted to leave, my dear the door is open. Stop giving yourself headache over what is not needed. Again I say this; sacrifice only for people that choose to stay. Don't make any useless sacrifice because you wanted them to stay. If a lady can stand with you for good two years for example, following you even when you are soaking garri, now that you blow, your debit card should not be hidden from her! My idea anyways. She has stayed so she deserved all what she will get. And if a guy stood with you even at those dark hours, when he need you to stand with him you can sacrifice. I always give my blood for free, if I can give my blood away without knowing who is using it think of what I can do for anyone that stood with me. That is how I think when I am to make sacrifices. How well do this person stood with me? Then I go on and sacrifice myself for his or her course. That is my little exhortation this morning. Thank you all © ADP FOR RGA THE DIFFERENT STAGES OF MARRIAGE...! 1. THE AMAZEMENT STAGE: This is the "wow" stage. Lots of new things to discover with your spouse. The newness, the freshness is so amazing. Sleeping on the same bed, wearing the same attire, cooking for him, doing house chores with her, bathing together. Wearing your dazzling wedding ring everywhere, turning people's head at the newest couple around. Loads and lots of fun. Sexual exploration and excitement. Being in control of your kitchen, feeding him and lots more. It's the honeymoon stage and it's so so beautiful. 2. THE IRRITATION STAGE: This is when you begin to notice weaknesses you have overlooked or blissfully wish they go away but didn't. The repetition of such weaknesses begins to work on your nerves and you are getting irritated: he snores a lot, she is slow in the kitchen, she belches loudly, he screams unnecessarily, she won't bathe before coming to bed or shave, he spends many hours watching football and ignores you when you talk. "What's just wrong with this guy?" You think aloud, well it's part of marriage. 3. THE ANGER STAGE: This is when the repetition of such weaknesses gets on your nerves and you display your anger. The introverted partners stuffs it in and either keep malice, avoid you or stubbornly continue with the irritating habit. It's the stage you begin to wonder: "have I really married the wrong guy?" "Have I married the wrong woman?" No, you did not, you are simply going through a phase together. 4. THE RESOLUTION STAGE: When you both begin to face the reality of marriage and acknowledge your partner's weaknesses. You eventually realize anger and malice does not solve any problem and begins to find ways to deal with your differences, both of you begin to compromise here and there and adjust to each other. 5. THE ACCEPTANCE STAGE: When it dawned on you that some things are just part of your partner and may never change. You resigned from anger, abuse and quarrel and choose to accept them, lovingly adjust to them and enjoy them regardless of their weaknesses. 6. THE RESTFUL STAGE:This is the stage you permanently accept them with all their strengths, weaknesses, short comings and flaws and love them unconditionally regardless of what they do. This is real love -agape, divine and true. You reconnect emotionally, spiritually and physically at a deeper level and enjoy honey moon again while building a lasting marriage regardless of the challenges you face. There is no perfect marriage. Every marriage goes through this stages. How you handle it will determine if you will come out bitter or better. You don't have to abuse your spouse or keep malice if God is at the centre of your home and you obey the word of God daily. Nevertheless, do not be disappointed if you go through the unpleasant stages in marriage. It is a phase and will surely end. Handle your marriage with wisdom and keep loving regardless of the challenges you face. That is what will make your marriage a heaven on earth experience. Thanks for reading. God bless you. Cheers! ©Ade-D-Great For RGA What Is Humility? Humility is the quality of being humble. If you meet one of your heroes and feel nervous and in awe for her, you are experiencing humility. To buttress the meaning, Humility comes from the Latin word humilis, which literally means low. If you feel humility in front of someone, you feel small in the scheme of things — that you are just a simple, insignificant person. Someone who spends his life taking care of others shows humility. Although it's related to humiliation (which makes you feel low in a bad way), humility is usually used to talk about a lack of ego. Without wasting our time tonight, I just want to speak on two specific areas about humility *(humble)* *Six Things To Do To Make You More Humble* *Seven Ways To Be More Humble In Relationship* Okay, let me start with *Six Things To Do To Make You More Humble* As virtues go, humility is pretty unpopular. Being paid the“humble” compliment can be worse than when a woman gives her romantic partner the“you're a nice guy” letdown. But many positive psychologists feel that humility is due for an image makeover. Part of the reason humility has been so overlooked as valuable and honorable is practicality. After all, it's hard to measure how humble a person is. If researchers ask someone to assess her own humility and the self-rating is five out of five stars, how humble can she really be? This paradox of humility is why you probably haven't heard of it as a“regular”-up there with gratitude, optimism and compassion - in the science of happiness. It's difficult to quantify and study. Humility also has another public relations challenge: It’s not exciting. We might appreciate the trait in others we don't feel threatened by unassuming people—but in ourselves? Eh. We'd rather be confident and bold. We'll take that spotlight, thank you very much. Humility doesn’t have the Oprah-worthy, leather-bound gratitude journals, nor does it feature optimism's sunny, iconic smiley face, nor the heartwarming imagery of compassion. But humility could effect just as powerful a positive change in your life as the other pillars of well-being. Higher levels of humility have been associated with a higher sense of life purpose, better (self-reported) health, increased workplace harmony, longer-lasting marriages and greater generosity—all of which contribute to stronger communities. 