Adopt a Bully written by Priscilla Pittington Cell: 571.268.3133 Email: pittingtonp@gmail.com INT. HIGH SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY Jack, 17, cheeky and just trying to make it by as an orphan, is making fake report cards on Photoshop, to some laid back, old rock music. He begins meeting up with students, 1 by 1, to distribute the documents. MALE CLASSMATE 1 If I don't get this C, I am not getting my car. MALE CLASSMATE 2 My girls parents are gone this weekend. If I get grounded, I'll be the only one getting the D. FEMALE CLASSMATE 1 I need this A or I am not going to Paris. Then Kylie will get Brad all to herself. Wait can you make bad report cards? JACK Five dollars for a fake. Fifteen for a real. SEAN Oh com'n, isn't there a friends and family discount? JACK Look Sean, your parents are pretty dumb, they wont even notice the fake one. SEAN Thanks man, you're the best! One of Jacks snobby, smart classmates has come to him for help. FEMALE CLASSMATE 2 This better work. She slams a twenty dollar bill on his desk. He takes and looks through his folder. JACK Man if I charged per half a letter grade I'd be rich. FEMALE CLASSMATE 2 If you went to college, you'd have better luck. 2. JACK (pulls out report card) Good thing you were already accepted to Stanley otherwise that minus.. FEMALE CLASSMATE 2 English isn't my first language white boy and your literature sucks. She refers to the Perfext Genes hardcover sticking out of his back pack and walks off. JACK Hey, I don't control what the government makes us read! INT. BOOK STORE – DAY Norah Jaredson, brisk, 40's, author of the YA AI novel, Perfext Genes, doing a book signing. Sitting beside is her 17 year old daughter, Minnie, a chubby but stylish, quiet girl, hands books to the customers. MALE FAN 1 It is interesting how there is no real society left since it is decided by computers. You must write a second one. NORAH (signs book) That's so good to hear. Glad you enjoyed it. Minnie notices Sasha, a cool girl with 2 cute boys who haven't been over yet and walks over. MINNIE Hey, are you here for the signing? We're about to close. SASHA Nah, just hangin out. How'd you get the gig? MINNIE (looks back) She's my mom. I want to be a writer also so I'm learning. 3. Tony and Eric, 2 funny, average teens are leaning against some book shelves chewing gum. Tony straightens up. TONY Awesome. SASHA You write fiction? MINNIE Some. Mainly Short stories. Hoping college will help. ERIC I'm bored. Lets get slurpees. SASHA See ya. Minnie looks back at her mom unsure. Her mom not paying attention. She makes a quick decision. MINNIE Wait. I know a cool place to hang out, if you'd like.. INT. STORE - DAY Jack paying for Christmas lights and toys at cash register. EXT. KEISHA HOUSE -DAY Jack puts up new decorations in front of the small house. Int. Jacks Foster Familys House – Night Jack walks through front door with shopping bags in hand and goes straight to kitchen where Keisha -His foster mom- late 40', tired but kind, is cooking dinner. JACK (sits on counter) What's cookin good lookin? Slides over an envelope with the rest of the money. KEISHA Ooooh and where did you get that? JACK Pulled some extra tutoring shifts. No biggie. 4. Keishas two kids come running out when they hear his voice. Sappy, a happy 6 years old girl and her shy 4 year old brother. KEISHA (smiles and whispers) Thank you. SAPPY Jaaaccckkk. Kids hug his legs. GEORGE What is this. Is it for us? JACK Yeah, Santa needed my help wrapping and if you open it now you'll be on the naughty list. SAPPY Not if you say it's okay! JACK Loopholes, I like it. Go ahead. Kids cheer and run off together with bag. KEISHA I have a present for you as well. JACK Oh? KEISHA A family. JACK Oh. Kids struggle to open packaging in background. KEISHA You know we love you, but I can't afford to send you to college and that's where you belong. JACK (gets off counter) You don't have to worry about that. 5. KEISHA Then why haven't you applied anywhere? JACK I'm just taking a gap year until we pay off the mortgage.. KEISHA (firm) That is not what Roy would have wanted. JACK Look I've made my decision and I talked to Roy.. KEISHA I talked to Roy and he agreed. Your adoption agency wants to do a holiday sponsor video for you. JACK Oooohhh no. I've already said no. That sounds awful.. INT. ADOPTION AGENCY – DAY Jack standing in front of white curtain ready to film adoption video. AGENCY MANAGER Okay now tell us a little bit about yourself. Jack is slouching and looks displeased. JACK No. AGENCY MANAGER (patient) Just start with what you like to do. JACK Getting kidnapped by strangers. Keisha tells Jack to cut it out with her eyes, standing behind the manager. 