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Version #1 - Nov 2020 everything wrong with the 'am i a lesbian?' masterdoc (written by Mage of b​ lack and white thinking​, find me ​here​, h ​ ere​ and h ​ ere​) DISCLAIMER: ​I use the word queer in this document, especially in relation to ‘queer theory’ as a whole. I understand the controversy around this word and want to warn anyone ahead of time who doesn’t not enjoy the use of it. Some members of our community do identify with this word, and academically it is used a lot so I have struggled to avoid it. Apologies to anyone that this irritates, I mean no harm and I understand your perspective, regardless of my personal feelings on the word itself. LGBTQ RESOURCES LGBTMap: ​Invisible Majority: The Disparities Facing Bisexual People and How to Remedy Them Stonewall:​ C ​ oming Out GLSEN:​ ​Coming Out: A Resource for LGBTQ Students LGBT Foundation:​ C ​ oming Out Human Rights Campaign: ​Coming Out / ​Resource Guide to Coming Out as Bisexual Matthew Shepard Foundation: C ​ oming Out Resources UK NHS:​ A ​ m I gay, lesbian or bisexual? The Trevor Project:​ B ​ isexual Resource Page Teen Health Source: ​Understanding Sexual Orientation / ​Identifying as Lesbian, 1 Version #1 - Nov 2020 Gay, Bisexual or Queer (LGBQ)​ /​Identifying as Trans Kathy Belge and Marke Bieschke​ ​Queer: The Ultimate LGBTQ Guide for Teens SOURCES: Adrienne Rich:​ ‘​ Compulsory Heterosexuality and The Lesbian Existence’ Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence Adrienne Rich Signs, Vol. 5, No. 4, Women: Sex and Sexuality. (Summer, 1980), p Human Rights Campaign, BiNet USA​, 'HEALTH DISPARITIES AMONGST BISEXUAL PEOPLE' 'BISEXUAL FAQ' 'BI+ YOUTH REPORT' LGBTMAP​ etc. A CLOSER LOOK: BISEXUAL TRANSGENDER PEOPLE CDC The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2010 Findings on Victimization by Sexual Orientation UNITED NATIONS 2 Version #1 - Nov 2020 Human Rights Council Report of the Independent Expert on protection against violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity INDEPENDENT (collection and interview) 'Bisexual women are more likely to face abuse – and no one is asking why' LGBT FOUNDATION Bisexual Women at Greater Risk of Domestic Abuse...but Why? And What Can We Do About it? OTHER RESOURCES (bi specific further reading if you want to understand why this issue is so important within our community written by cleverer more qualified people than me - these things have helped me form a lot of my opinions on these issues please consider checking them out if you enjoy queer theory or want to know more about defending bisexuals against in house oppression - you can also find a lot of this stuff pretty easy, i have only used google and books to find all these sources over the years) - Queer Politics, Bisexual Erasure: Sexuality at the Nexus of Race, Gender, and Statistics (UC Berkeley)​ by JM Rodriguez, professor of Ethnic Studies, Gender and Women's Studies, and Performance Studies at the University of California, Berkeley - Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics: Sex, Loyalty, and Revolution on JSTOR​ by Paula C. Rust 3 Version #1 - Nov 2020 The Epistemic Contract of Bisexual Erasure by Kenji Yoshino,​Chief Justice Earl Warren Professor of Constitutional Law at New York University School of Law Bisexuality, poverty and mental health: A mixed methods analysis​ (Social Science & Medicine Journal) Among LGBT Americans, bisexuals stand out when it comes to identity, acceptance​ (PEW RESEARCH) Bisexual adults are far less likely than gay men and lesbians to be ‘out’ to the people in their lives​ (PEW RESEARCH) Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life (9780415926614): Garber, Marjorie: Books “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.” - ​ROBYN OCHS​, ​educator, speaker, grassroots activist, and editor of B ​ i Women Quarterly Above is the definition of the word bisexual I will be using, which could* also include people who may identity themselves pansexual or queer or whatever. *who am I to tell you PREFACE Going to clear some things up before I get into the document. 4 Version #1 - Nov 2020 - Who are you and why are you writing this? My name is Mage, I write stuff. I am not a professional, I just read a lot and spend too much time online. Simply a nobody who wanted to write about fantasy books but can’t seem to get this doc and it’s followers out of my mind. This is all my (hopefully researched) opinion, find me at the links above. I don’t like the masterdoc, I believe it to be dangerous and I want to write about it, especially after receiving harassment online about this opinion. - ‘Why are you in a ‘lesbian’ space? The masterdoc doesn’t concern you because you are not a ‘lesbian.’ ​My identity has no relation to my right to an opinion on this work, nor is it definable in such a manner or actually anyone’s business. This document is also not aimed at lesbians but instead at women and girls who are questioning their sexuality. As someone who is queer, I am allowed to waste my time on this. - Let it be known that everything I say here, even where sarcastic, is said with the intention of preventing distress within the queer community, especially that of young women. If you are questioning your sexuality, or wish to read up on the subject, I have included links to resources above. My main issues with the document are: 1. That it is full of misinformation and unresearched theory, including but not exclusively r​ adical feminism and political lesbianism​. 