Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums SD Master SD Master Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums SD Master — COLOPHON — Font used: Arial (Easier to read... I also take my coffee black ) Software: Adobe© InDesign™ Version 17.0 x64, Microsoft© Windows™ Version 10.0.19043 PDF Export: 1.5 (Adobe© Acrobat™ Version 6.0) Hardware System: Dell© Latitude™-e6540-laptop Memory: 8gig Copywrite: Sitdown Master (Public Domain) –2022– Free use hereby granted –Have Fun!– (Don’t Hurt Yourself!) Note: Misspellings may be intentional ... ( Dimensional constructs intended ) “Look, but don’t c, see, sea to far before you turn about... Nothing” Time and Space lead to where ewe R at... Be joyful that yew can hlp. — ACKNOWLEDGMENTS — Hermes Trismagistus – For teaching Writing, Science and Language The Ape – For showing The String The River – For giving depth Paul Wert and Patti Smith – For showing me dreams And everyone who has ever given or taken a breath – Do no harm – Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums 4 Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums Table of Contents Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums Cover ........................................................................................1 Table of Contents ...................................................................4 Quotes .................................................................................6-17 Quips ...................................................................................18-20 Whimsical Conundrums The Coin ..................................................................................21 The Neighbor Lady ................................................................21 The Dream ...............................................................................22 The Ox .....................................................................................22 The Salesperson and The Owner ........................................23 The Map ...................................................................................23 Ophidia .....................................................................................24 The Green Yarn .....................................................................24 The Fish ...................................................................................25 The Mask .................................................................................25 Mister McCall ........................................................................26 The Traveler ..........................................................................27 The Second-Hand Store .......................................................29 Post Erection Depression ...................................................30 The Pot ....................................................................................32 The Showing ...........................................................................33 The Magic Mirror ..................................................................34 A Wheel Within .......................................................................35 Silence ....................................................................................35 Answer to the Question .......................................................36 INDEX..................................................................................40-41 Back Page ...............................................................................42 Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums 5 Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums 6 Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums Quotes Aesop When all is said and done, more is said than done. Every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both, be- fore we commit ourselves to either. It is easy to be brave from a safe distance. Beware that you do not lose the substance by grasping at the shadow. Injuries may be forgiven, but not forgotten. The smaller the mind the greater the conceit. A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth. Angelou Maya You will face many defeats in life, but never let yourself be defeated. There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. The more you know of your history, the more liberated you are. I got my own back. Anonymous A lie by ommision is still a lie. Aristotle Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. Educating the mind without educating the heart is no edu- cation at all. Hope is a waking dream. Be a free thinker and don’t accept everything you hear as truth. Be critical and evaluate what you believe in. We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. Bruce Lenny Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God. If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer. Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums 7 Quotes Buddah Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting. You will not be punished for your anger, you will be pun- ished by your anger. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. All that we are is the result of what we have thought. Carter Jimmy Unless both sides win, no agreement can be permanent. I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming. A fundamentalist can’t bring himself or herself to negotiate with people who disagree with them because the negotiat- ing process itself is an indication of implied equality. Chase Stuart For those who believe, no proof is necessary, for those who don’t believe, no proof is possible. We live in an ocean of words, but like a fish in water we are often not aware of it. Christ Jesus Blessed are the meek for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Cast not your pearl before swine lest they turn and rend you. Let him without sin cast the first stone. Judge not, that ye be not judged. I am the way, the truth, and the life. Churchill The further back you look, the further forward you can see. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. 8 Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums Quotes Chuchill The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, igno- rance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day. Clinton Character is a journey, not a destination. You can put wings on a pig, but you don’t make it an eagle. We must teach our children to resolve their conflicts with words, not weapons. Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening. Confucius Before starting a journey of revenge, dig two graves. What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others. Your life is what your thoughts make it. Anyone can find the switch after the lights are on. Study the past, if you would divine the future. You can successfully force people to follow a certain course, but you cannot force them to understand it. Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself. Silence is a true friend who never betrays. When anger rises, think of the consequences. To see the right and not to do it is cowardice. Connolly Better to write for yourself and have no public then to write for the pubic and have no self. Crowley Magick is the Science and Art of causing change to occur in conformity with the will. I slept with faith and found a corpse in my arms on awak- ening; I drank and danced all night with doubt and found her a virgin in the morning. The sin which is unpardonable is knowingly and wilfully to reject truth, to fear knowledge lest that knowledge pander not to thy prejudices. Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums 9 Quotes Crowley Balance every thought with its opposition. Because the marriage of them is the destruction of illusion. da Vinci The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions. There are three classes of people: those who see, those who see when they are shown, those who do not see. Where there is shouting, there is no true knowledge. Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind. Disney The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. Dyer How people treat you is their karma... How you react is yours. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances. You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with. Conflict cannot survive without your participation. Edison Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. Einstein Reality is an Illusion, albeit a persistent one. Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough. Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. Quotes 10 Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums Emerson Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. Escher Are you really sure that a floor can’t also be a ceiling? I don’t use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough. We adore chaos because we love to produce order. Fields W.C. If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to. The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. If there’s a will, prosperity can’t be far behind. Flintstone Staying quite doesn’t mean I have nothing to say, it means I don’t think you’re ready to hear it. Franklin Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. Well done is better than well said. Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. Freud The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization. The interpretation of dreams is the royal road to a knowl- edge of the unconscious activities of the mind. Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Everywhere I go I find that a poet has been there before me. Gahandi Be the change that you wish to see in the world. Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums 11 Quotes Gahandi I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. The greatness of humanity is not in being human, but in being humane. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Gent. B.E. You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Ghram There is always one moment in childhood, when the door opens and lets the future in. Grossman Magick comes from pain. Hart They say that childhood forms us, that those early influences are the key to everything. Is the peace of the soul so easily won? Simply the inevitable result of a happy childhood. What makes childhood happy? Parental harmony? Good health? Security? Might not a happy childhood be the worst possible preparation for life? Like leading a lamb to the slaughter. Poetry contains almost all you need to know about life. Damaged people are dangerous. Survival makes them so.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because they have no pity. They know what others can survive, as they did. Those who do not have imaginary conversations do not love. Hendrix When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. Jobs Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people. Jung Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people. Quotes 12 Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums Jung In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order. We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condem- nation does not liberate, it oppresses. The word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not bal- anced by sadness. Keeshan Play is the work of children. It’s very serious stuff. One of the big secrets of finding time is not to watch television. The best teacher is an entertainer. Kennedy Things do not happen. Things are made to happen. Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth. Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. Kenny He who angers you conquers you. Lama Dalia Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck. An open heart is an open mind. The way to change others’ minds is with affection, and not anger. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality. Love is the absence of judgment. Lennon John Imagine there’s no heaven, it isn’t hard to do. No hell below us, above us only sky. Reality leaves a lot to the imagination. There are no problems, only solutions. I can’t wake you up. You can wake you up. I can’t cure you. You can cure you. The more real you get, the more unreal the world gets. Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums 13 Quotes Lennon John Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. Lincoln In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. Mandela The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Master SD Just because you don’t understand the message, in no way implies the message has no meaning. Define, refine, distill and start again. 40 plus years of writing my dreams down has taught me that not everything is what it seems. Popular opinion is not necessarily the truth. What the caveman would call Magick, today we call commercialism. “God” made a body for everyone, and He put you in the one you desire. I like quotes, such Wisdom in such a small package. If you fear shadows don’t walk in the light. If you strike against the wind, the wind will always win. They all spoke the same language, they just used different words. You, Yew or Ewe, without knowing the intent of the lan- guage spoken, you will always be a tourist in the country you are visiting. Ignorance is Bliss to some people, I do not consider myself amongst its members. Don’t blame me, I just drove the bus. McDaniel Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself. Mead Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Messi A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of the sheep. Morrison Five to one, one in five, no one here gets out alive. Look where we worship. Quotes 14 Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums Morrison Learn to forget. Whoever controls the media, controls the mind. We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict. Actually I don’t remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs. There will never be another one like you, there will never be another one who can do the things you do... Murdoch We live in a planetary world. A world of illusion. The Great task in life is to find Reality. Every man needs two women: a quiet home-maker, and a thrilling nymph. Nietzsche When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks into you. To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. In heaven, all the interesting people are missing. The best weapon against an enemy is another enemy. In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play. Nixon A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits. The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire. Only if you have been in the deepest valley, can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain. People react to fear, not love; they don’t teach that in Sun- day School, but it’s true. If you want to make beautiful music, you must play the black and the white notes together. Orwell In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting. Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums 15 Quotes Orwell Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear. War against a foreign country only happens when the mon- eyed classes think they are going to profit from it. Plant Robert Sometimes words have two meaning. Plato We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile. An empty vessel makes the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest babblers. Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Ideas are the source of all things. Plutarch The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled. To find fault is easy; to do better may be difficult. Neither blame or praise yourself. All men whilst they are awake are in one common world: but each of them, when he is asleep, is in a world of his own. In words are seen the state of mind and character and dis- position of the speaker. Poe All that we see and seem is but a dream within a dream. Reagan We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone. Trust, but verify. People do not make wars; governments do. A tree’s a tree. How many more do you need to look at? Reddington I’m a sin eater, I absorb the misdeeds of others, darkening my soul to keep theirs pure. Reed Lou Electricity comes from other planets. I’ll Be Your Mirror. Life is like Sanskrit read to a pony. Quotes 16 Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums Roosevelt E. If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be with- out flavor. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. Roosevelt D. When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on. Sandys Edwin Honesty is the best policy. Shaw G.B. We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. Skelton Red No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds. Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime. I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy. Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of you. Smith Doris Arguing with a fool proves there are two. Smith Patti Nothing will stifle your human evolution more than fame and fortune. Snoopy Everyone understands kindness. Do not live In the future, instead reside In the present. Keep looking up...that’s the secret of life. Be yourself. No one can say you’re doing it wrong. Each of us has his own calling. Socrates The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. I was really too honest a man to be a politician and live. The poets are only the interpreters of the gods. Tennyson A.L. Dreams are true while they last and do we not live in dreams? Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums 17 Quotes Tennyson A.L. A lie which is half a truth is ever the blackest of lies. Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control; these three alone lead life to sovereign power. Love is the only gold. Authority forgets a dying king. God’s finger touched him, and he slept. Twain Mark Writing is easy, spelling is hard. History never repeats itself, but it often rhymes. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. West Mae You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. Wilde Oscar Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. Winfrey Oprah If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough. Zappa Frank A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it isn’t open. Zoroaster A reflective, contented mind is the best possession. Doing good to others is not a duty. It is a joy, for it increases your own health and happiness. Happiness comes to them who bring happiness to others. One good deed is worth a thousand prayers. Always meet petulance with gentleness and perverseness with kindness. A gentle hand can lead even en elephant by a hair. Reply to thine enemy with gentleness. When we are in doubt whether an action is good or bad, abstain from it. 18 Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums Quips Authors Note: As you have noticed, there are fewer Quips than Quotes in this book. Quips are much harder to find in an online search. Quips, in my estima - tion, are pithy comebacks or frontal assaultes (with words) to situations you may find yourself in, and individuals you may find yourself with. Please enjoy! Abergast Yea, I was talking to myself, at least I was talking to someone intelligent. Allen What’s on your mind? If you’ll forgive the overstatement. Anonymous Your butthole must be so jealous of your mouth from all the crap it’s been spewing. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew. Sarcasm is a body’s natural defense against stupid. I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words. People say that laughter is the best medicine... your face must be curing the world. Sarcasm–the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it. Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your under- standing. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste. An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough. Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. Spend your life doing strange things with weird people. Zombies eat brains. You’re safe. Be the reason someone smiles today... or the reason they drink. Whatever works. No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich at the Dollar Tree. I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person. If he were twice as smart, he’d be an idiot! Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums 19 Quips Anonymous A black hen can lay a white egg. If you sleep with dogs, you get up with fleas. Asquith She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake Brecher I’ll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork. Brilliant Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. I will always love the false image I had of you. I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located? Crisp If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style. Glasgow He knows so little and knows it so fluently. Gump Forrest Stupid is as stupid does. You can’t fix stupid. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.. Gunther He was trying to save both his faces. Letterman When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? Levant Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. Marx I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception. I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it. Don’t look now, but there’s one too many in this room and I think it’s you. Master Hell would be a nicer place if more people went to heaven. If you don’t want to call someone stupid, call them Scarecrow. The good news; you didn’t get shorter. The bad news; your ass got wider. Mizner You’re a mouse studying to be a rat. Pearl I can’t believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest. Reed They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. Samuels You’re a good example of why some animals eat their young. 20 Quotes, Quips and Whimsical Conundrums Quips Shakespeare Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. Tomlin Teflon brain (nothing sticks). Wayne Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. West His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. Wilde Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence. Wright Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.