1. Ask for feedback: Humility can be defined two ways, Interpersonally, humility involves an outlook that is other- oriented rather than self-focused. On a personal level, though, humility involves an accurate view of the self. Ask several close friends to be really honest about three things they appreciate about you and three areas where you might need some growth. It’s OK to be proud of your strengths, as long as you acknowledge—and work on—your weaknesses. 2. Confront your prejudices: “The intention should be to listen and learning,” he says, “not to argue or prove a point or confirm your suspicions.” If you have negative views about, say, a particular religion, ask to interview a practitioner or attend a service. Then look for similarities rather than differences. “Humility is all about having an open mind,” Hook says 3. Start with a question. It takes humility to show what you don't know instead of what you do, but one good question is worth 100 good answers. Humility creates more oxygen in the room. It allows for others to participate and come together and make a change. If you think you already know everything or act like you do, other people will check out, and things won't get done as quickly or as well. 4. Really listen: You can ask thousands of questions, but if you don't listen to the responses, it won't do any good. Listening does not obligate you to agree (nor does humility make you a passive doormat), but it does help dial down your own pride. Yours is not the only way of thinking or doing. After someone shares an opinion or experience, take a moment to digest what he or she said before you speak. 5. Accept setbacks: Let yourself be humbled by your experiences, Shoemaker advises, because "if you don't get your boot handed to you every now and then, you're probably not deep enough in the work or the cause to make a real difference." Humility allows you to accept challenges without the fear of failure. And when those failures inevitably come, he says, use what you learned to do it better next time. 6. Discover awe: Take notice of and express gratitude for the world's beauty and wonder. Most simply put, being humble is recognizing that you are not the hub of the universe. It's hard to maintain your self-centeredness when gazing up at the stars or into a newborn's eyes.. Let's proceed to the second part of this lecture; *Seven Ways To Be More Humble In Relationship* Humility is your willingness to put others ahead of yourself. Now it may sound like it's an easy task but it's one of the most challenging things a person should do because it's mainly doing one thing- sacrificing your self-gratification for other people or for your partner when you are in a relationship. Just like trust, love, and understanding, humility is one of the most important things a good relationship should possess. A relationship with two people being humble with each other also shows how the both of them respect each other. *So how do we really humble ourselves when we're in a relationship?* 1. Admit your mistakes: Cliche as it may sounds, but the statement “nobody is perfect” should be a constant reminder in a relationship. You can't expect your partner (or even yourself), to attain perfection because we're all humans and we do commit mistakes. Now it's also important to admit it with a pure heart; getting angry or admitting your wrong just for the heck of it is a no-no. Accepting your mistake instead of protecting your ego is better than making things or your problems worse. 2. Talk Less, Listen More: Listening is a skill that many people lack in today's world of multi-tasking and obsession with technology. To communicate effectively with your partner, listening to him/her is very important. Letting him/her finish what's talking about and listening attentively shows that you care about what your partner's sharing with you. It shows how you respect your partner's side and it can also help in understanding your partner more. Your partner's opinion is as important as yours. 3. Be open to unsolicited pieces of advice: Unsolicited advice is inevitable once you're in a relationship, and it should be accepted with an open mind. Instead of getting hurt or rejecting the feedback, reflect on that advice and apply it on your life. The process might be uncomfortable but it's for your own good. On the other hand, when you give an advice to your partner, do it with sincerity. Try putting yourself on your significant other's shoes, you would feel hurt and offended, right? Say it in a calming manner and show him/her that you are giving that advice with the purest intentions. 4. Learn to accept criticisms: Most of the time we feel hurt once we're being criticized by someone, especially our partners. But it should not be something that we should be upset of. Our partners are not only there for the hearts and flowers, they are also there to make us the best version of ourselves. Criticisms should be accepted wholeheartedly and should be used as a tool to improve the things that need to be developed. 5. Get used to being uncomfortable: Being with someone means accepting that you will have a lot of differences and sometimes have different views on things. It will test your patience and would get you out of your comfort zone. You have to get used to being uncomfortable. Most men would tend to hide their true feelings on other people especially when they're feeling weak. But humility will teach you that it's okay not to be okay, even for men. You don't always have to look tough. It's also a part of learning how to trust and find comfort on each other when you are in a relationship. 6. Be observant: Becoming mindful of your own actions and also your partner's can help you in understanding both of your perspectives once the both of you are in an argument. That way, you can see the bigger picture that would help you resolve whatever conflicts or challenges your relationship are faced with. This can also help you asses the things or actions you do that needs to be changed. 