Wanna bet? Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/14948034. Rating: Mature Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: M/M Fandom: South Park Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger, Clyde Donovan/Bebe Stevens Characters: Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh, Bebe Stevens, Butters Stotch, Token Black, Craig Tucker, Tweek Tweak, Clyde Donovan, everyone makes an appearance Additional Tags: Teenagers, Bets, Boys Being Boys, nothing sexual happens in this, but some people might regard some of the action as non-con, so I will add this tag to keep it on the safe side Language: English Stats: Published: 2018-06-16 Completed: 2018-07-15 Words: 19,395 Chapters: 6/6 Wanna bet? by StarsMadeinHeaven Summary Sometimes you fall in love under the most ridiculous circumstances. In Kyle and Kenny's case it all starts because of Cartman's stupid bets. Notes 2K inspires me greatly. I don't even know why! It's a really silly fic, all things considered, but I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do writing it. Chapter 1 Wanna bet? “Five bucks you won’t eat that”. Stan heaved a sigh of frustration when Eric Cartman suddenly stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and pointed at the half-eaten sandwich splattered on the floor next to what probably was a puddle of dog’s pee. Besides him Kyle and Kenny stopped to look at the sandwich in question; one rolled his eyes to the sky, the latter appeared to seriously consider accepting the bet. There we go, Stan thought and prayed for the best. “No!” Kyle exclaimed, when Kenny bent down to pick the nauseating remains of the sandwich up. As Stan expected, Cartman was beaming. “Gross, dude! That’s just gross! Stan !” “What?” Stan replied snapping his head at Kyle, trying not to look as interested in Kenny’s act of dumb courage as he actually was. The sandwich in Kenny’s hands was much gooier than Stan first supposed, moldy, and it strongly smelt rotten. Would Kenny seriously eat that? “Do something!” Kyle reproached him, but it was already too late. Kyle’s nose scrunched up in disgust when Kenny gulped the two half-munched slices of bread and the sorry excuse for ham that was inside them in one go. “I’m gonna puke,” Kyle muttered. “Sweet,” Cartman chuckled. Under Kyle’s appalled glare, he reached for his back pocket and handed Kenny his well-earned five bucks. “Why do you keep doing that?” Kyle bellowed at Kenny, who wiped his sullied hands on the front of his tattered parka before taking the money. Stan shoved his hands in his pockets and slowly took a step away from Kyle’s line of vision; if Kyle was up for a fight, Stan didn’t want to have anything to do with it. When Kenny didn’t dignify him with an answer, Kyle knitted his brows in exasperation and glared at Cartman instead, who just shrugged nonchalantly. “Can we go now?” Stan asked, realizing a little bit too late that, if he really didn’t want to be part of this, he should have kept his mouth tightly shut. Kyle’s eyes were immediately on him, and Stan averted his gaze, focusing it on a point in front of him, past Kenny’s parka and Cartman’s amused grin. “We are going to miss the previews,” Stan continued. He might very well keep talking at this point. “Yes, Kyle, stop being a pussy and let’s go,” Cartman groaned, and oh, boy, if looks could kill. “I’m sick and tired of your crap, fatass!” Kyle exclaimed. “That was fucking disgusting! There was pee right next to it!” Stan would have laughed at Kyle’s whining voice if he didn’t think it would draw his best friend’s attention to him. “And you! Dude, gross!” Kyle cried out waving his hand up and down at Kenny. “That was child’s play,” Kenny muttered, and if it was not that big of deal for him, Stan didn’t understand why it was a catastrophe in Kyle’s eyes. Sure, he was grossed out by pee, but Kyle wasn’t the one who accepted the bet in the first place. Kenny did, and Kenny was a grown man who knew when to back down. “Why do you do everything that Cartman dares you to?” Kyle pried. At that Cartman rolled his eyes to the sky and kept walking. Kenny followed with a shrug and, after shooting a worried look at Kyle’s quirked lips, Stan did too. “Would you eat your own shit if Cartman wants you to?” Kyle continued walking behind them. “If he pays me to,” Kenny muttered behind his parka. “Good one, Kyle! I didn’t think of that!” Cartman exclaimed, eagerly. “Ten bucks you won’t eat your own shit, Kenny!” “That wasn’t a bet!” Kyle screeched. “Dude, would you do that, for real?” Stan asked, fascinated by Kenny’s shamelessness. He felt Kyle’s enraged stare pierce the back of his neck, but he didn’t dare to glance behind his shoulder to check. He kept walking. “For fuck’s sake, Kahl!” Cartman whined, because he, contrary to Stan, did glance behind his shoulder to check and came face to face with Kyle’s certified look of pure disapproval, the one he had inherited from his mother and made even the bravest man on