1 How to Talk to Trump Supporters A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION By Shea Serrano 2 This book is dedicated to very fine people. How to Talk to Trump Supporters 3 “Time is the longest distance between two places.” —Tennessee Williams How to Talk to Trump Supporters 4 CONTENTS How to Talk to Trump Supporters Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Responding to Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Jokes for Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 Music Lyrics for Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23 Bible Verses for Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29 Movie Quotes for Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 Horoscopes for Trump Supporters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51 Afterword . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64 5 THE INTRODUCTION Likely you’re reading this because of one of two reasons. It’s either (a) someone in your life is a Trump supporter and you’re trying to figure out how best to talk to them about it as the election approaches, or it’s (b) you are a Trump supporter and someone told you about this, like maybe there was a break during a rally and you took your hood off for a second to get some air and your friend saw you and mentioned it to you. If that first option is you, then please treat the rest of this book as a template of sorts, or like a conversation guide. It will help you figure out the appropriate response for when a Trump supporter is trying to talk to you about just about anything. If that second option is you, then also please treat the rest of this book as a template of sorts, or like a conver- sation guide, except but in reverse. If you find yourself wanting to talk about something with someone who is not a Trump supporter (like maybe movies, or music perhaps, or possibly which Alex Jones rant videos are the best to masturbate to), simply search the book for the appropriate section, pick whatever response there you like, and there you go. It’s going to save everyone a lot of time. Thank you. 6 Responding to Trump Supporters 7 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Fuck you. 8 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Fuck off. 9 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Get fucked. 10 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Get the fuck out of here. 11 How to Talk to Trump Supporters You fucking dunce. 12 How to Talk to Trump Supporters You fucking dork. 13 How to Talk to Trump Supporters You fucking fuck. 14 How to Talk to Trump Supporters *places hands on hips* *sighs exasperatedly* *shakes head* Motherfucker. 15 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Come the fuck on. 16 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Go fuck yourself. 17 Jokes for Trump Supporters 18 How to Talk to Trump Supporters How many Trump supporters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Fuck you. 19 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Why did the Trump supporter cross the road? Fuck you. 20 How to Talk to Trump Supporters Knock, knock. Who’s there? A Trump supporter. Fuck you.