7. Value your partner more: Challenges and trials are inevitable, but in the end, you still overcome those things and ends up being stronger than before. So it's important to be grateful for your partner for staying and fighting for your relationship despite all the things that you've been through. Being humble in a relationship does not happen overnight. It's a skill that needs to be learned gradually. You may start small but it's better than not trying at all. We all have our own pace and the right time will come where you can fully learn how to be humble. It may be hard to do it at first, but all of your efforts are worth it in the end. Finally, always remember that if you want to receive grace from God, you have to practice humility, for *"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5)."* Thanks and God bless © Arabella For RGA I am a rape victim what should I do? You see the above question ? Is as deep as the rape itself! So we will be looking at issues sounding rape; Before During and After rape Using the issue I shared with us this morning as a case study. What is rape ?.. In a layman language, Rape is when an opposite sex have sex with the other party without his or her approval.. it normally occurs with force or drug. As a victim of rape, There are some things you needed to work on and get over them, I can't tell you i know how you feel, I can never know that. I am not you and you can never know how I feel, you are not me. But I can help you get better and move on with life. 1. Forgive yourself: The very first step is to forgive your ignorance,stupidity or naivety and pick some lessons. You need this to move on. 2. Be completely healed: You see, self healing is difficult but it's possible, very possible. Heal yourself first before anything. 3. Don't date yet: You can't use dating to correct what happens to you. Until you get your mental health back don't date, it's not safe for you and the person. These three things are vital and a good step to any other thing you will be doing. If you can successfully get the first two right you will move on with life. What kills a man at times is not the diseases but the thought of it! Let it go. Your life will be better again. Just keep calm and heal gradually.. © ADP FOR RGA Single Mothers I want to say this. You were once selfish to bring a baby into this world without a plan. And if you plan it but things went wrong you will be selfish if you will choose a man at the expense of your child! There are some crosses to carry and some pains to bear as a mother! Yours can actually be that your child. You don't have to be selfish about your decisions. If any relationship won't cater for that child don't go there! That child is a major determinant in all you will do.. The baby is now a strong force to reckon with. Every single mother should face their children first! If a man should come good, If not better.. Let your child be a cross and not a burden to you! The baby never ask you to bring him or her to this world! The baby did not ask for all this mess! Don't push it further!Don't add another burden to this country, we have enough issue on ground already! That will be all for tonight, thanks. © ADP For RGA Here is our today's kitchen tips. *Egusi Soup & Garri Burger.* *Ingredients:* Grounded Melon seed, Sliced Onions, Vegetables, Palm Oil, Fish, Meat, Locus Beans / Iru, Salt, Maggi, Ponmo, Fresh pepper / Rodo, Crayfish, *Phase 1.* *Preparation* *First stage:* Wash all of the ingredients washable. The likes of Ponmo, vegetables, fish, meat, crayfish. Then, boil the meat with *salts, maggi and other seasoning of your choice.* *Second step:* Put the pot on fire, pour palm oil into it and once the palm oil stays for about 2mins, put your sliced onions into it. *Third step:* Add the grounded melon seed into it and keep frying until its changes colour into a golden yellow. *Forth step:* Add the boiled meat water gradually according to your constituency. *Fifth step:* Add the likes of the meat, fish, crayfish, Ponmo, locus beans. Then make sure it's properly fried. *Sixth step:* Add your vegetable and allow it steamed for about 1minute and stir together. *Seventh step:* Taste to know if there's a need for you to add salt. *Phase 2.* *First step:* Boil your water and allow to boil very well. *Second step:* Pour your hot water inside a bowl and add your GARRI and keep stirring till it's strong to your satisfaction. *Third step:* Put in a flat bowl and then take a slim glass cup to press the GARRI and makes it look like a carpet. *Fourth step:* Add your Egusi soup inside and then roll it. *Your Egusi soup and GARRI burger is ready to be served.* *We remain your host Aloy and Kimberly.* Thanks For RGA Most of all the relationship setbacks many are facing are simply upbringing and parental disabilities. *Parents have so spoilt some of us that we can't be useful, productive, matured enough to handle big projects and even simple relationship.* *You see that guy that thinks that it is a lady that is supposed to be the only one to cook... That guy has been infected.!* *That guy that thinks that it is only the lady that is supposed to take care of the house. That guy has bad parental upbringing.* *That guy that is waiting for his girlfriend to wash his clothes. That guy is suffering from bad parental upbringing.* *You want to have a will of your own, you must be paying your bills and the bills at home.* *Be responsible at home...* *You see that guy that does not have a will of his own and always needs a parent affirmation before his reasoning tells him that what he is doing is right...* *Hmmmm... God help him sha.* *So you are married and you want to buy your wife a gown, you will still ask your parents if it is good to buy your wife a gown...* *I know why I'm talking on this particular topic this night, it's possible i divert a little bit and if i don't just follow.* *We just need to break some tables.* *When you are a child, it is normal for you to be so dependent on your parents, but as at adulthood, you should have cut some tiles in such a way that you make your personal decisions.* *The way your parent control you as an adult is so disgusting... Am not saying that you should disrespect them.... But learn to have a will of your own.* *That's why you need to be watchful when you meet people, so that you can detect where they have been infected.* *You are claiming a man and disapproving your parents in their own house. My dear, go and get your house where you can dictate.!* *You can't be under your parent without contributing nothing and be demanding authority that you have not worked for.!* *My late dad will always say _"You can not be negotiating freedom for free... There is a price to pay"_.