Report_On_The_Investigation_Into_Norms_Schlorm.pdf - B. Caesar

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5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm Special Counsel BlindCaesar Submitted Pursuant to 28 C.F.R. § 600.8(c) Washington, D.C. May 2019 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 1/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice Table of Contents I. Introduction to Volume I…………………………………………………………………………...2 II. The Nature and Operation of the Schlorm…………………………………………………...4 III. Underlying Evidence………………………………………………………………………………….6 IV. Introduction to Volume II…………………………………………………………………………..14 V. Individuals So Named and Their Potentially Disruptive and Criminal Actions...15 VI. Conclusion………………………………………………………………………………………………...24 1 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 2/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice Introduction/Executive Summary This report is submitted to the Attorney General pursuant to 28 C.F.R. § 600.8(c), which states that, “[a]t the conclusion of the Special Counsel’s work, he… shall provide the Attorney General a confidential report explaining the prosecution or declination decisions [the Special Counsel] reached.” On February 15, 2019, an undercover Law Enforcement Officer (LEO, henceforth) began exchanging internet messages with one Alexander T. Norman. Below are a variety of example of the content of these messages: …………...HOM………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………[INFORMATION REDACTED]…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… On March 13, 2019, Alexander True Norman (also known by the aliases “atnorman”, “UofAStud”, “some guy who does stuff”, “schlorman”, and many more unrelated to current proceedings) was indicted 2 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 3/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice in the U.S. District Court of Arizona for violations of 18 U.S.C. §§ 2422(b)1 and 18 U.S.C. § 24282. Mr. Norman’s case is currently pending in the court of the honorable Judge Alan Soto. Upon learning of Mr. Norman’s indictment, there were whisperings of a pervasive force which dominated all proceedings related to Mr. Norman. Particularly, media reports discussed the impact of “Norm’s Schlorm” (also known as “the schlorm”) on Mr. Norman’s prosecution and how said schlorm may have impacted Mr. Norman and those around him. Within the Executive Branch, concerns about the schorm led to the appoint of Special Counsel BlindCaesar in late March 2019. The order appointing the Special Counsel authorized him to investigate “all matters related to (a) the nature of the schlorm; (b) the impact of the schlorm on current proceedings; and (c) crimes tangentially related to the proliferation of the schlorm (if applicable)”. In particular, this office focused its investigation on describing the nature of the schlorm and any links/coordination between members of the Neoliberal community and the schlorm. As set forth in detail in this report, the Special Counsel’s investigation established that the schlorm has significant connections and links to those within not just the Neoliberal community, but several political communities across several social media, voice over ip, and news platforms. Additionally, this report establishes a more concrete understanding of the nature of the schlorm and how it operates (detailed later on in this report). Firstly, several influencers in the Neoliberal community (wittingly and unwittingly) helped to propagate the schlorm to both the greater Neoliberal community and other political communities. Second, these individuals, hereafter referred to as “schlormites”, actively disseminated false information regarding the nature of the schlorm and how it operates. The investigation also identified links between members who self-describe themselves as “Neoliberal exiles” and the schlorm. This report on this office’s investigation consists of two volumes: Volume I describes the factual results of the Special Counsel’s investigation of the schlorm-- mostly consisting of our conclusion of the nature of the schlorm and how it operates. 1 Unlawful Enticement of a Minor 2 Forfeiture Allegation 3 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 4/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice Volume II describes the actions of those within a variety of political communities and how those actions both (a) aided and abetted the proliferation of the schlorm; and (b) hindered the course of this investigation. Volume I: The Nature and Operation of the Schlorm Through this office’s use of Investigative Technique [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED]HOM[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] From this information the Special Counsel’s Office was able to establish that the schlorm, contrary to public belief, is not a single individual’s sexual organ. Indeed, the schlorm, is not a physical thing at all. Rather, the schlorm is a pervasive force which underlies HOM [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] within several internet political communities. The perception that the schlorm is a bodily appendage has been falsely and knowingly propagated by moderators within the Neoliberal community.3 3 Volume II provides greater detail on this matter. 