Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) GUFOVA - Growing Up Free of Violence and Abuse - working to build resilience and strengthen children who have lived with domestic violence Patricia Bell, Ravi K. Thiara and Christine Harrison Introduction Prevalence of domestic violence 1 and impact on children The impetus for the GUFOVA Project, funded by the European Union under the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme between February 2019 to January 2021 2, arose from the fact that domestic violence is a problem for a significant number of women, and many will have children living with them at the time. German statistics estimate that almost 25% of women experience domestic violence and half have children living with them at the time 3, whilst British studies indicate that 29.5% of all children are exposed to domestic violence before the age of 18 4. Austria and Denmark report about one third of all women experiencing domestic violence and the figure for Bosnia and Herzegovina was higher at 38% 5. That a significant proportion of children will suffer the impact of living with domestic violence is clear from research, which has established that many women report domestic violence starting or escalating around the birth of their first child 6. Pre-school children are, therefore, overrepresented in households where domestic violence is a problem 7 and, consequently, women with dependent children are found to be three times more likely to be victims of domestic violence than women without dependent children 8. The impact on children of living with domestic violence is estimated to cost up to 0.5% GDP (see Method of Calculating Costs by Dr. Karin Schönpflug on the GUFOVA website www.gufova.eu). Children suffer long term consequences as a result of living with domestic violence 9. The impact will depend on their specific situations/contexts, the frequency and severity of violence and a range of resiliency factors which can ameliorate the long-term consequences. Nevertheless, it is known that children living with domestic violence are at increased risk of being physically, emotionally and sexually abused 10. Violence and abuse do not always end with the separation of the parents 11 and can include stalking, violence and abuse against women when children are handed over for contact visits and violence against children during contact 12. Considerable research has highlighted the continuing impact of abusive ex-partners on the lives of children and their mothers for many years after separation, including ongoing coercive control of children from non-custodial parents 13. Therefore, although parental separation may have put an end to violent assaults in the home, children are forced to live for many years with “abusive masculinity and constrained femininity” 14 as an ongoing reality in their lives, where the ‘’Absent Presence’’ of the abuser continues to cast a shadow 15. The consequences of post-separation contact can be severe and, for some children, even fatal 16. Children experience violence and abuse pre- and post-separation and there is also a correlation between intimate partner violence in the household and sexual violation of children 17. Estimates of prevalence are hard to assess, but a meta-analysis of English language sources found minimum estimates of 15-20% for girls and 7-8% for boys 18, which was similar to findings in Germany 19. 1 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Contrary to the popular view, and like the experiences of adult women, sexual violence against children occurs most often in a domestic setting 20. Many of the difficulties children face in talking about their experiences are also similar to the difficulties faced by adult victims of intimate partner violence and research suggests that most children do not disclose until they are adults 21. Support for women and children For the first time in the 1970s, women and their children were offered life-saving support through women’s shelters. The first women’s shelter was opened in Chiswick, London, in 1971 and offered emergency accommodation to women and children fleeing violence in their own homes. The initiative rapidly spread throughout Europe. By 1976, there were already more than 100 women’s shelters operating in the UK and three were opened in Germany, in Berlin, Cologne and Frankfurt and the first women’s shelter opened in Vienna in 1978 and in Denmark in 1979. Since the women’s shelter movement was a product of second wave feminism, these shelters were organised along non-hierarchical lines of self-help and supportive sisterhood. A 1975 recommendation of the UK Parliamentary Select Committee on Violence in Marriage 22 for one family place per 10,000 of population was rejected by the UK Government on the basis that the shelter movement was so new it was dealing with pent up demand which would not be sustained 23. A current network of 1,914 shelters throughout Europe 24 bears witness to the consistency of demand and the minimum recommendation of one family place for every 10,000 population, now enshrined in the Istanbul Convention 25, continues to be well justified. The goal, then as now, is the eradication of male violence against women, but no one envisaged that 50 years later shelters would still be struggling to cope with demand for accommodation and support from women and children fleeing violence in their own homes. Ratification of the Istanbul Convention, which commits countries to the terms of the treaty, was completed in Austria, Bosnia and Herzegovina and Denmark in 2014 and in Germany in 2018. At the time of writing, early in 2021, the United Kingdom had signed, but not ratified, the treaty and Turkey withdrew altogether. The success of the women’s shelter movement, as a model for tackling domestic violence, was undoubtedly due to the fervour of feminist political grassroots organising. This had a widespread social impact, including on training for a wide range of professionals, such as social workers and police officers. Legal change has also been achieved, for example, outlawing rape in marriage and new legal protection measures to exclude abusive men from family homes to ensure greater safety for women and children. From the 1990s, the problem has received greater mainstream recognition as well as additional services, such as perpetrator programmes. Moreover, the impact of domestic violence on children, previously regarded as ‘hidden victims’, has been widely recognised by statutory services. Arguably, this has also resulted in a de-politicisation of the issue and a displacement of attention on women. Children may now be recognised as victims of domestic violence, but affording them protection against perpetrators who use the argument of ‘shared parenting’ to continue control and abuse, has yet to be achieved. The EU funded CEINAV (Cultural Encounters in Interventions Against Violence) project which investigated intervention cultures throughout Europe has identified a move to standardise procedures in tackling gendered violence which reduce the opportunities for victims-survivors to participate in decision-making. This poses a danger if recognition of the impact of domestic violence on children is reduced simply to a child protection issue, where interventions ‘for their own good’ can themselves become a form of 2 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) coercive control 26. This is particularly the case when interventions exclusively target women as ‘failing mothers’ and perpetrators are seldom challenged and hardly ever prosecuted 27. Such challenges have led some to argue that a reconnection to feminist politics is necessary to effectively ensure the long-term welfare of both women and their children. Historically, women’s shelters have consistently campaigned for recognition of children as victims of domestic violence 28. Studies have detailed the expertise children’s workers in women’s shelters and similar specialist domestic violence services have developed in building children’s resilience, coping mechanisms and self-confidence 29. Through groupwork, individual counselling and a range of recreational activities with other children, their horizons are expanded enabling them to learn alternatives to the use of aggressive behaviour, to make sense of their experiences and to change how they see themselves and to succeed in education and careers. Women’s shelters have also developed skills in breaking taboos about domestic violence, helping children to heal from violence and abuse (including sexual abuse), aiding disclosure and repairing damaged child-mother relationships 30. Despite their wealth of knowledge and skills, the provision of children’s work in women’s shelters is very patchy, primarily a result of inadequate funding for such work. In Germany, some women’s shelters have well-established teams of staff dedicated to working with children and well-resourced indoor and outdoor recreation areas. In other places, shelters rely on donations to provide necessary play materials and volunteers to take children on outings 31. Children’s work is not seen as a core activity and the budget is often the first to be cut when resources are tight. Yet, supporting children is an invaluable support to their mothers. Furthermore, the implications of not investing in children’s services, such as low educational attainment, reduced employment prospects and lifelong psychological difficulties, are a tremendous cost to society. Women’s shelters are in a unique position to support children and their mothers. During the family’s stay in a shelter, children’s (and other) workers are present and thus able to interact with children frequently and informally, which enables them to rapidly build a trusting relationship. This may be the first time a child has encountered an adult who talks openly about violence, condemns it and invites the child to share their feelings. This can be life changing. However, shelters by their very nature, offer temporary accommodation and most children have no access to the support they offer in the longer term. Instead, their continued wellbeing relies on other professionals with whom they come into contact, and the professionals’ ability to provide high quality support to children. Undoubtedly, there is a need for ongoing support to children following their stay in a shelter and for the very many children who never enter a women’s shelter for a whole variety of reasons. Thus, the main aim of this project is to draw on the expertise of women’s shelters to develop and implement training for a wide range of professionals on how to work effectively to build resilience and strengthen children who have lived with domestic violence. Restrictions on shelter support The women’s shelter movement has demonstrated that domestic violence is a widespread and serious social problem with long term consequences for women and children which require adequately resourced interventions that focus on building confidence and self-esteem of victim- 3 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) survivors. The fact that the problem of domestic violence has not been solved in the last 50 years is not an argument to give up, rather to step up support. That women’s shelters are still full and turning away women and children in need is not a sign of failure, but a success that routes to safety exist. Much progress has been made in attracting marginalised groups, such as women who face multiple disadvantage and those from diverse migrant groups. In some countries, such as the UK, there is a history of autonomous organisation by Black and minoritised women against violence against women and children since the late 1970s. Legal changes, such as being able to exclude violent men from the family home and the expansion of advice and counselling services linked to shelters, enable many women to separate from a violent partner without recourse to accommodation in a shelter. These changes have