* *You want to start dictating at home. Make sure you are contributing. Don't just be a parasite and be demanding freedom.* *You can not be claiming to be a landlord in another man's house.* *Parents have so spoilt children in such a way that they can't toil financially or be able to handle big financial adventures.* *You are almost of age to marry and you are still collecting transport fare... My Go d... Brother/Sister, where is your wisdom???* *I want to raise a girl that at 18, she must have a working business, at 20 can buy anything that she so desires... "I'm referring to my Iremide"*. *Most of us have wasted years going to school without any money to show for it.* *Listen...* *You see that problem of I am not married because I don't have money... My dear.. This is a problem of pure illiteracy (lack of knowledge).* *We were not imbibed with financial intelligence from childhood.* *We were not taught how to make wealth...* *Most people learnt the hard way.. Some women started being an entrepreneur the moment it dawned on them.* *Some saw the need to work when they lost their husband.* *The problem of most of us is not in what we know. Because if we knew, we will not be suffering in it.* *Our problem is in what you don't know.* *My people suffer because of lack of knowledge.* *You are poor because you don't have the financial intelligence to make wealth.* *There are some things you will know about finance... You will be wealthy.* *Most times, we don't desire to make wealth and it reflects on our attitude.* *There is a system of wealth and until you understand that system, you will be struggling to make wealth.* *Being wealthy is not about your certificate, or the amount of money in your account now.* *it is your ability to use your talent, gift, certificate to solve people's need.* *This is the wealth system.* *The truth is this, everyone is a potential wealthy individual and we all have the necessary capacity to be great and make wealth.* *You can not be thinking about wealth creation and not having the interest of solving people's need.* *Everyone has something the world needs. There is a gift solution package that God has imputed on every earthly being.* *Your ability to identify it, harness it, build it and monetize it will land you into unlimited success.* *It is possible to have a career in something that you don't have certificate in. * *Your talent is something that God has naturally blessed you with and you don't need extra effort to walk in that field.* *Your career is something that puts food on your table.* *Your profession is something that you are certified with.* *The reason why most people are not productive in their career is because they have built careers and are professionals in things that they are not designed to function.* *This is when you are not well guided or well self developed.* *I will like to stop here, but before then... Let me still remind you that you are lucky to be part of RGA family. To be guided or self developed you have many to run to, the likes of ADP, Cosmos and myself and many more.* *We have always been here for you, and for those who have asked to be guided are in the right part now.* *Sorry today's lecture is not on lovey lovey, boy and girl relationship.* *We are more determined to make your relationship a success than ever and that's what we do @RGA.* *is of great joy to have you here and we are definitely not taking you for granted.* *Thanks for following families.* © Aloy For RGA Skills Anyone can take away your job, no one can save you from your skill. Alot of guys are not married today not because they are not over due but because they don't have a source of income. Some ladies like me won't accept a loving man's proposal, not because they are not ripe, but because they have no source of income. This affects alot of things in our life, people start to disrespect us, family stylishly look down on us and our relationship starts to crash because of one money. My dear, please learn a skill, not all of us will be enterpreneurs, not all of us will be business man or woman but the truth is, no matter where you are working, even if you are the CEO of a oil company, learn a skill. Infact I always tell my friends selling that it's cool to sell but still learn a skill, it makes you versatile; ability to diversify and create more income streams. Infact, sometimes, you don't do the jobs especially if dirty, have the knowledge and be an employer of labour. Be creative, have the ability to learn, unlearn and relearn, update your self, especially in your skills. Don't be too eager to start making money like me, be patient, take time to learn, pay to learn, free things are not appreciated and prayerfully take decisions, thank you. © Ebunife For RGA How do I know the will of God? Do you see that question above ? I hate it and I will tell you why. Okay I think the Muslim own is; *How do I know she or he is the one God destined for me*? Enough of all that bullshit! To start with, God did not destined you to marry anybody Anybody on earth can marry! What matter most is compatibility and ability to pull through differences. I have seen marriages that claimed God brought them together failed. Some are even worst than two prostitutes that got married. So let's cut the crap first! Then Do I believe in God's will ? YES.. I believe God can influence our decision on earth and can help us to take decision better. I agree with that. But then, I don't see a big thing in it as my christian sisters and brothers do take it.. Common! Any two believers can marry for God's sake. A sister asked me some years back when I was in school; She said "ADP, how do I know a man is my God's will"? I replied this way, how do you know the course you are studying presently is God's will ? Because I know she applied for biochemistry and they gave her fishery and aquaculture. She grabbed it without even asking God. Now she wanted to know the will of God in marriage. Why she didn't reject that course? Go and pray and let God show you his will for your education ? Our hypocrisy is too much.... We idolize marriage and make it a big deal! And the truth is this; We are confirmed fellow, many that are looking for God's will are doing that because they wanted to have someone to blame should anything go wrong. They needed a God that will take the blame. They don't want to accept whatever will happen. If God