Sex is all about pleasure and suppose to be enjoyed. That is how it suppose to be. Whenever I am about to say anything about sex I always say this; Bring in your maturity, don't play folly with it! Many things has been discussed around sex E.g; Is there a spirit behind sex? Can demon enter me through sex? Is sex a sin? What style is the best? When should I have sex? How do i control sex? How to I handle underperforming partner? Etc. But today, I want to take away a myth about sex! And that is this: *Nobody, I mean nobody is above sex trap* I will explain this. I was reading a documentary yesterday and I found out the following shocking stuff: *Men crave for sex more after long hour of prayers* this is one shocking stuff to me! *Ladies crave for sex after long talk and attention*! Now what is the myth I am going to deal with? The myth is this; *I cant fall for sex trap* It's funny when I see people talk about this. Is better you calm down and learn. And listen to what I am about to tell you. If you are in a relationship with someone you love, If there is any reason to be together for long I will advise you prepare for two things, viz: *Condom* *Serious self control* I have discovered that many of the issues of unwanted pregnancies happened because the two party never prepare to handle some sex issues. *Note* I am not advising you to start having sex, no! I am telling you what I know and I think it's useful! On the other hand, If someone is not your partner kindly learn how to withdraw most times. I have seen issues around, events like this that I don't like. You will ask grown up people how the sex happened and they won't be able to explain! Stuff like that don't make sense. If you must have sex with anyone it should be based on agreement. Like you guys actually know what is leading to the sex and ready to deal with after show! Not that you guys will now finish and start disturbing God with tears! The first myth is this; None of us is above sex traps. So let's take every responsibilities for it! Another thing is this; If you have sex with anyone, there is a spiritual connection between you guys! I think this is formulated to scare us of doing the do. But then I will explain what I know here. Having sex with someone goes beyond physical truly, It has some emotional ambiance to it. Guys might not know this but ladies does. For instance; Ladies always find it difficult to forget the man that deflowered them. It is not spiritual, it is only normal that the first man has your attention. That was the first time you saw and have the feeling of something entering you. It can stay for years till you talk yourself out of it. It's not spiritual. But we should all note this, *Spiritual stuffs can be transferred through sex* *Demon can enter you through book* *You can go to another place through moveis* Sex in itself is not the spiritual things, but spiritual things can happen through it. So it's advisable one is faithful to one partner in this regard. Because we are in a black world and in the black world, stuff happens! The next issue which is the main issue is this; *The fantasy you have about sex is all lies* When people discuss sex, I always ask is it more than sex? All those fantasy are lies! After marriage you will understand what I'm telling you. Reverse cow girl, Doggy, Wheel barrow, Butterfly, 69, Missionary. Or whathver style you know will fade gradually! Those stuffs are fantasy. I am not saying you should not go for them if they give you pleasure but later you begin to see that sex is more than that. It's better you start clearing your head of movies and start living with reality! Some of you, your husband won't give you heads till you die, stay with it! Some of you, your wife won't do blow job for you carry your cross! Some of you, your spouse won't go above missionary style please enjoy it or endure it! And I plead with you, don't push your partner to be using drugs for you to be satisfied, it all has effect! I know many people that are planning to kill another person's daughter with sex during marriage. Bro calm down o, calm down seriously. G string pants won't always be on, so know that all the talks you are hearing are fake! Don't allow Hollywood define how sex will look like to you! Work towards what works for you. Some ladies can't climb up, don't force her without training after you have watched all porn on earth together. Bro if body dy hot you, drink water, smiles. And sister, it is not everytime they will suck your breast before we do the do. If he is coming from office and konji is up and bro want to enter, allow the lord to use you please, that is how it come that day. Better day of romance will come... Amen? Finally, handle sex issues with maturity! It makes zero sense to say he used me! Please, before you open up your federal government, kindly ask yourself meaningful questions. Be balance for it and make sure you enjoy it as well. Use him as well. In all, let all things be done with maturity and sense of responsibility. © ADP For RGA Conflict in Relationship Conflict cannot be avoided in relationship, infact it's the basis at which a relationship grows. If two or more people are together for a while and there is no conflict, it's fake. Even the tongue and teeth fight. Twins from the same womb fight. Things that happens when conflict come up are: 1. Silent treatment: where the partners goes off on each other and disregard each other's presence. 