Rights for this book: Public domain in the USA. This edition is published by Project Gutenberg. Originally issued by Project Gutenberg on 2004-07-10. To support the work of Project Gutenberg, visit their Donation Page. This free ebook has been produced by GITenberg, a program of the Free Ebook Foundation. If you have corrections or improvements to make to this ebook, or you want to use the source files for this ebook, visit the book's github repository. You can support the work of the Free Ebook Foundation at their Contributors Page. LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI The Project Gutenberg EBook of Life On The Mississippi, Complete by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net Title: Life On The Mississippi, Complete Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) Release Date: August 20, 2006 [EBook #245] Last Updated: February 24, 2012 Language: English *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI, COMPLETE *** Produced by David Widger. Earliest PG text edition produced by Graham Allan THIS EBOOK HAS BEEN REFORMATTED FOR BETTER APPEARANCE IN MOBILE VIEWERS SUCH AS KINDLES AND OTHERS. THE ORIGINAL FORMAT, WHICH THE EDITOR BELIEVES HAS A MORE ATTRACTIVE APPEARANCE FOR LAPTOPS AND OTHER COMPUTERS, MAY BE VIEWED BY CLICKING ON THIS BOX. LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI BY MARK TWAIN Click on the Image to Enlarge TABLE OF CONTENTS CHAPTER I. The Mississippi is Well worth Reading about.—It is Remarkable.— Instead of Widening towards its Mouth, it grows Narrower.—It Empties four hundred and six million Tons of Mud.—It was First Seen in 1542. —It is Older than some Pages in European History.—De Soto has the Pull.—Older than the Atlantic Coast.—Some Half-breeds chip in.—La Salle Thinks he will Take a Hand. CHAPTER II. La Salle again Appears, and so does a Cat-fish.—Buffaloes also. —Some Indian Paintings are Seen on the Rocks.—"The Father of Waters "does not Flow into the Pacific.—More History and Indians. —Some Curious Performances—not Early English.—Natchez, or the Site of it, is Approached. CHAPTER III. A little History.—Early Commerce.—Coal Fleets and Timber Rafts. —We start on a Voyage.—I seek Information.—Some Music.—The Trouble begins.—Tall Talk.—The Child of Calamity.—Ground and lofty Tumbling.—The Wash-up.—Business and Statistics.— Mysterious Band.—Thunder and Lightning.—The Captain speaks. —Allbright weeps.—The Mystery settled.—Chaff.—I am Discovered. —Some Art-work proposed.—I give an Account of Myself.—Released. CHAPTER IV. The Boys' Ambition.—Village Scenes.—Steamboat Pictures. —A Heavy Swell.—A Runaway. CHAPTER V. A Traveller.—A Lively Talker.—A Wild-cat Victim CHAPTER VI. Besieging the Pilot.—Taken along.—Spoiling a Nap.—Fishing for a Plantation.—"Points" on the River.—A Gorgeous Pilot-house. CHAPTER VII. River Inspectors.—Cottonwoods and Plum Point.—Hat-Island Crossing. —Touch and Go.—It is a Go.—A Lightning Pilot CHAPTER VIII. A Heavy-loaded Big Gun.—Sharp Sights in Darkness.—Abandoned to his Fate.—Scraping the Banks.—Learn him or Kill him. CHAPTER IX. Shake the Reef.—Reason Dethroned.—The Face of the Water. —A Bewitching Scene.-Romance and Beauty. CHAPTER X. Putting on Airs.—Taken down a bit.—Learn it as it is.—The River Rising. CHAPTER XI. In thg Tract Business.—Effects of the Rise.—Plantations gone. —A Measureless Sea.—A Somnambulist Pilot.—Supernatural Piloting. —Nobody there.—All Saved. CHAPTER XII. Low Water.—Yawl sounding.—Buoys and Lanterns.—Cubs and Soundings.—The Boat Sunk.—Seeking the Wrecked. CHAPTER XIII. A Pilot's Memory.—Wages soaring.—A Universal Grasp.—Skill and Nerve.—Testing a "Cub."—"Back her for Life."—A Good Lesson. CHAPTER XIV. Pilots and Captains.—High-priced Pilots.—Pilots in Demand. —A Whistler.—A cheap Trade.