Earth tuck tail and run. There was a reason why Stan didn’t look at Kyle, but it seemed Cartman didn’t know when to shut up. “Kenny doesn’t mind so you shouldn’t either. I bet you’re just jelly you’re not profiting yourself! What? Do you resent Kenny for having five bucks more in his pocket than you do, you stingy Jew?” “What the fuck, Cartman,” Kyle spat, voice escalating at every word. “Do you think is okay to make Kenny do all these disg-!” “Jesus Christ!” Cartman shouted, interrupting him. “Kenny, I bet ten, no fifteen bucks you won’t manage to shut Kyle up!” “You son of a-!” Stan stared in awe as Kenny suddenly turned on his heels, grabbed Kyle by the front of his orange jacket and slammed their mouths together. Cartman’s eyes were wide in shock, but nothing compared to the horrified look on Kyle’s face. Kenny finally let go of him a minute later, resembling the infamous cat that got the cream, and Stan was too baffled to do other than stare at Kyle’s petrified body. His arms were lowered down to his side, stiff as wooden boards, and only his fingers twitched every five seconds, as if he had just undergone an electroconvulsive therapy session. Not even Cartman’s roar of laughter managed to get a reaction out of Kyle. Kenny stretched his hand towards Cartman, and the latter wiped a tear away from his eyes before he reached out for his back pocket and shoved fifteen bucks in Kenny’s open palm. “You’re such a fag, Kenny,” Cartman commented. Stan expected Kyle to shout, punch Cartman and Kenny in the face, but he did nothing. Cartman patted Kenny on the back and the two continued walking as if nothing had happened, while Stan remained behind, waving his hand in front of Kyle’s face to make sure he was still breathing. Fortunately, he was. “Dude?” Stan called, unsure, and the tension in Kyle’s shoulders slowly melted away. His friend’s lips curled into a disgusted scowl, and Stan could almost hear the thoughts crossing Kyle’s mind. Kyle, however, kept his mouth shut and the two of them wordlessly picked up the pace to join the rest of their small group. By the time the four reach the movie theater, Kyle was back to normal again. He didn’t mention Kenny’s sudden attack on his mouth, and Stan was just grateful that they could finally enjoy the previews in peace. Stan should have predicted that Cartman would get off on Kyle’s humiliation. He should have predicted that Cartman would turn his silly but disgusting bets with Kenny into something that could destroy Kyle’s integrity. Suddenly, seeing Kenny lick the bathroom stalls for ten bucks was not as appealing as using him to rile Kyle’s up. Stan should have read between the lines whenever Cartman stared at Kyle a little longer than necessary, a pensive look in his small eyes. The quirk of his lips whenever he thought of something Kenny might do for his own amusement was his warning flag. Stan should have seen, but he didn’t want Cartman to sic Kenny on him in school. He wouldn’t stand everybody’s eyes on him if he did. If Cartman decided to dare Kenny to kiss Stan’s ass, what would Wendy say? Kyle was far better than him with dicey situations. If Kyle punched either Cartman or Kenny in the jaw, no one in the school would actually think it was weird. So Stan opted to turn a blind eye to the foretelling signs. Was he a shitty friend? Stan didn’t think he was until Cartman decided to put his plans into action. Kyle was strangely calm that morning, when Stan, Cartman and Kenny walked over to him while he fiddled with the contents of his locker. It should have been Stan’s clue that things would soon take a turn for the worse. Cartman could be very creative when Kyle was in a good mood, but Stan once again ignored his gut’s instinct. “Hey, dude,” Stan greeted his friend. “Did you do that essay on Napoleon? I kind fell asleep watching the History Channel and I missed some points”. “Were you going to use that crap the History Channel was saying in the essay?” Kyle asked, amused. “Do you remember what happened last time?” “Not everyone pulls an all-nighter to write a fucking essay on Napoleon,” Cartman said. “Stan is not a fucking nerd like you, Kyle”. “Oh, no, you donkey-fucker,” Kyle said shifting his eyes to Cartman. “I’m not gonna take that bait. You are not going to get me riled up, not today”. “I’m just speaking the truth here,” Cartman said, sounding too innocent for Stan’s tastes. “You seem to be in really good spirits today,” Stan said, trying to change subject. He inwardly let out a sigh of relief when Kyle focused on him. “What’s up?” “I’m going out with Bebe after school,” Kyle confessed with a smile, and Kenny gave a low whistle of appreciation. “Bebe, the slut?” Cartman asked, and Kenny mumbled something obscene next to him that made them both laugh. Kyle, though, didn’t pay any attention to them and just kept his eyes on Stan. The raven haired boy was thankful that Kyle was determined not to let Cartman ruin his day. “Great, man,” Stan congratulated him