6. AGENCY MANAGER OKAY CUT! (faces Keisha) You said he was on board. I'm not going to sit here and let him waste my time like last.. Jack claps his hands at camera crew to get their attention and music starts. JACK Hey! Are we ready? CREW (Looks confused and nervous) AGENCY MANAGER Oh boy. Jack starts acting out different personalities. JACK (panicy) I'll be the best son you could ask for! I'll take on two jobs to help pay for your vacations. I can sleep in the attic! JACK (CONT’D) (perky) I love cooking breakfast on Sundays and family game nights. JACK (CONT’D) (fake crying) I just want a family that wont hit me every time I ask for food!” Music slows down. AGENCY MANAGER Why cant you just be honest?! JACK I like loud music, burrito bowls and masterba.. CREW (gasps) AGENCY MANAGER PG PG!.. 1 last cut! 7. Keisha pleads with her facial expression. Cameras roll and Jack sighs. JACK Hey, my name is Jack.. Crew are ready for anything. JACK (CONT’D) I'm 17 and I'm not going to lie.. I really like my space... but I'm good with kids and I wont be a burden since I'm going to college to study artificial intelligence, you know the cool science.. Jack smiles and looks around. JACK (CONT’D) but.. it would be nice to have a place to come home for the holidays and have someone care about my dreams.. I'll give back what ever I take because... family is priceless.. Silence. JACK (CONT’D) (gags) AGENCY MANAGER Cut! Edit that out. Good work kid. Crew claps and manager pats him on back. INT. MINNIES HOUSE GAME ROOM – DAY Tony and Eric are playing a racing game on the big screen while Sasha plays on her phone and Minnie reads a book. SASHA We should get some tanning beds for this room. MINNIE Tanning beds cause cancer. SASHA Just put on some sunscreen. Minnie is dumbfounded. Mom walks in quickly and snatches cigarette from Erics mouth. 8. NORAH (refers to furniture) No smoking under the age of 10. ERIC Chill out. It's just an E-Cig. SASHA Looking good Mrs. J. NORAH Sasha, we are setting up for dinner. I'd invite you but.. I don't like you. SASHA (gets up) Whatever, we are going to the mall next time. Minnie I'll text you the deets. All leave. NORAH (snarky, hands on knees) Ooh, your card or mine? MINNIE (walks past) Mom stop. NORAH What? MINNIE Embarrassing me in front of my friends. NORAH (follows) Oh Sasha is going to be your bridesmaid? The godmother of your children? MINNIE Fine, my distractions from the hell that is my life. NORAH (points to T.V) Is that any way to talk to the person who bought you this 70 inch. 9. MINNIE That wasn't for me. That was for them. NORAH I knew it! MINNIE (storms off) I liked you better when we were poor! INT. ADOPTION AGENCY – DAY Drum roll music starts as video editing lady laughs at Jacks sponsor video and shares the unedited version on social media... it goes viral. VIEW COUNT RISING. SCROLLS DOWN COMMENTS. Can I adopt him <3 1:05 me when I don't want to do homework. This is so rude, there are children out there who actually... (read more..) Omg he's cute. Aww I know this was a joke but I hope he finds a family. Omg Emily you have to watch this. Heart eyes emoji. Students from all over begin sharing this with their friends and watching it in school until Minnie sees it. INT. MINNIES HOUSE GAME ROOM – DAY Shannon, 40's, Norahs best friend who lives with them, wearing a sweater and floral yoga pants. They sit on a couch, playing video games during what supposedly is history class. NORAH Come on! Get him! MINNIE (smashing controller) I am! Now tell me! 10. NORAH You need to get the objective for the answer. MINNIE Shannon got me blown up. SHANNON I thought he was behind. MINNIE (stands