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A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION How to Talk to Trump Supporters By Shea Serrano 1 How to Talk to Trump Supporters This book is dedicated to very fine people. 2 How to Talk to Trump Supporters “Time is the longest distance between two places.” —Tennessee Williams 3 How to Talk to Trump Supporters CONTENTS Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Responding to Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Jokes for Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 Music Lyrics for Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23 Bible Verses for Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29 Movie Quotes for Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 Horoscopes for Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51 Afterword . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64 4 THE INTRODUCTION Likely you’re reading this because of one of two reasons. It’s either (a) someone in your life is a Trump supporter and you’re trying to figure out how best to talk to them about it as the election approaches, or it’s (b) you are a Trump supporter and someone told you about this, like maybe there was a break during a rally and you took your hood off for a second to get some air and your friend saw you and mentioned it to you. If that first option is you, then please treat the rest of this book as a template of sorts, or like a conversation guide. It will help you figure out the appropriate response for when a Trump supporter is trying to talk to you about just about anything. If that second option is you, then also please treat the rest of this book as a template of sorts, or like a conver- sation guide, except but in reverse. If you find yourself wanting to talk about something with someone who is not a Trump supporter (like maybe movies, or music perhaps, or possibly which Alex Jones rant videos are the best to masturbate to), simply search the book for the appropriate section, pick whatever response there you like, and there you go. It’s going to save everyone a lot of time. Thank you. 5 Responding to Trump Supporters 6 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Fuck you. 7 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Fuck off. 8 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Get fucked. 9 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Get the fuck out of here. 10 How to Talk to Trump Supporters You fucking dunce. 11 How to Talk to Trump Supporters You fucking dork. 12 How to Talk to Trump Supporters You fucking fuck. 13 How to Talk to Trump Supporters *places hands on hips* *sighs exasperatedly* *shakes head* Motherfucker. 14 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Come the fuck on. 15 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Go fuck yourself. 16 Jokes for Trump Supporters 17 How to Talk to Trump Supporters How many Trump supporters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Fuck you. 18 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Why did the Trump supporter cross the road? Fuck you. 19 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Knock, knock. Who’s there? A Trump supporter. Fuck you. 20 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Two Trump supporters walk into a bar. Fuck them. 21 How to Talk to Trump Supporters What do you get when you cross a Trump supporter with a Trump supporter? Fuck you. Fuck you. 22 Music Lyrics for Trump Supporters 23 How to Talk to Trump Supporters “The easiest thing to do is say ‘Fuck you.’” —Bad Religion, in the song “Fuck You” 24 How to Talk to Trump Supporters “Man, fuck you hoes.” —Z-Ro, in the song “I Found Me” 25 How to Talk to Trump Supporters “Fuck you.” —Lily Allen, in the song “Fuck You” 26 How to Talk to Trump Supporters “Shut the fuck up.” —Method Man, in the song “N 2 Gether Now” 27 How to Talk to Trump Supporters “FuuuuuUUuuUUUuuuck Yoooooouuu.” —Jamie Foxx, singing in that one comedy special I Might Need Security 28 Bible Verses for Trump Supporters 29 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? We say “fuck you.” 30 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, could get you to understand how fucking dumb you are. 31 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Corinthians 4:16-18 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. Not yours though. Your inner self is like a duffle bag full of old seafood that someone accidentally left in a garage for a week. 32 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Mark 19:26 But Jesus looked at them and said, “Trump? Really? What the fuck, dude?” 33 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me, and right now the thing He is strengthening me to do is tell you to fuck off. 34 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Psalm 107:1 Give thanks to the Lord for He said “fuck you.” 35 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, and also God told me to tell you to get fucked. 36 How to Talk to Trump Supporters 1 Corinthians 15:58 Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, and always abounding in telling Trump supporters to take a fucking hike. 37 How to Talk to Trump Supporters 1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you, and casting all your FUCK YOUs on Trump supporters, because they are terrible. 38 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Isaiah 40:31 But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, and they who tell Trump supporters to fuck off shall mount up with wings like eagles. 39 Movie Quotes for Trump Supporters 40