2. A lot of that misinformation is bigotted, specifically misogynistic, ableist, biphobic and transphobic. 3. I believe it to be most malicious in its bi-erasure and, if I’m being perfectly honest, its weird kind of conversion rhetoric. I find all of this upsetting as I know for a fact (see links above) that this kind of rhetoric, inside and outside of the queer/lgbt community, leads to 5 Version #1 - Nov 2020 discrimination and violence against bi+ people. This is made even worse when (again, see links above) you look at the statistics of discrimination and violence against lgbt people and see that bi+ people suffer the highest numbers, and research shows that not all of this abuse comes from heterosexuals. I have been debating writing about, and researching, this document for a few months, and was considering making a video about it when I had finished reading more about queer politics etc. however things changed recently when I was involved in a twitter debacle. This twitter debacle included a bisexual artist being tweeted this masterdoc without asking for it, me getting very dramatically upset because I don’t like seeing dangerous behaviour and I have emotional regulation issues, and concluded with a thousand plus people telling me I was a lesbophobe with no context for my life or my opinions, my twitter account being deleted by a mass report swarm led by a 14 year old, and lots of harrassment that made me want to die. (context: I had eight followers and directed my opinions towards no one, I did however end up with thousands of people telling me to die for not being enough of a dyke.) Now I don’t really want to explain all of this here, that’s not the point of this document and not why people are here, specifically. However, as I’m sure it will come up, I am mentioning it. My plan is to make a video further discussing the masterdoc’s influence, which is my main issue, and not the content of the doc itself, which is something I am even more sure of now that I have been hounded. Point being, once that video has been made, and I have discussed the wider ramifications of accepted biphobia in the queer community, I will update this 6 Version #1 - Nov 2020 document to include a link to that as well. It will go into all of this, plus the complaints against me on twitter, as well as the epidemic of biphobia I believe exists in online spaces currently. It seems people’s biggest issue with me is that I tweeted, and stand by, the idea that this document is full of awful conversion rhetoric and misinformation an sending it to bisexual+ people (especially when unprompted) is just bigotted and mean. This kind of bigotry in the lgbt+ community leads to literal violence against bisexual people, the majority of who are trans and/or poc as well. I can conclude it's dramatic of me to say that it is violent to send this document to someone, but it doesn’t stop it being my opinion, nobody’s business and it doesn’t make it false. The response to this was horde like and unnecessary, with literal children telling me that ​this document is their ‘bible’ and my disliking of it means I hate lesbians​. I was told I am the reason people hate bisexuals, that bisexuals deserve to be discriminated against and die, I was called a paedophile (?? yeah idk either) and when I pointed out the empirical fact that bisexuals women suffer more violence and abuse than their gay and lesbian counterparts, I was told I was playing ‘oppression olympics.’ So some pretty dramatic responses there too. As I said a moment ago, my problem with this masterdoc is not entirely the doc itself. Whilst the document is problematic, and I have gone through it here because I do think it is important - also I don’t want to be accused of ‘hating lesbians’ when I am one - the obsession of young self-identified lesbians with the document is far worse in my opinion. It serves as a perfect metaphor for the biphobia that is accepted, and honestly praised, by monosexuals within the queer community. And I don’t care if people hate me for saying this, but this issue is 7 Version #1 - Nov 2020 absolutely ​more prevalent amongst wlw than it is mlm, because we are so madly influenced and divided by the patriarchy​. My personal encounter with this group of masterdoc fans only serves as further evidence, in my opinion, that the wlw community clearly has an issue with the conversation and culture surrounding this doc. Another quick note, I don’t want to name the writer here because I’m sure she doesn’t need it but I want to credit her so if you want to know more here is a link. ​How Tumblr's 'Am I a Lesbian?' Google Doc Became Internet Canon This masterdoc was written by a 19 year old on Tumblr in two nights and that is worthy context to take into this. 8 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ‘WHAT IS COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY?’ ● Now I really do not want to go through this document word by word, however I’m happy to do so just so someone has because ultimately I think this doc is dangerous, and that it is essentially a badly hidden radfem manifesto with terf-y undertones​, that needs to be examined under a more critical eye than the ones Catra icons on twitter seem to have. I am going to attempt to make sense of a piece of writing that was created in two nights by a 19 years old as if it is a ‘queer resource’ as people have told me it is. I’m just a dude doing a thing, I am no more qualified than the original writer, and these are my own opinions at 9 Version #1 - Nov 2020 the end of the day. Opinions I hope to back up with empirical evidence but whatever. ● Anyway, this masterdoc is grammatically nonsensical, repeats itself endlessly and its 30 full pages so I’m going to try and cover as much as I can in as few words as possible whilst making as much sense as I can muster. We’ll get to the main awful thesis points, the weird bigotry and it’s ​misuse of terms that have a very important queer feminist history​. ● Compulsory Heterosexuality was a termed coined in 1980 by the feminist poet and writer Adrienne Rich in an essay called ​‘Compulsory Heterosexuality and The Lesbian Existence’. I have no idea why the original writer of this document did not feel the need to mention this because as someone who has said essay burned into her brain, it is obvious to me that not only has the original poster definitely read Rich’s essay, they have massively misunderstood it. Perhaps they have just had it quoted at them secondhand? I’m not sure because there is definitely some arguable plagiarism here but the masterdoc also misrepresents Rich entirely. Now Rich’s text is far from perfect, and contains the odd idea that one may find radical these days, but it’s ability to identify the constraints of female sexual slavery and other patriarchal inflictions on women, and unifying them through the the lens of comp het, is honestly stellar queer feminist work​. Rich was also not the perfect feminist either but so much of what is said in this particular essay still stands today and if you are reading this you should consider taking time to also read her essay. Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence Adrienne Rich Signs, Vol. 5, No. 4, Women: Sex and Sexuality. (Summer, 1980), p ● Rich says that compulsory heterosexuality, and the idea of a male-identified existence where women put men before themselves, is an oppressive tool used and created by men to hold power over all women. ​Comp het is the grooming of girls from birth to be readied for men like cattle​. ​“The chastity belt; child 10 Version #1 - Nov 2020 marriage; erasure of lesbian existence (except as exotic and perverse) in art, literature, film; idealization of heterosexual romance and marriage - these are some fairly obvious forms of compulsion, the first two exemplifying physical force, the second two control of consciousness.” - AR. ​Compulsory heterosexuality is ​“the cluster of forces within which women have been convinced that marriage, and sexual orientation toward men, are inevitable, even if unsatisfying or oppressive components of their lives.” - AR ● The essay itself is a literary social reflection in which Rich discusses how the feminism of her time is failing in its erasure of ‘lesbian’ stories and narratives, and a failure of women of all sexualities to understand that they collectively suffer under compulsory heterosexuality and that ​unifying all women against the male dominated patriarchy is, as far as Rich is concerned, the ultimate ‘intersectional’ feminist goal. (​Rich never uses the actual word intersectional but she very much implies it and I am just using a more modern term to make this a little simpler etc. forgive me.​) ● “But women are all, in different ways and to different degrees, its victims; and part of the problem with naming and conceptualizing female sexual slavery is, as Barry ​(Kathleen Berry, a feminist anthropologist Rich references in her work) ​clearly sees, compulsory heterosexuality. Compulsory heterosexuality simplifies the task of the procurer and pimp in worldwide prostitution rings and "eros centers," while, in the privacy of the home, it leads the daughter to "accept" incestlrape by her father, the mother to deny that it is happening, the battered wife to stay on with an abusive husand. "Befriending or love" is a major tactic of the procurer whose job it is to turn the runaway or the confused young girl over to the pimp for seasoning. The ideology of heterosexual romance, beamed at her from childhood out of fairy tales, television, films, advertising, popular songs, wedding pageantry, is a tool ready to the procurer's hand and one which he does not hesitate to use, as 11 Version #1 - Nov 2020 Barry amply documents. Early female indoctrination in "love" as an emotion may be largely a Western concept; but a more universal ideology concerns the primacy and uncontrollability of the male sexual drive.” - AR. ● Rich also has a very specific definition of lesbianism within her essay, and discusses something which she labels as ‘the lesbian continuum.’ Rich’s idea is that upon this continuum every woman regardless of their sexuality has the potential to exist, that ​all positive interactions between women can and should be considered lesbian​, not just because the love of women is illuminating and should be celebrated but also because it is an ​act of defiance against a world that is dominated by men​. ​“If we consider the possibility that all women exist on a lesbian continuum, we can see ourselves as moving in and out of this continuum, whether we identify ourselves as lesbian or not.” - AR. ● “Woman-identification is a source of energy, a potential springhead of female power, violently curtailed and wasted under the institution of heterosexuality. The denial of reality and visibility to women's passion for women, women's choice of women as allies, life companions, and community; the forcing of such relationships into dissimulation and their disintegration under intense pressure have meant an incalculable loss to the power of all women to change the social relations of the sexes, to liberate ourselves and each other. The lie of compulsory female heterosexuality today afflicts not just feminist scholarship, but every profession, every reference work, every curriculum, every organizing attempt, every relationship or conversation over which it hovers. It creates, specifically, a profound falseness, hypocrisy, and hysteria in the heterosexual dialogue, for every heterosexual relationship is lived in the queasy strobelight of that lie. However we chose to identify ourselves, however we find ourselves labeled, it flickers across and distorts our lives. The lie keeps numberless women 12 Version #1 - Nov 2020 psychologically trapped, trying to fit mind, spirit, and sexuality into a prescribed script because they cannot look beyond the parameters of the acceptable. It pulls on the energy of such women even as it drains the energy of "closeted" lesbians-the energy exhausted in the double-life. The lesbian trapped in the "closet," the woman imprisoned in prescriptive ideas of the "normal," share the pain of blocked options, broken connections, lost access to self definition freely and powerfully assumed.” - AR. 13 Version #1 - Nov 2020 “Compulsory heterosexuality is the voice in my head that says I must really be het even when I’m in love with a woman.” ● No, no it isn’t. That is ​internalised homophobia something that can be caused by comp het but not exclusively. ● This early on into the doc, a discrepancy like this might not seem like a big deal but it paints the perfect picture of the misinformation and cross wires that’ll come. And honestly one of the biggest mistakes this doc makes is not understanding the ​difference between comp het and homophobia​, internalised or otherwise. Between what is a political institution inflicted via experience and how that is different from the reactionary feelings that 14 Version #1 - Nov 2020 a person may have because of said experience. I know this all sounds pedantic at this point but please stay with me. “Compulsory heterosexuality is very similar to heteronormativity - the assumption that straight is the default.” ● Again this is not entirely wrong but still not actually correct. And the issue here is that, when dealing with queer theory like this masterdoc has chosen to, you need to know like the basic definitions of the words your using, or how they have changed, and their history etc. ​This document has no sources​. Heteronormativity is the idea of binary straightness as the default, but ​compulsory heterosexuality is the idea that heteronormativity is inflicted on the population to control women​. 15 Version #1 - Nov 2020 HOW DO I KNOW IF I’M A LESBIAN? Now this is where I start getting actually annoyed. Especially when I know for a fact that thousands of young queer women have read this text and been told it is the Bastion of Sapphism. Never forget the context that a lot of the people defending this document are actually young queer people who need protecting from the kind of rhetoric this document is plagued with. Anyway. “If you’re questioning if you’re a lesbian, it's way more important to ask yourself if you can be truthfully happy with a man than if you’re attracted to them.” // “You can be attracted to men or not know if you are because of compulsory heterosexuality and it doesn't mean you want to be with them.” 16 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● These sentences make my brain hurt regardless of any context and I just hate it. It also confuses me because it implies that as a lesbian you can be attracted to men, which by the definition of lesbianism as ‘woman who loves other women’ then yes, I agree. But this document doesn’t seem to, it consistently goes on to define lesbian as ‘a woman with no attraction to men’ something which has been lauded at me via the horde on twitter. And honestly, I think this is where so much of this hatred lies. ​The L Word has definition issues​. It has historically and it does still, and not only is it used as a weapon by straight people against all