OYNB Socialising Sober Yet regretful nights of drinking don’t have to be the future. Alternative ways of socialising are brewing. In the past Catherine Salway is the founder of Redemption bars in few years there has been a rise in alcohol-free bars, from London. In the past few years they have expanded to three alcohol-free sites across the capital:. She said: Sobar in Nottingham to The Brink in Liverpool. “I saw that both locally and globally, there was a trend of young people drinking less. However, their needs weren’t being served in London and there were few options for an alcohol-free night. When I started, people thought that socialising sober was a misnomer. At first I struggled to find a range of alcohol-free drinks - there was Beck’s Blue and not much else. Now the market has developed and I serve a range of alcohol-free beer, cider and wine. There’s even alcohol-free spirits and a lovely alcohol-free prosecco. “I love that when people walk through the door of a Redemption bar they can’t make a bad decision. It gives people freedom. They have a fun evening, remember it all and wake up without a hangover. Momentum is growing around sober socialising. You see that in the range of soft drinks now on offer and the big chains innovating the sector.” 10 OYNB Ditching Dutch Courage Relationship expert and transformation coach, Dalya Heron Brook asks: From first dates to decade able to do something more long marriages, not drinking fun (33%) as reasons for not improves relationships drinking while dating. The with your nearest and connections between dearest. We are seeing this drinking and dating “Have you ever been on a date and something embarrassing or offensive done something you regret massively and it prevents you from being with the rise of so called becomes even more the following day? Have you found physically intimate with someone ‘sober-dating’, for which you pertinent around the issue of yourself cringing over deeply personal prematurely. can get specialist dating consent. In a post - #MeToo revelations and wanging on about your apps. Yet this isn’t a niche age, over half of those in the ex? Becoming uncharacteristically “These statistics show how universally activity - over half of the YouGov survey said that they assertive and bolshy? Or, worst of all, alcohol can alter a person’s character, people in our YouGov survey wouldn’t have a one night sleeping with someone way before communication style and capacity for say that they would avoid stand with someone who you actually wanted to? I can decision making. Ultimately you come being too drunk on a date was drunk (53%). 37% of guarantee you that statistically away from drunken dates without any (51%). So much for Dutch Millennials would avoid a ‘everyone’ has found themselves in one insight into who the person you are courage. one night stand if they were of these situations. The main reason dating is, you don’t know if you are drunk themselves. why Millennials are choosing to date compatible because you weren’t truly Many Millennials want to sober is to know whether or not they communicating with one another. The have a date which isn’t really like their date and only a little problem with drinking on a date is not centred around alcohol. further down the list, in third place, is the alcohol itself but the fact that your They cite wanting to make the desire to make a deeper opposite number gets a distorted deeper connections (30%) connection. Tellingly, the purpose of vision of you, and the whole point of and being sobriety on a date as a preventative dating is to get to know one another.” method is the bedrock of several other 11 reasons: it prevents you saying OYNB Self-confessed party girl ‘Boozy Suzy’ found love, and Suzy said: "One of the major hurdles I had to herself, after pledging to go alcohol-free with OYNB. overcome was sober dating! I had been single for seven years, I had dalliances in that time, often as a Suzy would always be the last one at a party, even if result of a drunken night out with the ‘beer goggles’ on she wasn't enjoying herself. She had serious FOMO which led to some serious poor judgement calls on (Fear Of Missing Out). After drinking to excess one my behalf! A hangover is bad enough, but combine it night because she was not enjoying the company with a romantic entanglement that is no longer she was with, she had an epiphany and decided appealing in the cold light of day, It just made my self- enough was enough. It took a further 18 months to worth and esteem plummet. I’d added ‘Don’t Drink' to build up the courage to go alcohol-free, it had my dating profile – even I’d swipe left if I didn’t know become part of her personality and her social life, she me! I sounded dull as dishwater. I did hide these little worried that she didn't know who she was without a factoids initially but felt I was being dishonest and drink in hand. almost tricking guys, so I decided if I was going to find someone, I needed to be honest and truthful about After a chance meeting with Ruari, the founder of who I am. If they were turned off by it, then they OYNB, she found she was inspired by his own weren’t someone I wanted to be with anyway. alcohol-free journey. Suzy joined the alcohol-free programme and made a social announcement that "Just as I was losing all faith and had got to the point of not even getting excited about going on dates