9-1-1 FULL TRANSCRIPT compiled by clusterbuck from https://tvshowtranscripts.ourboard.org/ contains OG 9-1-1 episodes 1x01-5x10 as well as Lone Star 2x03 all episodes are listed by number and title, e.g. 1x01 Pilot NOTE: all I did was paste stu ff in, so I can take neither credit for the work of actually providing transcripts nor responsibility for possible mistakes, the fact that most lines aren’t attributed to a speaker, etc. 1x01 Pilot ( Beeping ) ( Siren wailing ) ( Horn honking ) Abby : What's your emergency? The fi rst kind of emergency is the one we all have, every day. You're looking at my emergency right now. I'm 42 years old. It's been a year since my boyfriend Tommy broke up with me. I'm still not over it. My mom's a big part of my emergency. Alzheimer's disease, late-stage. Mom, I'm going to work. Veronica's in the kitchen. Taking care of her pretty much takes up all my free time. There's my number, right there, in case you need to call me for anything. You don't have to tell me every time. Sometimes you forget. ( Sco ff s ) And then you forget you forget. I'm hopeless, right? No, you're not. Careful, careful. You got it. Good, good. ( Sips ) Ah. I'm healed. ( Chuckles ) You look good today. Mm. Have a good day. Drive carefully. I will. Ooh, you smell good. Woo-hoo! Abby : Then there's the second kind of emergency, the kind you never want to have, the kind that comes without warning... The car crash, the fi re, the heart attack, the break-in. That's the kind you call me about. I'm the actual fi rst responder. 911. What's your emergency? Woman : My son. He hit his head on the diving board, and he's not breathing. Abby : What's your address, ma'am? Uh, 242 Beatrice Lane. I'm in Beverly Hills. Please hurry! Okay, paramedics are on the way. Oh, my God. He's turning blue! I need you to perform CPR on him. Do you remember what to do? 30 chest compressions followed by two breaths. Okay. 30 and two. ( Indistinct radio chatter ) Okay, Buck, start chest compressions. Hen, start bagging him. Hen : Got you, Captain. Ma'am, come with me. I need to get my team in there. Don't worry. He's gonna be all right. He's gonna be all right. Please, just take a seat. Hen : Get some of that water out. Buck : Coming around. Starting compressions. Chimney : Pulse ox is on. Pad's on. How long was he underwater? I don't know. A few minutes, maybe. Seven, eight, nine, ten... Is he on any medical conditions? No. Is he on any medications? No. 18, 19, 20. Go. ( De fi brillator charges, thumps ) No rhythm. ( Sustained beep ) ( De fi brillator charges, thumps ) ( Whispering ): Come on, kid. Come on. Abby : The crazy part is that as soon as help arrives... ( Line clicks ) most people just hang up. Hen : It's coming, it's coming, it's coming. Buck : Hey. Hey, man. That's it. Get it out. ( Exhales ) Bobby : Good job, kid. Good job. Good job. All right, kid, your mom is right here. Whew. You're gonna be okay. Thank you. ( Whispers ): You'll be okay. ( Helicopter whirring ) Abby : I guess it's for the best that I usually don't know how it all ends. The fi reman is trying to talk her down. This is so messed up. Abby : Are you friends with her? Can you talk to her? Well, we just get high together. Everybody who's ever tried something like this and survived says the same thing: the second they step o ff that ledge, they regretted it. I've been where you are. I know how you feel. Believe me. There's hope. Okay? Let me buy you a cup of co ff ee. I'll tell you all about it. I can help you. Please. Please. No one can help me. ( People screaming ) Junkie : No, no, no, no, no, no! She jumped. She jumped. ( Line clicks, beeps ) Abby : Is it weird that I feel more comfortable dealing with these kinds of emergencies than the one I have to deal with when I leave work and go home? I don't know. ( Phone ringing ) ( Line clicks, beeps ) 911. What's your emergency? Woman : Yeah, I'm in the drive-through, and they only gave me six nuggets