queer women, it has also been used by queer women to brand power over their peers. We are going to have to talk about these words, bisexual, lesbian, sapphic, queer, etc. in this doc and in our lives as a whole before straight people don’t have a chance to kill us because we have all killed each other for them. “Many lesbians STILL struggle with compulsory heterosexuality even when they know they don’t want men.” ● Again ​all ​women experience comp het​, all queer women especially, not just those who discover they have no attraction to men. What definition of 17 Version #1 - Nov 2020 lesbian are we using here anyway? Like if you just said women, or you defined something like, I don’t know, Rich’s lesbian continuum at the beginning, or defined whether you mean ‘woman loving woman’ or ‘woman with no attraction to men’​, then I really would be with you. This sentence without any of that, this whole section even, is just packed with biphobic undertones​, and a complete disregard for the real life consequences of compulsory heterosexuality on all women. ● Everything described here can be experienced by bisexual women specifically, so sending this to girls who are questioning their sexuality is entirely unhelpful, when it labels something queer as a lesbian experience and then implies multiple confusing definitions of the word lesbian. ● Honestly this doc is not bad in what it tries to do. And perhaps if someone who had read maybe (1) queer theory book had looked over this we might not even be here, but this is such low level analysis being passed around by high schoolers and college kids who are then putting it on a pedestal and abusing people online with and because of it, even though it is full of grammatical errors, unsourced claims, basic misunderstandings and some really weird monosexist undertones that even Rich might think were too much. ● Then there are the questioning queer kids that read it and feel displaced and erradicated or not enough because of some nineteen year old on Tumblr’s bad take. The bi and questioning and trans and fluid kids - kids who are already considered queerer by society than the average Ellen and Neil’s these days - they suffer the highest rates of suicide and self-harm in the lgbt community () and a lot of this has to do with the fact that people, regardless of whether they are straight or gay, ostracise them at ridiculous levels. ​Add the fact that you may be black, brown, disabled or a woman to your bisexuality and these rates become horrifying​. 18 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● This masterdoc does that, and I don’t see how anyone who is applying the smallest amount of critical thinking to this cannot see that. That doesn’t mean I think it has bad intentions, it just means I think that the person who made it is dumb, the people who collected it, passed it on and immortalised it are dumber, and the queer kids that are either involved in this or are having this inflicted on them, need us older queers to shut this shit down where we see it. ​Queerphobia within the queer community is an issue​. It is not a bigger issue than the worldwide two thousand year oppression of gay people thanks to the Abrahamic religions, but it is still a huge fucking issue. And we are blind and ignorant to say otherwise. I have felt it, I have probably inflicted it, and I refuse to not address it any longer. Queer people should never inflict the kind of bullshit expectations on each other that are inflicted on us by the hets​. Why let ourselves be turned into weapons? 19 Version #1 - Nov 2020 20 Version #1 - Nov 2020 BUT I LIKE FICTIONAL MEN/MALE CELEBRITIES.. ● This one has ​nothing to do with sexuality or lesbianism​. If you like a male celebrity/fictional man, you like a fictional slash celebrity man. You may identify as anything, your interaction with real life people should not be influenced by the way you feel about fictional people of any gender (or pseudo-fiction like celebs), they are not real. ● Also,​ bisexuality exists​ @ original writer of this doc 21 Version #1 - Nov 2020 BUT I THINK I’VE LIKED MEN BEFORE? ● First sentence is inherently fine, I guess. I have issues with ‘you can be a lesbian now’ though, the whole sentence is nul when it contains ​no organised definition of lesbian​. This is why this masterdoc is so hard to understand sometimes and hence why I think it is dangerous when passed around between queer kids. It is just ​adding misinformation to the list of shit queer kids have to worry about​, as well as turning them into literal trolls. 