ALEX Hello and welcome to part two of the Stompcast. I'm here with Tasha, we're in beautiful Greenwich Park. Having a wander, it's a lovely day. Are you doing alright Tasha? Legs strong? TASHA Yep, stomping along ALEX We've done a couple of hills, you know? Stretched it out a little bit, but we’ve done well TASHA Yeah! We’ve got a bit of a sweat on as well ALEX It’s always good to get a sweat on, a Monday sweat, great. So if you've got your sweat on like us, don't you worry. You sweat away people. It's fine. laughs When you get moving, out stomping, be proud of it. AD We are about to get stuck into the stomp this week, but first I’d like to chat about our sponsor FitFlop who are helping me to move better with supportive, comfortable and scientifically-tested footwear. Now, after I’ve been on a good long stomp, I don’t want to take my Fitflops off and put on a subpar pair of slippers after being so comfortable. Luckily for us, FitFlop have thought about this and have an amazing range of slippers and slides that are perfect for lounging around the house. Their range of men and womens slippers have contoured footbeds and are made with incredibly soft materials to make sure your feet get a treat. I can’t vouch for the women’s cosy Shuv shearling slides myself but wow - they look like absolute heaven to slip into after a stomp. They have triple-density Microwobbleboard technology, which basically means that they absorb shock and diffuse underfoot pressure. What a dream! And for men’s, there’s plenty to choose from, including the amazing iQushion technology – ultra-light, supersleek cushioning that’s ergonomically shaped for all-day comfort. So if you’ve upped your stomping-game but not your slipper-game, head over to fitflop.com END OF AD ALEX Right, we've been chatting a little bit about your experience with hearing and growing up. You were born into a family with hearing, no, no hearing issues in the family. And so you had to not only adapt as a person, your family had to adapt to challenges that you had. Can you tell us a little bit about your hearing, when it was kind of diagnosed that you had impaired hearing and what your experiences were growing up. TASHA So I was born completely deaf in both ears. And they found out when I was 12 months old. And how they found out I wasn't responding to squeaky toys or sounds. So thats when mum and dad kind of said, Okay, let's take her to the hospital. And that's when they found out. And I received a cochlear implant in my right ear when I was five, the reason why I didn't get two was because it was to see if it would work on me. And then I got offered my second one when I was a teenager, but I said no, because I was fine with one, I was in them middle of A levels, and it just be too much going on. So growing up was a journey for sure. And I think my journey was very, it was hard because my family also had to learn how to adjust to me as well. And I have a brother as well. And even my brother found it hard because my parents had to really put a lot of attention on me to get to where I am now. And that affected my brother massively because he felt like he wasn't getting all the love from my parents. So it was tough growing up because it was new for them as well. And they never have dealt with that situation before. And for me it was hard because sometime,s some scenarios, they wouldn't understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling or why I'd be so upset sometimes. And, you know, growing up was kind of, it was tough mentally. My mental health wasn't great growing up. I wasn't always a confident person. I always lash out my parents sometimes blame them for making me deaf. And that's the kind of... Yeah, it's hard. And I think a lot of people think, you know, I've always been this girl that's just being strong and confident. I haven't. So in high school, I was the only deaf person in the whole school. So I was always comparing myself in such a negative way to other people and kind of putting so much pressure on myself just you know, saying “Why have I got this? Why am I deaf, why have I got cochlear implant?” Nobody else does. So being in school, when you're the only person like that it can really take a toll on you because not everyone understands what it's like. And in school. You're not really taught that having you know, I call it my superpower because I just feel empowered by it and I say it and we're not really taught that having superpowers is okay. I kind of felt a bit segregated when I was in school and I didn’t really have anyone ALEX Do you mean physically, do you mean that your lessons were different or what do you mean by segregated? TASHA I would say just... I got a little bit bullied in school and cyber bullied a little bit and ALEX It can affect you so much can’t it TASHA Oh, yeah massively, massively, even to this day now. It massively affects me still, you know when you go through... Cyber bullying is so different because it's, you know, behind the keyboard but it can still get to you, ALEX in some ways is worse is it? Is it worse do you think? Cos when you’re growing up you’re at home sat there and you can see what people are writing... I mean, imagine in some ways, maybe harder? I don't know. TASHA Yeah, I think it's hard because online, isn't it you don't know, sometimes who's behind it, or who's saying these things were fake accounts and all those kinds of situations. I think in school, I did have the right kind of support. But it wasn't support in terms of what I needed to feel like I was included. It was more the