should say go then He must be involved. As if unbelievers don't have successful marriage. And if you must seek for God's will: Calm down No big deal in that God is not an author of confusion Why many of us are confused is because we never pay attention! Let me ask you, How do God use to speak with you ? On little matters! Can you identify when God speaks? Like .. yes, this is God speaking with me. From experience, God has different ways of speaking with people, and if you can pick that, He will use the same method to speak with you when it comes to marriage. No big deal. If God always speaks with you using coincidence. When it comes to your marriage something similar will happen. Many can pick God's voice when they study Bible or Quran. They know God wanted them to see something, If this is your method, God will speak to you on marital issues using the same process. No big deal! And talking about God's will; Don't ever use another person's method, You are different Some can see dreams Some vision . Some can hear voices Some can see it through trance Some will just know.... Stay with your own. If you have not been hearing God over little issues for 25 years and now it's wedding time you want to hear God ? You are not sincere here! How will you know it's even God when he speaks ? You don't hear him before now. And to me personally, the God will is; A lady that gives me peace of mind, support my dream, understand what I am doing and promise to stand with me. That is God's will What other will am I looking for self?! You can pray for clearity on issues You can seek God's intervention And also you should know that. God has given each an everyone of us a will to choose, an ability to discern and the mind to examine things. Use your brain Use your mind Use your spirit to discern! In all this we have the will of God... Thank you. © ADP For RGA How to enjoy sex with your partner Sex come to people in different ways; And like any other issue in marriage , sex is one issue that needed attention! There is also something call bedmatics. _Sex can either be enjoyed or endured_ So I will give you some tips on how to enjoy sex in a better way: 1. Talk about sex before you do sex: There should be a talk about sex before sex, it can be about the last sex or the anticipation to new one. The style you will do, how you will finger, how you will suck him and her etc.. This will trigger sex hormones in your body waiting for actions! 2. Let your foreplay be solid: To all of you that can't suck a woman well, I pity your destiny o. There is joy in sucking nipples and the down part. And to ladies, learn to play with brother, I mean the real bro down there. Foreplay should be solid and void of distractions. 3. Shower, be neat and smell nice: Bad odour is always a turn off, you can't be smelling like kunu and expect a good sex, and your body can't be smelling and expect someone to suck you! Brush your teeth, wash every part that needs washing. Take sweets or things that will enhance your breathe. Just be sweet to behold and smell nice! 4. Show signs when you enjoy a particular position: Don't hide your feelings during sex, let your partner know you are feeling it, let them know where you want improvement. It makes you enjoy it the more. 5. Play music and have dim light around: That always have a psychology effects on sex. There are some ladies that do well in sex with music rhymes and beats. It can be slow and cool music anyways. 6. Try different positions: This will give you different feelings and experiences. It will also allow you to know the best position to take as time goes on. 7. Finally, don't run away after sex: Don't please, talk and smile before you run away. Do have a lovely day . Thanks for your time © ADP For RGA Sadness and Depression Let's talk about depression first. We need to draw a line between sadness and depression. People that commit suicide are not sad, they are depressed. Sadness is just lack of happiness. Depression is like having a nothing and seeing nothing. There is no hope again No way forward Nothing good can ever happened. It's a bad state anyone can be and a serious case at that. Let me also say this; When you are faced with people with depression, please don't say "I know how you felt, I know what you are passing through"! Hey dude you don't know! You don't know how someone that was raped is feeling! It is not your vagina they dig! You don't know how someone that spend 8 years on 4 years course is feeling! You never failed in your life, just advice and leave stories alone! When someone is depressed; From observation; They are always deaf to real world issue, at times we need experts to calm them down. Think about it, before someone make up his mind to commit suicide he or she has possibly thought of all you wanted to say. Now let me open our eyes to how to know people that are depressed around us: 1. They have low self esteem: this is always common to them, they find it difficult to speak about anything, they lack serious self esteem, they don't see anything good about themselves. 2. They think negatively: this is another sign to look out for. Most of them always reason in a negative way, they most times talks as if there is nothing to live for. 3. They withdraw from people quickly: This is a sharp signal many of us don't pay attention to. When someone always withdraw from people without reasons please pay attention! 4. They seek love but lack it: Many of them will talk about it, some won't talk about it. At times, when someone commit suicide becuase he or she lost a relationship. It's not that they don't know we have many people on earth. They just can't live without the only person they love or actually love them. 5. They will always want to talk at the beginning of their issue: Why I listen to people even when I don't feel like is because of this "A friend almost gave up because I ignore his long story", according to him he said, "the man I wish will listen saw me as a noise maker"! Since then I listen to all stories and think of how to help. When someone draw closer to talk please listen. What are the causes of depression? 