[Grab your reader’s attention with a great quote from the document or use this space to emphasize a key point. To place this text box anywhere on the page, just drag it.] Page 24 Page 1 Where to find more Knifethroat.bandcamp.com Insta: @ KnifethroatNY Twitter: @KnifethroatNY Jenna’s Insta : @Himynameisjennna Page 2 Page 23 This is issue 2 of a collection of poetry, writing, and more created through the process of writing songs for Knifethroat . This band has evolved exponentially since 2020 when I first put out music as just me. “Odds and Ends” was my first foray into full band tracks. The two songs on this single were recorded totally remote. Not a single instrument was really recorded in the same spot with the exception of the guitar and the vocals. I had Liz and Joe from The Best of the Worst play drums, do vocals, and play trombone on these songs. They’re two friends I’ve known a very long time from playing shows in NJ and they’ve become re ally treasured friends. I loved having them on these tracks and it leaves me very sentimental for these two songs. My dear friend Natalie Layne Baker plays bass on these tracks and she shreds like usual. She’s a wonderful musician and is going to release s ome music you all will love. “Songs for House Plants” is the first official release of the Knifethroat band. After reflecting onto the extent of how I could write these songs I concluded that I wanted to bring more minds into the fold. I’ve known Brian an d JD for years. JD since kindergarten and Brian since third grade. Both are fantastic musicians. Brian was one of the main creative minds behind my old band Ladder Match and JD has been a drummer and a ton of different projects for years. It’s been great g etting to bring some home town flair to these releases. Frank I met in college at Oneonta and is a fantastic guitarist. He’s smart, creative, and one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. Getting to work with someone on vocal melodies, and song writing has been refreshing and a great hoot. House Plants is a collection of songs written about various issues surrounding mental health and coping mechanisms. I did write a rare little love song on that release but most of the songs deal with focusing on how I cope with the way my brain works, the crushing realities of These are the things we find ourselves remembering. The farther we get from the ground, the more these things bring us back to who we remember that we are Page 22 Page 3 covered. Remove foil and cook for an additional 10 minutes. Closing in Every single day the walls of life close in. Rather we accept it, acknowledge it, praise it, worship it, or ignore it those walls get smaller Us humans do not have infinite space. Much like any resource our time is finite. I spend most nights horrifically aware of the closing in of these walls. I hate sleeping, it’s too much time wasted, and I spend most nights well too aware of the walls of time closing in on my shoulders. I spend a lot of time thinking about how time never stops and it scares me that at the end of the day those walls are going to crush us. The walls will crush everything and that’s just how things are. Growth Spurt When I was young I’d say I want to change the world; But these days I’m happy just t rying to stay alive As I got taller and farther away from the ground I found myself digging downwards. Every inch up I went the more I tear and tore at the earth trying to stay rooted in my comfort The strange thing about growing up is that some things truly never change. No matter how far from our start we go there are still things that tether us to our selves A love of reading; ignoring the world in the pages of a book; the smell of cooking tomato sauce; fresh basil pulled from the garden. The sound of rain. These life rafts binding us to the bits of childhood we’re always too afraid to let go of. capitalism, and what growing up can really do to someone I am still settling and growing into my own. I am much more comfortable in my own skin even more so in the midst of a global pandemic. I am 4 years sober now and we’re nearing the hopeful end of a global pandemic albeit there are tons of different strands and variants going across the world so who knows where we’ll end up. Since the last zine I’ve learned to respect my boundaries and learned to treasure the energy that I put forward. I am now 28 and it took me 28 years to realize that not everyone deserves 100% of me even if they are nice. I’m currently reading a collection of writing called First Person Singular by the Japanese author Haruki M urakami. There was a quote that stood out to me “ “The death of a dream can be, in a way, sadder than that of a living being. Sometimes it all seems so unfair.” I really spent a lot of my