4 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 5/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice While the schlorm is not a tangible good, it is believed (to the best of this office’s knowledge) that its propagation requires active and knowing participation. The mechanism by which the schlorm is spread is currently unknown. What is known, however, is the effect of the schlorm and how it interacts with the human psyche. In particular the schlorm is believe to have a significant impact on the HOMemotional state, self-control, and sexual proclivities of those under its sway. It is worth nothing that the schlorm is not believed to impact the rational autonomy of those it affects-- this is to say that those affected are believed to be entirely responsible for their own actions under any psychological, or philosophical standard.4 The schlorm, while a new descriptor, is believed to be simply an extension of concepts found throughout history including the Maya, HOM [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] Additionally, this office has clearly established that the schlorm is not a localized phenomenon and permeates across time, space, and communities. In particular, this office observed at least 287 instances of the schlorm having a radical and noticeable impact on communities in Asia, Europe, North America, South America, and Africa.5 While the schlorm is primarily and abstract force, it has very real consequences on those it affects. As such, this office is recommending immediate action be taken by those within internet political communities (where the schlorm is known to most thrive)6 to form investigative committees with significant resources and abilities that go beyond what this office was able to accomplish. To quote Agent Personal Privacy, the agent in charge of field operations for this office, “[this office] has limited resources 4 See: interviews with Drs. Personal Privacy and Personal Privacy 5 Little data is available of schlorm proliferation in other parts of the globe. However, it is believed that several known phenomenon in places such as Australia can be attributed to the schlorm (see: HOM[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED]). 6 See: HOM[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] 5 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 6/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice by design and thus is unable to do anything more than identification and surveillance of the schlorm, it is thus up to those who commissioned this report to stunt the growth and proliferation of the schlorm. Mere identification is not sufficient to end this threat.” Underlying Evidence Below is a list of underlying evidence to support our conclusion as to the nature and operation of the schlorm: HOM[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION 6 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 7/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - 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Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] HOM[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] Investigative Technique[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED]7[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] HOM [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION 7 We may call this, simply, “schlorman”. 8 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 9/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] Inferences can be made based upon the behavior of several known agents of the schlorm (listed in greater detail in Volume II). These inferences are just that, mere inferences, however they are still key to better understand the nature of the schlorm and how it operates. A. Globalism - HOM [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDA. Notably, this is not how mechanisms of globalism function at any level. [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION 9 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 10/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION 10 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 11/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] Grand Jury[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] Investigative Technique[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED]8 HOM[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION 8 Tweet from @realDonaldTrump May 7th 2019: “Democrats in Congress must vote to close the terrible loopholes at the Southern Border. If not, harsh measures will have to be taken!” 11 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 12/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION 12 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 13/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] Information Gatheting Technique[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] 13 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 14/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice Introduction to Volume II This report is submitted to the Attorney General pursuant to 28 C.F.R. § 600.8(c), which states that, “[a]t the conclusion of the Special Counsel’s work, he… shall provide the Attorney General a confidential report explaining the prosecution or declination decisions [the Special Counsel] reached.” Beginning in March 2019, the moderation team of the Neoliberal discord (hereafter referred to as NL) took a variety of actions intended to both help to proliferate the schlorm and impede this office’s investigation into all schlorm-related matters. The Special Counsel’s jurisdiction covered potential obstructive acts related to the course of the investigation. If we had confidence after a thorough investigation of the facts that the NL moderation team and others named below did not commit obstruction of justice, or any other listed crimes, we would so state. Based on the facts and the applicable legal standards, however, we are unable to reach a judgement regarding prosecution of these individuals. The evidence that we have obtained about the NL moderation team and other’s actions and intent presents difficult issues that prevent us, with the power afforded to this office, from conclusively determining that no criminal conduct occurred. Accordingly, while this office does not conclude that the NL moderation team and others described in this report commited a crime, it does not exonerate them. This volume shall list off a series of individuals and present the evidence for potential crimes (as well as matters of significant public interest). We shall, when appropriate, point to clearly obstructive behavior and other crimes. While we make no clear criminal referrals, we present this report e in the hopes that agencies with appropriate jurisdiction will examine these complex issues closer. 