THE CAT'S MEOW BY BY ZOMBIEKITTIEZ ZOMBIEKITTIEZ AND AND BANIALUKA BANIALUKA The knock at the agency door stirs Phoenix from his light snooze on the couch. He’d wedged his tiny twin sized into the back to make a little room just for Trucy; he crashes on the couch and his clothes get hung in the coat closet. He’s a man of few needs, really. Plus it’s plausible deniability when the landlord swings by for inspection. Phoenix scratches his stomach, shirt riding up. He pulls his beanie on- ugh. He really needs to wash his hair. It’s probably not Kristoph - better not be Kristoph, he made it pretty clear they are Hanging Out In Public friends only, but better safe than sorry. Probably it’s a salesman. Phoenix opens the door. “Are you going to ask me in?” Miles Edgeworth asks after a too-long silence, clutching at his left arm nervously. Phoenix is pretty pissed when Edgeworth goes MIA after the badge thing. Sure, he’d made a bad fucking call, but it’s terribly unfair. They finally seemed to reach some kind of equilibrium after Hazakura. He has Edgeworth’s cell phone number! There were texts, more than one text! They had lunch in public! Public. Where anyone could see him socializing with a defense attorney. For a guy like Edgeworth, that’s a metaphorical friendship bracelet. Phoenix isn’t greedy; he knows one sided love when it’s fleeing across an ocean or two. Phoenix has unlucky childhood friend written all over his character bio. Whoever hooks Edgeworth down the line is going to be something extra special. Phoenix is fine - he just wants his friendship bracelet back. Author's Note: To tell you the truth, I had a lot of mixed feelings about this fic. I had even considered deleting it at one point. Banialuka's art turned my thinking around and now I appreciate it so much more <3 1 1 “What’s with the hat?” Phoenix asks stupidly. Which, hypocritical much? But seriously, it’s a weird hat: Edgeworth in a black bowler with a pink band. He does step back to let Edgeworth come inside, though. “It was a necessity, not a fashion statement,” Edgeworth says tersely. There’s something strange about the way he is moving; he practically radiates discomfort. Of course he would, around Phoenix now. “Long time no see,” Phoenix says, trying not to sound bitter about it. “I was busy.” Phoenix snorts. “Too busy for a text? Nevermind, I know. Not like I was a priority. Just, you know, falling into a pit of doom over here. No way I could have used a little support.” Edgeworth’s eyes widen. There’s something a little funny about his eyes, too, now that Phoenix is looking. Edgeworth seems to notice his attention and quickly turns away. “I would have been here sooner if I could have,” he mutters. “I don’t understand the hostility, Wright. Surely you know it was only the most unavoidable of situations that would result in my absence-” “Is it the kid?” Phoenix asks abruptly. “Because I know you’re not great with them, but Trucy’s great with everyone.” “What? No, are you mad?” Edgeworth is taken aback. “I was an orphan raised by a lawyer. How could I possibly dislike her?” “Then it’s the evidence forgery? I know I should have vetted it better, but it was a last minute addition!” “I am the last person in the world to condemn anyone for being mislead into presenting false evidence,” Edgeworth says, mouth turning up into a self- deprecating smile that Phoenix wants to wipe right off his stupid infuriating face. “Then... Gramarye escaping?” “What were you meant to do, tackle him?” Edgeworth snorts derisively. “So... me, then.” Phoenix says, swallowing hard. “It was something I did or said or just... me.” “No!” Edgeworth turns back around fiercely. “You didn’t do anything wrong. 