I remember berlIn 2017-18 I Remember Berlin, 2017-18 by Ilya Fux February 2021 I remember the first time I stood in front of a block of buildings, “Platten- bau” apparently is their name, in Eastern Berlin. I was speechless. 1 2 I remember the nine apartments I used to live in the past four years. 3 I remember as well all the people i lived with. Do they remember me? I remember the freezing cold but sunny month of February when I with- drew money from the ATM machine ten euros separately each time, be- cause that’s only what the machine allowed me. I remember the covered in blankets homeless people who used to sleep next to the ATM machine on that freezing cold but sunny morning in the month of February. I remember the smell. 4 5 I remember the neighborhood where I used to live. The soccer field in front of my room’s window and the thin layer of ice which laid on the grass on that freezing cold but sunny month of February. 6 I remember the bus line M41 to which I ran to every morning for riding only three stops towards the train station named "Sonnenallee" (Boulevard of Sun). I remember the strong, vibrant and vivid sun which illuminated the inside of the bus, 8 7 transforming it into orange-golden space and mainly I remember the steam emitted out of my mouth when I entered the bus in that freezing cold but sunny month of February. I remember how I used to cycle around 7 hours per day and daydreaming about other places to be. 10 I remember how I used to hang posters of others in the daytime and design my own at night time. 9 I remember all of the days when I didn't want to work because it was rainy and freezing cold. I remember the first time I didn't have any money for public transportation so I cycled nine kilometers to work. 11 12 I remember it was after a sleepless night at Berghain*, where I met the beautiful Jospehin. * Berghain is a Techno nightclub in Berlin, Germany. Berghain has become associated with decadence and hedonism. It is open continuously most weekends from Saturday night through late Monday morning. The club offers dark rooms dedicated to sexual activity. I remember arriving at work sweaty and breathless. The boss commented: " Well, you look fresh." 14 13 I remember not one, not two, but a few mornings like this at work. I remember, I want to remember myself who could live a year of his life in that way before life, or himself, brought him back into the righteous path. 15 16 I remember I used to shave my head every two or three weeks, leaving only a stripe of hair in the middle of my skull. I remember on those freezing cold days I used to wear a hat. 18 17 I remember shaving my head was a way of challenging the world or just a way of communication for a person who doesn't speak a word in German. I remember all of the nights in Berghain when I couldn't meet anyone, but oh boy, I wanted to. 19 20 I remember the moments when a human being used to acknowledge my existence. He or She confirmed my existence. I remember what impact this thought had on me. 22 21 I remember how long it took me to overcome it. I remember the freezing cold but sunny mornings when I used to buy fruits and vegetables in Arab and Turkish markets in Neukölln*. It was the closest I could feel at home. 23 24 * Neukölln is characterized by relatively high percentage of immigrants, especially of Turkish and Russian descent. I remember how strongly I asked to distance myself from Israelis, Holocust related themes or anything related to Israel in order to feel far away from home. I remember how I cycled om the postering bike (which used to belong to the German post office 26 25 I remember the total sum was around 5 euros, maybe more, maybe less. 27 before) and towards the end of my shift I found a bag full of deposit bottles which I returned to the supermarket next to my house for cash. I remember buying Club Mate (Caffeine beverage) and something else which i can't remember. Maybe bread buns, anyhow, the money was not well spent. I remember the bucket of glue being spilled on the sidewalk on my first day of work due to the loss of 29 28 balance on the bike. The boss commented: " Next time you're out". I was anxious for the whole day not to lose my balance again. Eventually I worked another eight months at this job and I never lost my balance again, but it doesn't mean the glue was not spilled. I had a few bumps along the way. I remember smoking three-four cigarettes during my shift, it helped me to pass the time. 30 I remember in Berlin I started to smoke regularly for the first time in my life. I remember it was the first time I actually enjoyed smoking and understood why others do it as well. Some moments still remained disgusting, especially the 31 32 "Lucky Strike" cigarettes, it tasted like sewage to me. A thought which crossed my mind back then was that everyone around me, at least those who smoke, are looking to be "high", less present in the moment. I remember what impact this thought had on me. 33 I remember how long it took me to overcome it. I remember when trying to finish my Bachelor in 2017 I lit a lot of cigarettes, like it would lit my imagination. 34 35 I remember it didn't quite work out so here I am. I remember understanding that actually everyone is fragile or weak and needs something to help them to pass the time. 37 36 I remember the apartment on Innstrasse 34, first floor to the right. My room was around 20 sqm big and I paid Four Hundred Euros per month. When the wife of my Iranin flatmate arrived it went down to Three Hundred Euros per month. I don't remember what I 38 did with the extra One hundred Euros I had now, for sure, the money was not well spent. I remember the two wide windows with the double glass through which I was looking at the soccer field's grass, covered in a thin layer 39 of ice or not. That's how I was deciding what to wear before leaving the apartment on those freezing cold but sunny days. Not to mention the marvelous sunsets I had in my room after being back from work, transforming into Orange-Golden space. I remember the 16 of January 2018, it was the moving day to Neukölln. It was freezing cold and rainy and a Turkish man helped me with a heavy suitcase down the stairs of the train station "Sonnenallee" (Boulevard of Sun). 40 I remember reflecting with myself if he would help me knowing I'm a Israeli. I remember reflecting with myself that only Israelis have thoughts such as this. 41 42 I remember bleached hair Carla who was my first visitor in the new apartment. I remember nothing happened between us. 44 43 I remember being late anyway. 46 45 I remember being surprised at being invited to a party at her place which was just across the street. I remember I never saw a dump like this apartment. I was shocked but also fascinated by the way people live in Berlin. I remember liking Carla's flatmate more than her. 48 47 I remember Carla taking a picture of me in her polaroid camera. I never saw it. 50 49 I remember Carla was studying in the same Art School as my previous flatmate Quirin, from the apartment I just left. What a small world. How much I wish to have documentation of myself from those times. I remember the second time I went to pierce my other ear. It was a grey day and I was jobless. The studio was in Neukölln close to my apartment. I liked this sense of locality. I'm from here. 51 I remember it didn't help. 53 52 I remember Gabriel the piercer who advised me to prepare chamomile tea compress in case I have problems with the freshly pierced lobe. I remember Noam, Dan and Carmel visiting me at this apartment, and Carmel saying: Kudos on the new style. She was probably referring to my haircut, a line of hair in the middle of my skull. I remember the best pizza I had in berlin. 55 54 I remember that every visitor I had I took them to Monella. Until the last time with Natascha in 56 The restaurant's name is Monella, it was in my neighborhood in Neukölln. It made me feel good, Dan and Carmel paid. 2019. Since then i can't recommend this place anymore. Something has changed. I don't live in Neukölln anymore. I remember the first time eating at Azzam's, A Lebanese restaurant which serves food 57 I remember overeating. 58 exactly how I used to eat back at home. Since then I always say that the Lebanese kitchen is similar to the israeli kitchen. I can't support this statement except that one experience in Azzam.