up) The test is on Friday. We can't keep playing shooters for history. NORAH You're just going to pull an all nighter and pass anyways. Cheater. MINNIE (confused) Studying is not cheating. NORAH It is in my class. SHANNON (gets up) Why don't we take a break. Minnie, have you thought about what you want for Christmas? They go in the kitchen and Minnie sits on bar stool while mom makes a sandwich. MINNIE Actually yes.. a brother. Norah puts lettuce down. NORAH What kind of teenager asks for a sibling? MINNIE What kind of mom lives with their best friend? NORAH That's everyones dream and it's auntie to you. SHANNON (smiles and eats cereal) 11. MINNIE (serious) His name is Jack. SHANNON (drops head) Shes already named him.. MINNIE And he's looking for a family before he turns 18. Isn't that great? NORAH You're going to college soon, you'll have a roommate. Same thing. MINNIE I'll be going to school for the first time ever. I'm going to die out there.. You have Shannon. Who do I have? NORAH (cuts sandwich) Be careful now. Leo worked hard for that Oscar. MINNIE Everyone knows that having a brother makes you cooler. Shakira had 7 brothers and shes the coolest chic on the planet!.. What would Cheryl say? SHANNON (warns) Hey. Norah and Shannon look at each other, defeated. INT. ADOPTION AGENCY – DAY Agency manager, Jack and Keisha are sitting at desk and see a line of families waiting for an interview. JACK Told you this was a bad idea. AGENCY MANAGER Anything to get you out of here. Interviews begin. 12. JACQUELINE You will be given the best education, your own stylist and car.. Jack takes notes of approval. Keisha rolls her eyes. MR. RIVERA My kids love you. We have big talkers in our family to. You'd fit right in. TEEN GIRL Hi! My mom is waiting in the car. I told her I'd interview you. KEISHA Um thats not how it works. TEEN GIRL Um who are you! Jack rubs his eyes. They move on to the house visits. MONTAGE - Various -Trying to step over toys, he follows the mom through the house with her bundled up newborn in his arms. -Jack is in Jacquelines house trying to keep away from the stylist with the tape measure and has tea with Keisha. -At the Rivera, he looks under the sink and offers to fix the pipes. END OF MONTAGE INT. ADOPTION AGENCY - DAY Jack and Keisha wrap up the interviews. KEISHA I think Jacqueline would be a great fit. JACK You mean the Russian who want me to take etiquette? No. She just wants to fix me. KEISHA The Riveras are not going to be able to send you to college. 13. JACK But being a minority helps your application. KEISHA Adoption doesn't change your ethnicity. JACK Then why am I doing this? Norah Jaredson enters building. KEISHA Please take this seriously. She is your last candidate. Jack recognizes her right away but stays cool. JACK Fine, can I at least get some privacy? Keisha leaves the room as Norah enters and sits across. NORAH This is an interesting set up. Usually it's the families interviewing the children. Not the other way around. JACK Shouldn't it be? You are going to be in charge of my well being. Blocking the porn. Rationing the WiFi. NORAH (not phased) It doesn't have to be that way. We can set up our own boundaries, build trust. I want you to feel like you're a part of the family. JACK I consider my friends my family. Maybe one day I'll find love and make even more family. But one thing I'll never miss is having a mom. So you don't have to worry about that. 14. NORAH Then we can be friends. I know you are interested in studying artificial intelligence. I actually know some.. JACK Yeah, you're that Perfext Genes author. NORAH You've read it? JACK Yeah, you know how twilight made vampires played out? Yours did that for robots. Congrats. NORAH Do you have any real questions? JACK (holding clipboard) Oh, no. I'm only interviewing local candidates and this says you live about 2 hours away so.. NORAH Fine. You don't like my writing.. that doesn't mean you don't like personal chefs or outdoor pool theaters.. Jack takes a moment to think and looks at her. JACK Do you have a princess moon bounce? EXT. ADOPTION AGENCY - DAY Keisha and her kids load Norahs car to go over for the house tour. GEORGE Do they