time contemplating the gravity of this quote and interpreting it into my own writing and creative output. I think one of the biggest curses of creative output, especially from a DIY perspective, is that there is a pressure to be constantly productive. Not only is there a pressure to be productive but there is a pressure to be putting something out. Within the pandemic I learned to be creative for the sake of myself. My favorite part of this whole Knifethroat project is that these songs have been for me. These songs come from a personal place where for once I’m having fun.I’ m not writing to fit a mold, I’m not writing to impress anyone but myself, I’m writing for the sake of writing and I’m loving the growth that comes with the simple pleasures of expression. Page 4 Page 21 French Onion Rather it be, my glory days of ripping gigs, or high school plays Most nights they’d end the same at the park ridge diner with my friends I find myself cycling through my brain lapping hot hot soup and picking motz for days As I got older the ritual stayed, the friends did change but the feelings ne ver frayed. Now I’m much older the order stayed I end some nights with soup stains The friends are different my loves the same and on most nights she's on my brain I find myself cycling through my brain lapping hot hot soup and picking motz for days As I got older the ritual stayed the friends did change but the feelings never frayed Hit the diner, we’ll talk in circles and if I die here I’ll be okay, I’ll take french onion you’ll take the tenders we’ll split the fries and talk for days This was a song I put out on a compilation record put out by Pizza Bagel records. There were so many good bands included on this and I highly recommend checking it out. The label is run by extremely hard working people from New Jersey and they’re a label really committed to putting out a wide variety of sounds instead of just emo or pop punk. The theme of the comp was soup, some were very direct and sang about soup but I mainly focused on the ritual of getting french onion soup particularly at the Park Ridge Diner Park Rid ge is a small Northern New Jersey town I grew up by. The “Ridge” diner was a frequent haunt for bored high school kids. For me it was a big place to hit up after high school play practice, band 10 minutes. If everything is sticking, don’t panic - just add a little water or neutral oil Step 3 Stir in the brown sugar, fish sauce and lime zest, and cook just until the liquid’s been absorbed for about 1 minute. Season to taste. Chicken should be spicy first then salty. French Toast Casserole Ingredients 8 Oz stale bread cubed 3 large eggs 1 tsp vanilla extract 10 oz frozen mixed berries 2 tbsp cold butter, diced 1 banana 3 large egg whites 1 tsp cinnamon ⅓ cup chopped walnuts 1 cup milk 2 tbsp maple syrup ¼ tsp salt 2 tbsp light brown sugar Process Arrange bread cubes in a greased 13x9 glass pan. Mash a banana in a bowl. Whisk in milk, eggs, whites, syrup, vanilla, cinnamon, salt. Pour over bread and toss to coat. Add berries. Cover with foil and chill overnight. Preheat the oven to 375. Combine walnuts, brown sugar, butter, and mix with your hands. Sprinkle over the casserole. Put foil back on and bake for 30 minutes Page 20 Page 5 Cooking with Brian Kua Kling (Southern Thai - Style Red Curry) Yield: 4 Servings Time: 15 min Ingredients: 2 tablespoons of neutral oil, such as canola or grapeseed 1/4th cup of Thai red curry paste (ideally one with makrut lime, lemongrass and shrimp paste) 1 teaspoon ground turmeric 2 Thai o r serrano chiles, thinly sliced, or to taste 1 Pound of ground chicken ½ teaspoon of dark brown sugar 2 teaspoons fish sauce ¼ teaspoon freshly grated lime zest or 10 makrut lime leaves, deveined and thinly sliced, Rice, sliced cabbage, chopped herbs, sli ced avocado, chopped cucumber and fried egg Process Step 1: In a nonstick skillet over medium - low heat, warm the oil and toast the curry paste, turmeric and chiles (if using) until extremely fragrant 2 to 3 minutes, stir and lower heat as needed to prevent sticking Step 2: Add the chicken and cook, breaking the meat up with a spoon. Stir to coat the meat in a curry paste and to prevent sticking and cook until the c hicken is opaque, 7 to practice, late night dates, and in my recent years post AA mee ting hang outs. In some ways this is a love song. My dad had a complaint that all my songs were depressing so I challenged myself to write some songs about love. Not only the love between me and my girlfriend but the love of simple pleasures and love of th e mundane. There are so many simple things that make life beautiful and I truly find diners to be one of those simple pleasures. Having traveled across the country I find diners always hold a sense of