1. You and I: We are the first issue, we need to pay attention to few things please. You know you have friends that have carry overs yet you will be sharing testimonies how you never failed before in his eye daily. You know that your friend is having only one Jean, yet you will be talking about how you can't wear two trousers a day, bla bla bla! We are the biggest issue here. 2. Pressure from family and friends: This is common when parent put pressure on their children to perform or when some friend put pressure on another friend to perform better. 3. Not showing love to victims: E.g, rape victims, HIV victims, etc. Stigmatization kills faster than any sickness says my boss in Red Cross then. Stop it! There are so many causes but let's stop here.. _Now let's look at how to help people passing through depression or ready to die._ One thing they needed most is your love! Show it, don't shut them down when they feel like talking. Don't say 'what do you know that you will put mouth in your discussion". Don't show any sign as if nothing is wrong with them even when something is wrong. I have a friend that has mouth odour. I am the only one that can eat with him. He always wonder why I don't run away. Instead of me to run away, I research how I could help even without him knowing. I helped him and we are cool now. Let me also tell you how to overcome depression; Move closer to those that really love you please and speak with them. Have a time out with them and be cool around them. To help a depressed person; Show your sincere concern My friend on Facebook dropped a note that he will give up . We ran around and calmed him down, we seek the root of the problem and solve it then case close. Try to solve the root of the problem Seek for the root Attack it from the root! You can involve such person in prayers if need be. You can come over and sleep in his place. You can take her as best friend. Look for what they lack and supply if you have it. One of our members committed fornication when I was the prayer cord in school. The whole church wanted to burn him alive, he cry his eyes out. After the whole drama, I went to his house. I did not talk about the issue, I ask him to cook and we eat together. I took him out and we had a nice time. He was happy the prayer cord did not see him as a sinner. We are all sinners!! That is how to help a depressed person To stop suicide: It all start with you and me We are the key I will like to take few questions at this junction. Thanks.. © ADP For RGA "The case of I am sorry" I will quickly say a few things about this this morning. So I will be sharing my personal life with you, It's my attitude which I am trying to work on. The word I am sorry it's always difficult for me to say. Now, not that I don't know I am wrong at times but then I felt I will say it later. _When you say it_ I will start with when you say it. This is very important, when you say I am sorry is very important. Do you delay the word and say it when it's not needed or immediately you felt you are wrong ? I think it's better you speak out immediately and apologise, most times when you delay it, it will appear like you have ego and never want to admit your wrongs. I always do that, I will be looking at you and say I am sorry when I finally underated what is even wrong and most times I will just say it like that without any feelings. I can be annoying you know. But then it's bad _How you say it._ Yoruba do says "Pele ni ako o ni abo" .. "apology has two sides" Most times how you say I am sorry it's more important than the I am sorry itself. There are times you even say it and it will appear like you should not have said it at all. Especially to one's partner, sorry should come in a romantic way and with all sincerity, the feelings should be there. There are times we take our partners for granted and just talk to them anyhow which is not suppose to be. Let's work on that.. I am working on it too. _Where you say it_ This is even dangerous than every other points so far, you know you can say I am sorry in some places and your partner will get angry the more. Location matters, shouting I am sorry on your partner's head in public is not the best. Let's change! We all know that respect is reciprocal. Anything you are doing is a seed sown into your partner's life He or she will bring the fruit back to you in due time. Be your best around your partner and let love lead you. Have a lovely day, thanks. © ADP For RGA The 5 Important Discussions you need to have while in a serious relationship There are thousands of other discussions but I just want to pinpoint these five today: Marriage Kids Money Work Location Now let's expand them for better understanding; *Marriage* If marriage is something that's important to you, make sure you discuss it with your partner. do you have a life's plan? Does it match your partner's life plan? If your plans for this type of commitment are different, then a compromise must be discussed, or a good hard look must be made about the relationship's future. This is not something you need to bring up right away, but if it's something you find yourself thinking about and factoring into your future, you need to have that conversation before you set yourself up for disappointment. *kids* Every joy of a marriage is to have kids of their own,this is another vital discussion we need to deal with before we get married. Health issues that may likely affect the chances of bringing in kids must be laid bare and discussed extensively so that aid will be effected. If children are an important goal for your future, make sure you’re with someone who feels exactly the same way. Having kids with someone who didn’t really want them in the first place only hurts the children in the long-run. *Money* Let me tell you a little incident that happened to me yesterday; I met a man yesterday where i went to charge my phone and while we where watching Rochas on TV giving his Thanksgiving speech, then he told me he wanted to have a serious discussion with me I said OK and listened attentively then he started talking about we having a relationship and how he has feelings for me then I noticed something... The man had inferiority complex somehow, maybe he was thinking I was judging him because of the way he look or anything and he kept on blaming buhari for how things are in Nigeria and how its affecting youth,lol,anyways I flowed with the convoy and made him feel relaxed... What's my point????its high time we single youths look pass the financial mistakes our parents did in the past and reason pass our feelings. If we are more concerned about our immediate