in my nine- piece, and this b¡tch manager won't give me my extra nugs. Ma'am, it's against the law to call 911 with a non-emergency. Eat your nuggets, get some perspective, and get the hell o ff my line. ( Bell tolling ) In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. My last confession... ( Ringtone ): ♪ Baby, you're a fi rework ♪ ♪ Come on, show 'em what you're... ♪ ( Ringtone stops ) I'm so, so sorry. Um... I'm new. Mm. ( Chuckles ) But you're familiar with the basics of how this all works? I am fully authorized to absolve any venial sins and assign penance. What if I have to confess a mortal sin? I'm kidding. Do you want to do this out on the pews? Oh. Yes. Please. My last confession was a week ago. I was an alcoholic. Did some drugs, too, near the end... painkillers. Lost a decade of my life, in and out of rehab. Put on forced leave by the fi re department. But I got myself back together, and I've been back on the job for 18 months. Your last confession was a week ago. Weren't you already absolved? It helps me to confess it all once a week, to remind myself how easy it is for me to end up on the wrong path. But this week, I lost one. A woman. A jumper. Priest : It must be hard being a fi rst responder. The only way to survive the job is to fi nd a way to cope with the ones you lose. This is why you drank? Like I said, we all fi nd ways to cope. Some drink, some do drugs, some gamble. Some are s е x addicts. ( Siren wailing ) ♪ We sit around ♪ ( Horn honking ) ♪ Our money's spent ♪ ♪ Why can't you all get down? ♪ ♪ Drive ancient cars ♪ ♪ Can't pay the rent ♪ ( Horn honking ) ♪ Why can't you all get down? ♪ ( Laughs ) ( Siren wailing ) ♪ Drink the water, it's a drought ♪ ♪ How are you this scared? This scared? ♪ ( Grunts ) Groovyheels297? This is cheating. No, no, no. You said if I got to you in fi ve minutes, you would be all mine. Is this why they call you Firehose? No. ♪ Bad reputation ♪ ♪ Bad reputation. ♪ ( Moaning, panting ) Someone punch you in the face? What? Nah, it's a... it's a birthmark. I dig it. Hey, can I, uh... ( Exhales ) can I get your actual number? ( Chuckles ) You're cute. And... you're very good at whatever it is we just did. ( Chuckles ) Let's not ruin everything by actually getting to know each other. ( Indistinct radio chatter ) Damn. We're living in a golden age. ( Microwave beeping ) Powell (on TV) : Merry Christmas. ( Automatic gun fi re on TV ) Police, there's automatic ri fl e fi re at Nakatomi! I need backup assistance now! ( Tires screeching ) ( Automatic gun fi re continues ) ( Tires screeching ) Mcclane (on TV) : Welcome to the party, pal! Chimney : I know exactly what that polite, distant smile means: she's bored. One foot out the door. This woman's so far out of my league, but she's just once-in-a-lifetime. I can't let her go. Lots of fi sh in the sea. Not with the bait he's using. Cruel but true. Mm. ( Hen chuckles ) I met her on this new dating site just for cops and fi re fi ghters, RomancingTheUniform.com. She's an adrenaline junkie, so foreplay is me telling her stories about running into burning buildings and jumping into icy lakes and... I'm sorry, wait. Remind me, when is the last time you ran into or jumped over anything? I embellish a little. Oh. Noted. I'm telling you, the uniform is a major aphrodisiac. Clearly. ( Truck beeping ) ( Brakes hiss ) Oh, damn. ( Clears throat, sni ff s ) ( Exhales ) ( Exhales ) Whew. Hey! I just... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wash your hands. We don't know where they've been. What if we had a call? I was in the neighborhood. I was just, uh, getting it washed. They charge you extra for the full detail? Oh. Yeah, yeah. ( Chuckles ) Bobby : Listen, I like you. You're a good fi re fi ghter. I know we got this thing... You call me "Pops," and I give you a hard time for being a dumbass kid, we went to a Springsteen concert together. But this is not a family. It's not a clubhouse. So I'm writing you up. Come on, Bobby. See the fi re, put out the fi re. The rest is blah-blah. No. The system and the rules are not arbitrary. First infraction. Two more, you're out. Wash your hands. Thanks. You know, you're not helping him by going easy on him. He just needs a little direction. I'll remind you of that after he gets you killed. Anyone want to pass me a spoon, so I can serve myself some salad? ( Alarm ringing ) ( Groans ) Oh, no. No. ( Engine starts ) ( Siren wailing ) ( Horn honking ) ( Tires screeching ) ( Brakes hiss ) ( Horn honks ) ( Siren whoops ) ( Indistinct radio chatter ) Let's do it. ( Indistinct radio chatter ) Where are we headed? The fourth fl oor. ( Whoops ) I'll race you. Ah, race yourself, Rambo. I'm 50 years old. I'm taking the elevator. Who's Rambo? I don't hear anything. ( Sighs ) Look, I'm telling you, I heard a baby crying. Someone fl ushed a baby down the toilet. Oh, I'm not high. Okay, I-I'm pretty high, but it's a sativa. You know? I-It makes you happy. I-It doesn't make you hallucinate. It could've been a cat, right? Sometimes rats get stuck in the walls. ( Faint crying ) Shh. Did you hear that? ( Tapping on wall ) Hey, do you know what, can you give me a stethoscope? Okay. Thanks. ( Tapping on wall ) ( Faint whimper ) Give me a pen. Give me a Sharpie. Hey! All right. We need to open up this wall. No, no. We're being punked. It's a tape recorder or something. Right, Spicoli? Mm-mm. Maybe he's right. Maybe a mother gives birth on the toilet and fl ushes it. Okay, fi rst of all, that's awful. Second, do you not know how a toilet pipe works? There's this piece of serpentine pipe that takes the waste from the toilet to... If this is a premature baby, its bones could bend and compress like sponges. Okay? We need to go in there. Stand back. I got this! Hey, hey, hey! Did you even stop to consider that you might hit a baby? Yeah, I didn't think so. Go get the saw. Okay. I'm, uh, I'm gonna... Try to fi nd some common sense while you're down there. ( Sirens wailing ) Fire and Rescue were fi rst to arrive. Theory is that some kid gave birth on a toilet and tried to fl ush the evidence, which got stuck in a pipe. Theory? Has anyone located the mother to see if the theory's correct? How many fl oors above where you were hearing the crying? Uh, fl oor fi ve and fl oor six. All right, let's start on fi ve. Knock on every door. Don't be shy about going in if something doesn't seem right. Don't we need a warrant or something? Do I look like I'm asking you to make an arrest? Let's do this. ( Saw whirring ) LAPD! LAPD. LAPD. Hey. You have a teenage girl living here? LAPD. LAPD. All right. All right, let's get it out. Guys, that-that pipe services a quarter of the toilets above us, that's gonna be messy. Oh, shoot. Which means, even with the water o ff , if somebody fl ushes a toilet above us, it could drown the baby. LAPD. Open up, sir. Do you have a teenage girl living here with you? I wish. Hen : Do not fl ush your toilet! This is LAFD. No one fl ush your toilets! Do not fl ush your toilet! This is LAFD! Again, no one fl ush your toilet! Hey, Hen. How's your day going? Athena, peachy. Do not fl ush your toilets! LAPD. Open up. LAPD! LAPD! This is LAFD. Please. LAPD. Nobody fl ush your toilets! LAPD. Okay? Please, don't. Hey, sir. Sir! ( Door opens, closes ) ( Lock clicks ) Sir, we're looking for a girl... Uh, hey! ♪ ♪ Chimney. Cut right down here on the bottom. ( Saw whirring ) ( Groans ) ( Tools whirring ) All right, Chimney, help me out, help me out. Easy, easy, easy. Hold it, hold it, hold it. Up, hold it up. Hold it up. You see it? All right. All right, I see it. I see it. Down. Let's pull it down here at the bottom. You got it? Buck, I got it. You got to cut right here. Yeah. Hold it still. All right, it's o ff Get the head out, Bobby. Get the head out. Yeah. You got to push from below. All right. Get the de fi brillator. Are you nuts? I'm on it. Yeah. Just the