—Two-hundred-and-fifty-dollar Speed. CHAPTER XV. New Pilots undermining the Pilots' Association.—Crutches and Wages. —Putting on Airs.—The Captains Weaken.—The Association Laughs. —The Secret Sign.—An Admirable System.—Rough on Outsiders. —A Tight Monopoly.—No Loophole.—The Railroads and the War. CHAPTER XVI. All Aboard.—A Glorious Start.—Loaded to Win.—Bands and Bugles. —Boats and Boats.—Racers and Racing. CHAPTER XVII. Cut-offs.—Ditching and Shooting.—Mississippi Changes.—A Wild Night.—Swearing and Guessing.—Stephen in Debt.—He Confuses his Creditors.—He makes a New Deal.—Will Pay them Alphabetically. CHAPTER XVIII. Sharp Schooling.—Shadows.—I am Inspected.—Where did you get them Shoes?—Pull her Down.—I want to kill Brown.—I try to run her.- I am Complimented. CHAPTER XIX. A Question of Veracity.—A Little Unpleasantness.—I have an Audience with the Captain.—Mr. Brown Retires. CHAPTER XX. I become a Passenger.—We hear the News.—A Thunderous Crash. —They Stand to their Posts.—In the Blazing Sun.—A Grewsome Spectacle.—His Hour has Struck. CHAPTER XXI. I get my License.—The War Begins.—I become a Jack-of-all-trades. CHAPTER XXII. I try the Alias Business.—Region of Goatees—Boots begin to Appear. —The River Man is Missing.—The Young Man is Discouraged.— Specimen Water.—A Fine Quality of Smoke.—A Supreme Mistake. —We Inspect the Town.—Desolation Way-traffic.—A Wood-yard. CHAPTER XXIII. Old French Settlements.—We start for Memphis.—Young Ladies and Russia-leather Bags. CHAPTER XXIV. I receive some Information.—Alligator Boats.—Alligator Talk. —She was a Rattler to go.—I am Found Out. CHAPTER XXV. The Devil's Oven and Table.—A Bombshell falls.—No Whitewash. —Thirty Years on the River.-Mississippi Uniforms.—Accidents and Casualties.—Two hundred Wrecks.—A Loss to Literature.—Sunday- Schools and Brick Masons. CHAPTER XXVI. War Talk.—I Tilt over Backwards.—Fifteen Shot-holes.—A Plain Story.—Wars and Feuds.—Darnell versus Watson.—A Gang and a Woodpile.—Western Grammar.—River Changes.—New Madrid. —Floods and Falls. CHAPTER XXVII. Tourists and their Note-books.—Captain Hall.—Mrs. Trollope's Emotions.—Hon. Charles Augustus Murray's Sentiment.—Captain Marryat's Sensations.—Alexander Mackay's Feelings. —Mr. Parkman Reports CHAPTER XXVIII. Swinging down the River.—Named for Me.—Plum Point again. —Lights and Snag Boats.—Infinite Changes.—A Lawless River. —Changes and Jetties.—Uncle Mumford Testifies.—Pegging the River.—What the Government does.—The Commission.—Men and Theories.—"Had them Bad."—Jews and Prices. CHAPTER XXIX. Murel's Gang.—A Consummate Villain.—Getting Rid of Witnesses. —Stewart turns Traitor.—I Start a Rebellion.—I get a New Suit of Clothes.—We Cover our Tracks.—Pluck and Capacity.—A Good Samaritan City.—The Old and the New. CHAPTER XXX. A Melancholy Picture.—On the Move.—River Gossip.—She Went By a-Sparklin'.—Amenities of Life.—A World of Misinformation.— Eloquence of Silence.—Striking a Snag.—Photographically Exact. —Plank Side-walks. CHAPTER XXXI. Mutinous Language.—The Dead-house.—Cast-iron German and Flexible English.—A Dying Man's Confession.—I am Bound and Gagged. —I get Myself Free.—I Begin my Search.—The Man with one Thumb. —Red Paint and White Paper.—He Dropped on his Knees.—Fright and Gratitude.—I Fled through the Woods.—A Grisly Spectacle. —Shout, Man, Shout.—A look of Surprise and Triumph.—The Muffled Gurgle of a Mocking Laugh.—How strangely Things happen. —The Hidden Money. CHAPTER XXXII. Ritter's Narrative.—A Question of Money.—Napoleon.—Somebody is Serious.—Where the Prettiest Girl used to Live. CHAPTER XXXIII. A Question of Division.—A Place where there was no License.—The Calhoun Land Company.—A Cotton-planter's Estimate.—Halifax and Watermelons.—Jewelled-up Bar-keepers. CHAPTER XXXIV. An Austere Man.