support of, okay, if you need a note taker, I can give you a note taker, that kind of thing. ALEX Okay, so almost like tick boxing rather than inclusion. TASHA Yes. Exactly that. And I think it was after school, that's when I really started to shoot. You know, that's when I started to find my wings, started to fly. So I went to performing arts college after that, that was kind of like the period, the transition for me, okay, I was still dealing with a lot of things, but I started to transition into, okay, it's okay to talk about it. It's okay to be open. It's okay to talk about my cochlear implant. And being in that atmosphere, felt really supported. And no one judged me. Then I went on to Creative Academy where I studied dance uni. And that's where I kind of went shoot, like, that's where I started to, you know, fly. ALEX So there was a change in like, did you notice in yourself that, was that when that kind of confidence started coming through? TASHA Massively, that's where it started to really come out of me. And, you know, at Creative Academy, I always thank them to this day, because they really got me where I am now. ALEX shout out to them. TASHA Yeah, massively. And, you know, in the first and second year, now, being a dancer, my cochlear implant used to fall out. And I used to get frustrated. I used to walk out, like punch doors, but the teachers are so patient with me because they knew ALEX How frustrating it must be. TASHA Yeah. ALEX Well, they don't obviously, they didn't know but they could see this person is frustrated, because clearly, yeah, it's affecting my ability to do it. TASHA Yeah. And there's just one time in third year. So my last year, and one of my best friends Josh is choreographer. He's teaching a class and there's like hundreds of people watching who are in a group of five, dance at the end. My cochlear implant fell out halfway through. I carried on. Still in time with the music. Just carried on. ALEX How did you... Okay, so there's obviously nothing like it bu we we’re doing the Lorraine show and we're actually live, my earpiece fell out, now that really distracted me. How did you kind of A keep time but carry on when it's something that is I'm guessing quite core your ability to be aware? TASHA Yeah. Somebody in me said, just keep going. I don't know what it was, I spent being in the moment. And something in me was like Tasha, keep going. Don't stop. And I think that's the moment I've been waiting for. And the fact that I carried on and didn't give up. That's when I really started to have this fire in my belly. That's when I started to really flourish. And that's when okay, like, it fell out. Don’t stop. I kept going. ALEX That is amazing. To kind of have that kind of like, ... I mean, it's like, your worst nightmare when ...I've never been someone to be on stage. But your worst nightmare I’d imagine is something going wrong and get the lines wrong, whatever. Something like that could throw you so easily. Imagine when you trying to keep time and stuff. I'm no dancer, I can assure you, *laughs* I’m no dancer, but keeping time is hard enough as it is. That's incredible. TASHA I feel the music from the bass and the vibrations, ALEX That gives you timing and stuff? TASHA yeah, so I really feel through my feet and that's how I kept going without being out of time because I can, you know, loudspeakers I can really feel it. That's why I love music so much I can just feel it in my bones. It's just like my, it's my freedom space. ALEX Well that's a good I'd maybe a nice segue for us to talk about how are we hear because we talk about hearing loss and sensory neural so like nerves, isn't it and then conductive just kind of in the bones of that you got three three bones in here they're involved in conduction and then we conduct quite a lot through our mastoid as well kind of behind our ear but we can feel we kind of feel sound don't we through our bodies as well as people feel bass I mean obviously those vibrations will pass through and be picked up by our auditory systems and you know, and we're not gonna go into hearing losses in terms of all the causes because there are many and people have a different life you can have from trauma like my brothers had we've got damage to the actual drum you can have it even infections and stuff can damage hearing and so on but I think specifically, I’d like to dig into it with you what it's what it's like to grow up not having... like I was trying to imagine it like imagined to be born without a sense. You've got to kind of like what is it like to have that and then did you have that retrospective view once you then gained with the implant you gained that sense. Was there kind of like a retrospective grief almost? Or did you feel what actually I didn't miss it as much as I thought? I don't know. There was an old question. Yeah. Imagine like when people lose it later in life, you knew what it was like. TASHA Yeah, I think for me, because I was born with that. I never know what's going to be like to be hearing. You know, I hear from the implant, not my actual ear. That's a difference. So the microphone is on the implant. And that's where I hear sounds from. So I think for me, I never will understand what it's like, whereas people lose their hearing later on in life but heard before it’d be such a different experience. Whereas me because I was born deaf. And I was so young. I was five years old, so I don't really remember much at that time. But my mom and dad always said the first switch on a screamed, I screamed. ALEX That’s very common. I