[Book Summary] Barking Up The Wrong Tree u/SunnyNie Barking Up The Wrong Tree By Eric Barker • Know yourself • Personality • Grit, optimism, perseverance, and productivity • Success advice • Networking, friends, and relationships • Mentors • Confidence and self-compassion • Framework for getting started Know yourself Advice : Find what you’re good at and do just that. Pick the right environment that suits your strengths and “weaknesses” Fact : Intensifiers: genes that are generally negative but can provide sweeping advantages in specific circumstance How to : find what you’re good at: use feedback analysis Quote : “Quite simply, when you undertake a project, write down what you expect to happen, then later note the result. Over time you’ll see what you do well and what you don’t.” Advice : Pick the right pond. Be around people who you want to become. Quote : “When you take a job take a long look at the people you’re going to be working with—because the odds are you’re going to become like them; they are not going to become like you. You can’t change them. If it doesn’t fit who you are, it’s not going to work.” Advice : Know who you are: introvert, extrovert, ambivert, and pursue the path that is highest to succeed. Advice : Figure out whether you are a filtered leader or unfiltered leader. • Filtered leaders: Follows the rules and succeeds via promotions. Usually are people who do well in school/become valedictorians, etc. • Unfiltered leaders: Ones who got into leadership positions from unconventional methods (entrepreneurship, coups, etc) Fun Facts: Fact : Creativity is inversely proportional to employee performance reviews. The more creative, the more arrogant, dishonest, and disorganized Personality Givers, Matchers, and Takers: • Givers : People who give before receive • Matchers : People who give on the condition they will get a return, or are returning a favour • Takers : People who try to get the advantage by taking and not giving Fact : On a spectrum of success, Givers are at the bottom. In the middle are Matchers and Takers. At the very top are Givers again. Advice : Volunteer, but not too much Fact : What separates Givers on the top of the spectrum from the bottom ones is that those on the top do not go overboard with giving. Fact : Volunteering 2 hours a week has been proven to make people happier, but don’t volunteer more than that. Advice : Make sure to give by “chunking” efforts together rather than restlessly “sprinkling.” Advice : Don’t be envious: Life is not a zero-sum game. Somebody winning does not mean you lose. Advice : Be a Giver and don’t be the first to defect. It is essential to offer help first. Be the first to give favours, even if small, and don’t expect a return. Quote : “Matchers wait and miss too many opportunities. And Takers trade short-term gains for long-term losses. Remember, all the big winners were nice and all the big losers started off betraying.” Fact : According to the study “The Right Amount of Trust,” people who ranked their trust in other people an 8/10 had the highest income. People who claimed 9 or 10 had 7% less income, most likely due to being taken advantage of. People who had way below 8 had 14.5% less income than 8s. Quote : “Givers outdo Matchers because they volunteer help without waiting to see what the other person will do. Plenty of other research backs this up.” Advice : Reciprocate both cooperation and defection: Never betray initially, but if betrayed upon, fight back. However, note that forgiveness is not out of the option. Advice : Think long term and also make others think long term. Bad behaviour works out in the short term while good behaviour works out in the long term. How : Build more steps in contracts and entice others that you are willing to help them down the line. Quote : “[People are] always trying to discern two things: whether a potential partner can be trusted and 1 [Book Summary] Barking Up The Wrong Tree u/SunnyNie whether he or she is likely to be encountered again. Answers to those two questions, far beyond anything else, will determine what any of us will be motivated to do in the moment.” Advice : Forgive. People make mistakes. Advice : Be a listener. How : “Asking people questions about themselves can create a bond as strong as a lifelong friendship in a surprisingly short amount of time.” Fact : “Your brain gets more pleasure from you talking about yourself than it does from food or money.” Advice : Compliment others. How : “Found something you both have in common? Great. Don’t be afraid to pay the person a sincere compliment.” Fact : “Research shows we like compliments more than sex or money” Fact : Even obvious and insincere compliments has incredible effects. Fun facts : Fact : Evaluating other people usually comes down to the two characteristics: warmth and competence. People generally assume that those two are inversely