homeliness. Even the shitty chain diners; though waffle house outweigh every other option by a country mile. This song focuses on the particulars of your company. It’s important to notice who sticks around and who you find yourself going to diners with as you age. While I certainly don’t go to the diner with the same people as I did when I was 16 a few of those frien ds stuck around and I find myself appreciating them more and more every day Page 6 Page 19 Odds and Ends Jawbreaker I popped my jaw straight up off the hinge, I tasted blood sneaking down my lips I broke my jaw to hide my words Swallow every vile thing I wanted you to hear Maybe it’s better that Ican[‘t say a word Maybe it’s better if I keep this to myself Maybe it’s better If I don't sing this song But hey, maybe not Don’t say anything, it doesn't matter who's even listening blah blah blah blah There’s a process a method to this madness a hidden meaning deep within the silence It might be better if we hold the quiet anyway I’ve got nothing good to say Maybe it’s better if we listen to each other Maybe it’s better if we don’t say a word Maybe it’ s better walking a mile in your shoes Maybe it’s better; it probably is Don’t say anything, it doesn't matter who's even listening blah blah blah blah So first and foremost the most important thing you need to know about Jawbreaker and Strawberry wings is that these songs would not even be remotely close to as good as they were if it was not for Liz Fackelman, Joe Scala and Natalie Baker. I’ve known Liz and Joe for upwards of 10 years now and they’re in a wide assortment of New Jersey bands. My favorite ba nd of theirs is The Best of the Worst who is an incredible Ska - Core band that if you’re reading this zine you need to listen to. Along with that they’re both teachers just like me who have never I’ve swallowed pesticides, to kill the bugs inside, they seem to be digging back and forth I’ve swallowed pesticides, to kill the bugs inside, they seem to be biting at every thought I’ve swallowed pesticides, to kill the bugs inside, they seem to be eat ing every fucking thought This song is 100% inspired by my own narcissism. I suffer greatly from main character syndrome and it’s actively one of my least favorite character traits. What I find even more annoying is not only am I obsessed with myself I am entirely paranoid and self - conscious about everyone hating me. So, it’s not like my brain could even pick a side. This song is all about that constant battle going up on top where I cannot settle down. No matter what the situation I find myself constantly second guessing what I’m saying, thinking, and doing because I’m a fraid someone somewhere will find me suspect or annoying. I like to think this is a feeling a lot of people relate to and the more they listen to this song the more they might figure out about themselves. Page 18 Page 7 Ant King I’m the king of the world in my head Every soldier with a want for me dead I told myself I’m public enemy number 1 I am nothing, I am no one I’m the ruler of the whole universe, I am god, bow at my feet, build up a lot Pray for savior, pray for peace, I think I can do that at least I am the king in my head, why am I so filled with fucking dread I am nothing, I am no one, And that’s exactly what I want I was the king of the world in my head now I'm not sure if I'm alive or if I'm dead spaced out and being thrown about by this viscous cycle merry go round Don't feel for me, don't show me any pity because I do this to myself constantly you'd think I'd enjoy purgatory compromised their DIY ethics through getting careers. In fact , I’ve always admired them, and connected with them on how DIY music has vastly impacted the way the three of us teach and how the three of us connect with our students. They are two incredible people and if you do one thing from this zine it’s listen to The Best of the Worst. Natalie has quickly become one of my dearest friends. I play in a band with them called Gambo and I absolutely love Natalie’s writing style. Natalie is an incredible solo artist in their own right and seeing them craft such good mus ic was a huge inspiration for Knifethroat. Now onto the song, this song is about TMJ. I recently developed it over the pandemic. I don’t know if it was the stress of the world closing down around me or just the normal stresses of turning 28 but there was a week long span where I could barely open my mouth and talk. This led to me wondering if that was for the better and writing a song about how it might have been a lot better if I wasn’t talking all the time. This song was heavily influenced by the Seattle Rock and Roll band Dead Bars who I could only wish to emulate in my song writing. At the end of the day most of what we have to say