Crippled written by minds.com/rdlln OVER BLACK Multicolored specks of light appear and multiply. As they come into focus we see that they are... EXT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT ...neon signs hanging in the window of a single story, brick faced bar. MAN’S VOICE (V.O.) Lot of white people here tonight. Did you know that white privilege isn’t just for gringos? Yeah, apparently the wetbacks have culturally appropriated it. Some of us anyways. I was informed that since I'm capable of passing for white I have what’s called white passing privilege. INT. DIVE BAR - STAGE We look out past the back of a MAN’S head, at a dimly lit crowd of mostly inattentive twenty somethings. MAN’S VOICE Yeah, I thought it was bullshit too, but I tried it out the last time I flew. ON DONOVAN A debonair, wheelchair bound man in his late 20s. DONOVAN (MAN’S VOICE) And it worked. How else do you explain why I was allowed to just roll past everyone else in line? There’s a smattering of LAUGHTER from those standing closest to the stage. DONOVAN (CONT'D) White passing privilege. (scoffs) Who’s got the privilege when it comes to immigration? Seriously, if you were going to bet on who gets to cut the line. (MORE) 2. DONOVAN (CONT'D) Would your money be on lily white Elona from Estonia, or muddy brown Juan from Juarez? A COUPLE OF LAUGHS followed by silence, which ripples through the crowd as more and more eyes focus on Donovan. One of them belongs to CHILI MEAD, early 30s, eye patch, low key cute, with 80s era hair and shiny black leather boots worn in sharp contrast to her otherwise lumberjack inspired attire. She sits on an upholstered chair a short distance from the stage, studying Donovan while sipping a whisky sour. DONOVAN (CONT'D) Our immigration system is so fucked up. It shouldn’t matter where you’re coming from, or what color you are, right? (a few applause) What should matter is what you can do for me. More LAUGHTER. DONOVAN (CONT'D) Let's face it, I'm probably not going to outlive my mom, but if I do, who's going to wipe my ass? Chili raises her hand. DONOVAN (CONT'D) (to Chili) Are you volunteering? Chili nods, lowers her hand and LAUGHS along with the crowd. DONOVAN (CONT'D) You into scat? She shakes her head. DONOVAN (CONT'D) I've done this joke half a dozen times and no one has ever raised their hand. She didn't just offer. She was enthusiastic about it. Her hand was up before I even finished saying "ass". Ma’am, do you need a green card? Chili shakes her head. 3. DONOVAN (CONT'D) Oh, I get it. Can’t be too careful. Might be some ICE agents in the audience. What’s your name, miss? CHILI (giggly) Chili. DONOVAN Are you white? CHILI White passing. Donovan grins as the crowd LAUGHS. DONOVAN See that. If white passing Chili from Penzance... A few LAUGHS. DONOVAN (CONT'D) ...was privileged, she wouldn’t be excited to wipe my ass. If you're willing to be on hand to do that for eight dollars an hour, off the books, shit, I don't care where you come from, or what kind of person you are. You want to sell coke to make ends meet, chop off the heads of rival gang leaders on your day off, what do I care? Just kidding, I care. (a beat) I would pay you on the books. More LAUGHTER. DONOVAN (CONT'D) Yeah, I'm not about to cut Uncle Sam out. His response to The Whisky Rebellion made it pretty clear that he was not one to be fucked with. Aside from a few murmurs the crowd is mostly silent now. All eyes are on Donovan. DONOVAN (CONT'D) You guys know about the Whisky Rebellion, right? (a beat) (MORE) 4. DONOVAN (CONT'D) No? a few years after the revolution a bunch of farmers almost went to war with the federal government over a tax on Whisky. Know how much it was? (then) Nine cents a gallon. You know what the federal tax on a gallon of gasoline is right now? (a beat) Eighteen cents. You see anybody rebelling? (another pause) No, because Chad and Karen aren’t thinking about going down to an armed assembly. They’re thinking, do I want the lobster roll or the taco bowl salad? The same goes for Rayshawn and Tamika. It doesn't matter what your name is or what color you are, because the only real privilege is green.