proportional: nice people are less competent whereas those who break rules seem more powerful than they appear. Fact : Men who rank low in the personality trait “agreeableness” make as much as $10 000 more than men who rank highly in that category. Counter Fact : Being kind people live longer lives. More charitable people live longer. People who are ethical are generally happier than those who were fine with cheating Fact : Correlation between charitable giving and income: for every $1 given, income for that person went up by $3.75. Grit, optimism, perseverance, and productivity Advice : Be optimistic Fact : Ambition/motivation alone is a better predictor of success than intelligence, ability, or salary. Fact : Where grit comes from: optimism and persistent positive self talk in daunting times. Quote : “Helplessness was the result of a pessimistic attitude. When you believe things will not get better, it’s irrational to keep trying. You just shrug and go home. In situations where you truly cannot win, this is the right choice. But in difficult but not impossible situations, when persistence is called for, pessimism kills grit.” Quote : “What’s shocking is that when asked to make predictions, depressed people are more accurate than optimists. It’s called “depressive realism.” The world can be a harsh place. Optimists lie to themselves. But if we all stop believing anything can change, nothing ever will. We need a bit of fantasy to keep us going.” Fact : Optimists have better health and a longer life. Optimists usually have a better outcome at the same task done by pessimists. Optimists are luckier (by creating more opportunities for themselves). Fact : Chronic optimism or pessimism is not genetic: it comes from stories we tell ourselves about the world. Pessimists tell themselves that bad events • will last a long time, or forever (I’ll never get this done); • are universal (I can’t trust any of these people); and • are their own fault (I’m terrible at this). Optimists tell themselves that bad events • are temporary (That happens occasionally, but it’s not a big deal ); • have a specific cause and aren’t universal (When the weather is better that won’t be a problem); and • are not their fault (I’m good at this, but today wasn’t my lucky day). Fact : The only way you can become very successful and renowned is by non-stop working. Quote : “People who wish to do so [achieve extreme success] must organize their whole lives around a single enterprise. They must be monomaniacs, even megalomaniacs, about their pursuits. They must start early, labor continuously, and never give up the cause. Success is not for the lazy, procrastinating, or mercurial.” Fact : Stories rule our thinking and are excellent predictors at success. Evidence in Holocaust survivors, numerous studies, religion, etc. Quote : “Optimists told themselves a story that may not have been true, but it kept them going, often allowing them to beat the odds.” Quote : “Stories aren’t perfect pictures of the world, but they allow us to succeed for this very reason. They can keep us going and become prophecy. You weren’t “born” to do anything in particular, but when your story says you were “born” to do something you perform better and persist. After all, it’s your destiny.” How to : find your story: think about your death. 2 [Book Summary] Barking Up The Wrong Tree u/SunnyNie Quote : “When you take a little time to think about death, you become more kind and generous to others. You put aside short-term goals for a moment and consider who you really want to be.” How : “Picture your funeral. The people who loved you have all gathered to pay their respects. They’re going to praise the qualities that made you so special, that they will miss the most. What do you want them to say? Taking the time to think about that can help you find your eulogy values, which will guide your decisions.” Fact : People who contemplate their end behave in healthier ways and boosts self esteem. Advice : “Instead of merely focusing on intentions, make sure that in your day-to-day actions you are being the main character in your perfect story.” Advice : Turn work into a game Fact : Both work and games are tedious and repetitive, but games are WNGF. Games are Winnable, have Novel challenges and Goals, and provide Feedback. Work is missing one or more of the criteria. • Winnable : Games are winnable and you can control whether or not you win. If needed, break up large tasks (like succeeding at life) into smaller and winnable games. If you know you can’t win a something, quit and move on. • Novel challenges : Add new challenges. Good games have an 80% failure rate to inspire players to keep going. Aim for challenges near that difficulty. • Goals : Good games are clear on what you need to do to win. Create specific goals. • Feedback : Good games give you clear (good or bad) feedback immediately