doesn’t matter and is dumb so sometimes it’d be good if everyone got TMJ and stopped talking for a bit. Page 8 Page 17 Stra wberry Wings I’m climbing mountains that I wasn’t meant to climb Am I the impostor though Theo says I’m fine Got a chip on my shoulder that I can’t leave behind I’m my biggest doubter and I don’t have the time. I’m bridging gaps that seem impossible I’m meeting new, new friends all the time I’m dodging mirrors and I just wanted to clear my mind If I sit here maybe I’ll turn out just fine Somethings creeping crawling up this windy climb Breathing down my neck and watching with its eyes can I even do this I don’t know if i’ll be fine Who am I kidding this is such a waste of time I’m bridging gaps that seem impossible I’m meeting new, new friends all the time I’m dodging mirrors and I just wanted to clear my mind If I sit here maybe I’ll turn out just fine I’m picking up the pieces of my life, and there you are at every turn to tell me I’m wrong, to protect me from hurt to fill me up I swear if I can do this again I’d do this with you We’re so much stronger between the two I hid for so long and threw you away but you’re a friend who put me in my place If I could do this again, I’d sail this gallant ship hand in hand This is the second true love song I ever wrote. Inspired by my dad who complained all my songs were too dark, depressing, and edgy. This song is one hundred percent dedicated to my girlfriend and in particular a song idolizing the long nights driving in the ca r going to and from different shows. If you asked anyone mine and Jenna’s biggest unifying hobby is music. We’ve driven, flown, walked, and probably swam to shows all over the country. My favorite hobby with her is driving down highways listening to the sa me six bands over and over again talking about them as if we haven’t seen them a hundred times, listened to them millions, and digested everything we could about them. This is my love song to 11 years of a relationship, hours spent on the road, and how I h ope to spend the rest of my life with a person I hold very dear. Page 16 Page 9 Chasing Sunsets I want to be stuck in your bed The way you’re stuck living rent free in my head Occupying every hour of every day Every single phrase tattoo’d in my brain I wanna know your plans, and sing all those cheesy songs from our favorit e bands, I wanna know your plans, painting the highway lines with our clapping hands If I could do this again, I’d sail this gallant ship hand in hand I lost track of all the years, I think those moved on with every fear, Time isn’t anything, especially with every song you sing I wanna know your plans, and sing all those cheesy songs from our favorite bands, I wanna know your plans, painting the highway lines with our clapping hands I absolutely loved how this song came out.. This song is 100% based on and reflective of the video game Celeste. I was absolutely obsessed with Celeste over the pandemic. I couldn’t st op playing it and the story resonated so deeply with me. Long story short it’s about a woman coming to terms with every part of herself, learning to love that part, and working with her parts to overcome obstacles. I know the creators of the game have come out and said that the story is a trans allegory but I so deeply resonated with the message that I had to write a little punk tune about it. It really reminded me of something that I worked through with a therapist for several years. I have Bipolar disorde r, a way that I look at my disorder is that there are hundreds of different unique parts of me all vying for attention and control. If I ignore one part for too long it impacts me mentally, if I give into one part for too long I engage in negative behavior s. In order to be a fully functioning human being I find myself having to harmonize those points and give each part a respected amount of time, love, and understanding. I highly suggest this game, it’s out on most consoles and has a soundtrack that will bl ow anything I write out of the water. Page 10 Page 15 Songs for House Plants Son gs Evolving from Dead Bands I crashed my car the other day you told me, you told me you’d do the same You left without me, left me in the rain, I guess that’s okay. What’s left is everything in my brain, it’s just me, at the end of the day, and you know what, We’ll be okay, I guess that’s ok I wrote a sequel to the opener to the demo! Very short, very simple. It’s just a reminder that despite what other people do t o you you are always left with yourself and you can be okay with that or you can be not okay with that it’s totally up to you. These days never change (not if you want them) X4 My love song to my messy amazing childhood. I had an incredible experience growing up. While at the time I didn’t