lube, Buck. All right. Here, Bobby. Take it, take it. All right, give it... All right, work that in there, work that in there. Got it up there. I got it. I got it. All right, guys. Wow, wow. Wow. This is gonna be a scoop and run. Hen, get the ambulance ready. I'm ready here. Bobby : Okay, ready? Come on. It's moving. It's coming. It's coming. Oh, my God. Stay on the shoulders. I got it. I got it. I got it. Pull, pull. All right. Geez. Okay, pull her out. Pull her out. Pull her out. Pull her out. I got it. I got it. I got it. All right, she's not breathing. Starting CPR. Come on. Come on. Come on. Maybe her airway's blocked. I-I'll get the, uh... Yep. Get the pump. Buck, come on! I'm coming! I'm... Yeah, she's not breathing. Bobby, it's-it's not working. Come on. Come on. I got you. I got you. What the...? There we go. There we go. Excellent. There we go. ( Baby coos ) Hey, you all right? ( Laughs ): Yeah. All right. Okay, wrap her up. Let's go. You got her, Buck? Down to the lobby. Here we go. All right, let's go, let's go. Nobody held the elevator? Guess not. Sorry, Cap. Come on, come on, come on. Yo, give her to me. Yo, come on, I'm twice as fast. Come on. All right, you go. Okay. I got you. I got you. You're gonna be okay. You're gonna be great. What happened?! What you want?! No. Man : Marika. ( Speaking Russian ) Your daughter just had a baby. We have to get her to the hospital. ( Speaking Russian ) Go get ready! Get ready! Come on, move it! Come on, get ready! Yeah, I got you. Let's go. Make way, folks. Make way. Let's go, let's go! Make way. Hold up! Hold up! I got another one coming. Come on, let's go! Buck : Yo, is that the mother? No. Screw her! Look what she did! She's bleeding out! She's a child! What are you waiting for? You gotta go. He is refusing to take... Okay, Bob. All right, all right, come on. ( Man speaking Russian ) Come on. Marika. Come on, guys. Hurry up. Okay? Hurry up! Yo, if this baby dies, it's on you. Man : Marika. ( Siren wailing ) Hospital ETA, fi ve minutes. Hang in. ( Air hissing ) Gonna go over here. Feel that? Oh, yeah. You feel that, huh? Okay. Oh, yeah. Whoa. All right. O2 sat 59. ( Sustained beep ) I can't get a pulse. Marika : I'm so sorry. Is she gonna die? Come here. Give me your hand. It's all right. It's okay. ( Heart monitor beeping steadily ) Here we go. All right. See? Told you we'd make it, didn't I? Come on. Oh, here we go. You ready? You guys ready? Oh. Hey. They're gonna take care of you now, okay? You're gonna be okay now, aren't you? Get the baby to the NICU. You got her? Get the mother hooked up in room four. I'm gonna see you in there. All right, come on, Bobby. Let's go. Hey, hey, hold on. Where you going? That baby is alive because of us. Don't-don't we have some kind of obligation? I'll give them a call, we'll be lucky if they tell us if she's okay. There's nothing more we can do. We did our jobs very well today, so far. Just be proud of that. Now it's their turn. ( Tires screech ) ( Sco ff s ) Athena : Hey! You do not get to choose who lives and who dies. Really? 'Cause I was under the impression that kind of was my job. That mother was no less of a child than her baby. You're gonna get someone killed. Well, maybe, but not today. Yeah, you keep making jokes. I promise you, the next time you screw up, it'll be your last. What? Get in the truck. ( Athena sighs ) Good morning, everyone. You want a wa ffl e? ( May whispering ) Athena : Uh-uh. Uh-uh. No whispering at the table. You got something to say, just speak up. Would it be okay if only one of you guys came to family day at school tomorrow? And why would we do that? May : Because you can't stand being in the same room together, anyway. It makes everyone uncomfortable. Are you getting a divorce? Of course not, sweetheart. You're lying. Hey, watch your mouth. Athena : Baby. Married people have problems all the time. But you two never fi ght or argue unless it's something really bad. I want to