and the player knows how well they’re doing in the game. Celebrate small wins. Quote : “Once a small win has been accomplished, forces are set in motion that favour another small win.” How : Take a moment every evening and figure out what you want to accomplish tomorrow. Give a clear plan on how to achieve that and how to measure when you’ve achieved that. Advice : Use WOOP (Wish, outcome, obstacle, plan) for your goals. How : “First, you get to dream. What’s the thing you wish for? What are you fantasizing about? (I want an awesome job.) Really crystalize it in your mind and see the outcome you desire. (I want to work as a VP at Google.) Then it’s time to face reality. What obstacle is in the way? (I don’t know how to get an interview there.) Then address it. What’s your plan? (I’m going to check LinkedIn and see if I know anyone who works there and can connect me with HR.)” Fact : Dreaming about your desires hurt your chances of ever achieving them because your grey matter feels you have already achieved them and will not muster the resources or motivation you need. Fact : Your goals must be realistic because if they are not, you will know and will not feel the motivation to work on it. Advice : Don’t overwork Fact* : “Thirty-nine percent of Americans work fifty or more hours a week and eighteen percent work sixty or more, according to a 2014 Gallup poll. What’s the added benefit of all those extra hours? Research from Stanford says close to nothing. Productivity declines so steeply after fifty-five hours that “someone who puts in seventy hours produces nothing more with those extra fifteen hours.” All they are creating is stress.” Fact : Creativity comes from being relaxed, not from being stressed or overworked Fact : People who let their minds wander are better problem solvers, and daydreaming is akin to problem solving. Advice : Take naps and sleep well. When you’re tired, don’t work: take a break. Keep in mind the 80/20 rule. Fact : Naps are scientifically proven to reduce your brain’s overactive response to negative stimuli, and also increase performance and alertness. Fact : Not sleeping makes you dumber. Even after recovering for a whole week of normal sleep, people were not 100% if they slept a few 5 hour nights. Fact : After 2 weeks of 6 hours a week people were effectively drunk. Fact : When your brain is tired, it can’t help but focus on the negative: it’s harder to stay happy if you’re tired. Advice : You need a plan Fact : Being reactive not only hurt your chances at getting what you really want, but also reduces real happiness. Fact : People often do not do what they want to do, they do what is easiest. (Ex: want to work on hobbies, but browse internet). To solve this, need a plan. Fact : The most effective method to reduce stress is by having a plan Fact : By having a plan, we feel in control. When we feel in control, we are motivated and are happier. Advice : Be happy and work hard in the morning Fact : Your morning mood impacts how you perform in the entire day. 3 [Book Summary] Barking Up The Wrong Tree u/SunnyNie Fact : You’re most productive in the first two hours of when you wake up in the morning, but not immediately when you wake up. Fun Facts : Fact : Bad emotions/parents/feedback...things are more powerful than good things. There is overwhelming evidence that bad is stronger than good across a broad range of phycological phenomena. Fact : Quitting and having grit are not mutually exclusive. Research shows that quitting unattainable goals leads to a happier, less stressed, and more healthy life. Quote* : “When you look at eminent people, the majority are smarter than average. Without an IQ of 120, very few people end up producing anything that will be groundbreaking and remembered in the history books. But the twist is that as long as you’re past the 120 mark, many studies show more IQ points have little effect. What makes the difference? Not luck. It’s all those hours. A Manhattan Project physicist IQ of 180 might be nice, but those 60 points don’t make the difference that more hours will.” Success advice Fact : People who were involved meaningful careers worked the hardest and lived the longest. Meaningful careers are (1) something important to them, and (2), something they’re good at. Fact : By dedicating all your time towards a single enterprise, your personal life and family will suffer massively. Ex: Albert Einstein, Ted Williams, Bobby Fischer, Mozart, etc Quote : “So while obsessive work may be necessary for the heights of success, it doesn’t lead to a fulfilling, balanced life.” Advice : Define your success Fact : Having the definition of your success be relative to others is dangerous, likewise making your success being the number one in a category almost impossible as others are already working 24/7. Fact : If you do not define your definition of success, the world will decide