patting him on the back. It’s been months since Wendy suggested that Bebe and Kyle should start dating so that they could finally go on double dates together. Nevertheless, Bebe hesitated. Some weeks before, Stan overheard her conversation with Wendy, during which she practically worshipped Kyle’s ass. No matter how cute Bebe thought Kyle was, she wasn’t sure if she would actually like to be Kyle’s girlfriend, which Stan found odd, all things considering. There was nothing wrong with his best friend, was it? Whatever the case, it seemed that Bebe made up her mind, and Wendy would finally give Stan a break and stop bitching about double dates for a while. “That’s right, Stan,” Kyle said, pushing Stan out of his thoughts, “and nothing can put me in a bad mood today. Not even you, Cartman!” Kyle exclaimed pointing an accusing finger at him. Cartman scoffed; his eyes drifted to a point at the end of the hall, and Stan followed his eye movement, spotting no other than Bebe walking with Annie and Red to their first class. “Kenny, I bet ten bucks that not even you can manage to spoil Kyle’s oh-so great mood,” Cartman said. Kyle narrowed his eyes at Kenny. “Don’t you dare,” Kyle threatened him. Bebe was just a few feet away from them, but when Stan turned around to warn Kyle not to do anything stupid, Kenny had already made his move. Stan watched Kenny’s hand shot out to grab Kyle’s ass, and his eyes immediately flickered up to Kyle’s shocked face. Bebe’s high heels stopped echoing in the hall the moment Kyle’s fist found Kenny’s jaw. The loud crack was almost deafening, and if Bebe hadn’t paid any attention to them, she was now. “Oh, man,” Stan muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. Cartman burst out laughing when Kenny was sent flying across the floor. “Kyle Broflovski!” a professor passing by just in that moment barked out. Cartman was literally rolling on the floor laughing, and Stan decided to do the next most sensible thing and helped Kenny on his feet. “To the principal’s office, now!” “Oh, man,” Kyle swore under his breath and shot an angry look at Kenny’s bloodied nose. “Enjoy your money, you traitor,” Kyle spat on his way to the principal, followed by a very disappointed professor. “Did you see that?” Cartman asked the students that had gathered around them. “That was so sweet! I’m seriously, you guys. I wished I had a camera!” “Kenny, what did you do that for?” Stan whispered to his friend. His blue eyes followed Kenny’s hand swiftly wipe the blood from under his nostrils, and his heart skipped a beat when Kenny raised his head and grinned at him. “The easiest ten bucks of my life,” Kenny whispered back. “Twenty more and I’ll be able to buy a Christmas present for my brother and sister with Cartman’s savings”. Stan’s mouth formed a small ‘o’ at that. He thought of telling Kenny that indulging Cartman and pissing off Kyle wasn’t worth the trouble, but seeing the pleased smile slowly stretch on Kenny’s lips made Stan wonder if he should turn a blind eye to this one too. Stan sure was a shitty friend. Later at lunch break, Stan realized that he should definitely put an end to that madness. The four plus Butters sat down at their usual table surrounded by awkward silence. Only Cartman seemed immune to it and kept munching happily on his burger in his place between Stan and Butters, sending delighted glances at Kenny and Kyle sitting next to each other across the table. Kyle was unusually silent, picking at his food with his fork while he held his face with his free hand. Kenny was sporting a nice bluish blotch on his jaw. Stan had lost all appetite, and only Butters, who had not witnessed what happened earlier in the morning, seemed in the mood for idle conversation. “Hey, did you know, fellas, that Clyde was asked out by Bebe this morning? It sure happened out of the blue, don’t you think?” Butters asked between mouthfuls. Only Stan noticed the sullen look flashing on Kyle’s face at Butter’s words. “It seemed that the slut moved on pretty fast, didn’t she, Kyle?” Cartman asked. Kyle’s left eyebrow twitched at Cartman’s jab. “Would you shut up?” Kyle snapped, slamming his fork down, making two lettuce leaves fly out of his plate and onto the table. Butter’s eyes shifted from Cartman to Kyle and then back to Cartman again. “Oh, moody aren’t we?” Cartman sneered and bit down on the last chunk of his hamburger. Neither Stan nor Kyle missed the eloquent way Cartman looked at Kenny. “Don’t,” Stan warned, not sure if he was referring to Kenny or Cartman or even Kyle at that point. “Whatever you’ll make Kenny do, I won’t react, fatso,” Kyle said. “I won’t give you this pleasure, you hear me?” Judging by the way Cartman’s eyebrow shot up, Stan supposed he had. “Are we playing some kind of game?” Butters asked, intrigued. “Kenny, I’ll give you ten juicy bucks if you manage to make Kyle mad. I don’t care what you’ll do, make him whimper”. “I won’t!” Kyle exclaimed, and Stan didn’t like the smirk on