2 2 I... I didn’t do anything wrong, this isn’t like before. I had a reason...” “Tell me?” Phoenix begs, looking up into Edgeworth’s eyes, pupils strangely shaped, long and thin in the well lit room. ... Wait. “I’m home!” Trucy yells, slamming the front door open so it bangs against the frame. Edgeworth jumps two feet in the air, hat tumbling to the ground. Phoenix doesn’t even flinch. His eyes are fixed to Edgeworth’s mussy hair... and the two grey cat ears peeking out. Oh, of course. Phoenix relaxes. This is a dream. Obviously. No way Edgeworth would just show up like this, saying these kinds of things. He considers leaning over to give Dream-Edgeworth a kiss, just to see what it might be like. Phoenix settles for reaching up to gently touch his ears instead. They’re softly furred and warm. Edgeworth hisses and strikes out, smacking Phoenix across the face. He leaps back, putting the armchair between them. Then, coming back to himself, Edgeworth covers his mouth with his hand, horrified. Phoenix winces, touching his reddened cheek gingerly. “Ouch,” he says. “Not a dream, then.” “Daddy, why is the cat man hitting you?” Trucy asks. “Because I was rude and didn’t ask permission before touching his ears. You should always ask for that kind of thing,” Phoenix explains. “May I touch your ears?” Trucy asks. “Erm. Perhaps... later.” Edgeworth replies. She nods and heads back to her room. “My apologies, Wright. You startled me.” “No, I shouldn’t have done that. I was just surprised. Here, sit down. So this is why you disappeared for three months, then?” “Yes. Ah...” Edgeworth looks faintly embarrassed. “What’s up?” Phoenix sits on the couch. “It’s hard to sit on cushioned seats without... Ahem. It’s my... tail. You see.” “Your tail,” Phoenix repeats, mouth dry. Edgeworth nods. “May I...?” “Yeah,” Phoenix says, absolutely clueless as to what he’s agreeing to. He’s too hung up on tail. 3 3 Tail? Like a cat tail? But that’s so cute. Is he into that? He’s into Edgeworth. Fuck, he might be into that. It’s completely anticlimactic when Edgeworth simply fiddles with his clothes a bit and a long fluffy grey tail appears. Of course he’d have his clothes custom tailored to accommodate. Edgeworth sits on the other end of the couch primly and explains. Three months ago Edgeworth had sent a perfectly acceptable good luck in the Gramarye case, you will need it text and gone off to his own court case involving a museum director’s untimely end. Local superstition had it that the man had been cursed for touching the Forbidden Feline Statuette. The true cause of death was unearthed, the culprit caught and the victim avenged - but unfortunately the curse had been very real. Edgeworth had needed to examine the cat statue to prove it wasn’t the murder weapon. He woke the day after the trial as a cat. “A full cat?” Phoenix interrupts to ask, making a small, vaguely boxy shape with his hands to demonstrate size. “It was a trying time.” Edgeworth avoids his eyes. “It took a great deal of research to even regain this much autonomy.” “But you’re getting better, right? You’re less... uh... catty? Than before?” Edgeworth looks at him steadily without changing his expression but his tail flicks back and forth in displeasure. “What is it? You might as well tell me,” Phoenix wheedles. “I may have retained some cat-like tendencies.” Edgeworth allows. “Aside from the ears and tail?” Phoenix asks wryly. “Got a thing for catnip mice?” Edgeworth’s ears flatten. “Hey, no, I’m sorry. I am taking this seriously, it’s just... weird.” “My behaviors may differ somewhat from my custom. You are... under no obligation to tolerate them.” “It’s fine,” Phoenix says. “We’ll manage.” What the hell does that mean? Doesn’t matter. If Edgeworth wants to claw up the furniture, he’s welcome to it. Trucy’s already burned a hole in one of the cushions doing a magic trick that is firmly on the forbidden list now. “Wait,” he says. “You’re talking like you’re planning to stick around awhile.” 4 4 “Well.” Edgeworth’s tail flicks again. “I can’t travel in my current condition. I will be working locally for the foreseeable future. I can always consult international cases remotely if necessary.” “It’s the plane, isn’t it?” Phoenix asks sympathetically. “Is it worse when you’re stressed?” Edgeworth closes his eyes. “I had to ride back in a cat carrier,” he admits with overwhelming shame. prosecutor thing.” “It’s undignified,” Edgeworth complains. “Edgeworth,” Phoenix says, laying a supportive hand on his shoulder. “So’s the hat.” Once the issue is settled, Trucy starts wondering very loudly about feeding time for small children. Phoenix catches on immediately. “Gee, I don’t know. I meant to go grocery shopping earlier, but we kind of got sidetracked...” Father