2. Argument: never coming to a consensus, raising voices and wanting to win in the conversation. 3. The immatured partners run around reporting their partners to third-parties. 4. Retaliation: some begin to plan how to revenge and hurt the other. 5. Sex embargo: some will even separate or divide bed because of conflict. 6. Singing conflict songs: my Yoruba people, how far, this table is for you. 7: Some will even refer to issues that happened 20 years back. 8: blaming the other party, not taking responsibility for whatever has happened. 9: refusing to do things they normally do together before, like praying together. 10. Using foul languages and even cursing their partners. *Causes of this conflicts could include:* 1. Infidelity, cheating on your partners, 2. Too high expectations: wanting fantasies and not living in the reality, 3: Perfectionist: wanting your partner to be your angel, if he's an angel, he or she won't be with you, no one is perfect, 4. Impatient: always wanting everything in a rush and in your own way, 5. Listening to gossip: it's what the third party says about their relationship that they believe, they won't even confirm, 6. Transfer of agression: it was colleague A that offended them, it's their partner that will suffer for it, 7. Not submitting: especially the wife to the husband, 8. Ego and pride: especially husbands feeling like the Lord of the house, trashing everyone without apology. These or others cannot be avoided in a relationship, therefore, how do we resolve conflicts? 1: discuss alone, don't argue, 2. Do not refer to old offences. They are resolved, past and gone, 3. No one is perfect, accept your spouse for who he/she is, 4. Avoid infidelity, 5. Remove high expectations, face realities only, 6. Tolerance and Patience, 7. Forgive and overlook, 8 communication, even a witch don't know your thoughts, don't assume, speak out, 9. Don't take long to resolve conflict, it doesn't help. Resolve every conflicts before going to bed. It's better that way and trust us _*it works_*, 10. Continue as partners and best friends even after resolution. © Ebunife For RGA. Depression What is depression? What are the causes of depression? How do we fight depression? *Depression* is a mood disorder characterized by persistently low mood and a feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Not everyone is depressed. And not every depressed person knows that he or she is depressed. So how do we identify depression? Symptoms of depression includes lack of joy and reduced interest in things that used to bring a person happiness. The causes of depression are not fully understood but are likely to be a complex combination of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychosocial factors. Other symptoms of depression includes: 1. depressed mood, 2. reduced interest or pleasure in activities that were previously enjoyed, 3. loss of sexual desire or appetite, 4. unintentional weight loss (without dieting) or low appetite, 5. insomnia or hypersomnia, 6. psychomotor agitation like restlessness, 7. fatigue or loss of energy, 8. feelings of worthlessness or guilt, 9. impaired ability to think, concentrate, or make decisions, 10. recurrent thoughts of death or suicide or attempt at suicide. Asides these, other causes of depression includes; 1. Life events: like bereavement, divorce, work issues, relationships with friends and family, financial problems, medical problems, or acute stress. 2. Genetic factors: Having a first-degree relative with depression increases the risk. 3. Childhood trauma. 4. Some prescription drugs like corticosteroids. 5. Drug abuse and the abuse of the alcohol are strongly linked to depression. 6. A past head injury due to an accident. 7. Having had one episode of major depression increases the risk of a subsequent one. Somebody said, *Poverty is the chief of all depression* Moving on to the *treatment of depression* Depression is a treatable mental illness and there are three components to the management of depression, viz; 1. Support, ranging from discussing practical solutions and reducing or eliminating the causes of the stress, 2. Psychotherapy which is also known as talking therapy, 3. Drug treatment using antidepressants. Someone here added this as the number 4 treatment for depression ... *Plus falling in love* In mild cases of depression, psychotherapies are the first option for treatment but in moderate and severe cases, they may be used alongside other treatments. *It should be noted however that antidepressant medications may increase suicidal thoughts or actions in some children, teenagers, and young adults within the first few months of treatment.* So we should be careful when taking antidepressants. Thank you.. © Ruby For RGA K eeping Your Heart Healthy *we all know our heart is the most fundamental part of our body, its where everything springs forth from* *our Bible in proverbs 4 vs 23 says it all* *Proverbs 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.