for you. Advice : Don’t evaluate the success of your life based on one barometer where every criteria is collapsed upon. Quote : “We are always getting ready to live, but never living.” Advice : Four main metrics that matter most in a successful life: • Happiness : enjoying, having feelings of pleasure in and about your life • Achievement : winning, achieving accomplishments that compare favourably with you other goals • Significance : counting (to others), having a positive impact on people you care about • Legacy : extending, establishing your values or accomplishments that help other people succeed Advice* : It’s fine to not yet find the perfect balance of these four criteria as they will change as you age. But, make sure to contribute to every category regularly. Quote : “I always worry about people who say, ‘I’m going to do this for ten years; I really don’t like it very well. And then I’ll do this .’ That’s a lot like saving sex up for your old age. Not a very good idea.” How to : define your success: Ask yourself: what’s good enough? How to : pick what you want in life: go by satisficing, not by maximizing. • Satisficing: knowing what you need and picking the first thing that satisfies those needs • Maximizing: trying all the options, weighing them, and finding the best one Reason : There’s not enough time in the world to try everything out. Fact : Satisfiers are proven to be happier than maximizers. Advice : Know your number one priority. Then cut anything unnecessary out and you will soon know what is or isn’t essential. (But make sure that all four of the main metrics are still covered) Basically essentialism Fact : Everything we do in life is a trade-off. Doing one thing means we can’t do another (you only get 24 hours a day) Fact : If mastering a skill takes 10 000 hours, working one hour a day on said skill will take 27.4 years to master. If time is freed up and four hours a day is worked, the skill can be masted in 6.8 years. Advice : Work hard—but make sure it gets noticed. How : Send an email to your boss every Friday summarizing your accomplishments for that week Fact : People surveyed usually assume that effort is the best predictor of success. It’s wrong. Managing what your boss thinks of you is more important than actual hard work. In fact, “ass kissing” works even if your boss knows you are being insincere. Fact : Number one mistake people make when trying to get ahead in the office: opting out of the social dynamics of the company. 4 [Book Summary] Barking Up The Wrong Tree u/SunnyNie Quote : “You can’t not play politics; you can only play them badly . the only place where relationships don’t matter is on a desert island far away from the rest of the world.” Advice : Spend 5% of your time trying new things out with the expectation of quitting most of them can lead to great opportunities. Do this to find your number one priority (if you don’t 100% know yours already) and to find new hobbies. How : Spend that time like how a VC firm spends money: on activities that have a small chance of success, but if successful will turn into something really, really big. Fact : “Lucky” people maximize opportunities by just trying new things. Advice : Do not be afraid to change and switch paths. Spend 5%-10% of your time in your area of focus trying out numerous little experiments so you keep learning and growing. Quote : “Fail fast and fail cheap” Fact : Youtube started as a dating site, Google as a project to organize library book searches, eBay on PEZ dispensers. Fact : Frequently changing roles (like 5+ in 15 years) in the corporate world is far more likely to get you to a leadership position. Advice : Get a hobby Fact : Trying activities outside area of expertise is correlated with big achievements. Logic : Hobbies allow people to look at problems from different perspective, challenge assumptions, and innovate new breakthroughs. Advice : Do not be afraid of failure. Fact : People are twice as likely to regret not acting compared to acting and doing poorly. Fact : Failure is one of the best ways to learn. Networking, friends, and relationships Advice : View a romantic relationship as a journey with a lot of twists and turns and challenges that eventually moves towards a destination helps take some weight out of relational conflicts. Fact : Having the mindset of finding a perfect soulmate disincentivizes working hard to sustain the relationship, which is not based in reality. Advice : To network well, be a giver. How : Just send people awesome stuff. “Hey, check out this book,” “Oh, you’ve got to see this video I just watched. Here, here’s a copy.” Fact : Fortune’s named best networker in Silicon Valley in 2011 claimed that his secret is to “Look for opportunities to do something for the other person, such as sharing knowledge or offering an introduction to someone that person might not know but would be