A lesson August 24, 2023 The Setup - You know, I have been practicing - That’s good dad - This isn’t going to be a replay of our last match. I’m a lot better now... I mean, A LOT better! - Alright dad. You were pretty bad last time, so... - But that was a long time ago. I play every day. Mostly one-on-ones . People fear me now! - Sure - How about some music to set the mood? - We can do that... How about Life with the Lions ? 1 - When did you make a new account? - A couple of weeks ago. I use it as an alt . Mostly for smurfing and talking shit - Why did you go with SissyWuzz as user name? - 2 reasons actually. First of all, it’s to disarm the toxic players. You can’t bully a guy that already calls himself SissyWuzz ! It’s like hitting somebody who is already hitting himself - I think you underestimate how toxic and depraved the playerbase is - Secondly, I’ve been kinda trailing in life lately and SissyWuzz is a real name of defiance . You know, like Sisyphus - ??? - Like picturing Sisyphus smiling as coined by the French/Algerian author Albert Camus in The Myth of Sisyphus - What the hell do they teach you in school nowadays? - Dad, I’m 12! - Well, you are in for a lesson then 2 Game 1 - Hey, look over here and smile, will ya? - Sure - But why? - I just wanted to have a picture of you smiling, seeing as you’ll be sulking for the rest of the day once the humiliation begins - � � � � � � - What a kickoff ! Did you see how aggressive I played that? Payed off too... Look at that shot... What a beauty! - That was close, I’ll give you that - Wow... BOOM! You didn’t see that demo comming, did ya? - No - U tilting ? - Have you been going to online forums again? - Facts! Gotta keep my drip on point - You do know that those sites are overrun with people that live in their moms basement, right? Those guys haven’t touched grass in years! - I live in an apartment...? Are you... alright? Do you feel agitated? You know, my inability to self- regulate emotions is hereditary... If you start tilting , you’re likely to blow the game. Gotta keep the anger in check - I’m alright · · · - Don’t say it - Say what? - ”Hello Alright, I’m Dad” - What? I’m socially retarded , not mentally retarded Dad-jokes is where humor goes to die when you leave it in a molden corner of the basement for too long -They are not that bad - Not that bad? There is nothing like dad-jokes to signal to your surroundings that your brain has rotted away in a case of nursing brain by proxy It’s like those fish where the male attaches itself to the female like a hemorrhoid gone astray, living only to provide the females family project with genetic material and bad humor. I bet the full male family package comes with a Top 1.000 dad-jokes for him to enjoy during his moment of silence on his ”throne” in the bathroom. You know, dad-jokes represent everything... - Everything WHAT dad ? - Oh... I’m sorry 3 - It’s alright · · · - Are you OK? - I’m OK · · · - Hello OK... I’m... dad - Jesus, that’s bad! I think I had somehow supressed just how bad her screaming is. Really sympathize with Chuck Berry in that clip I showed you - U tilting � � � � � � - Never that! - ¡¡¡GOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL!!!! What a BEAUTY! Gotta see that replay - It was an open net dad! Come on, skip the replay! Nobody replays an open net ! - U tilting ? - � � � � - That - as we say in the gaming industry - was THAT! Wanna go again? - Sure 4 Game 2 - Holy smokes; ANOTHER KILLER KICKOFF! ... and another KILLER demo - That was hella toxic! You didn’t even try to hit the ball! - � � � � � We’ll let it go to the judges... Hey judges! What do you say? Nothing? Innocent till proven guilty son - Rule # 1 - Gotta respect the rules! - Sooo... Do we just run out the clock or what? - Gotta respect the rules! - Fair - Are those monkeys ? - Well, it beats that goddamn sirene-test signal of the first 10 minutes - When you’re right, you’re right! Wait a minute, have you heard this whole album? - YOU gave me the link! - Yeah, but that is just insane ! I pride myself of having done more 10 hour Epic Sax Guy , Taking the Hobbits to Isengaard and Narwhales than any person I know, but I never made it past the 10 minute mark of that album! You went too far son! - I feel alright - That is not normal! - Really ? - On another node: you know that sound that comes when the house is really quiet because you are all alone and you slowly pull out the wings of the flies you have trapped? - I’m not a psychopath dad! - Right... What about that weird feeling you get when you have just come back into class after a really great break with all of your friends, and the voices in your head tell you that you shouldn’t get too attached to them, because it’s almost time for the sacrifices ? - I’m not schizo dad! - Right, right... Well, what about the sensation you get when you are having dinner at a friends house, and it’s all quiet around the table, and you suddenly think of the most 5 inappropriate and toxic thing to say, and your mouth just spews the most horrible combination of foul words ever uttered around that table? - I’m not you dad! - � � � � � - � � � � � � - WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! I swooped right past ya! And.... IT’S A GOOOOOOLLLLL!!! - I broke rule # 1 and scored a BEAUTIFUL goal! And just in time for the buzzer! You broke rule # 1 ! - Alright, I won’t do it again... I promise. Let’s have another one! - Last one! - Last one! 6 Final game - Well, would you look at that! That’s a first! A GOAL ON THE FIRST KICKOFF OF THE GAME! We should watch the replay - Come on...?! - We gotta have the full experience! - HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF JESUS CHRIST OUR SAVIOR AND LORD, DID YOU SEE HOW I JUST PINCHED THAT BALL??? - You WHIFFED it! - Whatever... Too bad there isn’t an option to replay mid-game brilliance like that! - Did you make plat ? - Naah... Haven’t gotten above gold , and I think I’m silver at the moment. Why? - Because you are not making any God damned sense! - ... Since when? - � � � � � � - � � � � � � - YEEEE-MOTHA-FUCKING HAAAAA! THE PERFECT GAME! 7-0! 7 - Let’s have another! - NO! - You shook ? - I don’t get you dad... You just lost 5-2 , 6-1 and 7-0 and you just keep asking for another beating and get more and more loud and obonixious - I told you I would teach you a lesson 8