have cotton candy? JACK (Makes eye contact with Norah) You bet. 15. NORAH (On the phone making an order) And a cotton candy stand! She hangs up and goes to greet Keisha. EXT. MINNIES HOUSE POOL – DAY Minnie, Sasha and Tony are sitting on the chairs outside by the pool. Juan, 30's, big guy with a baby face, comes out with a fruit smoothie for Sasha. Minnie thanks him. SASHA What else is there to do around here? TONY You know what I haven't seen yet? Your room. MINNIE (laughs) Theres nothing really to do in there. Unless you want to start a book club. TONY (leaves) Sure, lets see what you're in to. MINNIE Alright.. Sasha grabs Minnies arm. MINNIE (CONT’D) I'll be right there. SASHA (Hands a condom) Here. MINNIE Ew, what are you?! SASHA Fine.. get pregnant. MINNIE No ones getting pregnant! Sasha! 16. SASHA (Grabs hands) You are almost 20 which is almost 25. If you wait, you'll end up settling for someone you think you love and when he breaks your heart you'll die a virgin! MINNIE I'm not having sex with your brother. INT. NORAHS CAR - DAY While the kids sing and take pictures in the back, Norah and Keisha get a chance to talk. NORAH (Smiles in rear view) They get a long well. How long you been together? KEISHA 2 years now. About a year before before my husband passed. NORAH Sorry to hear that. KEISHA I like to believe there's a reason for everything. Roy was a youth counselor and he wanted to do one last good thing so we took in Jack. NORAH Did they get along? KEISHA (smiles) You mean, is he a good boy? Norah uncomfortable. KEISHA (CONT’D) It takes time to warm up to anyone. He slept in the living room for a while, even though I set up his bed in George and Sappys room.. JACK (Leans forward) I can hear you. 17. They pull up to a McMansion on big green land. SAPPY Whooaa. INT. MINNIES ROOM - CONTINUOUS Minnie enters room where Tony is holding 2 beers. MINNIE I told you to stop bringing those here. Are you trying to get me in trouble? TONY Thats the plan. MINNIE (nervous) ..You don't want to see my books do you? INT. MINNIES HOUSE - DAY Jack and Norah leave kids to play in the back yard on the moon bounce while they begin their tour. NORAH (passing through rooms) This is the living room, dining room, family room, game room, second living room and obviously the kitchen. Really the only rule we have is I cook, you clean. JACK So take out? NORAH No, this is a 0 waste household. We try not to buy anything that comes packaged and if we do, we don't throw it out, it goes in here. INT. NORAHS WORKSHOP - DAY She points to life sized mason jars full of trash in her work shop where she recycles them into household decor such as book ends, bags and lamp shades displayed in the room. 18. JACK That's not minimalism. That's hoarding. NORAH Well hoarders are good for the environment. INT. KITCHEN - DAY NORAH We also use metal straws, composting, solar panels, just had them installed. They make the house look god awful but my conscience made me. And reusable toilet paper. JACK (disgust) Can I at least buy my own? NORAH If you dispose them in your jars. JACK That's disgusting. NORAH (moves on) So is pollution. JACK What do you guys eat?! Juan puts down his knife and turns his attention. NORAH Meet Chef Juan. Here for all your vegan culinary needs. I will get you a menu of snacks and meal options you may request. JACK (sarcasm) Well I guess this isn't too different than my other homes, Not feeding me. Lunch at school is my only meal.. NORAH Oh, you're a drama queen to. You and Minnie will get along nicely. 19. JACK Who? INT. MINNIES ROOM - DAY TONY (moves closer) I'm kind of glad Eric isn't here. We never get any alone time. MINNIE (blush) Yeah, but maybe we should get back to Keisha. TONY She probably went home. MINNIE Oh.. would you like me to give you a ride? TONY Whatever you're comftorable with. MINNIE Oh my god. INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY JACK (walks) Thanks for letting them come over. NORAH What do you say? JACK (stops) I still don't know why you're doing this. BEGIN FLASHBACK: INT. NORAHS CAR - EARLIER THAT DAY KEISHA But Roy taught him that just because Jack didn't need anybody, doesn't mean nobody needed him.