22 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● “It’s a ‘now’ identity”​ - aren’t all identities “now” identities lol? ● “You’re not interested in men, so you can ID as lesbian regardless of how you’ve felt in the past” - I mean sure, but again, we’re using a different definition of lesbian again, and also ​lots of bisexual women don’t want to date men​, lots of straight women too, monogamous dating practices don’t do it for everyone. ● “If you ID lesbian now, and then meet a man and fall for him, it would be wrong to call yourself lesbian” - I mean, sure if you want your identity to be inherently tied to men. 23 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● This first sentence above is the only one that makes sense and isn’t laced with awkward undertones. ● “Now a misconception is that everyone is born knowing they are gay and that’s not necessarily true. It can be because of nature AND nurture.” -- That is not a common misconception. And literally no one can source why people are queer​, please stop. ● The rest of this paragraph really seems to have some conversion pamphlet vibes. The lesbian identity, as this writer puts it, is not a fucking dress, it can not be tried on and taken off again so easily. This whole thing is again just a gross misrepresentation of what comp het actually is. ● “If you feel attraction towards men but don’t want to date them or be with them and instead want to date and be with women, then you CAN be a lesbian.” You’re probably bisexual, bisexual is an umbrella identity for many different variations of non-monosexual identities. If you dated men, still find them attractive, but now date women, you are not any less bisexual than before. If you choose to ID as a lesbian under the idea that you are a ‘woman who loves other women’ then yes, that should also be okay but the destruction of fluidity and the ​centering of lesbian identity on ‘lack of men’ instead of ‘love for women’ has unfortunately made it difficult. Anyway bi dykes are valid and this document owes me $50 for being biphobic. ● I hope anyone reading this realises that the only way to discover your sexuality is to go out and do so, to fuck or not, to love or not, to do and discover where your queerness lies. ​The truth of who you are will never be found in the experiences, feelings or actions of others​. ● “Lesbian doesn’t need to mean ‘only experiences attraction to women’, it can mean ‘only feels comfortable, only prefers, and only prioritizes women & relationships with them’.” Okay, so we’re back to using Rich’s Lesbian 24 Version #1 - Nov 2020 Continuum definition of lesbian again, which would be fine if this made sense in relation to anything else in the document but it doesn’t. It’s just confusing and nonsensical to throw random plagiarism of Rich into a checklist manifesto of random opinions. ● Reminder: comp het does effect wlw in a unique way but it literally affects ALL women, and saying otherwise is genuinely dangerous. Comp Het gets women killed all over the world and has done for thousands of years. ● “Allowing people to identify based on where they are willing to put their romantic and sexual energy is more powerful and gives people agency.” - Based on what? Like I’m not even disagreeing but where is the evidence for this statement? 25 Version #1 - Nov 2020 CONFLICTING FEELINGS ABOUT MEN ● “You can really, genuinely have warm, positive, strong feelings towards men and they can still be compulsory heterosexuality.” - yes, and this applies to not only all women, but definitely to bisexual women. Bisexuality exists​. This document is not for lesbians, it is for people who want an answer to the questions ‘Am I A Lesbian?’ - it doesn’t take a genius to understand that a lot of the people that are going to read this masterdoc, based on its title, will be young women who are questioning 26 Version #1 - Nov 2020 their queerness, or more specifically, definitely girls who are trying to work out whether to identify as bi or lesbian based on today’s definitions. This document will not do anything but confuse them or radicalise them with bullshit misinformation. And I have evidence that it has already done both. ● “Compulsory heterosexuality is the assumption that any feelings that you have towards a man MUST be attraction because society talks all the time about hetero love and attraction so when you feel something towards a man you think “oh, this must be what it’s like”.” ​- Again, you cannot ‘feel’ comp het, you can feel its restraints, you can feel oppressed or damaged by its infliction on you but you cannot feel comp het itself. This is some sort of pseudo-definition crossing over comp het and heteronormativity/internalised homophobia. To assume you are attracted to a man because he is a man, or because you believe you should be attracted to men, is the assumption of heterosexuality or heteronormativity, to not understand you are actually or also attracted to women is a consequence of comp het. This is not a ‘lesbian’ only experience, regardless. ● “You think “i’m not attracted to physical appearance, only personalities” ​- lots of people put personality before appearance, ​not a ‘lesbian’ only experience​ again. ● or “i only like feminine men” or you find ways to make yourself aroused by men by imagining them in all kinds of unusual scenarios until you hit one that appeals to you.” - lots of women and men like feminine men, feminine men are great and being attracted to them does not make you a lesbian. This one is offensive on many levels. 