* *Heart disease is also a leading cause of death for both men and women all around the world. Let you and i take steps today to lower the risk of heart disease* To help us prevent heart disease, you can: Eat healthy. Get active. Stay at a healthy weight. Quit smoking and stay away from secondhand smoke. Control your cholesterol (“koh-LEHS-tuh-rahl”) and blood pressures. Manage stress. *these and more are just what you and i can do physically as humans to protect our hearts* *Am I at risk for heart disease?* Everyone is at risk for heart disease. But you are at higher risk for heart disease if you: 1) Have high cholesterol or high blood pressure, 2) Smoke, 3) Are overweight or obese, 4) Don't get enough physical activities, 5) Don't eat a healthy diet. *According to research there are over 46 bible verses concerning the heart. You can see how important the heart is!* *let me give a practical example* Any part of our body can be amputated and we may still be alive and still achieve great things and live long but when our hearts are off we are over! Some persons even have their hearts but it seems they are over because of their thought pattern and this affects their physical health. *The heart is you personified* *The heart is me personified* *The best thing we all can do to ourselves is to have peace of mind* Lack of it may cause you and I our sanity or even our lives. *Be at peace with the God you serve* *Be at peace with men* *Be at peace with yourself* © Gift For RGA. What are the possible cause(s) for a 6months old marriage to dissolved? Lots of things could cause the break up of marriage of six months, less than that or above that. It could be one of the following: 1) *lack of preparation for marriage* Everyone should know that wedding is not marriage. If you prepare for wedding and fail to prepare for marriage, you are preparing for a failed marriage. 2) *Wrong foundation* If the foundation of the relationship is not on God, failure is inevitable. 3) *Bringing the ideology of single hood or previous relationship into marriage* The moment you are married, your mentality should change. You should have a better approach to issues, especially in your relationship with your spouse, relatives and friends. 4) *Failure to realise that marriage relationship is different from courtship relationship.* 5) *Lack of understanding of who your spouse is, his/her makeup, temperamental differences and uniqueness.* *Understanding:* As small as it is, being just a word, it's as complex as it's length. When there is no understanding between two opposite sexes and they eventually get married, there will definitely be crisis because there will never be any mutual agreement between them. Even the Bible said so (please pardon me especially my Muslim Fellas, am not being spiritual I'm just trying to buttress my claim, if I have known any in the Quran I would have included it) in Amos 3:3 that : "Can two walk together unless they agree"? If there's no understanding, there can never be an agreement of any kind. Couples must understand each other, the way he/she wants his/her thing, the way to manage one another. A man who doesn't like a lady that uses rings, makeups, or on trousers shouldn't go for one and start wanting to change her, No, it's not done, let him go for EbunIfe, she's cute. A lady who doesn't like a man that drinks shouldn't go for Cosmos, or do you think EOG does not know what it takes before the knot was tied? Please, understanding goes a long way, you like to laugh, go for one that does too, you like to dance, understand that he/she can't but might want to learn not exerting force. Temperament is another thing we youth of today fails to understand: There are four Basic Temperaments: Choleric, Sanguine, Melancholy and Phlegmatic. You will major (strong) in one and minor (weak) in another. Know your Temperament and know that of your spouse. This will help you to know yourself well and be able to accord and reckon with one another amicably. For example, I am a CholSan (i.e I major in Choleric and Minor in Sanguine) which means I am bossy passionate friendly and a talkative and as well gets angry once a while after several attempts of annoyance but that once will be uncontrollable, etc. My spouse must try to understand this while I will definitely understand hers. (For Temperament, I can recommend a Book: Why You Act The Way You Do by Tim Lahaye). In a nutshell, Understanding goes a long way in Relationships/ Marriages, we must all endeavor to understand each other to ensure a smooth cohabiting. © Cosmos 6) *Failure to accept each other's peculiarities* 7) *Lack of love and submission* Love and submission *personally I do not see how two people totally unattracted to each other can stay married. Same way I don't see how a lion and a tiger can be room mates, hell would over flow* *It is important you have a connection that goes beyond the physical bond. (that's my version of love anyways) with your husband/wife, let the person you're marrying be someone who means ALOT to you. It'll go along way in your being able to wave off some unimportant issues that might arise. Because if you both don't feel that way, little issues can mess your marriage up, but when what you feel is deep, you'll counter the storm and hurricanes together!