KT Zine 2.pdf - Knifethroat

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[Grab your reader’s attention with a great quote from the document or use this space to emphasize a key point. To place this text box anywhere on the page, just drag it.] Where to find more Knifethroat.bandcamp.com Insta: @KnifethroatNY Twitter: @KnifethroatNY Jenna’s Insta: @Himynameisjennna Page 24 Page 1 These are the things we find ourselves remembering. The farther we get from the ground, the more these things bring us back to who we This is issue 2 of a collection of poetry, writing, and remember that we are. more created through the process of writing songs for Knifethroat. This band has evolved exponentially since 2020 when I first put out music as just me. “Odds and Ends” was my first foray into full band tracks. The two songs on this single were recorded totally remote. Not a single instrument was really recorded in the same spot with the exception of the guitar and the vocals. I had Liz and Joe from The Best of the Worst play drums, do vocals, and play trombone on these songs. They’re two friends I’ve known a very long time from playing shows in NJ and they’ve become really treasured friends. I loved having them on these tracks and it leaves me very sentimental for these two songs. My dear friend Natalie Layne Baker plays bass on these tracks and she shreds like usual. She’s a wonderful musician and is going to release some music you all will love. “Songs for House Plants” is the first official release of the Knifethroat band. After reflecting onto the extent of how I could write these songs I concluded that I wanted to bring more minds into the fold. I’ve known Brian and JD for years. JD since kindergarten and Brian since third grade. Both are fantastic musicians. Brian was one of the main creative minds behind my old band Ladder Match and JD has been a drummer and a ton of different projects for years. It’s been great getting to bring some home town flair to these releases. Frank I met in college at Oneonta and is a fantastic guitarist. He’s smart, creative, and one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. Getting to work with someone on vocal melodies, and song writing has been refreshing and a great hoot. House Plants is a collection of songs written about various issues surrounding mental health and coping mechanisms. I did write a rare little love song on that release but most of the songs deal with focusing on how I cope with the way my brain works, the crushing realities of Page 2 Page 23 covered. Remove foil and cook for an additional 10 capitalism, and what growing up can really do to minutes. someone. I am still settling and growing into my own. I am much more comfortable in my own skin even more so in the midst of a global pandemic. I am 4 years sober now Closing in and we’re nearing the hopeful end of a global pandemic Every single day the walls of life close in. albeit there are tons of different strands and variants going across the world so who knows where we’ll end Rather we accept it, acknowledge it, praise it, worship it, or ignore it up. Since the last zine I’ve learned to respect my those walls get smaller boundaries and learned to treasure the energy that I put forward. I am now 28 and it took me 28 years to realize Us humans do not have infinite space. Much like any resource our time is finite. that not everyone deserves 100% of me even if they are nice. I spend most nights horrifically aware of the closing in of these walls. I’m currently reading a collection of writing called First Person Singular by the Japanese author Haruki I hate sleeping, it’s too much time wasted, and I spend most nights Murakami. There was a quote that stood out to me ““The well too aware of the walls of time closing in on my shoulders. death of a dream can be, in a way, sadder than that of a I spend a lot of time thinking about how time never stops and it scares living being. Sometimes it all seems so unfair.” I really me that at the end of the day those walls are going to crush us. The spent a lot of my time contemplating the gravity of this walls will crush everything and that’s just how things are. quote and interpreting it into my own writing and creative output. I think one of the biggest curses of creative output, Growth Spurt especially from a DIY perspective, is that there is a When I was young I’d say I want to change the world; But these days I’m happy just trying to stay alive pressure to be constantly productive. Not only is there a pressure to be productive but there is a pressure to be As I got taller and farther away from the ground I found myself digging putting something out. Within the pandemic I learned to downwards. be creative for the sake of myself. Every inch up I went the more I