impacted on the profile of shelter residents and it is the experience of shelter workers that they seldom support women whose only problem is domestic violence 32. Following legal, policy and service developments, women have a greater number of options available to them when deciding which course of action when confronted with domestic violence. They can legally exclude their partners from the family home, and some are able to buy or rent accommodation. They can access advice and counselling centres, run by women’s shelters or co- operating closely with women’s shelters, or even quite independent services. Many more women are in the workforce than in the 1970’s, when the first women’s shelters opened. State provision of childcare is improving in some contexts, albeit not at a pace to keep up with demand. Consequently, more women earn money and are in a position to access legal advice and support they need, however, financial abuse and control is a feature of domestic violence and many women will not have access to independent resources, even if they have continued to earn during the relationship. Women who do move into women’s shelters are not a cross section of society, but rather reflect the impact of wider societal discrimination. Thus, women entering shelters may be fleeing from a violent partner, whilst at the same time dealing with extreme poverty, high debt levels, lack of family or community support, unfamiliarity with local institutions and administrative structures and a poor grasp of the local language. These women can be helped and supported in shelters and there is still a need for securing and extending shelter provision. Many women are helped, but there is a larger group of women who are not served by existing provision. Black and minoritised women, because of their intersectional location in society, encounter multiple barriers in seeking to end violence in their lives. They stay longer in abusive relationships due to racism, unfamiliarity and knowledge of mainstream systems and a lack of adequate dedicated provision for them and their children. It is widely acknowledged that specialised services run by Black and minoritised women for Black and minoritised women are in short supply. The EU funded SNaP project identified specific groups of women who are not adequately served by existing shelter provision in Europe. These include women who are subject to mechanisms of exclusion and denigration which result in a socially produced disability because of physical, cognitive and mental challenges; migrant and refugee women with insecure immigration status; and those with mental ill- health. In addition, women in rural areas and women with many children are also poorly served by existing shelter provision 33. In some contexts, it is argued that there is a need for more local shelters, rather than clusters of shelters in cities. 4 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Many shelters are very effective at networking and need more resources to be able to do this, for example, so that they have time to attend the Family Court and give evidence on behalf of children or attend multi-agency case conferences. Their insight and expertise are needed in coalition building to campaign and lobby for children’s human rights in relation to domestic violence and its aftermath. Note on terminology Throughout this manual, women and children will be described as victims and victim-survivors of domestic violence and men and fathers as perpetrators. This is done for ease of reading, as male violence towards female partners is the most prevalent form of domestic violence. It is not intended to ignore or deny that, in some cases, women may be perpetrators and men victims of domestic violence and that domestic violence can also take place in same sex relationships. Domestic violence describes the location of violence, in the home, which means that it is pervasive and there is no respite from the constant threat of physical, verbal, emotional and sexual assaults. Actual assaults may be frequent and severe, or seldom and result in no lasting injury, however living with the perpetrator means there is a constant danger and no safe haven. The impact on women and their children becomes all-encompassing and inhibits ‘their freedom to be and think without reference to the potential for abuse’ 34. The term, intimate partner violence is sometimes used, which describes the relationship between victim and perpetrator. The term coercive control, which entered UK law in 2015 and Danish law in 2020, is not employed extensively as this term is not current in German language debates. Nevertheless, it is recognised that physical violence may not be necessary to control women and children and coerce them into complying with a perpetrator’s expectations. It is also acknowledged that coercive control constitutes most situations of domestic violence and the term is used on occasion in this manual to emphasise this point. The use of the term “sexual abuse of children” has been called into question as it could imply that there is a legitimate “sexual use” of children. Alternative terminology has been employed, such as, “sexual violation of children” and “sexualised violence against children”. However, as the term sexual abuse of children is so widespread, the term is also used in this manual as many people are familiar with it and understand what is meant. This manual positions children as subjects, individuals with rights including the right to live free of violence and abuse. Too often children are treated as objects that belong to their parents, this is regrettably clear in some child contact and living arrangement disputes following parental separation. This manual takes the child’s perspective, for example, a child’s right to contact to both parents unless this might cause them harm. During the project, Austria and Germany have included children’s rights in their constitution. It is too early to say what impact this may have on professional practice in working with children. One obvious benefit is to simplify some child protection procedures by having children’s rights clearly stated in one piece of legislation, rather than in a myriad of national and local legislation on education, social welfare, and housing. Throughout the manual, Practical Examples of professional practice from participating organisations are highlighted. For example, the practice of Lübeck Women’s Shelter in Germany which makes a point of introducing children to democratic structures which protect their rights. Thus, children visit the police, child protection departments and the town hall to make the professionals and children visible to each other and especially the professional who make decisions about their welfare. Children are thus informed that they have rights, are encouraged to find their voice and given an indication of how it can be effectively used to defend those rights. 5 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Participating Organisations ZÖF, Association of Austrian Women’s Shelters, Austria KJA, Children and Adolescent Advocacy Vienna, Austria City of Vienna, Child and Family Support, Austria City of Vienna, Child and Youth Support, Professional Development and Quality Assurance Udružene žene , Foundation United Women Banja Luka, Bosnia and Herzegovina LOKK, National Organisation of Women’s Shelters in Denmark Holstebro Women’s Shelter, Denmark Danish Ministry for Children, Denmark Angelou Centre, Newcastle upon Tyne, England Panahghar, Coventry, England Cheshire without Abuse, England City of Lübeck, Department of Child and Family Support, Germany Lübeck Women’s Shelter, Germany City of Hannover, Department for Women and Equality, Germany Hannover Women’s Shelter, Germany KIS, Co-ordination and Intervention against domestic violence and stalking, Leipzig, Germany City Leipzig, Office for Children, Families and Education, Germany All participants and partners were involved in contributing to the international meetings, commenting on the training manual and developing policy recommendations for participating countries. The manual is also translated into Danish, German and Serbian and all versions are available online. Karin Schönpflug from the Institute of Advanced Studies, Vienna produced an assessment of the costs of children growing up with violence. From this a lobbying tool for children’s work has been developed and is available on the GUFOVA website. Training Manual Professionals working with children may not realize that they are specialists in dealing with domestic violence. An analysis of their workload, with a specific focus on domestic violence, shows that almost 80% 35 of all child protection assessments in the UK involve children who live with domestic violence. Whether or not this is explicitly acknowledged, in order to provide an effective service, professionals concerned with child protection need to build their confidence and skills in dealing with children affected by domestic violence as part of also supporting women’s parenting. To do this they need to: • Acknowledge that domestic violence constitutes a major cause of harm to children. • Increase their knowledge and awareness of the needs of children and young people who have been affected by domestic violence. • Relate this to crisis intervention, direct work, and longer-term help and support in an inter-agency context. • Apply learning to consider improvements to service and agency responses to children and women. 6 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) • Consider how the relationships between children and their mothers can be promoted to support children’s needs. • Understand the complex safety needs of children (and women) when contact with fathers is being considered, facilitated, or court ordered. • Raise awareness of diversity amongst children and women affected by domestic violence and abuse and of the impact of intersecting aspects of oppression. • Think in terms of a developmental trajectory of children (from before birth). • Consider the impact on women in relation to the impact on children and vice versa. • Acknowledge that mothering can be a target for domestic violence and abuse. • Recognise the extent and impact of post-separation violence, which can sometimes be fatal. • Recognise that ongoing consequences, such as post-traumatic stress disorder, can be compounded by other forms of oppression. Structure of the training manual The manual has been divided into three major sections looking at: • What children living with domestic violence experience and what they need. • The impact of living with violence on the child’s relationship to the mother. • The impact of living with violence on the child’s relationship to the father. Divorce or separation may end a woman’s relationship with a violent partner, but her children may have continuing contact with their father, and this can have a significant impact on her and her child’s life for many years. Therefore, a section on post-separation issues for children (and their mothers) is included to highlight the long-term impact abusive men can have on women and children many years after separation and divorce. Surviving domestic violence is more than ending physical assault. Surviving means not only being able to name the violence and abuse, but also being believed and becoming safe. It is also more than having access to social and criminal justice mechanisms and primary preventive anti-violence measures, such as perpetrator programmes. It requires ongoing access to practical and therapeutic help for women and children through a range of interlocking services and interventions. This enables women and children to develop ‘space for action’ 36 in their lives. Each of the following 12 training modules is designed as a whole day event to allow networking. The decision to present the modules as whole day events was made as a result of piloting and evaluating the training modules in Austria, England and Germany. The