hear that's very common as people find it's such an overload of a sensory stimulus of something that you've not had simulated. That must have been scary for them. Maybe I don't know. They would expect you to be like, Oh, God, this is amazing. TASHA Yeah, literally my mum and dad were like I did not like it at all. So yeah, that's my first experience. And I turned it on. Eventually, everything sounded robotic, cos I had a reoperation when I was 16 because my cochlear implant broke on the inside. So I had to have a whole new re implant. I couldn't hear for good six months, because I couldn't have an operation until a bit later on and afterwards had to let my ear heal. So yeah, like the lifespan is like literally 15/16 years and obviously loads different types of cochlear implants as well. I'm not just one I’m registered with MED-EL, that's who my cochlear implant is registered with. So there's loads different types of ones out there, you can have suited for you ALEX Shall we talk a little bit about the difference because I think people mix hearing aids with implants quite a bit. Do you want to talk about that? TASHA Yeah. So hearing aids is so different to cochlear implants, a hearing aid, amplifies sounds, makes things louder around you. And the difference cochlear implant is actually a cochlear implant is surgically done. So surgery takes about seven to eight hours. And it's very complicated. I'm sure as you know, it was a very complicated procedure. And best way to explain it, explain it you've got external and internal part. So the external is the cochlear implant, which I wear behind my ears earpiece. And it's a transmitter, you know, picks up sounds goes through the wire, the magnet connects the coil inside my head. And that's what activates cochlear implant, and every sound that bypasses so transmits. So basically, the sound travels transmits into sounds and it's so clever. And the implant inside recognises it as sounds and that’s when it sends some signals to the brain. ALEX so incredible, isn't it? It kind of translates almost into a signal that the actual auditory nerve then picks up, doesn't it and then tells your brain, sometimes you step back and think geez, humans do terrible things, I think what's going on the world but also humans do amazing things, don't they? Yeah, how incredible is it that someone design that? Just incredible isn't as hard to get your head around some ways? TASHA Yeah, to think that you're hearing. It's not like almost, it's come back, it's kind of you're given a new way of hearing, that's how I see it because it's not, I'm not hearing from my ear, but it's giving me a new way to hear and that's kind of how I see it. So that's why it's so different to hearing aids because it's not surgically done. And it just amplifies things around you. So that's why hearing aids will never benefit me or can't use hearing aids. ALEX It's a different root cause of the problem basically, different situations isn’t it but it's important to know that difference because fundamentally the way they work is very different and also your experience as a person who has to have the surgery and then they've got a lifespan obviously do when is yours like due to change? TASHA I got this one when I was 16, I’m 24 now some maybe another 10 years. It's just how it is I remember it just broke and I was in the middle of my A levels as well. My first A levels in my second year so that was a bit of a tough time. ALEX How... You went without hearing you then have been given... you're hearing through this device that then breaks. What is it like having to have a period of time without it because you learn healing and all this like that must be hard. Taking away from you kind of thing. TASHA Yeah. I never left the house. I just wanted to stay in ALEX Really? This is A Level time? 17 9sh TASHA Yeah, I was really frustrated because, you know... ALEX That’s awful... how was your mental health at that time? TASHA Massively went downhill. You know, it's during my birthday as well. And I remember my friends had came on to have a little birthday party and I couldn't hear anything. And I just remember all night I was just crying. I was upset because I didn't... I felt so not included in conversations. And that's what it just felt like I felt so isolated because I went from having a cochlear implant, middle of my A levels I was doing so well. And then to all sudden being told, like you're not gonna have it for like six, four to six months because my operation wasn't for another two months and there was no point wearing it because it's broken. And after the operation I had to let it heal. So it was hard because when they basically have you had another switch on. And I remember everything sounded robotic and I was panicking. Because obviously when I was five, I didn't remember that. And I was panicking at that moment. So it was gonna sound like this said no, no, eventually it trains and it changes. So yeah, just remember that time was like... it’s.. yeah. ALEX You know, when you said earlier on that people thought it wasn't a real disability that makes me really angry inside anything, when you hear that and your experience of that I think people just need to think before they speak. you know, like, educate themselves. This is why you're doing what you're doing. And I think it's amazing what you're doing. I hope that anyone that's been listened to this will have found it helpful. And I'm sure we'll have gained a lot of insight. If you want to see more information, guys, I'll leave some links in the show notes