27 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● You might be bisexual, this entire paragraph is biphobic garbage, and honestly makes very little sense anyway. ● NOT AN EXPERIENCE ONLY FELT BY WOMEN WITH NO ATTRACTION TO MEN, NONE OF THIS MAKES YOU A ‘LESBIAN’ 28 Version #1 - Nov 2020 SIGNS OF COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY ● Everything here is a mess, especially the implication that relationships with men can come out of some ‘broken’ part of you. Having sex with men really should have nothing to do with your love for women​. Remember that the original writer of this post was a 19 year old who wrote this in their bedroom, not someone qualified to offer the advice given out in this masterdoc. I’m not trying to judge based on age but this is important. ‘Gathered’ - gathered from where? Who are these so-called lesbians? Provide a source. One source. Any source. ● If you are an lgbt/queer/whatever the hell identified person who is questioning their sexuality, I have linked resources that have been created by professionals that can offer a guiding hand through your situation. ​Please do not rely on this badly researched masterdoc that was created by a child​. There are many great resources available for queer people and this is not one of them. 29 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● Again, this whole masterdoc has such an icky conversion pamphlet feel and I hate it, feel free to disagree. ‘Attraction’ to men ● Everyone has a mental list of qualities they think they consider attractive in a partner, and at the end of the day, no one can help who they are attracted to. ​This whole thing is just about dating and relationship anxieties​. Why has the original writer chosen to tie all of these things to lesbianism? Again, I’m going to say it is because they were a teenager but why have so many other people read this and thought it was fine. ● Lots of women feel uncomfortable in their journey dating men, regardless of their attraction to them, regardless of whether they are a ‘lesbian’ or not, because spoiler, men are kind of terrible. 30 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● “I do not like the reality of men, only the idea of being with men.” This sentence is confusing but almost every woman on the planet who is attracted to men struggles with the reality of dating them. ​This is definitely comp het, it is not however a sign of ‘no attraction to men’ lesbianism​. ● “I can fantasize about men and find men attractive, but thinking about realistically being with a man makes my stomach churn.” ​Sex can be scary, especially when you are a teenager, no matter who you are attracted to or having sex with. 31 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● “Only developing attraction to a guy after a female friend expresses attraction to him.” Maybe you’re a crappy friend, or maybe you fancy your friend, not inherently lesbianism either way. ● “You view relationships with men as a chore, burden, or just something you must deal with.” Again, said every woman on the planet. ​Comp het, not homosexuality​. 32 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● “Confusing a strong emotional connection/dependency with a man for romantic feelings, can be due to mental illness.” As a bisexual woman diagnosed with a personality disorder, of which the symptoms include emotion diregulation and extreme dependence/attachment, let me just say you can​ go to Hell for this one. ● Again, original writer is taking personal takes, her personal experiences, the ones of the lesbian peers she has, and acting as if that means she has a concrete understanding of lesbian experience. This takes no other factor into account. The writer was a teenager, which is definitely as important as their queerness when examining this masterdoc, in my opinion. So many of these bullet points could and can be so clearly related to the fact that these people are young, not just that they are queer. Sexuality, and more importantly people’s relationship with sex and attraction, changes a lot from the time you are a teenager. Teenagers are full of unriled hormones and that is a literal fact. ​Not everything here is about lesbianism, most of it isn’t about lesbianism​. ● “You’re far more certain about being attracted to women than you are about being attracted to men”​ - ​lots of bisexual women feel this way too​. 33 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● “Only/mostly being into guys who are gender nonconforming or feminine in some way.” / “Alternatively, the guys I like are always a hyper masculine man’s man who embodies everything about manliness.” Here is the perfect example of how the original writer of the masterdoc combines bi erasure with transphobia and calls it lesbianism​. This is terf rhetoric. ● “You want to date/fall in love/get married/have kids/etc with a guy, but the guy you dream about is never specific and may as well be a cardboard cutout” - again, really specific and not related to queerness inherently in any way. Anyone can feel this way regardless of sexuality. 