pilot trainings clearly demonstrated that giving professionals time to discuss the issues was of enormous benefit. Their own anxieties, insecurities and concerns can be considered without pressure to make a timely life-changing decision on safeguarding a child’s welfare. This opportunity enables them to feel more skilled and confident in being able to deal with complex and serious problems. Furthermore, there is great value in enabling frontline professionals to exchange with local colleagues from different agencies in an informal way and the delivery of the modules/sub-modules should allow for refreshment breaks and space for participants to mingle and chat. Local informal networks can be a source of support in a child welfare crisis and increase professional competence in finding solutions by improving 7 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) interagency cooperation. Protocols for cooperation may exist on an organisational level, but rely on channels of communication between frontline staff. These staff need to develop an understanding of the roles, responsibilities, priorities and pressures of other agencies. Generous break time was rated as highly valuable by participants fortunate enough to attend live training sessions. If, however, training must be delivered in a shorter time, each module can divide into two, comprising Introduction & Groupwork 1 and a second module of Groupwork 2 and Final Groupwork. Alternatively, the content of Groupwork 1 can be delivered by the facilitator in a longer introductory session. Allowing time for informal networking and discussions is invaluable in developing a robust local support system for women and children and full day trainings are strongly recommended. The aim is to bring professionals together locally to network and these training modules are designed to be delivered to interagency local groups of frontline professionals who come into contact with children, such as: social workers; schoolteachers; pre-school teachers; child minders, health care staff; police officers; family court officials; youth workers; child and family counsellors and similar professionals. The training is also useful to support staff and those working informally with children, such as in sports clubs. A child does not choose an adult to approach about their problems based on their professional qualification. For example, a child may confide in the dinner lady at school or a volunteer who supervises a junior football team. These people, too, should be able to give an appropriate response and immediate reassurance before passing the concern on to someone in a position to deal with the issue. The trainings are specifically designed to accommodate the needs of professionals with a lot of experience of dealing with the problem and those with less experience or none. Each of the modules follows the same format. To encourage interaction, participants will be divided into small groups and care should be taken to promote interagency networking in creating the groups. As far as possible, each group should have a mixture of different professionals from different organisations and with different levels of experience, that is newly qualified and those with many years of service. The best support for any child experiencing any form of maltreatment or difficulty is an effective local network of relevant professionals with an understanding of their issues. Professionals need opportunities to network to develop the ability to understand how other agencies work, how they view the problem and what their priorities are. Once this is achieved, this understanding can be used to effectively negotiate the local support structure. A shared conceptualisation of the problem as a baseline for further action is the goal. Institutional barriers to joint working can be slowly overcome as experience is gained ensuring a better service delivery for women and children. The concept of the Childhood House, originally developed in Scandinavia, and already adopted in some German cities, is one model for improving multi-agency cooperation. In cases of suspected child abuse, the child is taken to a place where they can be medically examined and interviewed by police and child protection services. This all takes place in one building designed to be as child friendly as possible. It is staffed by professionals from a variety of institutions who have been specially trained to interview children, and the interviews are recorded. The professionals then share information among themselves, thus obviating the need for children to go from agency to agency repeating their evidence. One improvement to this model suggested in meetings, would be for children to receive ongoing support in the same setting. Currently, these Childhood Houses are used by professionals investigating child abuse. Once the legal requirements are complete, ongoing support for the child, such as any counselling or therapy must be separately arranged. The provision 8 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) of such ongoing support varies greatly from place to place and, in general, there is a lack of ongoing therapeutic support available to children. These services need to be developed further. Multi-agency Training Materials The training materials are intended to be delivered by staff from specialised domestic violence services, who can draw on their practical experience of working with women and children who have lived (or are living) with violence in their homes. This level of insight and skill is required, not only to enable them to add new insights and developments into the training materials of relevance to a group of local professionals, but also to have the breadth and depth of context to adequately deal with challenges. For example, there is an increasing trend to medicalise the impact of domestic violence. This can lead to an individualisation of the problem, rather than recognising the context of domestic violence as anchored in structural gender inequality. Similarly, viewing domestic violence as a generationally transmitted public health issue, fails to acknowledge how other forms of societal discrimination, based on race, class, gender and disability (alone and intersectionally) reduce an individual’s options to achieve change 37. It is much easier to express frustration at individual failure to take advantage of advice and opportunities for change, rather than direct frustration at the causes of limited access to resources, which appear unchangeable. The structure of the sessions The following diagram sets out the structure of the training. Between each of the activity blocks there should be generous breaks with refreshments to encourage participants to informally mix and network. 9 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Introduction Aim: Which organisations are represented Final Groupwork Aim: To create a Groupwork 1 Aim: Establish visual summary of what they have existing knowledge level & allow learned and steps they can take to less knowledgeable to catch up overcome obstacles and hurdles Feedback & finding solutions to obstacles and hurdles. Identify Feedback & Handouts distributed. changes required in working These can be added to and practice and procedures, at adapted to local circumstances. organisational or legislative level. Groupwork 2 Aim: Applying knowledge. Goal is NOT to solve the prohblem BUT identify expected obstacles and hurdles 10 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) The handouts designed to be distributed at the end of the first group work session can be amended by the facilitator before the training to take account of local conditions, new experiences and developments. The handouts are not exhaustive and are intended to supplement existing knowledge and give practitioners new aspects and ideas to consider. The participants should add to these and take them with them at the end of the training. There is a collated set of references at the end of the manual. This should be copied and handed out by facilitators with Module handouts. Facilitators should include a reference to the GUFOVA website and the EU logo on all handouts. After the final groupwork, the posters are put up and everyone reads each group’s poster. An alternative to a poster could be a pinboard with differently shaped cards or a flow chart etc. Again, depending on the topic being discussed, it is left to the discretion of the facilitator to decide which format to employ. It is, however, important to have a visual summary of what has been learnt. The final stage is the facilitator pulling together the content of the day. To what extent has it been possible for the professionals involved to identify changes they can make in their work practice to improve service delivery to children? To what extent has it been possible to identify changes that need to be made to enable professionals to optimise their service delivery for children? These changes can be fought for within organisations, local authorities, with local politicians and nationally, if legal changes are required. Children are our future, and they are worth fighting for. The didactic method 38 is designed to be interactive and stimulate local groups of professionals to find solutions together to challenging child protection cases. The instructions for facilitators are a general guide. Depending on who attends the trainings the instructions, particularly for the second round of groupwork in each module, may need to be adapted as not all suggested questions to be considered may be relevant. Within each of the three categories, child, mother, father there are four modules, each of which addresses a specific situation. It is intended that each module represents a one-day training as follows: Module 1: In crisis intervention Module 2: In suspected domestic violence What do children need? Module 3: Following parental separation Module 4: If sexualised violence is suspected Module 5: Impact of intimate partner violence on a woman’s parenting Child-Mother relationship Module 6: Child-mother relationship following domestic violence Module 7: Whole family responses to domestic violence: developing a critical framework Module 8: Working with mothers and children together Module 9: Shared parenting after relationship breakdown due to domestic violence 11 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Child-Father relationship Module 10: Working with fathers Module 11: Child-Father contact following parental separation Module 12: Supporting children in contested child contact cases 12 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Module 1: What do children who have lived, or continue to live, with domestic violence need in crisis intervention? Introduction The facilitator should welcome the group to the training session and allow everyone to state their name, the name of their organisation and their role within the organisation. Following this, the facilitator should give a very brief introduction to the topic. This is intended to last no more than 10 minutes and should refer to the following points: • Children who live with domestic violence are at increased risk of directly experiencing physical, sexual and emotional abuse themselves. • Witnessing verbal, physical and sexual violence directed at their mother, including coercive control, is child abuse. • Children suffer long term harm from living with domestic violence and require support in their own right as victims of domestic violence. • Children are at risk of continuing serious harm following separation and divorce of their parents. Getting started Following the introduction, participants should be divided into groups of four or five people. It is important that the groups are a good mix of people in terms of their professional role and place of work. As the training is directed at professionals who work with children, it is expected that they will all have some experience of working with children who