tell them. Michael. My therapist said tell them when they're ready. Well-well, I'm saying that I'm not ready. Come here. Come here, baby. Michael. ( Athena sighs ) Kids, your dad has been struggling with something his entire life. Really? But... with the courage that I get from being your dad, the way that you love me and see me... Please. I feel strong enough to be honest about it. I'm gay. So you are getting a divorce. No, no, sweetheart. We're not even talking about that. May, baby, y-your dad just told me a couple of weeks ago. The grandmas are gonna whisper about us in church now. And the kids at school are gonna fi nd out, and maybe beat Harry and I up about it. Michael : No. No. Your mother and I will not let that happen. Do you understand? ( Sighs ) Can't you just keep it a secret? I'm fi ne with whatever. I just don't want anybody else to know. May, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Look... Don't look at me like that. I have nothing to be ashamed of. You know, I get that you feel good about coming out. Good for you. Please. But don't think you can hide behind that pride when it comes to me. You lied to me. Oh, God. I'm sorry. Get... Don't you touch me! Don't you touch me! How could you do this to me?! Okay. You should have told me from the beginning! Told you? I didn't have to tell you. You already knew. What did I know? But you just went along to get along. Oh, I'm sorry if I thought that the fact that my husband didn't pay other women any mind meant he was true to me! Look, you even said it yourself. I don't lay you like other men. ( Sighs ) You humiliated me just so you wouldn't humiliate yourself. And if you don't see that, you're the one that's in denial. Denial? Yes. Hey, you know, denial worked just fi ne when you were a 37-year-old single woman whose biological clock was running out. You were perfectly happy to deny what you could clearly see about me. And I said that I wanted those kids, too. Don't you forget that! ( Keys clatter ) ( Tv playing quietly ) ( Grunts softly ) What is that? Applesauce? Hmm? You've had it, like, a million times, Mom. Don't think I like it. Well... Why don't you save it for when your dad gets back from work, hmm? He's not coming home, is he? No. Oh. Yeah. He's gone, right? Mm, yeah. For, like, ten years. Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. Don't be sorry. You're just having a tough day today. And Veronica's here. Veronica, you're half an hour late. I have to get to work. You can't keep doing this, or I'm gonna have to hire somebody else. Whatever. I work for SSI. I can't be fi red, just moved o ff to someone else. Wow, I really love that go-getter attitude, V. I love you, Mom. Love you, darling. You take care of yourself today, okay? ( Phone clicking ) ( Phone chimes ) ( Smack lips ) Bye, Mom. My snake. ( Siren wailing ) ( Horn honking ) L.A. fi re! ( Wood clattering ) All right, guys, check all these rooms. Anybody here? L.A. fi re! ( Snake hissing ) Wow. Oh, my God. Bobby, I can't do snakes. They scare the crap out of me. That scene from Conan the Barbarian with the giant snake, it traumatized me for life. I-I can't. Who's Conan? Conan the Barbarian. Arnold Schwarzenegger. 1982. Geez. Dude, as far as I'm concerned, the world began the day I was born. Bobby : Guys, in here. Back here, guys, now. ( Jessie grunting ) ( Snake hissing ) Hen : Oh, my God. We got to help her get some air, guys. Oh, my... Oh, my God. Oh, I... This is not good. ( Bobby sighs ) Hen : Bobby, it's no use. That thing is, like, ten feet long. Its constriction strength is, like, 50 pounds per square inch. Oh, my God, I'm gonna start calling you "Snake-ipedia." Stop it. All I'm saying is that you'd stand a better chance of tearing down a cement wall with your bare hands. Why don't I just punch it in its face? You can't punch it in the face, Buck. It's a snake. It's not some guy at an El Torito happy hour. Hen : Look, I have Dilaudid. We can