think so reflecting back I’m incredibly thankful for my time growing up in my small town of Nanuet New York. I had parents that were trying their best to give me a good childhood while going through a terrible divorce themselves. This song is a love note to all of the aspects of childhood. The good times where I was hanging out with my friends, and then the bad times where I w as dealing with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. My childhood was a sloppy beautiful mess and I’m always going to treasure that. I have certain friends that I’ve had since third grade (two of them are in this band) and it’s just crazy all the foolishness we g ot into together and how most of us made it out as functioning adults. This song is a love song to that. Not just the good nights but those bad nights where you felt like the whole world was out to get you and that things couldn’t get better. Page 14 Page 11 The thing about it is that you never truly get rid of all the baggage, rather it be a weird stain on the wall of your living room or emotional baggage from high school we learn to live with it. We can scrub all we want but those things are still there and we’ll work through it. I feel like it’s simila r to the idea of throwing a new layer of paint on an old car, yes it might look better but all those issues are still there. I really connect with that idea, I can reinvent myself a million times over but the fact of the matter is that there will always be issues I’m dealing with and there are always areas that will need improvement. I also think that shouldn’t be something that’s depressing. I like my flaws, and while they make life difficult sometimes I’ve learned a lot of acceptance when it comes to my b ad parts. For most of us the best thing we can do is accept it. Accept the bad and learn to love it just as much as you love the good. Rt 59 Living like a child learning how to drive foot timid on the gas extra heavy on the break Overshooting every turn afraid of other lanes and the cars within them I swear I’m never over this got tight noose round my neck and shadow in my brain I swear I’ll paint the whole town red leave a note they won’t forget and make no meaningful change woods philosoph izing over men and the gods that rule them I swear I’m never over this got tight noose round my neck and shadow in my brain I swear I’ll paint the whole town red leave a note they won’t forget and make no meaningful change Little Leaf Another night singing to your leaves A little life in every breathe I breath I’ll watch you grow every si ngle day Each flower a hit of dopamine to my brain It’s pretty special watching growth every day It’s something simple done in no special way But we keep changing and we’re never the same You’re something special, don’t ever change I’ll watch you grow every single day Each flower a hit of dopamine to my brain, Soar little leaf, get so far away, I want you to fly, and find life in another way It’s pretty special watching growth every day It’s something simple done in no special way Page 12 Page 13 But we keep changing and we’re never the same You’re something special, don’t ever change A love song to my house plants. The same house plants that this EP is named after and the same plants the cover is modeled after. I bought some house plants while quarantining and I qui ckly fell in love with them. I find watering and taking care of my plants incredibly cathartic and really freeing. Especially with living alone the plants were welcome company and they are the first audience for any song I write. De c ay The buildings stay haunted, no matter how much we cleanse them. It’s as if we were tainted from the start. No one believed it, they hoped it’d get better, the roaches kept growing, and mold was spreading from bottom to top Cleanse the foundation, start in the garden Dig up the bones, wash them all over Kill the weeds, the bugs, and the gnats Burn down the house, use the ash as fertilizer No amount of love or good intentions can save them, It has to start from the inside out Cause the ghosts are happy, they’ve been hear since creation, They flow through the stone like blood to the veins in the heart Cleanse the foundation, start in the garden Dig up the bones, wash them all over Kill the weeds, the bugs, and the gnats Burn d own the house, use the ash as fertilizer A ton of symbolism in this track. I wrote this song discussing my deal with depression. I also wrote it with my feelings on living in an old apartment building with a ton of other people. It’s really frustrating because a lot of people think that for both cases there are quick fixes but in reality it’s a constant struggle. Maintaining a healthy mind, and a healthy living situation is a day by day long arduous process.