and daughter exchange a conspiratorial glance. “Allow me to treat you both to dinner,” Edgeworth says grandly, clearly thinking it was his idea all along. They go out for absurdly expensive sushi, further indication that Edgeworth Has No Clue About Children, but Trucy traveled all over with the Gramaryes. She’s perfectly content with shrimp tempura and a bucketful of edamame. Phoenix picks up a piece of salmon and glances away for just a second, long enough to tell Trucy to be careful with that cup of dipping sauce - cleaning sesame oil off a sequined cape is a real pain. He turns back just in time to see Edgeworth lean in and steal the fish right The first order of business is to convince Edgeworth to get rid of the hat. “You get a hat,” he points out defensively. “I need this hat, I told you,” Phoenix says, pulling it down a little more firmly. “Plus Trucy made it for me. You got a cute kid that can whip up techno-integrated knitwear on demand?” “I can’t just walk around like this,” Edgeworth says, pointing at his ears. “Sure you can,” Phoenix reminds him. “Godot had the visor, Franziska’s got the whip, the Paynes have whatever is going on with the toupee... one little pair of cat ears is just going to be another quirky 5 5 out from between his chopsticks. “H-Hey,” Phoenix protests, fighting a smile. “Don’t you have your own?” Edgeworth blinks, fish half hanging out of his mouth. His tail fluffs even larger than usual in surprise. He chews and swallows his stolen goods, slowly turning pink all the while. “My apologies,” he says, mortified. “I can order more,” Phoenix says with a little shrug. “What was that, a cat thing?” “You were waving it,” Edgeworth protests. “Right in front of my nose.” “Here, you want another?” Phoenix lifts another piece of salmon and waggles it in front of Edgeworth to tease him; to their surprise, Edgeworth leans forward to nab it too. “Stop that,” Edgeworth demands around the morsel, furious. “I will not be baited any further!” He looks ready to scratch Phoenix's eyes out. “Sorry, sorry,” Phoenix says, smothering a laugh with a spicy tuna roll. Everyone knows not to feed stray cats or they’ll never leave. Phoenix stocks the fridge and pantry; every time he has a pretext to ask Edgeworth over there’s a little sandwich and some tea waiting. “I’m not a tax attorney, Wright, I can’t imagine there would be anything for you to gain by having me looking over your paperwork,” Edgeworth says irritably, nibbling his tuna melt with obvious enjoyment. “Just double check my math,” Phoenix says innocently. Edgeworth finds five mistakes; Phoenix only left two on purpose. Soon Phoenix doesn’t have to call, Edgeworth is just drifting in and out of the agency at all hours. Sometimes Phoenix will wake up in the morning on the couch and Edgeworth will already be sitting in the armchair, quietly doing his work and drinking tea with too much cream. He always does the dishes before he leaves, too - the kitchenette never looked so good. “Does Mr. Edgeworth not have a house?” Trucy asks once. “Pretty sure they just put a cardboard box in the courthouse,” Phoenix quips. “Er, don’t tell him I said that. Listen, Trucy, 6 6 I’ve been working this angle since before you were born. Don’t blow it for me.” “That’s pretty sad, Daddy,” she says critically. “But I like going out for food that isn’t borscht, so I’ll be good.” It gets a little lonely when Trucy’s at school all day and Phoenix has hours yet to go before his shift starts. Edgeworth just hanging around underfoot is his new favorite thing. “What’s with your tail?” Phoenix asks one day when the curiosity gets the better of him. “What about it?” Edgeworth asks, not looking up from his casefile. “Well,” Phoenix says, looking down where it lays across the magazine he has been trying to read. “It just gets kinda... everywhere.” “I brush vigorously.” Edgeworth says, stiffly. “I don’t mean the shedding, I got used to that-” Edgeworth makes a small, outraged sound. “I mean it’s always in the way.” Edgeworth glances over, seeing the evidence first hand. He grabs his tail in both hands and draws it back into his lap. “Cat thing,” he says shortly. “Obviously. I, er. I do it all the time. Or so I was told.” “Yeah? Who