34 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● “Only/mostly being attracted to unattainable, disinterested, or fictional guys or guys you never or rarely interact with. (Such as teachers, married or older men, and men that live far away)” ​- as an older feminist witch, I need young girls reading this to know that ​teachers, older men and married men are not unattainable and will take advantage of you regardless of your orientation​. Shut that the Hell down please. ● “You lose all attraction or get extremely uncomfortable if there are any implications that they might like you back. You get deeply uncomfortable and losing all interest in these unattainable guys if they ever indicate they might reciprocate.” This response to someone liking you is ​far more likely related to trauma than queerness​. Panicking when a boy likes you even if you thought you liked them is something bisexual and heterosexual women feel too. How can this help indicate to someone whether or not they are gay? ● First three points above, again, are not lesbian exclusive in any way. ● “Having a lot of your ‘guy’ crushes later turn out to be trans women”​ N ​ o​. 35 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● “You wish you weren’t attracted to men / You wish you were a lesbian” - I know straight women aren’t reading this but if they were they would be laughing with me. ​Men are terrible and women who are attracted to men know this as well​. Plenty of straight women have had the dumbass thought of ‘it would all be easier if I wasn’t attracted to men’ as if their attraction to men has anything to do with men treating them like crap. Relationships with men. 36 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● As I’ve said, these could all be lesbian experiences but not necessarily lesbians only experiences so ask yourself ​how does this document help anyone? Also the assumption of lesbianism erases bisexuality instantly and, you know, there is like quite the history of that. Please stop. ● THE WRITER OF THIS DOCUMENT WAS ALSO NINETEEN AND DID NOT HAVE A FULLY DEVELOPED BRAIN OR THE LIFE EXPERIENCE/QUALIFICATIONS TO OFFER THIS KIND OF ADVICE TO ANYONE. (not a dig just stating fact.) Sex and Intimacy with men 37 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● A teenager is not qualified to give advice on sex and intimacy​, this is not Sex Education. I’m repeating myself again but a lot of these issues have to do with issues around sex and relationships and intimacy that may not have anything to do with your sexuality itself. The original writer has failed to take this into consideration, in my opinion, because they are a teenager themselves, who is using their own experiences as a format for how other people should exist on the queer continuum. There is nothing above that can be considered a lesbian (as in woman with no attraction to men) only experience and ​this denies by default the existence other forms of queer womanhood​. It is quite literally childish. ● “Your fantasies about men still somehow turn out to be a little gay. Maybe you’re penetrating him, you don’t have to look at his face/don’t want to look at his face, you want a threesome with another woman, he’s very feminine, etc.” It might be a “straight fantasy” but you’ve altered it in a way straight people might not be totally interested in.” ​And here the dumb becomes dangerous. It does not even mildly indicate any level of lesbian identity within you if you want to peg guys or have a threesome with people of any combination of gender. It is biphobic (and pretty transphobic too) to imply that enjoying or exploring any of the sexual fantasies means that you might actually be a lesbian. ​The phrase ‘straight fantasy’ is biphobic as Hell​. Like, has the original writer stopped to think about other wlw identified groups once in this entire thing or does identifying as a lesbian now require you to implore a level of selfishness and exclusion? I mean, straight people also enjoy pegging and threesomes but I don’t care about them right now. T ​ his rhetoric is harmful. ● “Your fantasies about men give you intense distress or anxiety. They could be intrusive thoughts, forms of self-harm, or otherwise.” Ableist, red flag, conversion rhetoric, especially given how many bisexual women 38 Version #1 - Nov 2020 have been made to read this trash. If you are struggling with intrusive thoughts and self-harm please seek professional guidance. 39 Version #1 - Nov 2020 ● I really don’t want to have to say again that yes, this could be lesbian experience, no they are not exclusively so and a lot of this stuff is focusing on the kind of psychiatry neither I, or the nineteen year old writer of the original masterdoc, need to be touching without some sort of qualified, researched and peer reviewed understanding. Otherwise this is just another tumblr post indiscernible from all the others. Like, sex the act and your sexuality are inherently different and this document makes no attempt to understand or display that. Then people publish articles about how wonderful a lesbian resource it is when it says nothing specific about lesbians, lesbianism or lesbian identity. My biggest issue with this masterdoc is beyond its existence, it is honestly more with the fact that so many so-called smart people have read this and not spotted it’s ​weak thesis, dangerous rhetoric or it’s lazy bigotry. This is literally a tumblr post, not figuratively, it was literally originally posted on tumblr. 40