tear and tore at the earth trying to My favorite part of this whole Knifethroat project is stay rooted in my comfort that these songs have been for me. These songs come The strange thing about growing up is that some things truly never from a personal place where for once I’m having fun.I’m change. not writing to fit a mold, I’m not writing to impress anyone No matter how far from our start we go there are still things that tether but myself, I’m writing for the sake of writing and I’m us to our selves loving the growth that comes with the simple pleasures of A love of reading; ignoring the world in the pages of a book; the smell expression. of cooking tomato sauce; fresh basil pulled from the garden. The sound of rain. These life rafts binding us to the bits of childhood we’re always too afraid to let go of. Page 22 Page 3 10 minutes. If everything is sticking, don’t panic-just add a little water or neutral oil Step 3 French Onion Stir in the brown sugar, fish sauce and lime zest, and cook just until the liquid’s been absorbed for about 1 Rather it be, my glory days of ripping gigs, or high minute. Season to taste. Chicken should be spicy first school plays then salty. Most nights they’d end the same at the park ridge diner with my friends I find myself cycling through my brain lapping hot hot soup and picking motz for days As I got older the ritual stayed, the friends did change French Toast Casserole but the feelings never frayed. Now I’m much older the order stayed I end some Ingredients nights with soup stains 8 Oz stale bread cubed The friends are different my loves the same and on 3 large eggs most nights she's on my brain 1 tsp vanilla extract I find myself cycling through my brain lapping hot 10 oz frozen mixed berries hot soup and picking motz for days 2 tbsp cold butter, diced As I got older the ritual stayed the friends did change 1 banana but the feelings never frayed 3 large egg whites Hit the diner, we’ll talk in circles and if I die here I’ll be 1 tsp cinnamon okay, I’ll take french onion you’ll take the tenders ⅓ cup chopped walnuts we’ll split the fries and talk for days 1 cup milk 2 tbsp maple syrup This was a song I put out on a compilation record ¼ tsp salt put out by Pizza Bagel records. There were so many good 2 tbsp light brown sugar bands included on this and I highly recommend checking it out. The label is run by extremely hard working people Process from New Jersey and they’re a label really committed to putting out a wide variety of sounds instead of just emo or Arrange bread cubes in a greased 13x9 glass pan. Mash pop punk. The theme of the comp was soup, some were a banana in a bowl. Whisk in milk, eggs, whites, syrup, very direct and sang about soup but I mainly focused on vanilla, cinnamon, salt. Pour over bread and toss to coat. the ritual of getting french onion soup particularly at the Add berries. Cover with foil and chill overnight. Park Ridge Diner Park Ridge is a small Northern New Jersey town I grew up by. The “Ridge” diner was a Preheat the oven to 375. Combine walnuts, brown sugar, frequent haunt for bored high school kids. For me it was a butter, and mix with your hands. Sprinkle over the big place to hit up after high school play practice, band casserole. Put foil back on and bake for 30 minutes Page 4 Page 21 practice, late night dates, and in my recent years post AA meeting hang outs. In some ways this is a love song. My dad had a complaint that all my songs were depressing so I challenged myself to write some songs about love. Not Cooking with Brian only the love between me and my girlfriend but the love of simple pleasures and love of the mundane. There are so Kua Kling (Southern Thai-Style Red Curry) Yield: 4 Servings many simple things that make life beautiful and I truly find Time: 15 min diners to be one of those simple pleasures. Having traveled across the country I find diners always hold a Ingredients: sense of homeliness. Even the shitty chain diners; though 2 tablespoons of neutral oil, such as canola or grapeseed waffle house outweigh every other option by a country 1/4th cup of Thai red curry paste (ideally one with makrut mile. This song focuses on the particulars of your lime, lemongrass and shrimp paste) company. It’s important to notice who sticks around and 1 teaspoon ground turmeric who you find yourself going to diners with as you age. 2 Thai or serrano chiles, thinly sliced, or to taste While I certainly don’t go to the diner with the same 1 Pound of ground chicken people as I did when I was 16 a few of those friends stuck ½ teaspoon of dark brown sugar around and I find myself appreciating them more and 2 teaspoons fish sauce more every day. ¼ teaspoon freshly grated lime zest or 10 makrut lime leaves, deveined and thinly sliced, Rice, sliced