was looking after you when you were a cat for three months anyway?” Phoenix asks, going back to his magazine. “Gumshoe." A few minutes later Phoenix feels Edgeworth’s tail brush against his bare ankle. One moment Edgeworth is standing by the sink doing the washing up and the next he is a grey cat sitting on the floor, impossibly fluffy. The white fur beneath his chin looks exactly like a cravat. Cat- Edgeworth looks up at Phoenix and meows piteously. “Edgeworth? You okay?” Phoenix asks, like the cat’s going to answer. Trucy scoops Cat-Edgeworth up and Phoenix turns the sink off. “What’s the matter, Mr. Edgeworth?” Trucy asks. Cat-Edgeworth tolerates her for about two seconds, then struggles to get down. When she opens her arms to let him free, he darts over and jumps onto the counter, up to the fridge and down onto Phoenix. His claws dig roughly into the back of Phoenix’s hoodie. 7 7 His claws dig roughly into the back of Phoenix’s hoodie. 8 8 “Ow, hey!” The ground begins to shake. Trucy and Phoenix duck under the dining room table until it passes; it isn’t a big one and their dishes don’t even shake off the counter. Cat-Edgeworth eels his way around on Phoenix’s shoulders, claws pricking through the thin shirt. “Good, Truce?” Trucy laughs, young enough that these kinds of things are still exciting. “Hey, we’re fine,” he tells the cat, and as the tremors die down, Cat-Edgeworth relaxes his claws, letting Phoenix cuddle him. He closes his eyes; Phoenix rubs behind his ears. Cat-Edgeworth doesn’t move a muscle, and he even lets Trucy touch his tail. “I think he’s really a cat,” Phoenix says a bit stupidly. He gives Trucy her brown bag lunch and sees her off to the bus. When he comes back inside, Cat- Edgeworth is batting a little ball Trucy uses for juggling practice up and down the room. Phoenix watches Cat- Edgeworth explore, jumping on Trucy’s props, twining behind them and getting his fur all over the place. Phoenix sits with a sigh. “Should I buy a litterbox?” He wonders out loud. Cat-Edgeworth trills in response, jumping up onto the couch beside Phoenix. “Oh hello. Checking in?” He asks the cat who steps into his lap, putting front paws against his chest and staring at Phoenix face to face. Phoenix pets Cat-Edgeworth along his back. He rubs his little cat face against Phoenix’s stubble; Phoenix is so touched that he doesn’t even mind that it makes him sneeze. After, the cat jumps back down to the floor. He slips into the bathroom, door left ajar a scant few inches. A few moments later, a human hand pushes the door all the way back open. Edgeworth adjusts his glasses, ears flicked back and uncomfortable. “Hey, it’s okay,” Phoenix says gently. “Why don’t you come sit down for a second?” Quietly, Edgeworth does. He leaves a large space between them. “You’re pretty sweet as a cat,” Phoenix says, answering the questions Edgeworth doesn’t want to ask out loud. “I’m just like that,” Edgeworth says, voice tight. “It is just a cat thing. I should leave.” 9 9 Edgeworth doesn’t come over for a week after that and Phoenix sulks about it. “You never had a pet growing up, did you?” Maya asks over the phone, amused. “Cats hide for a while after they fall off the windowsill. He’s just embarrassed, - he’ll disappear till he gets his dignity back. Isn’t that what happened with Germany, anyway? You should be used to it by now.” “Thanks,” Phoenix says flatly. “Really helpful.” “You just need to show you don’t think any less of him. No teasing about the cat thing! I’ll take a look at him when I finish up this pilgrimage thing. Ugh, I’m so sick of standing under waterfalls.” Phoenix has a good night at the Borscht Bowl: fifty extra bucks in tips because he’d gotten a cramp and called it an early night on the piano. He already knows just how to spend it. Phoenix sends a text invite to dinner and dangles more salmon as the draw. His cooking is lousy, but Edgeworth is conditioned by now. He turns up a half an hour early, avoiding Phoenix’s eyes like he is there by sheer coincidence and not by explicit invitation. Phoenix dishes up the plates and, as an afterthought, makes a pot of tea. He’s not sure what kind it is, but it has a cat on the box and he’d bought it for Edgeworth since it was