inject the snake. It'll pass right out. Bobby : How much time is that gonna take? Minutes. And minutes we don't have. I think we're gonna have to put it down. Kill it. Kill it? No! No, um, no! Kill it. Just kill it. It's a snake. It's doing what nature intended for it to do. ( Grunting ) Nobody told this fool to bring a snake into her house! Yeah, well, I'll make a donation to PETA for you. ( Jessie coughing ) Crap. It's getting really tight. Buck : Okay, stand back. We don't have time for this! Buck! ( Retches ) ( Panting ) Okay. Wow. Why is that always the fi rst option for you white boy, macho tough guys? Guys, I am totally gonna take credit for this with Tatiana. It's gonna get me laid for a week. Thank you. ( Groans ) Oh, Spartacus. Yeah, well, it was him or you, and, uh, when faced with a situation like that, I always choose to save the more attractive one. Is that right? Oh, yeah, that's right. Hen : Okay. Hard pass. I'm gonna skip the part where the two idiots fl irt. You can expect a visit from animal control. ( Buck chuckles ) ( Siren whoops ) ( Indistinct radio chatter ) Hey, Buck. Oh. Ah. The snake hoarder? Really? Um... I'm a collector. I'm not a hoarder. I think you should probably leave. Um, did you follow me here? The truck has a GPS beacon, moron. Ugh. No. W... Just call me later if you're free. I'll be at home. Alone. You're fi red. What? Wait. That's not fair. You said I got three strikes. Doesn't matter. You've made this choice yourself, and you rubbed it in my face. The same exact infraction two days after I wrote you up. It's not 1950 anymore, Buck. We work with women side by side. When you swing your dick around, you disrespect them. Wait, Bobby! Bobby, I-I think I may be a s е x addict. Self-diagnosed. You think this is a joke? No. This a joke to you? I'm not joking. How much does your kit weigh when you're fully geared up? How much? Uh, I don't, I don't know. 60 pounds, give or take. Right. 60 pounds. So when you choose this life, you fi nd a way to leave everything behind you, except that 60 pounds. I don't care if you got problems with your wife, with money, with alcohol, with keeping it in your pants. All that stu ff weighs you down, it slows you down, and if we lose a couple seconds, people die. So, you want to disrespect yourself, that's fi ne with me. You want to disrespect these women that you chase around, that's on them, but you are done disrespecting our fi rehouse and this fi re department. No, Bobby. Bobby! I need this job! Look, I love this job. Don't do this to me. I don't have anything else. I'm sorry, kid. I said you're done. ( Indistinct radio chatter ) I guess you heard? Yeah. For what it's worth, everyone thinks it sucks. It's my own fault. Yeah. Everyone thinks that, too. I'll be honest. When Bobby fi rst brought you on board, I told him he should just get a Dalmatian instead. ( Chuckles softly ) But I'm legit sorry to see you go. You got some skills. Just not a lot of discipline. Look, hey, um, I don't suppose you could maybe talk to him for me? ( Alarm beeping ) Dispatcher ( over P.A. ) : Ladder, medic. 10-36 auto emergency. Hey, tough break, kid. Dispatcher : Ladder, medic. 10-36 auto emergency. Hen, let's roll. ( Sirens wailing ) ( Horn honking ) Okay, Lily, my name is Abby. I'm gonna try to help you. What's your address? I don't know. We just moved here. ( Door rattling ) Do you know what street you live on? Um, Lambert. Okay, Lambert. ( Crash, glass shatters ) ( Screams ) It's a brown house! Please hurry! ( Gasps ) Okay, Lily? Lily? Shoot. What do you got here? Residential break-in. Caller is a nine-year-old female, home alone. No GPS on her phone, no street address. She did have a street name... Lambert. There are three Lamberts in the greater L.A. area: Boyle Heights, Santa Fe Springs and Winnetka. Lily : Abby? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can hear you. They got in. Where are you, honey? Where are you? I'm up in my room.