* *the Holy book says, "wives be submissive to your husbands". I don't know how else some women want that to be explained to them, you're a big girl, you have money, you own chains of businesses, you can buy Lagos if you so desire! Yes! But that is no reason to want to measure shoulders with your husband! (roll your eyes all you want)* _what can he give me that I can't buy for myself?_ _If he leaves today, I've got a street long line of men waiting to grab me, is it because I'm managing him??_ _I'll divorce him and even settle him_ *Madam don't be unfortunate in life, your husband is the head of your household, you are to honour him and be his peace, grow your household side by side with him, it doesn't matter the caliber of woman that you are, respect your husband inside the house and outside in public. Be the crown on his head and not a thorn, its hard especially as a successful woman, but have sense and put all your pride and ego inside your handbag and throw it inside Lagos lagoon.Don't be foolish* © Precious 8) - *Ego or Pride* 9) *Inability to handle differences with the wisdom of God.* 10) *Third party interference. It could be parents, friends, even false prophets.* *Third party influence/interference???* I would loved to really define what *third party means especially in relationship/marriage* but as I write you will get the message. Guys, the answer is simpler than we may want to realise. We let the outside intrude into our marriage. Not on purpose, of course. It just happens. Because we do not protect our marriage actively. We may believe that as long as we don't break out of our marriage, nothing bad may enter into it. But this is not so. There are many things in the world that compete for our love, and sometimes these forces are so strong that they get between us and our partner and diminish our relationship. Let me help us with a few examples of such intruders, though they may not be what you are thinking of; Work, Children, Outside hobbies and interests, Sports, In-laws, Friends, Church, Financial involvements, Television, Internet, Computer games, Shopping, Illness, Addictions, Affairs. Those are the real *third party.* Most of these aren't bad in themselves, but they can be destructive for a relationship, when they come between a couple's love. The pressures, temptations and even genuinely good opportunities coming from the outside are limitless. They don’t wait for invitation to intrude into our marriage they show up by themselves. If we want to prevent that from happening, we must become active and protect our marriage. We have to recognise the dangers and put up well balanced boundaries, before these things come between us and our spouse. *So what do we need to do to third party interference???* ∆ We need to learn to say no to them, before they have become so strong, that we can't seem to fend them off anymore. ∆ We must learn to work diligently but to say no to excessive demands of our boss at work, as they will grow if we give in to them too often. ∆ We have to teach limits to our children, so that they learn to respect our need to spend time without them. ∆ We have to learn to honour our parents while still being able to say no to them. Whatever or whoever we're dealing with, we have to make clear that only one human being can have top priority in our life and that is our spouse. The later we start that, the more difficult it will be, but it is never too late to start. This is not just a recommendation that comes from experience. It is a command from God. As the *Bible* said. "What God has joined together, let no one separate. We must guard our marriage, so that the outside world cannot separate it. We must protect its course, the love between husband and wife. This doesn't come for free. It will cost us a lot. But our marriage is only as strong as what we invest into it. We pay a high price to preserve it, but we know it is much more worth than what we pay for it. See, marriage is designed to be an exclusive club, a two-person arrangement that provides a safe place for each spouse's soul. There is no space for a third party to receive an equal share in a marriage, because that can easily disrupt the safety of the relationship. With a third party present, our love gets divided. A part of our heart is taken away from our spouse, where it belongs, and brought to an outside source. And lastly, of course, we all need close friends in whom we can confide and who confide in us too. But if that drives us away from our spouse, we certainly stepped over the line. Conversely, if you find yourself in the situation where a friend confides in you but not in her spouse, be aware of the *dangers* of that situation. Because in spite of your good intentions and willingness to help, you may actually drive the couple apart if you don't insist that your friend talks to her spouse first. © Sir Aloy 11) *Lack