cute. Edgeworth will find that annoying, and that is also cute. Out in the living room, Trucy runs a careful finger along Edgeworth’s ear while he sits calmly on the sofa. “Did you ask?” Phoenix checks sternly. “Of course,” Trucy assures him. “Trucy would never be so uncouth,” Edgeworth sniffs. The unlike some people is heavily implied. A funny thing happens over dinner: Edgeworth deflates slowly over time. His posture sags appallingly. He slumps in his chair. He ends up leaning heavily on one elbow on the tabletop, gazing across at Phoenix, eyes half lidded. Phoenix tries not to preen under the attention. It’s nice but also worrying. “Daddy, what’d you do?” Trucy asks reproachfully. “He’s lost all his bones.” “I didn’t do anything,” Phoenix protests. “It must be a weird cat thing.” Suspiciously, he grabs the box of tea. 10 10 Trucy takes it from him and looks the box over. Phoenix leans down into Edgeworth’s space. Edgeworth just blinks lazily back, smiling a little. “Cha-moh-mill catnip,” she reads from the fine print ingredients. “Oops,” Phoenix says. They leave him be while they clean up, but then Phoenix tries to get him to the couch. Grimacing and sending a silent apology to every muscle in his lower back, Phoenix grabs Edgeworth around the waist and finds himself with an armful of cat instead. Conveniently travel-sized Cat-Edgeworth is carried over to the armchair; Trucy is put to bed and Phoenix turns in for the night. In the early hours of the morning, Phoenix wakes, aware of a strange, unfamiliar warmth and pressure. He blinks. Cat-Edgeworth lays on Phoenix’s chest. When he sees that Phoenix is awake, he rolls over onto his back, looking at Phoenix upside down appealingly, clearly asking to be petted. Not the way he’d hoped things might go, waking up with Edgeworth. Still pretty nice, though. This time when Edgeworth turns back after a morning of chasing sunbeams and pushing Phoenix’s MASON notes off the side table, Phoenix blocks the door. “No,” he says firmly. “No skulking off. I told you it was fine and I meant it. It’s just your natural cat-like tendencies, right? It’s no big deal.” “...Yes,” Edgeworth said, relaxing slightly. “It’s normal cat behavior. If I must experience these ridiculous antics, I would prefer it be around those I trust implicitly. If you truly have no objections...” “The defense has no objections at this time,” Phoenix jokes, too distracted about trust implicitly to remember he is disbarred. Ugh. Edgeworth looks pleased at the joke, though, so Phoenix lets it slide. “Just do whatever you want,” Phoenix says. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Famous last words, nothing is fine. Edgeworth is stressed what with trying to prosecute in the Dark Age of the Law with any semblance of ethics and all, so it becomes a pretty regular occurrence that he turns up at the office in four-footed form. He lays across Phoenix’s piano when he’s trying to practice and follows 11 11 him around yowling till Phoenix picks him up. He likes to be carried, or to ride around on Phoenix’s shoulder. Whenever Phoenix happens to look over, Cat- Edgeworth touches their noses together in a whiskery little kiss. “A nuisance,” Phoenix tells him. “That’s what you are.” Cat-Edgeworth purrs. That’s bad enough, really, but it’s the other stuff that gets Phoenix right where he lives. Edgeworth has taken to heart Phoenix’s blanket permission to give into all his cat-like tendencies, even in human form. When they sit on the couch, Edgeworth scrunches right up next to Phoenix, their sides pressed together even though there’s plenty of space on the other side. He looks away pointedly, like he has no idea what he’s doing. He takes little naps right where Phoenix sleeps - his pillow starts smelling like shampoo he can’t afford. Worse, Edgeworth’s started bringing little presents, snacks Phoenix likes or toys for Trucy, leaving them on the counter quietly and looking away until someone notices and praises them. Phoenix is just grateful it’s not dead birds. The point is that it’s cute, and Phoenix was already unfortunately inclined to find Edgeworth’s silly cravat and his glasses and his thing for pink cute so adding in cat ears and tails and all this weird