Kenny’s face. For a few moments nothing happened. Stan stared at Kenny, but the blond just stared back at him, not moving an inch. Stan had to drift his gaze on Kyle to realize that something was indeed happening. Cartman was as clueless as he was, until the two of them noticed that Kenny had slid his hand under the table when they weren’t looking. Stan didn’t want to check, but in that moment he knew where Kenny’s hand was. Kyle remained completely impassive at first. His lips twitched in annoyance, but he held still. Stan could only imagine what Kenny was doing, but if he peeked under the table he would see Kenny’s hand move up and down Kyle’s right leg. He would see Kenny’s fingers trail a path from Kyle’s knee up to his tight. He would see Kenny’s thumb trace small circles on the patch of skin that divided his leg from his hip, move down, almost touch Kyle’s crotch over the denim, and rest there, teasingly. Stan didn’t see that, but he did notice Kyle’s face suddenly pale when Kenny’s hand came dangerously close to his private parts. Although Cartman didn’t see Kenny’s hand either, he was having a ball. He leaned over the table to study Kyle’s face better, waiting for him to crack, to slap Kenny’s across the face, anything. Kyle’s rapid breathing was their only clue he wasn’t enjoying this. His pupils were dilated, his lips a thin line. Stan wanted to congratulate him for not letting a single word of protest leave his lips. Kenny moved his hand again, maybe a little further up, and Stan noticed that Kyle was biting the inside of his cheeks to keep himself from shouting. “Dude, stop,” Stan pleaded. Cartman shushed him and just motioned Kenny to keep doing whatever he was doing. Next to him, Butters looked extremely uncomfortable. “Ten bucks, Kenny,” Cartman reminded him. “A whimper, Kyle, and game’s over. Just do it!” “Kenny, stop,” Stan ordered, harsher this time, and Kyle’s eyes moved from Cartman to him. For the slightest of moments, Kenny stilled. “Oh, hamburgers,” Butters mumbled. “This is not going to end well...” Stan could see that Kyle wanted nothing more than punch Kenny again, but against all reason he didn’t want to give Cartman the victory either. In a stroke of genius, Stan reached out for his back pocket and slammed a ten dollars bill in front of Kenny’s face. Kyle let out a sigh of relief when Kenny grabbed the money with both hands, while Cartman just groaned in frustration. “Why Stan?” Cartman whined. “Because it was sick, dude,” Stan replied standing up. Kyle shot up from his place too and with his head hung low, he swiftly walked away from the cafeteria. “Should we go after him?” Butter asked. “It’s better if you leave him alone for a while,” Kenny said, and Stan didn’t like the implications of Kenny’s grin. Chapter 2 Chapter Notes Oh, my. Seriously, dude! I didn't expect this fic to get this kind of response! I want to thank each and every one of you for your lovely comments!! You guys are amazing, THANK YOU! “I’m going to fight fire with fire!” Stan massaged his eyes with his free hand while the other held the receiver close to his ear. He shot a longing glance at his half-finished dinner waiting for him at his seat on the table where the rest of his family was ingurgitating theirs. “Let it go, Kyle,” Stan tried to reason. “Tomorrow Cartman will find something else to torment us with. Moreover, Kenny didn’t piss you off on purpose, so there’s no reason to retaliate”. “I know Kenny is not doing it on purpose,” Kyle said, condescending. “But next time Cartman eggs him on and turns him against me because of some motherfucking bet, I’ll respond in kind”. “You already punched him once,” Stan said. “Do you want detention again?” “I wasn’t thinking of punching him,” Kyle replied, sounding incredibly insecure. Stan waited for his friend to say something, to reveal his plans, but Kyle kept unnaturally quiet. No plan then, just the unnecessary desire for vengeance. When Stan was ready to put an end to this silly conversation, Kyle finally spoke again: “I’ll figure it out”. Apparently Kyle had no idea what he was doing, but Stan doubted Kyle needed to do anything anyway. Cartman would get sick and tired of his disgusting bets in the long run, and Kenny would find something else to do to scrape some money together. Stan had to change his mind when, the next morning, after second period, he walked over to Kyle’s locker only to come face to face with the weirdest, most cringeworthy picture in the history of ever: Kyle leaning against his locker with Kenny standing over him. The blond teen had Kyle trapped, getting right into his personal space and placing a hand against the locker so that Kyle couldn’t escape. Cartman stood right behind Kenny, looking like a child on Christmas’ Eve, while the rest of the students scattered around the corridor, watching the strange scene unfolding before them in fascination. Stan had no idea what was going on, but judging by Kyle’s angered eyes looking straight