What to Include in a Parenting Plan After Separation What separated parents need to include in a Parenting Plan to reduce conflict and support their children. When we first separated, we thought agreeing arrangements for the children would be simple. We both loved them. We both wanted the best for them. But within days, small disagreements became bigger ones. Who would have them on Christmas Day? What about birthdays? Could one of us move closer to work? If you are asking what to include in a Parenting Plan after separation, you are in the right place. We learned the hard way that good intentions are not enough. You need structure. You need clarity. And you need to think about the details before they become disputes. This article shares our story, and explains what a strong Parenting Plan and Child Arrangement should cover under the law in England and Wales. Why a Parenting Plan Matters When parents separate, the law in England and Wales focuses on the child’s welfare. Under section 1 of the Children Act 1989, the child’s welfare is the court’s number one consideration. But most families do not want a judge making decisions for them. A Parenting Plan is a written agreement between parents that sets out how you will raise your children after separation. It is not legally binding on its own, but it can be used as evidence of agreed intentions and can later be reflected in a court order if needed. When we felt stuck and unsure what we had overlooked, it helped to step back and look at a structured checklist. Reading through these things to include when agreeing a parenting plan made us realise how many practical details we had not yet discussed, from holidays to communication rules. Sometimes seeing everything laid out clearly can turn a difficult conversation into a more productive one. Our Story: Where We Went Wrong At first, we only discussed where the children would sleep each week. We didn’t talk about holidays. We didn’t talk about school trips. We didn’t talk about what would happen if one of us started a new relationship. Within three months, we were arguing again. It was only when we sat down in mediation that we realised a Parenting Plan needs to go much deeper than a weekly rota. What to Include in a Parenting Plan Below is what we eventually agreed, and what most comprehensive Child Arrangement agreements should cover. 1. Weekly Living Arrangements Start with the basics: ● Where the children live during the week ● Collection and drop-off times ● Who is responsible for transport ● What happens if someone is late Be specific. “After school” sounds clear until school finishes early one day. 2. School Holidays School holidays cause tension. Discuss: ● Half terms ● Summer holidays ● Easter ● Christmas ● Bank holidays Will you split them equally? Alternate years? Divide the summer into two blocks? We alternated Christmas Day each year. It felt difficult at first. But clarity reduced arguments. 3. Special Occasions Don’t forget: ● Birthdays (children’s and parent’s) ● Mother’s Day and Father’s Day ● Religious celebrations ● Cultural events These days carry emotional weight. Decide in advance. 4. Communication Between Parents How will you communicate? ● Email? ● Parenting app? ● Text only for emergencies? We agreed not to discuss disagreements in front of the children. It sounds obvious. In reality, it takes effort. 5. Communication with the Children When the children are with one parent: ● Can the other parent call? ● At what time? ● How often? We agreed on short evening calls. This reassured everyone. 6. Education Decisions Major decisions should be discussed jointly where possible, particularly if both parents have parental responsibility. Include: ● Choice of school ● Parents’ evenings ● School trips abroad ● Extra tuition Relocation disputes can become really complex if parents cannot agree. A clear Parenting Plan reduces the risk of conflict later. 7. Health and Medical Matters Agree how you will handle: ● GP and dentist registrations ● Emergency treatment ● Ongoing medical conditions ● Vaccinations Keep each other informed. 8. Financial Responsibilities for Children While child maintenance can be arranged separately (through the Child Maintenance Service), your Parenting Plan can record: ● Who pays for school uniforms ● Clubs and activities ● School trips ● Mobile phones Clarity avoids resentment. 9. Changes to the Plan Children grow. Circumstances change. Include: ● A review date (for example, every 12 months) ● A commitment to return to mediation before court Under the Family Procedure Rules, parties are expected to consider non-court dispute resolution before applying to court. Mediation can help resolve changes without escalating matters. 10. Moving Home or Relocation If one parent may move: ● How much notice will be given? ● What distance would trigger a review? Relocation cases can become complex and emotionally charged. Addressing expectations early can help. When a Parenting Plan Isn’t Enough Sometimes parents cannot agree. If agreement is not possible, one parent can apply for a Child Arrangements Order under the Children Act 1989. But court can be stressful, expensive, and time-consuming. The process can take months. Mediation offers a space to discuss concerns safely and constructively. It is voluntary, confidential (with legal exceptions), and focused on the children. Practical Tips We Learned ● Write everything down. ● Be specific. ● Keep language child-focused. ● Avoid using the plan to revisit relationship arguments. ● Think long term, not just about the next few months. Most importantly, remember that children benefit from stability and from seeing their parents cooperate. Where to Start Starting a Parenting Plan can feel overwhelming, especially if conversations are tense. A helpful first step is to understand your options and what other parents commonly agree. Reading a practical guide to child arrangement s can give you a clearer picture of how arrangements work in England and Wales, and what courts consider if agreement isn’t reached. Once you understand the framework, begin by writing down the key areas that matter most to your children, their weekly routine, school commitments, holidays, and how they stay connected with both parents. Keep the focus on stability and long-term wellbeing rather than short-term frustrations. If discussions feel stuck, having a structured conversation with a neutral third party can help you move forward and turn ideas into a workable agreement. Final Thought We thought love for our children would be enough to make separation simple. It wasn’t. What helped was structure, honest discussion, and putting the children first. A clear Parenting Plan does not remove all disagreement. But it can give your children stability, and give you both a foundation to co-parent with confidence.