cabbage, chopped herbs, sliced avocado, chopped cucumber and fried egg Process Step 1: In a nonstick skillet over medium-low heat, warm the oil and toast the curry paste, turmeric and chiles (if using) until extremely fragrant 2 to 3 minutes, stir and lower heat as needed to prevent sticking Step 2: Add the chicken and cook, breaking the meat up with a spoon. Stir to coat the meat in a curry paste and to prevent sticking and cook until the chicken is opaque, 7 to Page 20 Page 5 Odds and Ends Jawbreaker I’ve swallowed pesticides, to kill the bugs inside, they seem to be digging back and forth I popped my jaw straight up off the hinge, I tasted blood sneaking down my lips I’ve swallowed pesticides, to kill the bugs inside, they I broke my jaw to hide my words seem to be biting at every thought Swallow every vile thing I wanted you to hear Maybe it’s better that Ican[‘t say a word I’ve swallowed pesticides, to kill the bugs inside, they Maybe it’s better if I keep this to myself seem to be eating every fucking thought Maybe it’s better If I don't sing this song But hey, maybe not This song is 100% inspired by my own narcissism. Don’t say anything, it doesn't matter who's even I suffer greatly from main character syndrome and it’s listening blah blah blah blah actively one of my least favorite character traits. What I There’s a process a method to this madness a hidden find even more annoying is not only am I obsessed with meaning deep within the silence myself I am entirely paranoid and self-conscious about It might be better if we hold the quiet anyway I’ve got everyone hating me. So, it’s not like my brain could even nothing good to say pick a side. This song is all about that constant battle Maybe it’s better if we listen to each other going up on top where I cannot settle down. No matter Maybe it’s better if we don’t say a word what the situation I find myself constantly second Maybe it’s better walking a mile in your shoes guessing what I’m saying, thinking, and doing because I’m Maybe it’s better; it probably is afraid someone somewhere will find me suspect or Don’t say anything, it doesn't matter who's even annoying. I like to think this is a feeling a lot of people listening blah blah blah blah relate to and the more they listen to this song the more they might figure out about themselves. So first and foremost the most important thing you need to know about Jawbreaker and Strawberry wings is that these songs would not even be remotely close to as good as they were if it was not for Liz Fackelman, Joe Scala and Natalie Baker. I’ve known Liz and Joe for upwards of 10 years now and they’re in a wide assortment of New Jersey bands. My favorite band of theirs is The Best of the Worst who is an incredible Ska-Core band that if you’re reading this zine you need to listen to. Along with that they’re both teachers just like me who have never Page 6 Page 19 compromised their DIY ethics through getting careers. In fact, I’ve always admired them, and connected with them on how DIY music has vastly impacted the way the Ant King three of us teach and how the three of us connect with our students. They are two incredible people and if you do I’m the king of the world in my head one thing from this zine it’s listen to The Best of the Worst. Natalie has quickly become one of my dearest Every soldier with a want for me dead friends. I play in a band with them called Gambo and I I told myself I’m public enemy number 1 absolutely love Natalie’s writing style. Natalie is an incredible solo artist in their own right and seeing them I am nothing, I am no one craft such good music was a huge inspiration for Knifethroat. Now onto the song, this song is about TMJ. I recently developed it over the pandemic. I don’t know if it I’m the ruler of the whole universe, I am god, bow at was the stress of the world closing down around me or my feet, build up a lot just the normal stresses of turning 28 but there was a week long span where I could barely open my mouth and Pray for savior, pray for peace, talk. This led to me wondering if that was for the better and writing a song about how it might have been a lot I think I can do that at least better if I wasn’t talking all the time. This song was heavily influenced by the Seattle Rock and Roll band Dead Bars who I could only wish to emulate in my song writing. At the end of the day most of what we have to say doesn’t matter and is dumb so sometimes it’d be good if I am the king in my head, why am I so filled with everyone got TMJ and stopped talking for a bit. fucking dread I am nothing, I am no one, And that’s exactly what I want I was the king of the world in my head now I'm not sure if I'm alive or if I'm dead spaced out and being thrown about by this viscous cycle merry go