into Kenny’s ones, he knew that nothing good was going to come out from this. Neither of them was talking, but Kenny’s amused smirk and Kyle’s determination spoke volumes. “Are the playing gay chicken or something?” Clyde asked suddenly standing next to him, and Stan shrugged. He knew as much as Clyde did. “I heard that Cartman dared Kenny to make Kyle speechless,” Token explained. “I-I think it was a bet,” Jimmy piped in, slowly walking towards them. “Something about twenty bucks to whoever made Kyle blush in e-e-embarrassment”. “It was just ten bucks,” Craig suddenly spoke. “Ten bucks to Kenny if he manages to turn Kyle into a puddle of goo, five if Kyle runs away”. “Jesus Christ,” Stan swore under his breath and massaged his temples. Kenny’s face was inches away from Kyle’s, but the redhead was not deterred in the least and faced Kenny head on, determined not to let whatever Kenny might say or do get under his skin. Stan knew that no insult could make Kyle speechless, let alone embarrassed –he was good with comebacks, after all- so he had no idea what Kenny would say to win the bet. The easier tactic would be to humiliate him, but there was nothing Kenny could do that Cartman hadn’t tried before. “You know what, Kyle?” Kenny asked suddenly. All whispering slowly shushed down, and everybody’s ears perked up. “Since I pinched your ass yesterday, I can’t stop fantasizing about you”. Fuck, Stan thought. So Kenny opted on that course of action? At Kenny’s comment, one of Kyle’s eyebrows shot up, although the rest of his face remained completely blank. Cartman, on the other hand, was now bouncing up and down with enthusiasm. All eyes shifted from Kenny to Kyle, waiting for some kind of retort. If Kyle kept his mouth shut or blushed, he would lose. “Oh, yeah?” Kyle breathed. He looked uncomfortable under Kenny’s stare, and his hands clenched into fists, only to relax a second later. “Yeah, Kyle,” Kenny slurred. “So what I have to do to be your booty call?” “More than this, for sure,” Kyle said, challengingly. Kenny snorted, a sound that told everyone just how much he was enjoying this, and Kyle too would have laughed if it weren’t for the seriousness of the situation. “Well, why don’t you try me once? If you don’t like it, you will have wasted six hours of your life. More, if you want foreplay,” Kenny tried again. Kyle licked his lip, thinking of a good comeback, and Kenny followed his tongue with his gaze. “I’ll doubt you’ll last that long,” Kyle spat, inadvertently backing up farther into the lockers. At his misstep, Kenny’s grin just grew wider, and Kyle tried to relax once more. In that moment, Stan noticed that Kyle’s gaze lingered on the bruise on Kenny’s jaw just a little longer than necessary. “Why don’t we try tonight?” “Why not never?” Kyle spat on instinct, his eyebrows twitching in exasperation. Cartman snorted besides them, and Kyle narrowed his eyes at him. He stood a little bit straighter and faced Kenny head on again. “Cartman wants Kyle to blush, but I n-never saw Kyle blush in his life,” Jimmy whispered. Someone shushed him. “Well, this could take all day,” Stan muttered. “Not until Kyle finds something to shut Kenny up with,” Token whispered back, and someone silenced him too. “Oh, Kyle, are you feeling down? I can fill you up,” Kenny said moving closer to Kyle, and the redhead bumped his head on the locker at the sudden vicinity. Stan could practically see the gears moving in his friends’ brain. “Cartman won the bet,” Clyde declared. “You’ll like that, huh?” Kyle asked. The game was back on. “Why miss this opportunity, Kyle?” Kenny continued. “I’ll make you feel so good. Rough or vanilla, you pick”. Stan knew that Kenny was mentally rolling on the floor laughing and he suddenly felt so bad for Kyle he considered stepping in. Nevertheless, Kenny continued: “You are just pissed at me for what happened with Bebe, aren’t you?” he asked, sounding unexpectedly sincere, and Kyle gave him an annoyed grimace. For the slightest of moments Kenny dropped his fuckboy-façade, and the tension in Kyle’s shoulders slowly melted away at the sight of Kenny’s familiar, friendly smile. Stan had no idea what was going on, but, as soon as that happened, Kyle transformed right before his eyes. Taking advantage of Kenny’s honest concern, Kyle made his next move. “I am,” Kyle admitted and raised his eyes to Kenny’s face. Without looking away, Kyle slowly reached out for Kenny’s hand and pulled it softly next to his lips. Kenny knitted his eyebrows in confusion and he almost jumped back in surprise when Kyle wrapped his mouth around Kenny’s index and middle finger and trailed his tongue up to his fingertips. “Try harder if you want to make up for it,” Kyle said in a husked voice and dropped Kenny’s hand. Stan would pay millions to be able to delete Kyle’s sensual smirk from his mind’s eye. Kenny looked as shocked as Stan was and took a huge step backwards, finally letting Kyle breathe. He opened his mouth but shut it