interested in knowing. Do not be transactional about networking. Do not offer something because you want something in return. Instead, show a genuine interest in something you and the other person have in common.” Advice : Treat relationships like friendships. How to : Boost your network Quote : “In the end, it’s all about friendship” Advice : Reconnect with old friends Advice : Find “superconnector” people, friends who have many, many connections. Advice : Dedicate time and money beforehand to go on lunches and the like Advice : Join a number of social groups (more than one). If you have none, start one yourself. Advice : Check in with friends around once every two weeks to maintain relationship. Advice : Show gratitude to other people. Advice [Advanced] : Do a gratitude visit: “write a letter of gratitude to someone. Make it concrete; say what they did for you and how it affected your life. Then set a time to sit down with them, but don’t say why. When you meet, read them the letter. Here’s my little addition: make sure to bring tissues. They’re probably going to cry and so may you. And both of you will be happier for it.” Advice : An email or text is fine. Quote : “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Fact : Although we assume that people who helped us know how grateful we feel, the real magic is actually showing it to them. How to : avoid burnout: Share issues with friends and family. Fact : “Burnout” from overworking doesn’t exist, it’s basically just normal depression. Quote : “But when you’re not clicking with your role, you’re overloaded, and your duties aren’t aligned with your expectations or values, it’s not merely the stress that gets to you; you actually experience a perspective shift. You feel you can’t make progress, you disengage, and you eventually become cynical and pessimistic.” 5 [Book Summary] Barking Up The Wrong Tree u/SunnyNie Fact : Success does not lead to happiness as much as happiness leads to success. Optimism keeps people engaged and going whereas a burnout “creates a pessimistic downward spiral where it’s hard to fulfill your duties because it all seems futile” Fun facts : Fact : “Having few friends is more dangerous than obesity and is the equivalent health risk of smoking fifteen cigarettes a day.” Mentors Fact : Entrepreneurs with mentors raise seven times as much money and their business experiences three and a half times more growth. Fact : Mentors are just good teachers, spares you the need to learn from mistakes, makes learning fun by building a relationship which can also help you overcome frustration to become your best. Fact : Difference between feeling inspired by a role model compared to feeling demoralized comes down to two factors: relevance and attainability. Quote : “When you relate to someone you look up to, you get motivated. And when that person makes you feel you can do that too, bang—that produces real results.” Fact : Formal mentorship shows little benefit, whereas informally chosen mentor with personal relationship shows the largest impact. Advice : Get a mentor. Fact : K. Anders Ericsson, author of the 10 000 hours to expertise theory, claimed the only way to do it is through a mentor. Fact : Majority of experts in their field have mentors. How : 5 principles to get an amazing mentor 1. Be a worthy pupil, grasshopper Quote : “There is an old saying: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” If you’re doing everything you can to advance your career, getting a mentor won’t be too hard. Why? Because if you’re doing awesome work, people more successful than you will notice and want to help you. Talented, resourceful self-starters are rare. If people don’t notice, you’re doing something wrong. You’re either not working hard enough or not doing enough outreach.” Advice : Do not treat mentors like a walking textbook, they’re there to give you just enough information to light a fire under your butt. Advice : To make your mentors go that extra mile for you, demonstrate that you have “explored every conceivable avenue and can go no further without the mentor’s help. Seeing that you have done everything in your power shows you’re smart, you won’t waste their time, and you’re resourceful. Most mentors see themselves that way too, so the two of you now have something very important in common.” Fact : What top mentors are thinking of: “I’m the best in my field and I’m busy. Who do I want to help for free in my very limited time?” 2. Study them. No, REALLY study them Advice : Spend the time to be intimately familiar with their work. Reason : It can be quite flattering to the mentor. It gets you to figure out whether this mentor really is for you. View a mentorship as a marriage, not a one-night stand. 