round Don't feel for me, don't show me any pity because I do this to myself constantly you'd think I'd enjoy purgatory Page 18 Page 7 If I could do this again, I’d sail this gallant ship hand in hand This is the second true love song I ever wrote. Strawberry Wings Inspired by my dad who complained all my songs were I’m climbing mountains that I wasn’t meant to climb too dark, depressing, and edgy. This song is one hundred Am I the impostor though Theo says I’m fine percent dedicated to my girlfriend and in particular a song Got a chip on my shoulder that I can’t leave behind idolizing the long nights driving in the car going to and I’m my biggest doubter and I don’t have the time. from different shows. If you asked anyone mine and Jenna’s biggest unifying hobby is music. We’ve driven, I’m bridging gaps that seem impossible flown, walked, and probably swam to shows all over the I’m meeting new, new friends all the time country. My favorite hobby with her is driving down I’m dodging mirrors and I just wanted to clear my highways listening to the same six bands over and over mind again talking about them as if we haven’t seen them a If I sit here maybe I’ll turn out just fine hundred times, listened to them millions, and digested everything we could about them. This is my love song to Somethings creeping crawling up this windy climb 11 years of a relationship, hours spent on the road, and Breathing down my neck and watching with its eyes how I hope to spend the rest of my life with a person I can I even do this I don’t know if i’ll be fine hold very dear. Who am I kidding this is such a waste of time I’m bridging gaps that seem impossible I’m meeting new, new friends all the time I’m dodging mirrors and I just wanted to clear my mind If I sit here maybe I’ll turn out just fine I’m picking up the pieces of my life, and there you are at every turn to tell me I’m wrong, to protect me from hurt to fill me up I swear if I can do this again I’d do this with you We’re so much stronger between the two I hid for so long and threw you away but you’re a friend who put me in my place Page 8 Page 17 I absolutely loved how this song came out.. This song is 100% based on and reflective of the video game Chasing Sunsets Celeste. I was absolutely obsessed with Celeste over the pandemic. I couldn’t stop playing it and the story resonated so deeply with me. Long story short it’s about a woman coming to terms with every part of herself, I want to be stuck in your bed learning to love that part, and working with her parts to overcome obstacles. I know the creators of the game The way you’re stuck living rent free in my head have come out and said that the story is a trans allegory Occupying every hour of every day but I so deeply resonated with the message that I had to write a little punk tune about it. It really reminded me of Every single phrase tattoo’d in my brain something that I worked through with a therapist for several years. I have Bipolar disorder, a way that I look at my disorder is that there are hundreds of different unique parts of me all vying for attention and control. If I ignore I wanna know your plans, and sing all those cheesy one part for too long it impacts me mentally, if I give into songs from our favorite bands, one part for too long I engage in negative behaviors. In order to be a fully functioning human being I find myself I wanna know your plans, painting the highway lines having to harmonize those points and give each part a with our clapping hands respected amount of time, love, and understanding. I highly suggest this game, it’s out on most consoles and If I could do this again, I’d sail this gallant ship hand has a soundtrack that will blow anything I write out of the in hand water. I lost track of all the years, I think those moved on with every fear, Time isn’t anything, especially with every song you sing I wanna know your plans, and sing all those cheesy songs from our favorite bands, I wanna know your plans, painting the highway lines with our clapping hands Page 16 Page 9 These days never change (not if you want them) X4 Songs for House My love song to my messy amazing childhood. I Plants had an incredible experience growing up. While at the time I didn’t think so reflecting back I’m incredibly thankful for my time growing up in my small town of Nanuet New York. I had parents that were trying their best to give me a good childhood while going through a terrible divorce themselves. This song is a love note to all of the aspects of childhood. The good times where I was hanging out Songs Evolving from Dead Bands with my friends, and then the bad times where I was dealing with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. My childhood I crashed my car the other day you told me, you told