immediately after, and turned his head to look at Cartman, wordlessly. All eyes were now on Cartman, who groaned loudly in frustration. “Seriously, Kenny?” he exclaimed. “All he needed to do to take you down was suck your fingers?” At Kenny’s silence an exultant grin stretched across Kyle’s face. The redheaded teen let out a triumphant shout and shoved Kenny out of the way to point an index at Cartman. “HA!” he gushed. “You lose, you fatass! You lose!” he taunted, jumping from joy. Stan almost expected Kyle to backflip down the hall, but he stretched his open palm towards Cartman instead. “Ten bucks, wasn’t it?” Cartman swore loudly under his breath but reached out for his wallet anyway and slammed the bill in Kyle’s waiting hand. Kyle pocketed the money and amicably patted Kenny on the back, too happy to notice the still confused look gracing Kenny’s features. “Now move, Kenny, I have to take my notes for next period,” Kyle ordered finally opening his locker. The bell rang just in that moment and the students walked back to their respective classes. For the rest of the day things returned back to normal again, and Stan was quite amazed to see that no one was openly talking about what had happened between Kenny and Kyle. Only Cartman wore a sullen look for the best part of the morning, but during lunch break he too returned back to his old self, deciding at the last moment to pick on Butters rather than dare Kenny to do something foolish again. Stan prayed that Cartman kept it that way. Apparently, though, Cartman wasn’t the only one who was hung up on bets. The next day, just a couple of hours before school ended, Kenny came running like a madman down the corridor and halted in front of Stan and Kyle, who were discussing their next project together in front of Stan’s locker. “Kyle! Kyle!” Kenny exclaimed. He paused to regain breath, put a hand on his chest as if to slow down his rapid heartbeat and raised his head to look at Kyle again. “Kyle, you won’t believe what happened!” “What?” Kyle asked, knitting his eyebrows in confusion, and shared a worried look with an equally bewildered Stan. Kenny stood up straighter and put his arms around Stan and Kyle’s shoulders, grinning at them both. “The girls!” Kenny exclaimed. “They are making a stupid list again, but this time it’s a list on the cutest couples in school”. “Oookay?” Stan prodded him. Wendy didn’t talk to him about any list, but a sense of impending doom overwhelmed him all the same. “Craig and Tweek are obviously the cutest gay couple,” Kenny continued, “but after what happened yesterday, the girls started to debate if they should add us too”. “Us who?” Kyle asked, narrowing his eyes at Kenny in suspicion, and the blond boy rolled his eyes to the ceiling as if he had just heard the dumbest question ever. “Why us , of course,” Kenny retorted, arching his eyebrow eloquently. Kyle blinked at him in utter disbelief, let out a frustrated sigh and batted away Kenny’s arm still hooked around his shoulder. “Let’s go, Stan,” Kyle said, adopting a neutral tone of voice. Kenny untangled himself from Stan and quickly moved to stand in front of Kyle again, who just tilted his head to the side in exasperation. “You didn’t hear the rest of the story,” Kenny said. “I don’t want to hear it,” Kyle stated. “Seriously, dude,” Stan stepped in, “you are not even a real couple. Why are you so hyped up about this?” “Because, Stan, the girls are now debating whether the cutest gay couple is Tweek and Craig or Kyle and me,” Kenny explained. “They divided into two opposing teams: one is betting against us and the other is cheering for us. They are actually betting real money on it! It’s doesn’t matter if we are really dating or not, the point is, Bebe promised me twenty percent of the winnings if Kyle and I proved to the other team we really are the cutest”. “Bebe thinks you are a couple?” Stan asked, taken aback. “Who’s Wendy with?” “Is that really important, Stan?” Kyle asked, annoyed. “Please, Kyle,” Kenny begged turning to face Kyle again. “It’s just a one-time thing. The girls expect us to confront Craig and Tweek in the schoolyard after school. Think about the money we are going to go home with if we win!” “Do you know you are sounding like Cartman right now?” Kyle asked. “Don’t insult me,” Kenny warned. When Kyle kept staring at him, unimpressed, Kenny groaned: “Come on, Kyle. You don’t even have to do anything!” “Oh, no, no, no,” Kyle intoned and pushed past Kenny. “I’m done having your hands all over me because of a stupid bet. Tell the girls we are not indulging them and their damned fads”. “Cartman bet for Craig and Tweek,” Kenny blurted out, and Kyle stilled mid-way. Stan pinched the bridge of his nose when Kyle slowly turned his head towards Kenny again. “What?” To say Stan hated Cartman with a passion was truly a huge understatement. And that was how Stan found himself sitting between Butters and Clyde waiting for some kind of gay contest to start. In front of