below, so that people can look into it and read a bit more because I think education is key. So you said at the start that's kind of helped you coming out of this has helped you kind of really focus and it sounds like a feeling of purpose. Is that fair? TASHA Yeah, definitely. No going on the show, I really put myself in a vulnerable position, because I had no idea how people gonna react. And, you know, regardless, I went on the show for a reason. It's given me his platform now to use a platform for the good. And that's what I want to do. So I'm very grateful that its given me this platform now to serve my purpose and to share, keep continuing, share my stories, and you know, there's so much work that still needs to be done. Whilst on the show, I received a lot of ableism. You know, there's a lot of comments, such things as taking a look at how I speak, my voice, which I can't help because, cochlear implant, it's just how it is. And there's a lot of comments where people would just said, you know, I just want to rip out her hearing aid, and they'd said hearing aid and not a cochlear implant. And so coming up a show is a bit like, okay, so this is kind of the reaction that I had. ALEX Honestly, how have you found that? I mean, because that is that's,,, for anyone having said something about them horrible. To feel that someone's using something against you is really, really difficult. TASHA Yeah, it's hard. Don't get me wrong, I think, luckily, luckily enough, got quite thick skin to be kind of like, okay, that's your opinion, but you don't know who I am. And TV shows so edited to the point that people forget, we're literally humans and TV is TV. ALEX It must be hard. Because you know, you come out after a few months. You don't know when you're in there are you what people are saying is you come out and see it. And it takes a long time to process that, isn't it? TASHA Yeah. And I think no, the way I see it, I feel sorry for the people that said that because I would never stoop that low to that level towards someone like that. And the way I see it, it's given me that motivation to do better for my community and to work harder, because it goes to show there's still so much work that needs to be done. And it goes to show that kids get bullied because of being deaf or wearing a cochlear implant. And, you know, trolls are trolls obviously coming out. We are gonna have to deal with that anyway. And, yeah, firstly, it's hard. It's hard to accept that because, you know, I've had it quite hard in the Villa as well being a bottom three quite a lot. And the reason why I'm so upset is because I felt like I wasn't doing my job. I felt like I wasn't. Yeah, I gave it emotional still. But... ALEX No it’s horrible isn’t it. it's tough for people. People can be so horrible. Can't they, bless you. TASHA I said I was not going to cry ALEX But it’s an emotional thing to talk about isn't it? It is. It's hard, isn't it? And especially when people judging you. I mean, I can't compare it to that. But when I had... what I had, as people will say about my skin so I was taking a medication for acne, and it made my skin really sensetive to the sun. So even when I was in fact 50 I was burning so badly and people you know, even actually some famous people were saying Oh, like his face makes you feel sick like he's so burned his skin is disgusting and stuff like that. And it affects you doesn't like it even if we're thick, thick skinned with things excuse the pun it still hurts you doesn’t it. TASHA Yeah. Oh, yeah. Deep down it’s still... ALEX How do you... How are you now? Like obviously you’re emotional it's completely normal to that but how are you? Are you fine? Are you okay? Like how are you finding it? Is it harder at the moment? TASHA I think... no... ALEX I just mean generally, forget the podcast. How are you? TASHA I'm fine. Like I'm good. Don't get me wrong. I have my down days. You know, I think it's such an adjustment it’s also overwhelming. But you know, like I say to Andrew, I'm so... I have so much love and support and so much positivity and I really focus myself on those things. And, like, of course, I have my down days but I'm human like, just because I've come off a TV show. Doesn’t mean I’m this TV personality or anything like that I'm still this normal girl who grew up from Thirsk, a small town countryside. So I think coming out has been tough, but also amazing at the same time, because I've had so many amazing opportunities. I've now got the platform to do what I want to do. And it's been a mix of both. ALEX It’s a double edged sword, god I’m a couple of years down the line of it and whatever, but is a double edged sword, isn't it? Because the thing that makes it amazing is also the poison. That make sense? I think it's kind of the double edge thing. So I mean, I don't know, what do I what do I know, really, but I think kind of creating that space that you care about investing your time in that space, and as much as possible, allowing other things to just kind of, don't worry about other people doing, don’t compare whatever, like if someone else is doing some TV show, or whatever it is like that's great for them. Yeah. But like not losing yourself amongst like, people cos there’s always chatter and noise and people talking. Yeah, I think as long as you get up each day, you know what you care about. That's the main thing. I often think when people that troll, the thing, actually, it's really sad. Because, the nastier the thing someone says, the more I know that they're hurting. TASHA Yeah, it's true. ALEX