of Spiritual sensitivity* Most times, it's so easy to forget spirituality when it comes to marriage. But truth remains that bonding cannot be done on a physical, psychological and emotional angle alone. Marriage is a union of two persons and if they cannot find the perfect bond spiritually, there's disaster lurking. Marriage as it were is the plan of God. For the home, for the society and for the country. It is therefore not a surprise that it is an institution that the devil fights against most. A family that doesn't pray together, study together, do spiritual stuff together is a weak union. That's why it's important to know and understand who you are and who you should marry. You're struggling spiritually and you want to marry someone who's doing same. Ni wahala ba de! I speak as a believer, but this is true of all religious beliefs. Whatever you guys do, complement and hold each other up. © Watchman Faith. 12) *Devil, who has always been the enemy of marriage* *His advice*/ *ways out*: ¶ Consistently depend on God totally for the sustainability of your own marriage. ¶ Always go to God in prayer for wisdom and guidance, whenever you are confused on any issue. ¶ Start preparing for marriage now. It is not too late. ¶ Learn to be homely as a lady. As a man start learning to tolerate women excesses. ¶ Drop your single hood ideologies in your parents house. Never go into marriage with such unrealistic ideologies. ¶ Be quick to forgive and reconcile. Your marriage and mine will not break, in Jesus' name. Amen. © Gift et Adedayo For RGA. 10 Classic Mistakes That End Relationships 1. CHEATING The number one mistakes that end relationships is cheating. If someone cheats on you, most likely, you are not going to be with that person any longer. This is the most common mistake that people break up, but it's not the only mistake! 2. NO COMMUNICATION When you’re in a relationship, you have to actually talk to the person that you are in a relationship with. Bottling up feelings and even pushing everything on down isn’t the greatest idea. Typically this leads to resentment and leads to a huge, blow out fight. If you’re looking to not repeat this mistake that ends relationships, make sure you communicate with your partner! 3. LACK OF INTIMACY Now, I am not just talking about sex, but I am talking about a true connection. You have to not just communicate with your partner, but you have to connect with them and have some fun with them. If you aren’t having that, why are you in a relationship? 4. NOT ACKNOWLEDGING ONE ANOTHER Sometimes, when you really are deep in the mist of a bad relationship, you don’t even acknowledge one another. You basically are just existing together, without any real communication. If you live together, it’s almost like you are roommates instead of in a relationship. 5. NOT LISTENING This goes hand-in-hand with no communication: you aren’t listening to one another. If you aren’t listening then you truly aren’t understanding what your partner needs. If you’re in a relationship, you need to make sure that you are listening to your partner! This is absolutely one of the most common mistakes that ends relationships super easily! 6. JEALOUSY Oh jealousy, I know you very well. I fully admit that I’m a jealous person, but I do not let my jealousy rule me. A lot of relationships end because the boyfriend or girlfriend gets jealous for no reason at all and is obsessive about it. If you trust your partner, let them do whatever they want. 7. DISTRUST And that leads us into distrust. Typically, there is a reason why you distrust your partner, why the trust was broken in the first place. Once you fix that, this distrust typically can be repaired, but only if you resolve the problem. 8. PARANOIA Are you paranoid that your partner is going to break up with you? Are you paranoid that you are going to get left? This is one of the common mistakes that ends relationships all of the time because then the partner that is not paranoid feels pressured to stay, instead of wanting to stay. 9. SNOOPING Just because you are with someone doesn’t mean that you have a right to go through every single thing that they own. Snooping is a very common mistake that ends relationships because who wants their things gone through all of the time? So ladies, back off his phone, his bedroom and his car and trust him! 10. FLIRTING Finally, harmless, small little flirting with a co-worker or even just a random girl can actually end a relationship as well. Nobody likes to be made jealous on purpose and if your guy is constantly flirting up other girls, it might be a sign for something else. There are tons of different mistakes that ends relationships that happen every single day. Who knows, maybe you’re making some of these mistakes that ends relationships right now and you are surviving them! So ladies, how many mistakes like this have you committed? Thanks for your time. © Ayanfe Oluwa For RGA Love in its Pure Form *Why should I fall in love?