have lived, or are living, with domestic violence. The aim of this first groupwork session is to find out what the participants already know about the topic. Each group is given the same situation to discuss. They have time to talk about their understanding of and experience with the situation. At the same time, they are getting to know each other, and the different roles, responsibilities and priorities of the various agencies involved in child protection. They are also creating the context for the second step of new information being introduced. Groupwork 1 - Situation to be discussed. They are called to intervene in a crisis, violence has occurred, and all involved adults are highly emotional and stressed. In this situation, what do children need? The situation presented is deliberately vague and participants can consider how they would deal with various possibilities, e.g. the mother requires immediate hospitalisation; the children are all pre- school age etc. The group task is to come to some common understanding of the situation they have been given and possibly some expectations that they have of the training in dealing with this. Throughout all the exercises, the facilitator should ensure that participants are taking intersectionality into account and addressing the needs of Black and minoritised women, children of 13 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) mixed heritage, as well as women and children living with physical and mental health problems. The specific needs of each individual family will be determined by how these, and other factors, impact on their ability to access resources and support. The facilitator’s role is to go around the groups, listen in, add information, if necessary, guide the discussion or bring ideas together. After a certain time (everyone should have had enough time to contribute) each group presents a summary of their discussion to the others. These presentations allow the facilitator to find out who knows what. It is less boring for those who have a lot of experience or knowledge of the training content already because they can contribute more to the discussion and those for whom the information is new can learn through the discussion so that everyone has more or less the same starting point. During the presentations, the facilitator may want to refer to the following points. This page can be copied (added to, amended) and distributed. Following feedback and discussion allow the group a generous break, in which participants can follow up points in informal discussion. 14 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Handout M1:1 They are called to intervene in a crisis, violence has occurred, and all involved adults are highly emotional and stressed. In this situation, what do children need? Children need Information. • Children need to know abuse is not normal and it is not their fault (even if something they did triggered the outburst). • Children need to know where they can go for help and who can they call on in a crisis. • Children need to know about their rights and what to expect (for example, if the police are called to their home). • In crisis situations, children should be supported to understand that things will be changing and prepared for possible major life transitions. • If children are removed from their home (with or without their mother), do children know where they are and why? Does the shelter/children’s home have child appropriate literature? • Do children have information on what resources are available to them (telephone help lines for children, literature or similar materials, support agencies)? Children need Intervention. • Children need safety planning in their own right. Will they be safe at school and on the way to and from school etc? • Attention should not only be paid to the child whose behaviour is cause for concern, children who over-conform may also need support. • Children need assistance in conflict management as they may feel torn between loyalty to both parents and other relatives, including brothers and sisters. • The first goal must be safety and protection, and this can be best achieved by activating resources, helping children to identify people and places that are safe and supportive. • Taboos about keeping family problems private or getting adults into trouble may need to be dealt with to enable children to express their fears and anxieties. • Giving children a language to express their feelings and needs is preventative work. • Wherever possible, children should be supported in their first language, including if this is non-verbal or through signing. • Children with disabilities have the same rights and needs as other children, although a worker may need different skills in communication and direct work. • All children in this situation have the same rights and common needs, but how these are communicated and met will differ according to the age of the child and their specific environment. 15 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Regroup so that now each group has new members who were not together earlier. Each group has the same information given to them and has the same task. There are three texts (M1:2, M1:3, M1:4) to be read by group members, to save time divide the texts among the members of each group, so that each person only has one text to read. The texts cover these three themes: • How to work with a children’s rights perspective • Preventative work – some examples • How to build resilience in children The group task is NOT TO FIND SOLUTIONS but rather IDENTIFY OBSTACLES AND DIFFICULTIES. Groupwork 2 – Situation to be considered Going back to the crisis intervention discussed earlier, consider to what extent they can work with a children’s rights perspective, do preventative work and develop children’s resilience in their response. The information given to them is by no means exhaustive and is intended to stimulate new ideas on ways of working. What changes may be required: • In how they work. • In how their organisation works. • At an institutional level. • At a legislative level. • Could procedures be simplified? • Are there resource implications? • What would really help achieve a positive outcome? Each group shares the results of their discussion. As each group has the same information to deal with, the facilitator needs to gather the main questions and problems from all the groups. Throughout this feedback discussion, everyone can contribute to answering the questions and finding solutions to the problems, guided by the facilitator. Following this session, there is a refreshment break to allow for informal conversations and networking. 16 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Handout M1:2 Children’s rights perspective • Children have a right to a violence free life and have a right to have continuing contact with both of their parents unless this is harmful for them. • Even small children can express their opinion on whether or not they want contact with each of their parents and to what extent. A child should be listened to and have the right to change their mind over time. • Children need a sense of belonging, but are not the property of their parents, they are people with their own rights. • Children need to be given a voice and must be heard. No one should speak for them. • Professionals who work with children, and have established democratic structures for listening to children, can represent their interests and must be recognised as experts. • A children’s rights perspective means that those workers who work most closely with children are at the top of the hierarchy in representing children’s interests. • In the interests of child protection, it is useful to have local networks of all professionals who come into contact with children, e.g., educational institutions (school and pre- school), police, social work, court officials, health care workers and workers from specialised agencies such as women’s shelters and children’s counselling services. • Such networks strengthen inter-agency working and build professional relationships. This enables different agencies to coordinate well in cases of suspected or actual child abuse and avoids putting children through the ordeal of having to continually repeat distressing details. • Professionals working with children are doing the important job of shaping our society in future. This work needs to be valued and there must be increased investment to increase capacity. • Professionals who have responsibility for representing children should reconnect to their politics. Children’s rights are human rights and are our future. 17 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Handout M1:3 Preventative work – some examples Schools • Need to teach children what is a healthy and an abusive relationship. • Need to teach children about their right to a life free of violence. • This should be done by regular teachers to highlight that the school is a safe place for children and staff know how to respond appropriately to children when they need help. • Children need to know who they can turn to, in their school and in their communities, to talk about their experiences of violence. • Older children can be trained as peer counsellors/supporters for children, this breaks down barriers for children seeking help. Child Protection Services • Could offer groups for mothers and children to break down barriers to asking for help. • Safety assessments for children who have lived, or are living, with domestic violence need be done as a matter of course. • For example, do teachers know who can collect children from school and who cannot; are children safe on their way to and from school? Can they identify safe spaces/safe people in all locations they frequent? • Recognising and validating a mother’s attempts to protect her child is a good starting point for strengthening child protection. Women are not to blame for male violence, and many have struggled to do their best for their family under difficult circumstances. Multi-agency cooperation • Professionals need standardised practice protocols to avoid patchy interventions and these need to harmonise with other agencies, for example, there need to be standardised protocols for sharing information between agencies (police, courts, child welfare, women’s shelters etc.). The issue of confidentiality needs to be resolved in a way that promotes children’s rights and child welfare (for example, can the police request to see medical records?). • Conflicts in working procedures of different agencies involved in cases of child abuse need to be resolved in the interests of child welfare. Communication and transparency are essential and projects such as Childhood Houses (see practical examples) can help resolve these issues. • Do all agencies involved in child welfare interpret laws and regulations in the same way? Does this vary from one locality to another? For example, do all agencies define witnessing domestic violence as child abuse? These issues need to be clarified and tackled to ensure an even implementation of the law. 18 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Handout M1:4 Building resilience in children • Resilience is the ability to adapt to misfortune or unwanted change and any agencies interacting with children living with domestic violence can contribute to building a child’s resilience. • Living with domestic violence (that is, intimate partner violence between their parents or parental figures) makes children more vulnerable to experiencing physical, emotional, financial and sexual violence and abuse themselves. • It is important to recognise that, in the majority of cases, a child’s relationship with their mother is a primary resilience factor. • Even positive interventions, such as their mother leaving an abusive partner, can be disruptive in terms of where they live, where they go to school, the local friendship network. • Depending on their circumstances, they may face additional barriers to their development because they come from a minority ethnic community or face discrimination due to their own, or a parent’s, physical or mental disability. • Resilience is built on external and internal protective factors and resources. • External factors: o Children need access to a stimulating learning environment, not just at school but in their free time. They need the opportunity to make friends with other children (this may have been restricted). o Children need access to positive role models and reliable adults they can count on. • Internal resources: o Children develop relationships of trust which make them feel valued, respected and accepted. o Through play and other group recreation, children learn to tackle problems and find solutions. This builds their capacity to cope with stress, take responsibility and move from being a victim to being a confident person who can succeed. o It is important for professionals to assist children to identify characteristics and environmental factors to help them build resilience. o It is necessary to identify skills, attributes or talents that children possess, so that these can be developed to provide children with positive feedback • What resources (sports facilities, school bands, clubs etc.) can they be helped to access? • What support exists to aid them? • What factors (people and places) can children identify in their own lives to cushion the impact of adverse life experiences? • How can professionals help them access information and resources to enable them to develop the characteristics which will decrease their vulnerability and build a protective environment? • Ensure children know: what is going on; what is likely to happen to them; what their rights are and where they can go for information and advice. 