Case study: she was going alcohol-free for a full 365 days. Suzy anymore, I met Dave. We arranged to meet in a local absorbed herself in the online community of others Suzy Beaumont who were also going AF (alcohol-free) and found she country pub for lunch and chatted over a nice cup of 43, Inverness instantly had thousands of people to speak to about tea! He was different, he was full of chat and asked me the highs and lows of going alcohol-free. Slowly as loads of questions and was impressed I was doing this her confidence grew, she learnt how to be the life challenge. He drinks himself, but only occasionally - 365+ days AF Dave is a policeman and witnesses the carnage that and soul of the party again. After she spent time building her confidence and working on self- alcohol causes each and every weekend. It was over development, she felt ready to try sober dating. three months before he had a drink in my company and not because he was holding back. It just wasn’t something that he automatically gravitated to. He certainly didn’t need it to bolster his confidence. Dave and I dated for another two months before making it 12 official." OYNB When it comes to longer-term when sober. So these hidden relationships alcohol can put a truths come out with alcohol’s wedge between partners by lowered guard. Saying what causing arguments. A fifth of you need or how you feel is a people across the UK have had positive thing, but the problem an argument when drunk, and with having this sort of 25 to 34 year olds are the most discussion in a drunken state is likely demographic to have that emotions are heightened done this (31%). Alcohol causes and people are reactive. What chemical changes in the brain could have been a generative, which can initially make you feel bonding conversation can easily relaxed. However, when relaxed morph into a horrible argument our warning systems don’t work or, in the morning, be forgotten enabling us to participate in or ignored and nothing is dangerous or confrontational resolved. It is so much harder to situations. risk being vulnerable without Dutch Courage, but the Relationship expert Dalya outcome with added alcohol Heron Brook explains the can lead either nowhere or dangers of being too relaxed: downhill. I work with many “There is some truth in the Latin clients on self confidence and ‘in vino veritas’ - in wine there is self expression. It takes courage truth. Fear of vulnerability, and is a powerfully healing rejection or ridicule can stop a process.” person expressing themselves 13 OYNB No Longer Tired and Emotional Drinking to calm one’s nerves is common practice. Yet there is increasing research into the negative affect that “As a result of this early effect many Alcohol problems are more common drinking alcohol has on one’s mental health. people use alcohol to ‘self-medicate’ in among people with more severe mental order to cheer themselves up, cope with health problems. This does not anxiety or sometimes to help with sleep. necessarily mean that alcohol causes This is often why people with mental severe mental illness. Evidence shows Consultant Psychiatrist, Dr Phil health problems drink alcohol, however that people who consume high amounts Hopley, explains the link: this often makes existing mental health of alcohol are vulnerable to an increased problems worse by lowering mood, risk of developing mental health “For many people the main interfering with the beneficial effects of problems and alcohol consumption can reason for drinking alcohol is to medication and causing increased be a contributing factor to some mental improve their mood. Alcohol can anxiety in the aftermath of drinking as the health problems, such as depression. temporarily alleviate feelings of alcohol is excreted from our systems.” anxiety and depression which is Whether you are someone who drinks something of a paradox as As we have seen earlier in the report, regularly or not, keeping alcohol alcohol is a depressant drug.” Millennials are positively choosing a consumption to recommended weekly “It manages this by depressing our pre-frontal healthy lifestyle over drinking. However, limits will bring health benefits. Periods of cortex first, so the controlling / executive influence there is one area in which they are abstinence are vitally important to allow is weakened thereby making us feel more relaxed, struggling. A third of 25 to 34 year olds the body (especially the liver and brain) less stressed and less inhibited or self-controlled. say they like to drink to reduce stress and to recover. For those who have become Compare conversations in pubs and bars early anxiety - more than any other age group dependent on alcohol, long-term evening to cafes at the same time – often you will surveyed. And, according to Dr Phil abstinence is essential as one of the see an increase in the volume, excitement and Hopley, it is those who are already features of alcohol dependence is a rapid pace of conversations.” struggling who see the worst effects: return to loss of control over drinking with all the associated harm that brings. 