was a sloppy beautiful mess and I’m always going to me you’d do the same treasure that. I have certain friends that I’ve had since third grade (two of them are in this band) and it’s just You left without me, left me in the rain, I guess that’s crazy all the foolishness we got into together and how okay. most of us made it out as functioning adults. This song is a love song to that. Not just the good nights but those bad nights where you felt like the whole world was out to get What’s left is everything in my brain, it’s just me, at you and that things couldn’t get better. the end of the day, and you know what, We’ll be okay, I guess that’s ok I wrote a sequel to the opener to the demo! Very short, very simple. It’s just a reminder that despite what other people do to you you are always left with yourself and you can be okay with that or you can be not okay with that it’s totally up to you. Page 10 Page 15 The thing about it is that you never truly get rid of all the baggage, rather it be a weird stain on the wall of your living room or emotional baggage from high school we learn to live with it. We can scrub all we want but those things are still there and we’ll work through it. I feel like it’s similar to the idea of throwing a new layer of Little Leaf paint on an old car, yes it might look better but all those issues are still there. I really connect with that idea, I can reinvent myself a Another night singing to your leaves million times over but the fact of the matter is that there will always be issues I’m dealing with and there are always areas that will need A little life in every breathe I breath improvement. I also think that shouldn’t be something that’s depressing. I like my flaws, and while they make life difficult sometimes I’ve learned a lot of acceptance when it comes to my bad parts. For most of us the best thing we can do is accept it. Accept the I’ll watch you grow every single day bad and learn to love it just as much as you love the good. Each flower a hit of dopamine to my brain Rt 59 Living like a child learning how to drive foot timid on It’s pretty special watching growth every day the gas extra heavy on the break It’s something simple done in no special way Overshooting every turn afraid of other lanes and the cars within them But we keep changing and we’re never the same You’re something special, don’t ever change I swear I’m never over this got tight noose round my neck and shadow in my brain I’ll watch you grow every single day I swear I’ll paint the whole town red leave a note they won’t forget and make no meaningful change Each flower a hit of dopamine to my brain, woods philosophizing over men and the gods that Soar little leaf, get so far away, rule them I want you to fly, and find life in another way I swear I’m never over this got tight noose round my neck and shadow in my brain I swear I’ll paint the whole town red leave a note they It’s pretty special watching growth every day won’t forget and make no meaningful change It’s something simple done in no special way Page 14 Page 11 But we keep changing and we’re never the same You’re something special, don’t ever change Cleanse the foundation, start in the garden Dig up the bones, wash them all over Kill the weeds, the bugs, and the gnats A love song to my house plants. The same house plants that this EP is named after and the same plants the cover Burn down the house, use the ash as fertilizer is modeled after. I bought some house plants while quarantining and I quickly fell in love with them. I find watering and taking care of my plants incredibly cathartic and really freeing. Especially with living alone the plants No amount of love or good intentions can save them, were welcome company and they are the first audience for any song I write. It has to start from the inside out Cause the ghosts are happy, they’ve been hear since creation, They flow through the stone like blood to the veins in the heart Cleanse the foundation, start in the garden Dig up the bones, wash them all over Kill the weeds, the bugs, and the gnats Burn down the house, use the ash as fertilizer Decay The buildings stay haunted, no matter how much we cleanse them. It’s as if we were tainted from the start. A ton of symbolism in this track. I wrote this song discussing my deal with depression. I also wrote it with my feelings on living in an old No one believed it, they hoped it’d get better, the apartment building with a ton of other people. It’s really frustrating roaches kept growing, and mold was spreading from because a lot of people think that for both cases there are quick fixes bottom to top but in reality it’s a constant struggle. Maintaining a healthy mind, and a healthy living situation is a day by day long arduous process. Page 12 Page 13