* To start with; You and I know that love or relationship is not poverty alleviation programme, it is not a place to drop your problems. Nobody add to your problems my dear! So let's calm down. There are few things I don't understand and they will never be clear to me about love. So todat, I will try my best and leave it open. *love does not want anything in return* Even though love gives, it gives out of a pure heart without expecting anything in return. I remember when we said we wanted to visit orphanage homes here, some felt we wanted to eat their money (smiles) it's funny to me, some felt what is the gain if I drop ₦ 1,000! You see, in life you have to understand something as Oluwole Stephen always put it, "we rise by lifting others up" I have helped countless of people I can't remember the actual number! Many I don't even know if we will ever meet again in life! Once I show my interest in something I will give it my all. Let me burst your head, some of the admins here, I have never meet them physically before, many of them will recharge their lines to call members, there are times I stay awake till 1am either on phone or chatting with people to solve some things. Nobody pays me for that. I don't pay any admin here. All is done out of pure love for one another. Then why can't we carry this same mindset to our relationship? Why must we always give in expectation that something must come back, why? Must we always give in the hope to receive? Many relationship today is exchange by barter, give me money I will give you my body. why?! If we want to have anything together can't it be on mutual understanding without asking anything in return? Love is gradually fading away, pure love is scarce these days! Everyone is doing something with the hope of getting something back. The best male student will organize tutorial with the hope that ladies will say yes to him! The man with the money will take you out just to have something from it! The guy with the car will give you a lift just to make some request! Things are now becoming complicated daily! Anytime you give anything out hoping to get something out of it, it's not done in love. You only did exchange by barter. *changing someone without paying attention to what it might cause* Many people are becoming selfish these days. When you keep telling someone to change to your taste, do you ever consider how it will be on them? Let's take for instance; You just jump into my life and say ADP stop trading, stop forex, stop crypto currency. Do you ever imagine what my life will look like? To me, pure love don't change people it only complement them. The moment you are making an effort to change someone you are becoming selfish! And let us get this fact straight; No one change, we only improve on ourselves! Making an attempt to change anyone is dead sentence to me. *what do you think pure love is all about?* *Do you think you have done enough to show pure love in your relationship and to the society?* Let's ponder on that and give answers to it ourselves. Thank you. © ADP For RGA. A man in the mirror At times or let's say most times when we are to take marital decision we view it from other angle and not from our angle For instance, we pay attention to how emotional balance is he or she, how much does he has, how mature is he or she etc. All this are not bad but then what of we in question? Do you ever sit in front of a mirror and ask yourself those questions? How rich I am? How stable I am emotionally? How ready I am? How well can I control myself and things around me? We always want someone that will take us as we are when we ourselves has not agree with the way we are. Let me ask you, can you marry you? Always ask yourself that salient and honest question! ADP can you marry ADP? If the answer is no then try to work on it yourself! If we all look into the mirror we will have less problems to encounter when it comes to marital issues or decisions. The main issue is that we can't marry the person we are presenting to others. There is no reason for someone to suffer bad habit from you. Like I do say, if you smoke, marry a smoker so that you can give birth to sango! If you are dirty marry a dirty person so that bed bug can glorify itself in your house! We have many people going around today looking for partners, these are people that never for one day ask questions. Questions like, can I marry me? Ask yourself, If your partner drinks and stay out all night are you cool with it? If your partner do all you are doing will you be happy? Then marry yourself first! This lecture is for self reflection. Look into the mirror and ask questions, is this person ready? This person I am looking at is he stable? This person I am looking at is he normal? Every perfect relationship started with self awareness and self accountability. If you can't account for yourself don't assume another person will! You will always have issues. That is why; You have to make your own money because you know you won't marry a broke guy! That is why you have to work on your emotions because you know you won't marry anyone that is not stable emotionally! That is why you have to deal with your anger because you know you won't want to have another thunder at home! *If we all change to whom we want the other person to be, the world will be a better