them, right in the middle of a ring made up by crazed girls, Craig and Tweek were facing Kyle and Kenny head on. Stan already knew that the citizens of South Park were morons, but this was too much even for them. Craig too seemed to think the same, as an irritated frown altered his usually impassive features. He stared at Kenny with his arms crossed over his chest, puffing out a breath of frustration at regular intervals. Right next to him Tweek was quivering like a leaf, his eyes shifting from face to face, completely lost. Kenny was the only one enjoying this, while Kyle stood unenthusiastic right next to him. Craig shared a look with Kyle, and when the latter shrugged, his frown deepened. “Why are we even here?” Craig finally asked directed at the girls watching them with anticipation. “They are not even a couple. Make your dumb list and let us go home”. “Y-yeah!” Tweek exclaimed, running a hand through his messy blond hair. “This is too much pressure! What the hell are we supposed to do?” “Oh, shut up, Craig,” Kenny said with a grin. “If we are here, it means the girls are fed up with your lovey-dovey PDA. They want real boy on boy action and that’s where we step in,” he said. As if to prove his point, Kenny put an arm around Kyle’s shoulder, pulled him abruptly closer and nonchalantly groped Kyle’s chest over his orange jacket. Kyle followed the hand with an annoyed expression on his face but didn’t protest. “We are sexier”. Some of the girls started muttering to each other. “That doesn’t make any sense, Kenny,” Craig retorted. Kyle absentmindedly nodded in agreement, and Craig’s lips briefly curved upwards. Kenny just pressed his side to Kyle’s, unraveled his arm from Kyle’s shoulders and let his hand slid down the other’s back and into Kyle’s back pocket. “We are not a couple just because we want to put up a show!” Tweek growled, and Craig glanced at him with the corner of his eye. “We’ve been together for years! You just- you just-!” “Kenny, you are just doing this for money,” Craig reasoned, saving Tweek before he started hyperventilating. Both of them looked more fed up with this by the second. “I love Tweek, and before you say something stupid, no, Kenny, you don’t love Kyle that way,” Craig declared. He then turned his gaze to their audience: “Girls, you can say whatever you please, but fact remains we are a real couple. Cute or not, it doesn’t matter. They, on the other hand, don’t even deserve a nomination”. “You are not even holding hands!” Kenny exclaimed, and Craig rolled his blue eyes to the sky. He reached out for Tweek’s fingers and squeezed them in his. Unconsciously, Tweek scooted closer. “You aren’t either,” Craig said matter-of-fact. “You are just cupping a feel”. “You don’t know what you are missing,” Kenny retorted and squeezed Kyle’s ass as if to prove his point. Kyle jumped in surprise, but didn’t leave Kenny’s side. “He doesn’t even want to be here,” Craig continued waving at Kyle with his free hand. “Just let go. We win, everybody is happy”. “Who said you are winning?” Kyle suddenly spoke up. He slid his arm around Kenny’s shoulders and tangled his fingers in the other’s blond hair. Kenny’s grin was blinding. Some girls in the audience swooned, and Stan seriously considered standing up and leave the freak show for good. Next to him Clyde and Butters were completely absorbed in what was happening. “Seriously, Kyle?” Craig asked. “I’m not going to lose to Cartman,” Kyle said as if that explained why he was letting Kenny trail his fingers up and down his back and under his shirt. “Can we call it a draw or something?” Tweek suggested. “Let the girls judge that,” Kenny said. “It would be easier if you did something!” someone called from the audience. Kyle snapped his head to the source of the voice, sure that it had been Cartman, but couldn’t see him anywhere. “Fine,” Craig said, let go of Tweek’s hand, pulled the blond towards him by the front of his green shirt and started sucking Tweek’s bottom lip, earning a yelp of surprise from the shortest teen. “Fuck, I never saw him so determined,” Clyde whispered next to Stan. “He’s really going down on him,” Token agreed behind them. Stan groaned and pressed his hands on his eyes. Kenny watched the two kiss passionately in front of him with an interested look on his face, and when Craig and Tweek finally pulled away, he arched an eyebrow at Kyle. “Don’t you dare, Kenny,” Kyle threatened him. He untangled his fingers from Kenny’s hair and let them drop to the side. “I’m not going to suck your balls”. “Should I do it then?” Kenny asked. “No one is sucking anyone's balls,” Kyle stated, menacing. He was ready to walk away, when, suddenly, Kenny yanked him back into his embrace so that Kyle had to press his chest against him to hold his balance. Kenny slid his hands around Kyle’s waist and tugged him by the belt loops, forcing their crotches to grind against it other. Kyle stared at him straight into his eyes, left eyebrow raised in challenge, but