future I guess there wouldn't be more NGOs or persons trying to save or eradicate poverty or save children from malnutrition, death etc. I know nobody knows tomorrow but at the same let not your thoughts be only for the now...hope am making sense? They say money is the number one topic of argument between couples, so make sure you’ re on the same page when it comes to finances. Make sure you have common goals as to where your money will go, and that you agree on your long-term plan and short-term spending habits. If one of you is a shopaholic, the other frugal, and neither is willing to compromise, you’re simply setting yourself up for countless unsolved arguments. *Work* How much of your life is taken up by work – are you a workaholic and does your partner realize this? Are you extremely ambitious? People often make the mistake of wanting and expecting their partners to be just like them in terms of drive and ambition. Would you look down upon a partner who couldn’t match your ambition? Would you be happy being with a partner whose“status” in terms of career did not match your own? This of course is tied into money, and how much you want or expect to make in your lifetime. Thinking that your ambition will “rub off” on your partner and that you can change them is again setting you both up for disappointment. The last but not the least; *Location* I personally hate long distance relationships,but kudos to you guys that have been able to keep the fire burning despite the distance. During our nysc registration, they gave out options for persons married even those that even forge marriage certificate, to immediately relocate to where their spouses are. What am I trying to say? Location is another factor we need to consider in a relationship... Its not when you marry now somebody will now go and carry you to the village or far away from everywhere all because that's where he stays and at least have something doing.The moment I realized location is a vital discussion in a relationship was when I was speaking to a friend of mine then that resides and has business in my state about how I want to stay in Abuja and really make a life here,I noticed his countenance, I saw that if he were to marry me Abuja is never an option for him and I felt its something one needs to look into very well before settling down. Location is often tied into work. Where do you and your partner see yourself living? Certain jobs and life situations demand relocation, which can be extremely stressful on a relationship, especially when there are children involved. Is it important to you to stay close to your family, or would you be willing to pick and and move if your partner asked you to? It’s easy to say, “Yes – I’d follow them anywhere!” when you’re still in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, but some serious thought is required to prepare for this possibility. Thanks for your time.. © Gift For RGA How to get the ring or how to push your man towards marriage! Tonight I will open your heart to how men reason and the way they think! Well, I might be revealing some people's secret! Men don't see marriage the way you see it. Men are more reserved about this issue. In all sincerity many of them really want to get married but then you are the reason they are holding back! You never gave them enough reason to push for it.. So without wasting time let's look at some things that matters and can push men towards marriage. 1. Push him towards his goals: One key to open the ring is for the man to get to his goals, on a good day, a man will not say yes until some goals are on ground. To push him to marriage, understand those goals and help him to achieve it. 2. Graduate from demand to taking responsibility: The more you give a man a reason to see you as liability the more he get scared of turning you to a wife. Maybe you will change from always asking to a level where you also will be taking responsibility. 3. Change the priority: At times, ladies don't get some code.. left to men, they don't always have plan for marriage, you should change the priority towards it. For instance, if your guy is always eating outside even when you are around, don't further encourage him to do that. Cook at home and let home food be at his stomach. In changing the priority as well; You can stop all day clubbing and start doing more of staying home to discuss. All I am saying is that, improve on your level of reasoning and approach to many things. 4. Invite him to seminars and trainings that will improve him: Doing this will make him feel like, what if me and this lady is together? Won't that be a good idea because he can see more of value in you than just a mere girlfriend. Take him to places that will make him reason. 5. Talk more of his progress than marriage: By doing that, you are already showing that you can support him and be a very good adviser. That will also help. So in summary; To get the ring, you have to become responsible and reliable, You have to push your man to get his goals which will in turn be to you favour, You won't get the right by wishes but by demand. And you demand by pushing him towards things that matters.. Thanks. © ADP For RGA Limiting the roles of your friends in your relationship! 7 out of every 10 relationships started from a friend who introduce his or her friend to another friend. That means in all relationships, there will be a friend who started it or who is interested in it. Most times we got carried away and never know the time to apply a break. We don't know when to stop or what not to discuss with our friends about our relationship. Matters that needed to die inside your heart will come out and stay at the finger tips of your friends. Before I talk about the limit to which we should go, let me talk about some issues that might come up if you don't have a limit with your friends. 