—A Mosquito Policy.—Facts dressed in Tights. —A swelled Left Ear. CHAPTER XXXV. Signs and Scars.—Cannon-thunder Rages.—Cave-dwellers. —A Continual Sunday.—A ton of Iron and no Glass.—The Ardent is Saved.—Mule Meat—A National Cemetery.—A Dog and a Shell. —Railroads and Wealth.—Wharfage Economy.—Vicksburg versus The "Gold Dust."—A Narrative in Anticipation. CHAPTER XXXVI. The Professor Spins a Yarn.—An Enthusiast in Cattle.—He makes a Proposition.—Loading Beeves at Acapulco.—He was n't Raised to it. —He is Roped In.—His Dull Eyes Lit Up.—Four Aces, you Ass! —He does n't Care for the Gores. CHAPTER XXXVII. A Terrible Disaster.—The "Gold Dust" explodes her Boilers. —The End of a Good Man. CHAPTER XXXVIII. Mr. Dickens has a Word.—Best Dwellings and their Furniture.—Albums and Music.—Pantelettes and Conch-shells.—Sugar-candy Rabbits and Photographs.—Horse-hair Sofas and Snuffers.—Rag Carpets and Bridal Chambers. CHAPTER XXXIX. Rowdies and Beauty.—Ice as Jewelry.—Ice Manufacture.—More Statistics.—Some Drummers.—Oleomargarine versus Butter. —Olive Oil versus Cotton Seed.—The Answer was not Caught. —A Terrific Episode.—A Sulphurous Canopy.—The Demons of War. —The Terrible Gauntlet. CHAPTER XL. In Flowers, like a Bride.—A White-washed Castle.—A Southern Prospectus.—Pretty Pictures.—An Alligator's Meal. CHAPTER XLI. The Approaches to New Orleans.—A Stirring Street.—Sanitary Improvements.—Journalistic Achievements.—Cisterns and Wells. CHAPTER XLII. Beautiful Grave-yards.—Chameleons and Panaceas.—Inhumation and Infection.—Mortality and Epidemics.—The Cost of Funerals. CHAPTER XLIII. I meet an Acquaintance.—Coffins and Swell Houses.—Mrs. O'Flaherty goes One Better.—Epidemics and Embamming.—Six hundred for a Good Case.—Joyful High Spirits. CHAPTER XLIV. French and Spanish Parts of the City.—Mr. Cable and the Ancient Quarter.—Cabbages and Bouquets.—Cows and Children.—The Shell Road. The West End.—A Good Square Meal.—The Pompano.—The Broom- Brigade.—Historical Painting.—Southern Speech.—Lagniappe. CHAPTER XLV. "Waw" Talk.—Cock-Fighting.—Too Much to Bear.—Fine Writing. —Mule Racing. CHAPTER XLVI. Mardi-Gras.—The Mystic Crewe.—Rex and Relics.—Sir Walter Scott. —A World Set Back.—Titles and Decorations.—A Change. CHAPTER XLVII. Uncle Remus.—The Children Disappointed.—We Read Aloud. —Mr. Cable and Jean au Poquelin.—Involuntary Trespass.—The Gilded Age.—An Impossible Combination.—The Owner Materializes and Protests. CHAPTER XLVIII. Tight Curls and Springy Steps.—Steam-plows.—"No. I." Sugar. —A Frankenstein Laugh.—Spiritual Postage.—A Place where there are no Butchers or Plumbers.—Idiotic Spasms. CHAPTER XLIX. Pilot-Farmers.—Working on Shares.—Consequences.—Men who Stick to their Posts.—He saw what he would do.—A Day after the Fair. CHAPTER L. A Patriarch.—Leaves from a Diary.—A Tongue-stopper.—The Ancient Mariner.—Pilloried in Print.—Petrified Truth. CHAPTER LI. A Fresh "Cub" at the Wheel.—A Valley Storm.—Some Remarks on Construction.—Sock and Buskin.—The Man who never played Hamlet.—I got Thirsty.—Sunday Statistics. CHAPTER LII. I Collar an Idea.—A Graduate of Harvard.—A Penitent Thief. —His Story in the Pulpit.—Something Symmetrical.—A Literary Artist. —A Model Epistle.—Pumps again Working.—The "Nub" of the Note. CHAPTER LIII. A Masterly Retreat.—A Town at Rest.—Boyhood's Pranks.—Friends of my Youth.—The Refuge for Imbeciles.—I am Presented with my Measure. CHAPTER LIV. A Special Judgment.—Celestial Interest.—A Night of Agony. —Another Bad Attack.—I become Convalescent.—I address a Sunday-school.—A Model Boy. CHAPTER LV. A second Generation.—A hundred thousand Tons of Saddles.—A Dark and Dreadful Secret.—A Large Family.—A Golden-haired Darling. —The Mysterious Cross.—My Idol is Broken.—A Bad Season of Chills and Fever.