19 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Final Groupwork The aim of this final round is to consolidate and judge the learning experience. Each group has the same task, to create a poster or other visual summary of what they have learnt and indicating what steps can be taken to solve the problems and answer the questions raised in the second round of groupwork. It is important at this stage, to demonstrate what they can do in their own work practice to implement new practices and ideas to better meet the needs of children with whom they come into contact in their daily work. The posters are put up and everyone reads each group’s poster. The final stage is the facilitator pulling together the content of the day. To what extent has it been possible for the professionals involved to identify changes they can make in their work practice to improve service delivery for children? To what extent has it been possible to identify changes that need to be made to enable professionals to improve their service delivery for children? It is important to ensure that each participant is leaving the training with at least one idea they can put into practice at work and, hopefully, a useful new contact. PRACTICAL EXAMPLE M1: WELCOMING CHILDREN TO SHELTER It is important that children moving into a woman’s shelter are welcomed into their new home. In Lübeck Women’s Shelter children are given an information booklet designed especially for them, decorated with children’s art and with quotes from children about what it is like living in the shelter. This helps them feel that it is their home too. They also get a welcoming leaflet, which is written in several languages. In Holstebro Women’s Shelter, Denmark children entering shelters are each given a rucksack with toys, practical items and information written for them. These are provided by a charity run by Princess Mary. The shelter also issues children and their mothers with copies of the UN Convention on Children’s Rights which guides their work. 20 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Module 2: What do children who are suspected of living with domestic violence need? Introduction The facilitator should welcome the group to the training session and allow everyone to state their name, the name of their organisation and their role within the organisation. Following this, the facilitator should give a very brief introduction to the topic. This is intended to last no more than 10 minutes and should refer to the following points: • Children who live with domestic violence are at increased risk of directly experiencing physical, sexual and emotional abuse themselves. • Witnessing verbal, physical and sexual violence directed at their mother, including coercive control, is child abuse and harmful. • Professionals with a role in protecting children need support to build skills and confidence around talking to children about suspicions of violence in the home 39. Getting started Following the introduction, participants should be divided into groups of four or five people. It is important that the groups are a good mix of people in terms of their professional role and place of work. As the training is directed at professionals who work with children, it is expected that they will all have some experience of working with children who have lived, or are living, with domestic violence. The aim of this first groupwork session is to find out what the participants already know about the topic. Each group is given the same situation to discuss. They have time to talk about their understanding of and experience with the situation. At the same time, they are getting to know each other, and the different roles, responsibilities and priorities of the various agencies involved in child protection. They are also creating the context for the second step of new information being introduced. M2: Groupwork 1 - Situation to be discussed. They know, or suspect, that a troubled child is living with domestic violence. How do they go about talking to the child about this? The group task is to come to some common understanding of the situation they have been given and possibly some expectations that they have of the training in dealing with this. Throughout all the exercises, the facilitator should ensure that participants are taking intersectionality into account and addressing the needs of Black and minoritised women, children of mixed heritage, as well as women and children living with physical and mental health problems. The specific needs of each individual family will be determined by how these, and other factors, impact on their ability to access resources and support. The facilitator’s role is to go around the groups, listen in, add information, if necessary, guide the discussion or bring ideas together. 21 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) After a certain time (everyone should have had enough time to contribute) each group presents a summary of their discussion to the others. These presentations allow the facilitator to find out who knows what. It is less boring for those who have a lot of experience or knowledge of the training content already because they can contribute more to the discussion and those for whom the information is new can learn through the discussion so that everyone has more or less the same starting point. During the presentations, the facilitator may want to refer to the following points. This page can be copied (added to, amended) and distributed. Following feedback and discussion allow the group a generous break, in which participants can follow up points in informal discussion. 22 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Handout M2: 1 They know, or suspect, that a troubled child is living with domestic violence. How do they go about talking to the child about this? • Take a minute for children at every opportunity, indicate that you are interested in them and they can talk to you. Less is more. With younger children you can connect in a playful way e.g., sing with them, share poems. • Children may need time to open up about their problems and they need to build trust. They may test out adults by telling a little and waiting to see how they respond. Remain calm and supportive and tell children that you appreciate them talking to you and you want to help them. • Observe how children behave towards others and towards themselves. Each child is different. Age, gender, ability/disability and ethnicity will impact on children and how they relate to adults. It can be helpful if children can see themselves reflected in the professionals with whom they come into contact. • Violence in their home may have led children to believe it was their job to be quiet and loyal. It may be very hard for them to talk to someone outside their family about what may be a big family secret. Domestic violence can be very isolating for the family as a whole, and isolate individual members of the family from each other. • Children need to be reassured that whatever happened, it was not their fault. • Children need support to bring their experience into consciousness and get back in touch with their feelings. • Recognise the specificities and the commonalities in what children tell you 40. On average, children from refugee and minority ethnic communities live longer with domestic violence, as it is harder for them to seek help. For example, some children from minority ethnic communities may have anxieties about being deported themselves or their mother being deported if they speak out. They may be aware of and/or fear racism. Children with Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer or Intersex parents (LGBTQI) may also fear discrimination. Some children may be fostered or adopted and have fears about being taken away from their families. Listen to children and take their concerns seriously. • Children are diverse and care needs to be taken that, for example, disabled children are enabled in relation to their experiences being recognised. For example, children with disabilities may use signing or non-verbal means to communicate. • Do not impose adult understandings and norms on children. Listen to what they tell you and use their language to describe what has happened. Find out what their concerns are, they may be worried about specific threats that have been made. • Be aware that children using a lot of fantasy to describe what has happened may be traumatised. • Some women may have no recourse to public funds; however, their children are still entitled to support and should receive this. • Research in Germany 41 and Norway 42 found that child protection professionals were particularly reluctant to talk to children about suspicions of violence, especially within the home. • Mothers are an invaluable source of information on children’s welfare, how they are behaving at home, for example, if they are sleeping well or experiencing nightmares. If a woman feels that her efforts to protect her child are recognised and validated, she will 23 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) welcome support in protecting her child. For more information on the role of mothers see Modules 5 – 8. 24 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Regroup so that now each group has new members who were not together earlier. Each group has the same information given to them and has the same task. M2: Groupwork 2 – Situation to be considered. After speaking to the child, you are clear that domestic violence is a problem in the home and having a serious detrimental impact on the child. What do you do and what do you need to achieve a successful resolution? The group task is NOT TO FIND SOLUTIONS but rather IDENTIFY OBSTACLES AND DIFFICULTIES. What changes may be required: • In how they work. • In how their organisation works. • At an institutional level. • At a legislative level. • Could procedures be simplified? • Are there resource implications? • What would really help achieve a positive outcome? Each group shares the results of their discussion. As each group has the same information to deal with, the facilitator needs to gather the main questions and problems from all the groups. Throughout this feedback discussion, everyone can contribute to answering the questions and finding solutions to the problems, guided by the facilitator. Following this session, there is a refreshment break to allow for informal conversations and networking. 