14 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 15/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice Individuals So Named and Their Potentially Disruptive and Criminal Actions A. Sailor Personal Privacy a. Description: A sailor from a landlocked state. Little of any importance is known about this individual. b. Potential Disruptive and Criminal Actions: On multiple occasions this individual would attempt to distract the investigation through the use of pointed slurs. At one point threatened Agent Personal Privacy with physical violence upon being interrogated on this individual’s connection to the schlorm. Additionally, there seems to be significant threats of physical violence against other subjects of this investigation, though there is no definitive evidence if such threats affected the actions or testimony of any of the subjects listed in this section. Of particular note to this investigation is the proliferation of the schlorm through HOM [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED]. See below for example of the use of charged language to distract this investigation and to obfuscate its principal conclusions. c. Evidence: B. PPersonal Privacy KPersonal Privacy a. Description: Frequent poster in far left reddit threads. This individual has become linked inextricably to the Chapo Trap House reddit. While widely reviled, PK (as he shall be known henceforth) has garnered a minor following among far 15 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 16/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice left organization across social media platforms. While he himself is not a significant figure, he is tangentially related to significant figures. Is noteworthy for the shear amount of time he spends online. b. Potential Disruptive and Criminal Actions: On more than one occasion this individual posted purposely false information in an attempt to mislead the investigation and to obscure legitimate sources of information. C. Scipio Africanus a. Description: Moderator in the Neoliberal discord server. Known ties to the nation of HOM ECUADOR Currently being investigated for HOM [INFORMATION REDACTED by [INFORMATION REDACTED] b. Potential Disruptive and Criminal Actions: On HOM[INFORMATION REDACTED] was involved with several members of the Neoliberal moderator team in a massive deletion of data related to the investigation. Due to the fact that the content of this information could not be verified no charges can be brought. Additionally, on April 14, 2019, was involved in a series of personal attacks against the special counsel’s office that were meant to undermine the legitimacy of the office. D. CrunkDealer a. Description: Current owner of the Neoliberal discord server. Previously administrator of the HOM {information redacted server. Often spotted in areas of Haiti, the Louisiana bayou, and in several remoted, wooded locations. At one point was the target of a failed investigation regarding the purchase of Personal Privacy[information redacted][information redacted][information 16 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 17/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice redacted][information redacted][information redacted][information redacted] Known associate of Steve Personal Privacy b. Potential Disruptive and Criminal Actions: Upon the creation of the current Neoliberal discord server, CrunkDealer engaged in a series of purposefully belligerent behavior meant to affect the course of this special counsel’s investigation. Below are a series of actions CrunkDealer, or was, at some level, involved in: i. Involved in the illicit purchase and transport of the following goods: 1. HOMrmation Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] 2. [Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] 3. [Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] 4. [Information Redacted][Information Redacted] 5. [Information Redacted] 6. [Information Redacted] 7. [Information Redacted] 8. [Information Redacted][Information Redacted] 9. [Information Redacted] 10. 1x - X-Large Cast Iron Cauldron 11. [Information Redacted][Information Redacted] 12. [Information Redacted] 13. [Information Redacted] 17 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 18/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice 14. [Information Redacted] 15. [Information Redacted] 16. [Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] 17. [Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] 18. [Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] ii. On several dates, including HOM[Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] CrunkDealer was involved with a concentrated attempt to deny information to this office regarding the details of “Norm’s schlorm”. This included, but was not limited to, silencing the special counsel, ordering subordinates not to answer questions, and banning all mention of the word “schlorm”. iii. On April 21, 2019 Agent Personal Privacy was involved in an investigation of the schlorm’s effect on individuals within the Neoliberal community. Upon requesting more information from CrunkDealer, the agent was spirited away suddenly and violently. A week later Agent Personal Privacy awoke in the Louisiana bayou with no memories of the preceding weeks. The agent described a strong smell of sulphur which permeated his olfactory system for weeks on end. 18 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 19/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice iv. On April 3, 2019, CrunkDealer asked Scipio Africanus to “lift the cloud” of the investigation into the schlorm.9 Scipio Africanus claimed to take this as a decree to “remove the special counsel”. CrunkDealer’s request went ignored. On April 10, 2019, April 14, 2019, and April 25, 2019 CrunkDealer repeated these requests to Scipio Africanus-- being ignored and diverted each time. v. Despite lacking the authority to do so, on several occassions, CrunkDealer removed Special Counsel BlindCaesar from the server in an attempt to limit his information gathering. This proved to be fruitless as Agents Personal Privacy[Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] remained in the server and actively procured pertinent information. vi. On several occasions (most notably on HOM[Information Redacted]) several within CrunkDealer’s inner-circle10 reported that CrunkDealer was attempting to “cast a hex” on the special counsel. The exact meaning of the words are believed to be related to CrunkDealer’s status as a witch. vii. Repeatedly denied knowing of the existence of Steve Personal Privacy11 despite an obvious close relationship between the two. viii. Repeatedly and purposefully misled investigators about the nature of the schlorm. On several occassions CrunkDealer asserted to the general public and to investigators that the schlorm was “[Alexander True Norman]’s penis”. This, as established in Volume I, is false. 9 See: HOM[Information Redacted][Information Redacted] in Volume I. 10 Including HOM[Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] 11 Also known as “the bull”. 19 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 20/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice ix. On more than one occasion labelled this office’s investigation as a “grudge” and a “witch hunt”12. This is believed to be an intentional obfuscation of the purpose and scope of this office’s investigation. x. Repeated violations of Federal Aviation Administration restrictions on airspace usage. HOM[Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] xi. Failure to register domestic animals. Our investigation found that CrunkDealer was in possession of: 1. 1x Black Bombay Cat 2. 47x - Female Chickens 3. 3x - Male Roosters 4. 38x - Live Newts xii. E. Boxxy Brownn a. Description: Current student at Personal Privacy. Believed to have served on the Ron DeSantis for Governor campaign. Actively involved with several hate groups in the states of Florida and Kentucky. b. Potential Disruptive and Criminal Actions: On March 28, 2019 Boxxy Brownn, in a public space, shouted a racially charged slur aimed at those of African descent. Upon being confronted by local authorities Boxxy was taken into 12 HOM [Information Redacted][Information Redacted] 20 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 21/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice custody for assault of a police officer. Plead guilty to the assault and the underlying hate crime on April 1, 2019. Currently serving 4 months in Personal Privacy F. ABBAB a. Description: Noted racist. Possible member of the Connecticut Ku Klux Klan chapter. b. Potential Disruptive and Criminal Actions: Potentially related to several hate crimes committed in HOMormation Redacted]. Referred to: HOM [Information Redacted] G. Karen Personal Privacy a. Description: Known prostitute. Currently being investigated by HOM [Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] b. Potential Disruptive and Criminal Actions: Kidnapped “the kids”, HOM[Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted][Information Redacted] H. HOM[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION 21 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 22/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] I. HOM[INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] J. HOM [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] a. [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] 1. [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] ii. [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] 22 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 23/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice iii. [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] iv. [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] b. [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] c. [INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED][INFORMATION REDACTED] 23 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 24/25 5/10/2019 Report On The Investigation Into Norm’s Schlorm - Google Docs Dipshit Coalition Department of Justice Conclusions This report set about establishing three principle things: 1) the nature of the schlorm, 2) how the schlorm operates and propagates, and 3) crimes committed by those being investigated during the course of this investigation. Points 1) and 2) are clearly elucidated above. As for point 3), because we determined not to make a traditional prosecutorial judgement, we did not draw any concrete conclusions about the conduct of any of the above named individuals (unless otherwise stated). The evidence that we obtained and the legal analysis that we engaged in about the actions of the Neoliberal moderation team and other actors named above presents difficult questions that cannot be answered within the purview of this office’s investigation. At the same time, if we had confidence after our thorough investigation of the facts that none of those listed above commited a crime, we would so state. Based on the facts and the applicable legal standards, we are unable to reach that judgement. Accordingly, while this report does not conclude that those listed above commited a crime, it also does not exonerate them. 24 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gQjcnXLxI5gzD7bcGlvHazDG-TmjBnyQVnpL4oiTjA0/edit 25/25