3. Wasting a mentor’s time is a moral sin Advice : Asking great questions are a good way to start building relationships. Advice : Start small: don’t send long paragraphs in an email to a potential mentor. Advice : “Never ask a mentor a question Google can easily answer for you.” Quote : “Asking your mentor a question is like a power up in a video game. Don’t waste them. Use them when they’ll really count.” 4. Follow up Advice : Don’t use the word “mentor.” View from the perspective of building a relationship. Quote : “Stay in the picture. You are easily forgotten by busy people, remember that. The key then is to find ways to stay relevant and fresh. Drop emails and questions at an interval that straddles the fine line between bothersome and buzzworthy. It’s easier to keep something alive than it is to revive the deceased . but it’s on you to keep the blood flowing, not the mentor.” Advice : Do what they said, get results, and let them know they made a difference. This is what mentors want. Quote : “I [did my homework] and figured [really impressive next steps] would be [fill in the blank], but I’d love your insight. Do you think [well-thought-out strategy one] or [well-thought-out strategy two] is better?” Advice : Want interactions to be conversational back- and-forths, not one offs. 5. Make them proud Fact : No mentor wants to feel they wasted their time helping you. 6 [Book Summary] Barking Up The Wrong Tree u/SunnyNie Advice : Your goal and your mentor’s goal should be the same: to make you awesome. However, have a secondary goal: to make your mentor look good. Advice : You can have multiple mentors. Fact : The average number of mentors in a study of executives was two, for female executives, it was three. Quote : “Prospective pupils should draw upon many mentors rather than just one. The same advice has been given in choice of models, and for the same reason. With many mentors on which to base their personal growth, talented youths are less likely to follow the suicidal path toward mere replication. Instead, they will be obliged to synthesize the diversity represented by their training. A synthesis of techniques or styles or ideas may be a pupil’s key to fame.” Advice [Advanced] : Mentor other people Fact : Mentoring other people is four times more predictive of happiness than money or health. Fact : Mentoring other people makes your life easier and you learn along the way. Confidence and self- compassion Quote : “Although our self-confident delusions can help us achieve, they can make it difficult for us to change.” Quote : “When we’re less sure, we’re more open to new ideas and we’re actively and passively scanning the world for new ones. When we have that confident feeling of power, we don’t pay as much attention, because we feel we don’t need to.” Quote : “Low self-confidence may turn you into a pessimist, but when pessimism teams-up with ambition it often produces outstanding performance. To be the very best at anything, you will need to be your harshest critic, and that is almost impossible when your starting point is high self-confidence.” Fact : Humility in leadership pays off. Quote : “This ties in with what we learned about optimism and grit. Positive beliefs keep you going but they are, to a degree, illusions. It was depressed people who saw the world more accurately. Research shows that pessimistic entrepreneurs are more successful, optimistic gamblers lose more money, and the best lawyers are pessimists. We need optimism and confidence to keep going and convince others to join our cause, but negativity and pessimism help us see problems so we can make them better. Yes, the former feel much better, but both are necessary.” Quote : “Overconfidence makes you feel good, gives you grit, and impresses others—but can also make you an arrogant jerk who alienates people, doesn’t improve, and possibly loses everything because of denial. Being less confident gives you the drive and tools to become an expert and makes other people like you . but it doesn’t feel so good and can send a lousy signal to others about your competence.” Advice : Don’t be a faker Fact : Faking it can be a bad strategy because you not only fool others, you end up fooling yourself. Quote : “Faking it is too hard and the price of failure is too high. The short-term benefits of impressing others aren’t worth being labeled untrustworthy and moving to Moldova. Even if you’re successful in tricking others, this all too often leads to tricking yourself, which is the most dangerous scenario of all.” Advice : Focus on self-compassion rather than confidence or self-esteem How : You stop lying to yourself that you’re so awesome, but rather focus on forgiving when you’re not. Fact : Having self-compassion has all the benefits of self-esteem and confidence (like making you happier), but without the drawbacks (like turning you into a jerk). Fact : Self-compassion does not lead to delusion, unlike self-esteem. Quote : “In fact, one study, “Self-Compassion and Reactions to Unpleasant