25 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Handout M2:2 The importance of interagency networking Research by Bookhagen 43 of what factors influence the continued presence of different forms of violence following separation due to domestic violence has identified paradoxes and dilemmas in the intervention system, which can be resolved through interagency networking and cooperation to change the framework for action: • Professionals must be trained to recognise domestic violence, which is not just physical violence, and the impact of the power imbalance in the relationship. Generic services are often first responders and need to be informed about the complexity of domestic violence. • Women and their children are most at risk when leaving the violent relationship. Violence can escalate at this time and sometimes be fatal. Interventions need to be carefully timed. • Failure of professionals to engage with perpetrators means that they are not given responsibility for their actions. This has serious consequences when they have contact with children post-separation. • Ending domestic violence is an interdisciplinary goal, but regulations on client confidentiality can hinder child protection. • Role restrictions and assumptions influence which information is passed on to whom and which recommendations are acted on. This can result in the least informed having the greatest decision-making power. • Three key paradoxes are: o A crisis intervention system meets chronic violence. o Resource intensive cases meet resource scarce systems. o Slow criminal prosecutions conflict with quick clarification of visitation/contact rights. • These paradoxes can be resolved by networking competence. Networking competence means: o To be able to take the perspective of other professional practices beyond one's own institutional scope and to use this knowledge in an interdisciplinary framework. o The willingness and ability to take up and implement suggestions in one’s own institution resulting from joint work with other professionals. o The ability to address institutional resistance and develop workable alternatives. o The ability to (self-) evaluate the outcomes achieved for those affected by domestic violence and their children 44. • Adequate interagency co-operation is required to ensure: o Professionals have sufficient knowledge of the dynamics and consequences of domestic violence for children. o There is a clear stance against domestic violence. o Resources for establishing knowledge of the case and implement recommendations are available. o Successful communication of professional knowledge and recommendations to other services. 26 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Final Groupwork The aim of this final round is to consolidate and judge the learning experience. Each group has the same task, to create a poster or other visual summary of what they have learnt and indicating what steps can be taken to solve the problems and answer the questions raised in the second round of groupwork. It is important at this stage, to demonstrate what they can do in their own work practice to implement new practices and ideas to better meet the needs of children with whom they come into contact in their daily work. The posters are put up and everyone reads each group’s poster. The final stage is the facilitator pulling together the content of the day. To what extent has it been possible for the professionals involved to identify changes they can make in their work practice to improve service delivery for children? To what extent has it been possible to identify changes that need to be made to enable professionals to improve their service delivery for children? It is important to ensure that each participant is leaving the training with at least one idea they can put into practice at work and, hopefully, a useful new contact. PRACTICAL EXAMPLE M2: HELPING CHILDREN IDENTIFY FEELINGS AND DEAL WITH WORRIES Cheshire Without Abuse, England, introduce children to Monkey Bob to help them identify their feelings through play and colouring in. Children are given a Worry Monster and are encouraged to write down or draw their worries and “feed” them to the Worry Monster, who has a big mouth and eats them all up 45. 27 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Module 3: What do children, whose parents (or parental figures) have separated due to domestic violence, need? Introduction The facilitator should welcome the group to the training session and allow everyone to state their name, the name of their organisation and their role within the organisation. Following this, the facilitator should give a very brief introduction to the topic. This is intended to last no more than 10 minutes and should refer to the following points. Separation or divorce is often seen as a solution to domestic violence. However, for children and women this is not the end of the problem. Children need time and support to recover from the stress of growing up in an abusive home. In the longer term, some children may want to have continuing contact with both parents and relatives on both sides of their family. Some children may not want to have such contact, but be forced by court orders to do so. Many children may feel deeply ambivalent and/or conflicted about contact with their non-custodial (non-resident) parent and other relatives. Some families may be able to organise a child’s contact with both sides of the family harmoniously, but often following separation due to domestic violence, sustainable positive contact arrangements may be hard to maintain. Research found that although most women separating due to domestic violence initially agreed to contact between their child and their ex- partner, within two years most women were concerned about their ex-partner because he was a bad influence (75%), he was not trying to be a good father (66%), and more than half feared for their child’s and their own safety 46. Children themselves only want contact with their father where this is positive and reliable 47. Children are at risk of continuing serious harm following separation and divorce of their parents as a result of: • Stalking and harassment of themselves or their mother, who is most often their primary carer. • Witnessing violence and abuse of their mother when they are being handed over to their father for contact visits. • Being verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually abused during contact visits. • Being used to provide information on the other parent and convey messages between parents. • Being put in a position of having to choose between their parents. • Being caught between parents in conflict, possibly even years after their parents have separated and/or divorced. This can do serious long-term damage to children. For some, it can be fatal. In addition, some children suffer because they cannot have the contact they wish because their father (non-custodial parent) is unwilling or unable to maintain contact with his children. 28 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Getting started Following the introduction, participants should be divided into groups of four or five people. It is important that the groups are a good mix of people in terms of their professional role and place of work. As the training is directed at professionals who work with children, it is expected that they will all have some experience of working with children who have lived, or are living, with domestic violence. The aim of this first groupwork session is to find out what the participants already know about the topic. Each group is given the same situation to discuss. They have time to talk about their understanding of and experience with the situation. At the same time, they are getting to know each other, and the different roles, responsibilities and priorities of the various agencies involved in child protection. They are also creating the context for the second step of new information being introduced. M3: Groupwork 1 - Situation to be discussed. What do children, whose parents (or parental figures) have separated due to domestic violence, need? Participants should consider what children need in the short term ‘recovery’ period and for the rest of their childhood. The group task is to come to some common understanding of the situation they have been given and possibly some expectations that they have of the training in dealing with this. Throughout all the exercises, the facilitator should ensure that participants are taking intersectionality into account and addressing the needs of Black and minoritised women, children of mixed heritage, as well as women and children living with physical and mental health problems. The specific needs of each individual family will be determined by how these, and other factors, impact on their ability to access resources and support. The facilitator’s role is to go around the groups, listen in, add information, if necessary, guide the discussion or bring ideas together. After a certain time (everyone should have had enough time to contribute) each group presents a summary of their discussion to the others. These presentations allow the facilitator to find out who knows what. It is less boring for those who have a lot of experience or knowledge of the training content already because they can contribute more to the discussion and those for whom the information is new can learn through the discussion so that everyone has more or less the same starting point. During the presentations, the facilitator may want to refer to the following points. This page can be copied (added to, amended) and distributed. Following feedback and discussion allow the group a generous break, in which participants can follow up points in informal discussion. 29 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Handout M3:1 What are the longer-term support needs of children who may no longer be living with both parents? • Children need the gift of happiness and to be allowed to be children again. They may have had to take on too much responsibility during violent incidents (to protect their mother, take care of younger brothers and sisters). Where there has been a ‘role reversal’ and children have been parenting and looking after siblings they may need to be relieved of this responsibility. • Children need free time, not just problem focused attention. • Children need opportunities to express themselves. Examples of projects for children in women’s shelters are: radio projects; artwork exhibitions (selling children’s art as mouse pads); book projects; children’s music bands; and children’s theatre groups. All these provide opportunities for children to communicate their feelings. Children’s group projects need professional supervision to help children learn to deal with conflict in non- violent ways. • Children need time with other children, peers and older children, without their mothers. • Children need opportunities to talk and people to talk to (e.g. older children who have been trained and have had similar experiences). • Children may have experienced multiple transitions and cumulative losses – an ecological perspective 48 is helpful to understand these from a child’s perspective. • Listen to children and take time to find out what their concerns are, for example, they may worry about how their absent parent is coping without them. • More counselling support for children is needed, for example: o Online/telephone help services. o Children must be allowed to tell at their own pace and move from a victim status. o Boys may need access to male counsellors and positive male role models. o Children may need support to establish safe and sustainable contact with their non-custodial parent. • Some children, who have experienced psychological abuse, may need access to appropriate professional help. • Women’s shelters have 50 years of experience of helping children and have built up considerable knowledge and skills. However, such assistance is always short-term. Having a designated child protection professional for each shelter builds awareness of the ongoing needs of children, which could be provided by child protection services after they have been rehoused with their mothers. 