Kenny just shrugged. “Just close your eyes and pretend I’m Bebe,” Kenny said. “That’s easy for you to say,” Kyle spat, but did as told. Kenny softly pulled him by the hair, and although Kyle objected at first, he finally tilted his head back. Letting out a sigh of relief, Kenny leaned down and started trailing butterfly kisses along Kyle’s jugular, carefully avoiding the other’s mouth on his way up. He gently pressed his nose in Kyle’s hair and moved to run his tongue along Kyle’s outer ear, holding Kyle’s head back so that everyone could see what exactly he was doing. Kyle’s arms suddenly shot up and grabbed Kenny by the back of his shirt, holding onto him, as if his legs would buckle underneath him if he didn’t. Encouraged by Kyle's unexpected cooperation, Kenny suddenly focused his interest on another part of Kyle’s body and started working his tongue on the patch of skin between Kyle’s collarbone and shoulder-! “Ngh!” Tweek exclaimed. “I am not going to do that!” Everybody’s eyes were suddenly on Craig and Tweek again. Tweek violently pulled his hair, turned on his heels and walked away, followed by a grateful looking Craig. The girls started talking loudly around them, and Kenny finally let go of Kyle, took his hand and raised it up as if declaring a winner. “They are not really a couple, are they?” Clyde asked Stan, curious. “No, they’re not,” Stan answered. “They could have fooled me,” Token commented behind him. Chapter 3 Chapter Notes This is more serious than the previous two chapters, but I hope you won't mind. ;) Thank you again for all your comments! You are awesome!!! “Uncle Jimbo invited me to go hunting with him. Wanna join?” Stan let out a sigh of relief when Kyle, Kenny and Cartman promptly agreed. It had been a long time since they last went camping together. Stan knew that uncle Jimbo would probably wander through the woods on his own to shoot at everything that moved, leaving the boys behind in their bivouac. In the best case scenario, the four would drink beers and sodas and do nothing particularly exiting, but it would be a good opportunity as any to get out of South Park for a while. To be honest, Stan accepted uncle Jimbo’s offer because of something Kyle had said a few days back: “I don’t understand why every small, insignificant thing that happens in this town escalates so quickly. I mean, Cartman started his silly bets and now everybody in school wants to bet on something. As if that weren’t bad enough, my dad started doing it too and your dad will soon follow, and considering how things work here, by the end of the month we are going to skydive onto Mt. Everest because the whole country has gone bankrupt and we need to reach an agreement with the Dutches! And you know what? No one ever learns their damned lesson and we are back to square one with something new. I’m done”. Stan had to admit Kyle was right. After that absurd competition between Kyle and Kenny and Craig and Tweek, everybody in South Park High School started gambling. It didn’t matter what or who they were betting on, so long as money was involved and someone left the classroom crying from embarrassment. It was a dangerous game that spread like wildfire, and the town suddenly risked being consumed by it too. Stan had no idea how that happened, but he supposed it was one of those things that made South Park charming and encouraged him to drink just a can of beer more. Be that as it may, the four of them needed a time out before they did skydive onto Mt. Everest and broke their necks in the process. More than everything, Stan wanted to keep Cartman out of this. He probably didn’t have anything to worry about, considering that, for the time being at least, Cartman wasn’t directly or indirectly profiting from all that gambling, but it was better to stay on the safe side. So the four friends promised their mothers that they were going to be good boys and followed uncle Jimbo to one of his hunting missions. They reached the forest by car and followed the river upstream on foot. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and all animals were out grazing, making things easier for uncle Jimbo’s killer instincts. As expected, he soon tried to lure the boys into hunting with him. Stan refused: blood and hurting innocent animals were not an attractive prospect for him. Kyle stayed with him, Kenny stayed because having a drink was much more alluring, and Cartman did because where Kyle went, he went too. Unfortunately for Kenny and Stan, uncle Jimbo didn’t bring the alcohol, because it was usually Ned who packed and Jimbo just forgot. Sitting by an old burned-out campfire with nothing to do proved to be extremely boring, however, so they decided to wander around on their own. It was when they reached the top of a waterfall that problems started to arise. In other words, Cartman was bored out of his mind. Kenny looked down on the water gushing over the rocks under their feet, the only one brave enough to walk up to