1. The respect or disrespect of your friends to your partner is as a result of what you told them. 2. They can use many things against you. 3. If it's a secret, it's not safe again. These three are always the danger you put yourself when you talk about your relationships too much with friends! _Note_: I am not in anyway saying that you should not talk about your partners with friends or seek opinions from them. I am only saying you should limit how you talk about your relationship with friends. I am still young but then I have seen a lot of things; When I was in secondary school, I remember that my third girlfriend then was my first girlfriend's best friend! She took me away from her friend because her friend always tell her how bad and ruthless I am, then the lady needed some ruthless guys around her and I was then a soft target! To God be the glory I have a heart that can accommodate all. I gave them all a chance , smiles. Yes that was secondary school days but then this shit happens! I have talked about one that happened right in my face: The matter was brought before my sister and I was on seat. It's not Africa magic stuff, real life issue. A sister collected her friend's husband, before her friend always shout about how good his man is on bed Like play like joke, she had 3 babies for the man and still with him till I speak with you! Gues what? They are both christains and then life happens! That is why I always warned that you limit what you tell friends about your relationship. Also, Some of you are found with the attitude of chatting your partner from a friend's phone, it's not too cool Don't give room for the devil. It's not everything that is going on your friends should know. Let me tell you few things not to speak with friends; 1. How good or bad your man is on bed: Never you discus this with anyone, or telling your friends how good or bad your woman is on bed. I know many of you will be saying do people talk about this ? Yes they do and it's bad. 2. How rich or poor you partner is: No other person should know your partner's pocket not even your parents. Never you speak of that, and don't allow your action speak of it. 3. The secret your partner keeps in your hand: Many of us always make this mistake. For instance your wife was raped before, now you meet another rape victim and you started using your wife as a case study. It's very bad! Never use your partner as a case study for anything with your friends and if you must do, apply some wisdom. 4 . Don't discuss your partner family background with friends: There is no need, they don't need those information why giving it to them ? Let that stays with you. 5 . Restrain how you talk about your home: Some girls are very stupid on this. Their days are not complete until they discussed all that happens between them and their man with their friends. Very stupid thing to do! 6. Don't always tell your friends about your partner's flaws: You can seek advise no problem, but talking about flaws always makes your partner vulnerable. 7. Bringing your partner along in all outings: Okay guys let me brake a table now; Dude, if she always carry her friend along to all outing stop taking her out! Some ladies can be so stupid with that shit attitude. Must your friend be involved in everything ? Friendship can be so lovely when things works as planned, and can be so cruel when it goes against you. Check it well.. No one can attack you beyond what they know about you! No one can attack you beyond what you told them! Limit what you say and do with friends about your relationship. It is called relationship not society joint project!!! Thank you all © ADP For RGA Power of saying NO in a relationship Talking about relationship here; We mean any kind of relationship: Mother to daughter relationship Father to son relationship Husband to Wife relationship Etc. Do we need to say NO at some points ? Yes we need to! For instance, my dad wanted me to be a medical doctor but I know I won't graduate if I try such. I said no to it.. Mum wanted me to marry a particular lady, I know what I wanted and I said no to her.. All this and many more should be reason of saying no! I will start with a situation that played out some years back with someone I use to know; He got into a relationship and after a year he found out that it can work. Now he was caught up with how to say *NO* to continuation of such relationship. I know it's very possible many of us realized we were in wrong relationship after several years and looking for how to say no. Some of us are looking for ways to say no without appearing as a traitor, an ingrate, a user etc. So this night I will look into how to say no without causing issues.. From there I will now talk about the power of saying no. Saying no without hurting the other person can come in different ways and forms. Here are few things I think will help: 1. Reduce communication: if someone is asking you for what you can't give reduce communication with them. With time they will fade away .. Ladies know this weapon very well, if they know relationship can't work between you and them they know how to reduce communication and stay away. 2. Withdraw your attention: Gradually, you can withdraw the attention you use to give and become an angel that appears once in a long time. 3. Change your approach: You can change how you approach some situations between you guys. I will stop here. _Note:_ I am not teaching you bad things!. At times, we need to use tactics in saying no to some people. Why should you learn how to say no!!! Before that, some years back I don't know how to say no to request, even when I can't do well with what you are asking I will still commit myself to it just to make you happy. It was later I realize that I am punishing myself for no reason! I discover I can actually say no and have my peace. *power of saying no* 1. You have peace of mind, 2. You are not committed to anything, 3. You are not under pressure to perform, 4. You have your freedom, 5. You don't have to go extra mile to satisfy anyone. These 5 points are seriously Important! And you must learn how to say no to few requests if you must enjoy them. Come to think of it, most times when you refuse to say no you are always the one that bear the pains! You bear the outcome! You bear all that happens after! Remember; There is a different in not rendering helping hands and saying no to request. They are two different things. Most times, requests we say no to are request we know that we can't actually cope with. We know we can't do well if we say yes. But because of many issues associated with those requests we say yes and live in bondage for the rest of our life! It is not every *will you marry me we should say yes to* Some should come with a no! It is not Every relationship that should lead to marriage Some should end with a *no* Thanks © ADP For RGA Starting a small scale business