30 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Regroup so that now each group has new members who were not together earlier. Each group has the same information given to them and has the same task. M3: Groupwork 2 – Situation to be considered. A mother of mixed-heritage children has concerns about letting them visit their father. She and her partner had a very traditional division of roles in the family and the children were never looked after by their father. But he and his family want to see the children and maintain their links to their cultural heritage. What can you do to support this woman? What is important? What do you advise? The group task is NOT TO FIND SOLUTIONS but rather IDENTIFY OBSTACLES AND DIFFICULTIES. The information given to them is by no means exhaustive and is intended to stimulate new ideas on ways of working. What changes may be required: • In how they work. • In how their organisation works. • At an institutional level. • At a legislative level. • Could procedures be simplified? • Are there resource implications? • What would really help achieve a positive outcome? Each group shares the results of their discussion. As each group has the same information to deal with, the facilitator needs to gather the main questions and problems from all the groups. Throughout this feedback discussion, everyone can contribute to answering the questions and finding solutions to the problems, guided by the facilitator. Following this session, there is a refreshment break to allow for informal conversations and networking. 31 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Handout M3:2 How to support the child’s right to safe contact with both parents. • Children have a right to maintain contact with both parents so long as this is safe and beneficial to their welfare. It is important that in condemning violence, everyone is clear to label the behaviour (violence) as wrong, but not label the perpetrator as a bad person. • An assessment of parenting competence should be made before contact takes place. It should be possible in an assessment process to distinguish between men who have a genuine interest in seeing their children and those who wish to use child contact as a means of continuing to coercively control their ex-partner. • White parents of mixed-heritage children can access specialised services for Black and minoritised groups on their child’s behalf. • There may be situations when contact between a child and their father is not in the best interests of the child. In such situations contact may be possible with other relatives (if this is positive and they fully understand the need to prioritise protecting the child) or in the form of occasional postal or other indirect contact (birthday cards, school reports). • Professionals must be aware that some mothers may feel they have to agree to contact arrangements they believe are unsafe because they fear provoking their ex-partner to further violence (including fatal violence) or abducting the children. • Professionals must also be aware that migrant and minority ethnic families may also have additional fears related to trans-national violence and abduction, ‘honour’ related punishments or migration status. • Children may wish to have a link to their former life and, if it can be organised in a way that promotes a child’s welfare and wellbeing and does not undermine the safety of the mother, with their father. • Children should be listened to, regarding what contact they want and when. Some children may be clear that they do not want any contact, and this should be respected. They may change their mind at a later point (or they may not), this is their right. Children do not ‘belong’ to their parents. A break in contact may be appropriate, for example, following a violent incident or coercive pattern of behaviour that has resulted in the child and father no longer living together. In these circumstances, children (and their mothers) may need time and support to recover. • There is a need for work to be undertaken with a perpetrator in relation to domestic violence and parenting. If and when contact is resumed this can be by phone, letter, email and this should be monitored by an adult to ensure that children are not being abused, coerced or manipulated. • Contact does not have to be one-to-one and face to face. Some fathers seeking contact have never had sole care of their child, and may have little understanding of the child, their routines or their needs, therefore sole care may not be desirable. There may be a lack of knowledge about how to organise contact with children in a way that is child friendly and age appropriate. Professional guidance may be required to ensure that contact visits are promoting a child’s welfare and wellbeing and are not dangerous, abusive, or just boring for a child. • Contact with other relatives may be more appropriate (grandparents, aunts, uncles) with or without the father present (so long as they are not in any way colluding in the violence, for example, by minimising the impact of violence). 32 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) • Face-to-face contact, when it happens, should also be limited to what a child feels comfortable with, perhaps a couple of hours rather than a whole weekend. It should be regularly reviewed with the child. • Any decision to allow contact should be based on an assessment of the safety needs of the child and their primary carer/mother. If contact is resumed after a break, it should be professionally supervised to assess the impact on the child and their home life. Any changes in arrangements (for example, the introduction of overnight stays) should also be carefully assessed and reviewed. A child’s safety is paramount and their concerns, and the concerns of their primary carer/mother, must be taken seriously. • Access to necessary resources to make contact safe, such as supervised contact centres or perpetrator programmes which address parenting issues, is essential to promoting child welfare and wellbeing. • If children need at any point to be taken into care, their specific needs must be addressed and where possible they should be cared for by people who also share their cultural contexts. If this is not possible, care must be taken to ensure that their needs are not neglected, this can range from appropriate skin and hair care to religious observances (including diet). Failure to address these issues constitutes institutional racism which is detrimental to their health and emotional wellbeing. • If children are removed from their mother, she needs to be empowered to understand the legal processes and supported to identify and achieve any changes she may need to make to have the children returned to her. 33 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Final Groupwork The aim of this final round is to consolidate and judge the learning experience. Each group has the same task, to create a poster or other visual summary of what they have learnt and indicating what steps can be taken to solve the problems and answer the questions raised in the second round of groupwork. It is important at this stage, to demonstrate what they can do in their own work practice to implement new practices and ideas to better meet the needs of children with whom they come into contact in their daily work. The posters are put up and everyone reads each group’s poster. The final stage is the facilitator pulling together the content of the day. To what extent has it been possible for the professionals involved to identify changes they can make in their work practice to improve service delivery for children? To what extent has it been possible to identify changes that need to be made to enable professionals to improve their service delivery for children? It is important to ensure that each participant is leaving the training with at least one idea they can put into practice at work and, hopefully, a useful new contact. PRACTICAL EXAMPLE M3: ENSURING CHILDREN’S VOICES ARE HEARD It is important to always include children’s voices in any reports on domestic violence, through quotes or artwork. Children can be encouraged to express themselves through: artwork; theatre projects; writing projects; radio projects; singing; music; and have their work displayed, published, broadcast and performed. Children’s art can be used to decorate everyday items and sold to raise funds. All this empowers children. 34 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Module 4: Sexualised violence against children Introduction The facilitator should welcome the group to the training session and allow everyone to state their name, the name of their organisation and their role within the organisation. Following this, the facilitator should give a very brief introduction to the topic. This is intended to last no more than 10 minutes and should refer to the following points: • Children growing up with domestic violence are at an increased risk of being directly abused and sexually violated themselves. • Several studies of families in which children have been sexually violated by fathers or father figures have shown a high incidence of domestic violence against the child’s mother 49. • Retrospective studies of adults who grew up with domestic violence found a third or more had experienced sexual violence in the home as a child 50. • Finkelhor found that a child’s best protection against experiencing sexual violence in the home was having a strong mother 51 and research indicates that mothers are most likely the first, or only, person a child tells about sexual violence 52. Domestic violence undermines the authority of women in their homes. They rarely witness sexual violation of a child. They may consider some behaviour of their partner as ‘odd’ or of concern but their ability to question or challenge anything that their partner does will have been eroded by years of abuse. Children’s recovery is linked to their mothers’ recovery. Repairing and/or strengthening the relationship between children and their mothers can take time and effort, but mothers are the main support for children and young people. Getting started Following the introduction, participants should be divided into groups of four or five people. It is important that the groups are a good mix of people in terms of their professional role and place of work. As the training is directed at professionals who work with children, it is expected that they will all have some experience of working with children who have lived, or are living, with domestic violence. The aim of this first groupwork session is to find out what the participants already know about the topic. Each group is given the same situation to discuss. They have time to talk about their understanding of and experience with the situation. At the same time, they are getting to know each other, and the different roles, responsibilities and priorities of the various agencies involved in child protection. They are also creating the context for the second step of new information being introduced. M4: Groupwork 1 - Situation to be discussed. You have been approached by a pre-school teacher, who wants to ask your advice about a 4-year-old boy in her care. She is concerned about what the boy is experiencing when he is with his father every second weekend. His mother has recently left her partner and alleges he was controlling and abusive to her. She and her son are currently living in a women’s