Self-Relevant Events: The Implications of Treating Oneself Kindly,” showed that people high in the trait had increased clarity. They saw themselves and the world more accurately but didn’t judge themselves as harshly when they failed. Meanwhile, people focused on self-esteem often feel the need to delude themselves or to dismiss negative —but useful—feedback in order to still feel good about themselves. They cling to their self-validating theories instead of seeing the real world. This leads to hubris and narcissism. When you check the numbers, there is a solid correlation between self-esteem and narcissism, while the connection between self- compassion and narcissism is pretty much zero.” Quote : “Research suggests that self-compassion is strongly related to psychological wellbeing, including increased happiness, optimism, personal initiative, and connectedness, as well as decreased anxiety, depression, neurotic perfectionism, and rumination.” Logic (Quote) : “So why does compassion succeed where self-esteem fails? Because self-esteem is 7 [Book Summary] Barking Up The Wrong Tree u/SunnyNie always either delusional or contingent, neither of which lead to good things. To always feel like you’re awesome you need to either divorce yourself from reality or be on a treadmill of constantly proving your value. At some point you won’t measure up, which then craters your self-esteem. Not to mention relentlessly proving yourself is exhausting and unsettling. ” Fact : People with self-compassion have less fear, beat themselves up less, procrastinate less, and have more grit. How to : develop self-compassion • Talk to yourself : Instead of building yourself up with motivational stuff, talk to yourself nicely and gently and don’t beat yourself up when things don’t go your way. • Accept your humanity : You are fallible. Don’t try to be perfect, no one can. Trying to become perfect is what leads to negative emotions. • Recognize your failures and frustrations : Don’t view your failures/frustrations as either non-existent or the end of the world. Don’t rationalize or engage in melodrama. Fact : “Studies show that taking the time to jot down nice thoughts to yourself, how you’re a fallible human and how you can see problems without turning them into emotional disasters, made people feel better and increased self-compassion.” Advice : Can also engage in mediation. Framework for getting started: Track your time : • Physically write down where each hour goes towards for a week. • Note which hours were spent on the main four (Happiness, achievement, significance, legacy) and which ones were none of them. • Look for hot spots in your where you waste the most time/overdo one of the big four at the expense of the other. Change your routines in these areas as it is more effective than just saying “work less” • See when you are making the most progress, at what time and what location, and try to make them more consistent. • You can to balance the big four in any way you want, but you must have all of them. • Take the time to plan out how many hours you want to spend in each of them a week. Do this now. You can change this later. Talk to your boss : • Talk to your boss and ask for a clear idea of your role. • Knowing what you are expected to perform reduces strain when work demands are high and facilitate decision processes. To-do lists are evil, schedule everything : • Get rid of unnecessary activities • Schedule everything : Don’t use a to-do list, schedule it into your calendar. Make sure to schedule work blocks and other personal matters related to the main four criteria. Highly recommended to also schedule in free time. • Use protected time : Dedicate at least one hour in the morning where you do uninterrupted work only. • Batch busy work : For tasks you do throughout the day (replying to emails), batch them at specific times (do emails three times a day). • Learn to say no . Quote: “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.” Control your context : • Your environment influences you to a great degree • Twenty second rule: “Make the things you should do twenty seconds easier to start and make the things you shouldn’t be doing twenty seconds harder. Sounds tiny but it makes a big difference. By rearranging your workspace so temptations aren’t visible, you can trick yourself into making better choices. ” • Quote: “So close that web browser. Charge your phone on the other side of the room.” End the day right, and on time : • How you end your day is important • Plan out tomorrow today by writing it down. • Writing your plans for tomorrow stops your brain from obsessing over the stuff when you’re supposed to be resting Advice : “As you see what works and what doesn’t, tweak your plan. Which of the big four (Happiness, Achievement, Significance, Legacy) isn’t getting enough hours? Adjust until you’re closer to the balance you want. ” 8