—An Interesting Cave. CHAPTER LVI. Perverted History—A Guilty Conscience.—A Supposititious Case. —A Habit to be Cultivated.—I Drop my Burden.—Difference in Time. CHAPTER LVII. A Model Town.—A Town that Comes up to Blow in the Summer. —The Scare-crow Dean.—Spouting Smoke and Flame.—An Atmosphere that tastes good.—The Sunset Land. CHAPTER LVIII. An Independent Race.—Twenty-four-hour Towns.—Enchanting Scenery. —The Home of the Plow.—Black Hawk.—Fluctuating Securities. —A Contrast.—Electric Lights. CHAPTER LIX. Indian Traditions and Rattlesnakes.—A Three-ton Word.—Chimney Rock.—The Panorama Man.—A Good Jump.—The Undying Head. —Peboan and Seegwun. CHAPTER LX. The Head of Navigation.—From Roses to Snow.—Climatic Vaccination. —A Long Ride.—Bones of Poverty.—The Pioneer of Civilization. —Jug of Empire.—Siamese Twins.—The Sugar-bush.—He Wins his Bride. —The Mystery about the Blanket.—A City that is always a Novelty. —Home again. APPENDIX. A B C D THE 'BODY OF THE NATION' BUT the basin of the Mississippi is the BODY OF THE NATION. All the other parts are but members, important in themselves, yet more important in their relations to this. Exclusive of the Lake basin and of 300,000 square miles in Texas and New Mexico, which in many aspects form a part of it, this basin contains about 1,250,000 square miles. In extent it is the second great valley of the world, being exceeded only by that of the Amazon. The valley of the frozen Obi approaches it in extent; that of La Plata comes next in space, and probably in habitable capacity, having about eight-ninths of its area; then comes that of the Yenisei, with about seven-ninths; the Lena, Amoor, Hoang-ho, Yang-tse- kiang, and Nile, five-ninths; the Ganges, less than one-half; the Indus, less than one-third; the Euphrates, one-fifth; the Rhine, one-fifteenth. It exceeds in extent the whole of Europe, exclusive of Russia, Norway, and Sweden. IT WOULD CONTAIN AUSTRIA FOUR TIMES, GERMANY OR SPAIN FIVE TIMES, FRANCE SIX TIMES, THE BRITISH ISLANDS OR ITALY TEN TIMES. Conceptions formed from the river-basins of Western Europe are rudely shocked when we consider the extent of the valley of the Mississippi; nor are those formed from the sterile basins of the great rivers of Siberia, the lofty plateaus of Central Asia, or the mighty sweep of the swampy Amazon more adequate. Latitude, elevation, and rainfall all combine to render every part of the Mississippi Valley capable of supporting a dense population. AS A DWELLING-PLACE FOR CIVILIZED MAN IT IS BY FAR THE FIRST UPON OUR GLOBE. EDITOR'S TABLE, HARPER'S MAGAZINE, FEBRUARY 1863 Chapter 1 The River and Its History THE Mississippi is well worth reading about. It is not a commonplace river, but on the contrary is in all ways remarkable. Considering the Missouri its main branch, it is the longest river in the world— four thousand three hundred miles. It seems safe to say that it is also the crookedest river in the world, since in one part of its journey it uses up one thousand three hundred miles to cover the same ground that the crow would fly over in six hundred and seventy-five. It discharges three times as much water as the St. Lawrence, twenty-five times as much as the Rhine, and three hundred and thirty-eight times as much as the Thames. No other river has so vast a drainage-basin: it draws its water supply from twenty-eight States and Territories; from Delaware, on the Atlantic seaboard, and from all the country between that and Idaho on the Pacific slope—a spread of forty-five degrees of longitude. The Mississippi receives and carries to the Gulf water from fifty-four subordinate rivers that are navigable by steamboats, and from some hundreds that are navigable by flats and keels. The area of its drainage- basin is as great as the combined areas