Azure Adam Ward To Daniel Herskovits & Sat Shree Thank you Introduction The trouble with looking back over poetry, is that - In my experiences, it’s so fucking cringe. It’s like someone had ridden their fingers down a chalk board or ruffled velvet up the wrong way. If I look at myself explaining my spiritual experiences - it is the same feeling times ten. I’ve learnt many things through my life thus far and one that came simultaneously( at both the perfect time and whilst being far to late) as the realisation of how my ego is so serious that it makes itself look silly: by identi fying with my knowledge I was doing myself a great disservice. Any time I created a strict detention of what something was I lost the potential to update any of this information. I was running at version 2.0 of myself to the detriment of the fact that here was a 2.5. I had convinced myself that being wrong or incorrect about something somehow made me stupid or vulnerable or silly, when infact all strength comes from my ability to adapt. Even if I strongly believe that A is A and B is B, and lord knows I ha ve. I swore down A was A and B was B, my inability to update my knowledge meant that when it turned out A was appearing to me like it was A when in fact it was B, not only have I held onto this useless piece of knowledge and tried to apply it as fact to my life but I had wasted valuable time and energy in the pursuit of limiting my knowledge for the sake of being ‘right’. Hearing that I had limited time and energy from Dandapandi was an amazing experience because, honestly, second I saw his picture. I had identified with “my knowledge” and seen this stereotypical - *insert name for foreign feeling religion* - monk - In cliché clothes and wasn’t going to watch because obviously I had read the Bhagavad Gita man, what could this snake oil salesman sell me ?. I tho ught I pressed play by accident. Wow. From my understanding, there are defiantly things more able to do certain things better than I can. Understanding how little things I can actually do, and how many of the things I do that I’m a subject of rather than a subject to, how so many events have t o of happened or not happened to make the entire universe be at this state at this time and realising in that that I am event triggering in the future of this moment, that I have been triggered in the moment by a previous event that created my ability to e ven comprehend the fact I’m in a moment. I am observing the change and assigning labels to it, seeing myself as separate entity when I am the experience having the experience. From my observation there is so much intelligence in everything and I can only comprehend my particular view point from a frequency which is a tiny proportion of what people have come to use their particular vision to discover that that is only a tinny percentage of what exists within the potential of our tiny minds. If you look at beehives they are perfect for their purpose, although they wouldn’t make it particularly well in the corporate world, in terms of their unbelievably important job in our ecosystem they are the best. People speak of intelligent design as if it is some mysti cal process applied theoretically, it is phenomena you can see it every time you leave the house - the design itself is intelligent: who cares about its creator, if your looking for examples of a miracle look in the mirror. If your looking for signs of intelligence look at your clothes, human intelligence only counts for the tiny bit in which we are useful, as every aspect is in its unique ways, the transformation of energy is intelligent, our intelligence is a product of that transformation and a culmination of many transformations from the intelligence which transforms Dandapandi taught me that we have a limited amount of time and energy. Physics taught me energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can be transformed. I have observed that I am not the most powerful thing in the universe. I tried to stop the tides. Literally and metaphorically, so many times - despite the fact I tried so hard, life swept me away or the waves, despite my scariest voice, disob eyed me and touched my toes. I had observed people far more intelligent than me, people who cured diseases or could remember their times tables and I had seen nature, despite our entire species best laid plans make us hide in our houses in fear of our very existence. I was powerless over anything more than the intentions behind my thoughts, so many things I’ve done thinking would have one result that had another - no matter how I thought it was, it was what it was. Sorry, back to Dandapandi. So limited tim e, limited energy became.... limited time being energy, experiencing energy in this certain way and with this certain framework. My ‘intelligent’ human experience is no more than a honeybees, it is just a part of a system that is much larger than itself, w hich it is serving in its actions, which lasts for the amount of time required for a plan There is no reason for me to be part of, infact if I had to deal with my own task of being a human whilst being in charge of the wind and rain, we’d probably cease to exist pretty rapidly. And I thought. “Thank fuck I’m just a subject to my environment, no worries, will drop out and not bother, I have no responsibilities”. The universe is defiantly psychopathic. We are just bits of energy to facilitate bits of energy , it is the duality of our human experience of right and wrong which creates the pain of the human experience. The hurricane didn’t give a fuck about you house, it wasn’t aware of your house, much we aren’t aware of the experience of the tiny bugs we stamp on all day. the universe will turn your body to dust so that the energy can be transformed into something which serves that higher purpose better. Physics taught me that energy cannot be created or destroyed. I have no idea where it came from but I kno w that everything is made of it and always has been, materials just get rendered and re rendered and changed. You have existed for eternity and are eternal, I just identified with my knowledge (my body, my beliefs, my mind, my relationship) rather than my ignorance (the entire rest of the universe). I have identified as being the expression of the energy rather than as the energy its self. The energy I am made of cannot be created or destroyed. I am not my body or my mind, I am the thing which has a body an d a mind, I am the universe experience this particular expression of itself for the purpose of itself. Destruction is counter creation, it’s the transfer of something being a solid to being fragmented to being solid again. Knowing that there is something more intelligent than me which not only conceived me but maintains me on every level, there must be a purpose. The universe makes extinct that which is obsolete. Anyone want to BBM me? What’s bbm? Ask Siri. Therefore I have a task, a point - and I feel it . I feel it in poetry, I feel it when I help someone keep their cool. It’s natural, I see it in the artists I admire, the mechanic who’s mind boggles mine with their skill, the translator with their purpose. The experience of transforming energy for an ent ity so large that we can’t comprehend it and don’t need to, it exists because I exist. The guy who was part of the process of a culmination of knowledge and natural resource and experience, had no idea he was making the tooth brush, he just transformed ene rgy from a scenario he found himself in because nature transformed energy into the things from which this transformation of energy was transformed. He’s observing it and oblivious to the millions of decisions and acts of nature which eventually led to the fact he even had teeth to brush. Now their are flavoured toothpastes, not because of humans but through humans transforming energy in the tiny slither of reality that we exist in or have any form of comprehension of. We must have purpose or we wouldn’t exi st. The fact I’m a writer comes from the fact I’m not a sales person, not a manager, not a astronaut That’s not me, not doing what is me makes me useless to the survival of the whole, therefore I should do what I’m meant to do. Knowing That through being what I’m know, I am what I am and by other being what they are and not what I am allows me to be me. Inequality and unevenness of mind is counter creation, we see that reflected in the fact our environmental energy is being transformed by us into somethin g which counters our existence. We aren’t serving a higher purpose, the universe is a tough boss. It will fire us. If to be this particular experience of energy transfer becomes toxic to the larger processes, as in our own medicine - a higher intelligence will cut it out and thus far the universe seems to still exist. The choice then always comes back to the question. “To be or not to be”, do I serve my purpose as a human for this benefit of the whole, using my particular skills to improve my own survival, safe in the knowledge that I have to help the survival of others in order to do so and I exist because others do the same. Poetry 1. Perhaps My time Be better spent Forgetting the Unreturned in lent Nor predicting The way things shall be Clearing mind, Tranquil pools Not lost to futures simmer The now fogged by own steam 2. Perhaps When greatest plans Slapped down In loving grace Upon realising That despite our Greatest leaps of fate Gravity thus far Keeps us in our place. And in either our greatest victory Or bested: late to the plate Still the tears Despite our greatest effort drop from our face. 3. Perhaps What encapsulates My powerlessness the most Is when I'm wondering Where the fuck is the post.