14 OYNB “I think my story would resonate with many women “I was sick of being anxious, sick of feeling frumpy my age who have been through the menopause. It and sick of feeling old and tired. I didn’t want to feel all started six years ago when I seemed to ‘sign off’ like this for the rest of my life. At first it wasn’t easy, with many aspects of my life. Overnight I went from the desire to drink was overwhelming at times. But I an all-out competitive triathlete to someone who did everything OYNB said to do, I stayed close to was continually getting injured, putting on weight the most amazing tribe of people I have ever met. and feeling increasingly anxious. One way to cope, About day 14, a day I was really struggling, I read or so I naively thought, was to drink alcohol. I had Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind which was a game never been a big drinker, but I was becoming one changer for me, I really haven’t looked back since. It before I even realised. It became the norm for me was my light bulb moment for why I had become to drink 3-4 glasses of wine per day, every day. so sick with my anxiety. “It went something like this: Stressful day at work, “As I have gone along this journey, my anxiety has drink a glass as soon as I walked in the front door. diminished to almost nothing. It’s funny, I go looking Great day at work, drink a glass as soon as I walked for it in the morning and it’s not there, such a feeling Case Study: through the front door. Cook dinner, drink a glass, of freedom not to be crippled by its hold. So, this is eat dinner, drink a glass, settle down to watch what has happened in 90 days of being AF: my Wendy Gordon evening TV, drink a glass. You get the picture; this anxiety, although still there at times, doesn’t rule my 56, South Australia was every day. life. I have the clarity to see why I’m feeling anxious “I developed the delightful habit of waking at 3am, and do something to reduce it without it crippling having to go to the lounge and sometimes have a me. I have come off my antidepressant medication. 90+ days AF I have lost 5kg, my face is less puffy and my grey small glass of something to ‘settle my nerves’. I knew I was in trouble at this point, but still not bags under my eyes have lifted. I now will have a equating the alcohol intake to my anxiety. I just photo with my sunglasses off, I’m not covering up thought it was my anxiety that was keeping me my sad eyes that my anxiety held against me. awake and stressed. My anxiety and stress levels “Most importantly, I have reclaimed my life back, got so bad I left my job at the end of 2018; I was so which would not have been possible without the overwhelmed I couldn’t cope. At no point did I help of OYNB. The support has been invaluable. I realise that alcohol was possibly the leading part in feel like I can sparkle again, I haven’t felt like this in this picture. years.” 15 OYNB Conclusion By Ruari Fairbairns and Andy Ramage, From this report you can see that there is a cultural shift around drinking and this is most evidently seen with Millennials, many of whom are rejecting people. It is particularly crucial to have support from those who had already succeeded in stopping drinking. At this point in time, a platform that offered Co-founders of OYNB alcohol to improve their health, this did not exist and so we formed relationships, careers, finances and OYNB. mental health. They are waking up refreshed, with clearer skin, healthier OYNB now has over 50,000 members bodies, sharper minds and with more worldwide. Central to its premise is that money in their pockets. And this shift in to make the lifestyle change of going drinking is only likely to increase with alcohol-free you need community Generation Z as currently almost 30% of support. The programme includes 16-24 year olds in England are alcohol- practical tips on how to remain alcohol- free. free when going to weddings, stag weekends, holidays, Friday night in the However, alcohol-free comes easier to pub. The programme incorporates some than to others. Two-thirds of cutting edge science in habit change, people (68%) who set a New Year’s behavioural science and positive resolution to stop drinking fail to psychology. We offer 28, 90 and 365 achieve their goal. The drinking day challenges which help people landscape might be changing but we realise that they don’t need alcohol to have centuries of customs, have a good time, to relax, to unwind expectations and peer pressure to cast or to enjoy life. off. For many there is a gap between the alcohol-free life they aspire to and OYNB is not an abstinence programme. the reality of achieving it. Organisations It’s about changing habits and making like One Year No Beer can help people clear-sighted decisions when it comes realise the joys of an alcohol-free life.to booze. This report demonstrates that there is a clear desire for a culture OYNB is a toolkit for surviving modern change in the UK’s drinking habits, society alcohol-free. We founded it in especially among Millennials, yet 2015 because we decided we needed people need help in achieving the goal to change our relationship with alcohol. of a healthy lifestyle which is no longer We tried to give up drinking completely dependent on alcohol. but soon found, like many before us, that it is hard to do this without the To find out more, head to 16 support and motivation from other www.oneyearnobeer.com OYNB This report was written by Aubergine Communications for OYNB For any media enquiries please contact verity@weareaubergine.com *Based on a survey conducted by YouGov for OYNB in October 2019 17
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