So it comes from a place, you will only say something nasty to someone else, TASHA If you're feeling a certain type of why ALEX you feel a certain way. It's like, you know, people and this is meant in a business sense, but I think it actually applies quite well. People doing better than you, in a certain field will very rarely turn around and bash you down. It's the people that feel that you're doing well or something different than want to drag you down. Yeah, and I yeah, I don't know whether it's useful or not, but that's all I've kind of realised. TASHA Yeah. And I think that's why I say I don't. I let it if anything, give me that fire to do better and it lifts me up and away of like, I don't let it bring me down. And I don't go looking for it as well. You know, the trolling ALEX I think you're very I think you're very inspiring with that. TASHA If you go looking for it, that's when you're gonna really... ALEX Do you have Twitter? Delete Twitter. That's why I'd say I believe TASHA Twitter is crazy ALEX Twitter is a great place... That's a great offloading giant I kind of I was like, Oh, should I delete it? Shall I not eventually I got rid of it. And I realised I could I've quickly realised, same with friendships as well, have the things around you that you actually value if it's hurting you or it's affecting you get rid of and so for everyone listening as well like, if you see Twitter, it triggers you delete it, if Instagram triggers you delete it, like your social media should serve a purpose for you and what you're doing like you and like the representation that you're doing the campaign the education, me with my mental health advocacy, like it could actually be as well. You just want to go on and laugh at cats. That's fine. Love that. If you love cats and make you laugh, you love dogs. That's fine. Use Instagram. The point is whatever reason you go on it should serve a purpose. You know, I just think in this world at the moment where everyone has so many opinions, so much noise. That those boundaries, don't you? To protect yourself. TASHA Exactly. I think thingsw I saw about the trolls as well as you know, I will say just to my friends, my family, they will sit down with me and have a coffee or tea with me. They wouldn't say those things to my face. If anything. They actually might sit there and go... She's actually a nice girl. You know. ALEX I will tell you, most people who say things like that. If you sat down, you spoke to them, they would feel very horrendous about the things that they've said. Because again, I do believe there are... nasty people out there. Yeah, there are nasty people out there. For most people. Hate comes to a place of ignorance and insecurity. ... Look at mental health. I mean, mental health is still pretty stigmatised and people feel a great deal of shame. I mean, medication stigma is a huge thing. But it comes from a place of not understanding. It's not that people genuinely are nasty about it I don't think deep down, it’s that ignorance. Yeah. But I think we have responsibility ourselves as well that when you don't know don't hate learn. TASHA Yeah, exactly. Exactly. ALEX How important has Andrew been going through this support? TASHA Andrew has honestly been so supportive. I think we're both in the same boat together. And it's nice that we both can be there for each other, you know, Andrew has been feeling kind of similar emotions. You know, it's been a lot for him as well. He’s from a small island in Guernsey, he only had like 800 followers and Instagram ALEX Me and him in a similar *laughs* we had 1000 between us! TASHA for him its a whole new world as well. ALEX Did he know how to post stories? TASHA *laughs* he actually did! He didn't know how to use TikTok. I've been doing his TikToks for him ALEX You sorting him out on the old TikTok TASHA So yeah, I think because we're both in it together, we can both be our support systems. And what I love about Andrew is that he really understands me as a person. And he knows how sensitive I can be. But he likes that we've got a really nice balance with each other. Yeah, he's very calm. Whereas I'm very sensitive, I can get quite stressed quickly. Whereas Andrew brings that down it's nice balance ALEX It’s ying and yang I think ... some of people generally have like, a cocktail don't you and mix different cocktails together you get different, like results. So you kind of have someone... You need both, don't you? And it really helps to have someone to kind of calm me as well. Definitely. You've been so open in this whole episode so far, actually, but especially in this part. So really appreciate you talking. TASHA Thank you. Yeah, I think it's so important to talk and be open. And this is probably the first time I’ve properly spoken about that. ALEX Well, I mean, thank you. Thank you. I think I'm certain everyone all the stompers listening will will... Yeah, you'll have moved them I'm sure. He's certainly moved me so I really appreciate you sharing that. AD Thank you once again to Fitflop for sponsoring this episode and making sure our feet are looked after whether we’re wandering in the woods or lounging by the fire after a hard stomp. Head over to fitflop.com to check out FitFlops outdoor shoes and trainers, as well as their slippers and slides. END OF AD I hope you've enjoyed the second part guys and that if that's the right word, but I'm certainly sure you found it empowering. Having listened to part three if you're ready now if not then I will see you whenever you're ready for another stomp. See you soon guys.