affection is too much. It spills over. Phoenix bursts like a dam. “You’re my best friend,” Phoenix tells him quietly one evening after Trucy’s in bed. “I’m so glad you’re back. You’re great with Trucy, and I appreciate the help when I’ve got a night shift and I can’t find a sitter. I think two thirds of her caloric intake is thanks to you buying groceries and taking us out for food. I ought to be nicer to Maya, now that I’m thinking about it. Anyway, that’s not important.” Phoenix looks down into his glass of liquid courage and takes a deep breath. “I want to be with you,” he says. Edgeworth says nothing. “I think we could be good together. I know it could be tricky, but I really think if you gave it a shot, you might-” Phoenix turns earnestly to look at his friend. Cat-Edgeworth yawns and begins washing his face. “Figures you’d get so stressed you’d just go cat halfway through a confession.” 12 12 Cat-Edgeworth trills and lays down in his lap. It's for the best. Just because Edgeworth is a little more expressive now doesn’t mean Phoenix has any better odds than he did before. Phoenix tries not to think about Edgeworth sitting a little too close to Gumshoe on a stakeout, or riding around on Lang’s shoulder in cat-form. At one of Trucy’s shows, Edgeworth drifts off at intermission and when Phoenix nudges him awake, he nuzzles against the side of Phoenix’s hand. Which would be fine, except he isn’t a cat just now. He’s just a guy Phoenix is crazy about, nuzzling him. In public! It’s obscene. Phoenix turns as red as Edgeworth’s sportcoat and stammers out something stupid. When Edgeworth realizes what he’s doing, he lets go of Phoenix’s hand and straightens himself up. “Just a cat thing, my apologies,” he says casually. Just a cat thing. Just a cat thing! Just who is Edgeworth noodling up to at the police station? The prosecutor’s office? Who else touches his ears!? Phoenix can’t stand it. Phoenix finds some pretext to call Gumshoe and check in. Still seeing Maggey, how’s that? Oh, you’re talking about moving in together? So it’s serious? Good. Good. Good. No, just, uh, really happy for you. Weird about Edgeworth, right? And how, uh. You know. Different he is as a cat. Kinda... sweet. Affectionate. His ears are really soft, right? “Listen, pal,” Gumshoe says, the little edge of not-really-angry-just-confused kicking into his voice. “I dunno what the heck you’re talking about. Mr. Edgeworth hid under the bed in a spare room for three months hissing at anybody who looked at him. Lang tried to touch him and I think those scratches are still healing up. He wouldn’t eat if anybody was in the same room, not even his sister. We had to catch him under a laundry basket to get him on the plane. He didn’t even get his toes back till after we landed at L.A.X.” “What are you talking about?” “We had to get him home for him to turn back. That’s how you break the curse. Dunno why he’s still a little bit a cat, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. He gave me a bonus for catsitting, I’m not trying to lose it before I buy Maggey’s ring, so you’re on your own, pal.” Phoenix mulls this over. 13 13 The next time that Edgeworth comes over, Phoenix sits on the couch and pats the space beside himself. Edgeworth scowls but he sits as though he always intended to anyway. “I have something for you,” Phoenix says with the full confidence of a man mid-bluff. Edgeworth tilts his head to the side curiously; Phoenix hands him the small black box. Edgeworth cracks it open and then stills. “Is this a joke?” he asks in a low voice. “No,” Phoenix says decisively. Edgeworth’s face is unreadable as he lifts the little cat collar. It has little pink salmon printed all over it; a fish shaped tag hangs next to the bell. “If lost, please return to the Wright Anything Agency, care of Phoenix Wright,” Edgeworth reads out loud, incredulous. “I love you too,” Phoenix says simply. “If you’re looking for home, come home to me.” Edgeworth touches the collar reverently and sets it aside before tilting Phoenix’s face up and kissing him. When Phoenix runs a shy hand through Edgeworth's hair, the ears are gone. 14 14 Thank Thank Thank you! you! you! you can find zombiekittiez and banialuka on a03 and twitter