of England, Wales, Scotland, Ireland, France, Spain, Portugal, Germany, Austria, Italy, and Turkey; and almost all this wide region is fertile; the Mississippi valley, proper, is exceptionally so. It is a remarkable river in this: that instead of widening toward its mouth, it grows narrower; grows narrower and deeper. From the junction of the Ohio to a point half way down to the sea, the width averages a mile in high water: thence to the sea the width steadily diminishes, until, at the 'Passes,' above the mouth, it is but little over half a mile. At the junction of the Ohio the Mississippi's depth is eighty-seven feet; the depth increases gradually, reaching one hundred and twenty-nine just above the mouth. The difference in rise and fall is also remarkable—not in the upper, but in the lower river. The rise is tolerably uniform down to Natchez (three hundred and sixty miles above the mouth)—about fifty feet. But at Bayou La Fourche the river rises only twenty-four feet; at New Orleans only fifteen, and just above the mouth only two and one half. An article in the New Orleans 'Times-Democrat,' based upon reports of able engineers, states that the river annually empties four hundred and six million tons of mud into the Gulf of Mexico—which brings to mind Captain Marryat's rude name for the Mississippi—'the Great Sewer.' This mud, solidified, would make a mass a mile square and two hundred and forty-one feet high. The mud deposit gradually extends the land—but only gradually; it has extended it not quite a third of a mile in the two hundred years which have elapsed since the river took its place in history. The belief of the scientific people is, that the mouth used to be at Baton Rouge, where the hills cease, and that the two hundred miles of land between there and the Gulf was built by the river. This gives us the age of that piece of country, without any trouble at all—one hundred and twenty thousand years. Yet it is much the youthfullest batch of country that lies around there anywhere. The Mississippi is remarkable in still another way—its disposition to make prodigious jumps by cutting through narrow necks of land, and thus straightening and shortening itself. More than once it has shortened itself thirty miles at a single jump! These cut-offs have had curious effects: they have thrown several river towns out into the rural districts, and built up sand bars and forests in front of them. The town of Delta used to be three miles below Vicksburg: a recent cutoff has radically changed the position, and Delta is now TWO MILES ABOVE Vicksburg. Both of these river towns have been retired to the country by that cut-off. A cut-off plays havoc with boundary lines and jurisdictions: for instance, a man is living in the State of Mississippi to-day, a cut-off occurs to-night, and to-morrow the man finds himself and his land over on the other side of the river, within the boundaries and subject to the laws of the State of Louisiana! Such a thing, happening in the upper river in the old times, could have transferred a slave from Missouri to Illinois and made a free man of him. The Mississippi does not alter its locality by cut-offs alone: it is always changing its habitat BODILY—is always moving bodily SIDEWISE. At Hard Times, La., the river is two miles west of the region it used to occupy. As a result, the original SITE of that settlement is not now in Louisiana at all, but on the other side of the river, in the State of Mississippi. NEARLY THE WHOLE OF THAT ONE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED MILES OF OLD MISSISSIPPI RIVER WHICH LA SALLE FLOATED DOWN IN HIS CANOES, TWO HUNDRED YEARS AGO, IS GOOD SOLID DRY GROUND NOW. The river lies to the right of it, in places, and to the left of it in other places.