shelter. The boy has referred to funny games his father plays with him in the bath, making his ‘willy go pointy’, and also films he sees at his 35 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Dad’s with ‘ladies with no clothes on playing with each other’. She cannot believe what she is being told, she knows the boy’s father, who is well-educated, attractive, has a good job and is a ‘model father’. The group task is to come to some common understanding of the situation they have been given and possibly some expectations that they have of the training in dealing with this. Throughout all the exercises, the facilitator should ensure that participants are taking intersectionality into account and addressing the needs of Black and minoritised women, children of mixed heritage, as well as women and children living with physical and mental health problems. The specific needs of each individual family will be determined by how these, and other factors, impact on their ability to access resources and support. The facilitator’s role is to go around the groups, listen in, add information, if necessary, guide the discussion or bring ideas together. After a certain time (everyone should have had enough time to contribute) each group presents a summary of their discussion to the others. These presentations allow the facilitator to find out who knows what. It is less boring for those who have a lot of experience or knowledge of the training content already because they can contribute more to the discussion and those for whom the information is new can learn through the discussion so that everyone has more or less the same starting point. During the presentations, the facilitator may want to refer to the following points. This page can be copied (added to, amended) and distributed. Following feedback and discussion allow the group a generous break, in which participants can follow up points in informal discussion. 36 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Handout M4:1 Child sexual abuse and domestic violence • The fact of domestic violence in the home creates conditions in which physical, emotional, financial and sexual violence and abuse of children can take place and remain undisclosed. First, domestic violence demonstrates a lack of inhibition about harming close family members, where violence and abuse can become normalised interaction. Intimate partner violence often includes sexual violence. Although only 10% of children have been found to be eyewitnesses to sexual violence against their mother 53, many more will have heard their mother being called sexually derogatory names and accused of sexually inappropriate behaviour. Domestic violence focuses attention on the perpetrator. Family life is not determined by the needs of children, but rather by how to avoid violence and abuse or how to manage and survive violence. A mother’s parenting competence is impaired by having to cope with an abusive relationship and often the care of her children may be deliberately disrupted by the perpetrator 54. • Domestic violence hinders disclosure of sexual violence against children in that it undermines a mother’s ability to protect her children despite their best of efforts. Women rarely talk to their children about domestic violence and some hope that children are unaware of what is going on. This silence teaches children that violations they experience at home are not to be spoken about in a ‘conspiracy of silence’. To keep up appearances of normal family life, contact with friends, neighbours and relatives is restricted. This isolates the family and reduces the number of supportive adults children can turn to for help. Any indications that a child is suffering is interpreted as a reaction to domestic violence in the home. After sexual violence against children in the home comes to light, many people will not believe that it was possible for a mother not to be aware of what was happening to her child. But what there is to ‘see’ can be very diffuse. Many sexual assaults on children may involve behaviour which leaves no visible physical evidence such as masturbation or producing sexualised images. Families may have different boundaries about what is considered appropriate in terms of bathing children, bathing with children, using the bathroom together, family nudity, and children and adults sharing a bed. Inappropriate sexual contact can be very brief incidents and take place under cover of normal family activities, such as putting children to bed. • Children themselves may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, but not understand what is happening and over time their sense of boundaries will be eroded. They may be manipulated into believing that they are responsible for what has happened or were complicit because they accepted ‘rewards’ such as presents, treats or extra attention. • Sexual violence against children in the home may continue for many years and the longer a child does not tell the harder it becomes to tell. They may fear the repercussions on the family and want to protect other family members and even the perpetrator. • Disclosure of child sexual abuse is not a moment, but rather an interactive process of approaching a truth that may never be clear. What a mother knows may be pieced together over years from fragmented and contradictory statements from the abused child, their siblings, the abuser and involved professionals. • The point at which a parental relationship comes to an end due to domestic violence can be a point at which children, who have endured sexual violence in the home, may feel able to begin to disclose what has happened to them. They are no longer living with the 37 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) perpetrator. Domestic violence will be talked about and condemned as wrong. They will learn that everyone has the right to live without fear of violence and abuse and apply this information to their own experience and speak out, possibly for the first time. • Children’s recovery is linked to their mothers’ recovery. Repairing and/or strengthening the relationship between children and their mothers can take time and effort, but mothers are the main support for children and young people. 38 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Regroup so that now each group has new members who were not together earlier. Each group has the same information given to them and has the same task. M4: Groupwork 2 – Situation to be considered. The local women’s shelter has been in touch. They are concerned about a resident who is considering returning home to her partner. He has been controlling and abusive in the past, but has promised he will try harder to be a better husband. She considers that he has always been a good father and her son is missing him and wants to return home. She wants her son to have a good affluent home and worries that she will not manage on her own as a single mother. The nursery school has told her about their concerns about what her son has been saying about visits to his father (SEE EARLIER GROUPWORK EXERCISE). She says her son must be told off for saying such dirty things. She insists her partner would never do anything like that and is certainly not a pervert or a homosexual! She is outraged that people could think such a thing of her family. The group task is NOT TO FIND SOLUTIONS but rather IDENTIFY OBSTACLES AND DIFFICULTIES. The information given to them is by no means exhaustive and is intended to stimulate new ideas on ways of working. What changes may be required: • In how they work. • In how their organisation works. • At an institutional level. • At a legislative level. • Could procedures be simplified? • Are there resource implications? • What would really help achieve a positive outcome? Each group shares the results of their discussion. As each group has the same information to deal with, the facilitator needs to gather the main questions and problems from all the groups. Throughout this feedback discussion, everyone can contribute to answering the questions and finding solutions to the problems, guided by the facilitator. Following this session, there is a refreshment break to allow for informal conversations and networking. 39 Co-funded by the Rights, Equality and Citizenship Programme of the European Union (2014-2020) Handout M4:2 Supporting mothers to support and protect children. • Children’s recovery is linked to their mothers’ recovery. Repairing and/or strengthening the relationship between children and their mothers can take time and effort, but mothers are the main support for children and young people. • Despite a move towards shared parenting, it is still the case that mothers are held more responsible for child protection than fathers. The disclosure of sexual violence against children in the home, overwhelmingly perpetrated by adult men, is often met with questions about why the mother did not protect her child. Women themselves have the expectation that they should know what is happening to their child and be able to protect them, even from something they do not expect, witness or are told about. • When women are confronted with evidence that their child has experienced inappropriate sexual contact in the home they often react with disbelief. Firstly, it is hard for them to accept that their child may have lived with such a problem and not told them. Secondly, they may be shocked that a partner they chose to have a family with could be capable of sexually violating his own child. • There may be confusion around terms such as ‘paedophile’, which suggests that men committing sex offences against children are completely different from ‘family men’ who, on the whole, are sexually attracted to adult women. Similarly, there may be confusion between men who commit sexualised violence against boys and homosexuality. Some sex offenders are only interested in abusing girls, some in only abusing boys. Others abuse both boys and girls as the opportunity arises. Children are relatively powerless against adults, particularly adults in their own family who are responsible for their welfare. Perpetrators use sex as a means to exploit this power imbalance. This says nothing about their sexual orientation, nor how they relate to adult women. • Women often experience strong feelings of guilt about: choosing such a partner; staying with him for so long; failing to protect their children from harm; for not having recognised what was happening; and that their child could not confide in them. Often, these feelings of guilt are added to by accusations and criticisms from the child or other members of the family and community. Women need time to assimilate what they have heard and be approached in a way that does not compound their guilt. This will only make them feel more defensive. • Sexual abuse of their child may bring up feelings they have about sexual abuse they themselves have experienced. They need support to deal with their own trauma. • Women are often very reluctant to disclose sexual violence that they have experienced from their partner. They may not have the language to express this. A mother-in-law may talk about duty and not see marital rape as sexual violence. Therefore, a woman who has experienced sexual violence from her husband may not use the word rape. • Women need time to deal with their own feelings of shock, loss, grief, guilt and shame and come to terms with what has happened before they speak to their child. There is often an urgent need to find out from the child when, where and how this happened. For the child, this could feel like an interrogation and be counterproductive. Women may be in a better position to support their child once they have overcome their initial reaction. • How a child’s mother reacts to a disclosure of child sexual abuse can be crucial to healing the child-mother bond. If this bond can be maintained and strengthened, it will serve to 40
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