Acclaim for SAPPHIRE'S PUSH "A s nn ingly rank efort that marks the emergence of n immensely promising writer." -Los Angeles Times Book Reviw "Thriling . . . [Psh's] afecing combinaion of child like tendeness and adult rage leaves little doubt that Sapphire's talents as a poet ranslate artully into her icion." -Entetainment eeky "[Sapphire] rites with a poet's ear for rhythms, in a voice that pushes her story relentlessly into your mind." -Inteviw "Sapphire is aptly named, for this powerul, poeic work is a small gem." -Mademosele "The beauty (and the risk) of this book is in is viid, imperfect harnessing of issues and acts of huge social and moral consequences." -Nwsay "Psh . . . develops so richly and fearlessly that one can- not resist its power." -Ele "[Precious's] voice is blunt and unadoned, sorroul as a foghorn and so wholly enguling that despite its bro ken words it generates single-handedly the moving power of his novel." -The Nw ork Times Book Reviw "Precious's story, told through her own unique style and spelling, is a major achievement. It documents a remarkable resilience of spirit." -Boston Globe "The miracle of Psh is that, even at its most devastat ing, it is also a story about faith and possibility." -Chicago Times "To read the story [is] magic . . . [It is] paint-peelingly profane and thoroughly real." -ashington Post SAPPHIRE PUSH Sapphire was born in 1950 and spent her irst twelve years on army bases in Califonia and Texas . s a teenager she lived in South Phila delphia and Los Angeles . She graduated rom City College in New York and received an MFA rom Brooklyn College. From 1983 to 1993 she lived in Harlem, where she taught reading and writing to teenagers and adults . Sapphire is a performance poet and the author of two collections of poetry and prose, Ameri can Dreams and Black Wings & Blind Angels. She lives in New York City. ALSO BY SAPPHIRE American Dreams Black Wings & Blind Angels PUSH PUSH · FIRST VINTAGE CONTEMPORARIES EDITION, MAY 1997 Copynght © 1996 y Sapphire/Ramona Loton ll righs reseved under Intenational and Pan-American Copyright Convenions. Published in the Uited States by 'intage Books, a diision of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto. Oriinally published in the Uited States in hardcover by Alred A. nopf, Inc., New York, in 1996. Grateul acknowledgment is made to lred nopf, Inc., for pemission to reprint "Mother to Son" rom Seleted Pos by Langston Hughes, copright © 1926 by Alred A. nopf, Inc., copyright renewed 1954 by Langston Hughes. The Libray of Congress has cataloged the nopf ediion as follows: Sapphire, [date] Push I Sapphire.- 1st ed. p. em. ISBN 0-679-4626-5 I. Title. PS3569.A63P87 1996 8l3'.5dc20 96- 165 16 CIP intage ISBN: 0-679-76675-8 Random House Web address: http:/ww .randomhouse.co/ Printed in the United States of merica D 987654321 For chidren evewhere. And or my teachers Eavan Boland, James D. Meritt, and most especialy Susan Fromberg Schaee. ACKNO W LEDGMENTS I wish to thank and acknowledge Susan Fromberg Schaefer, ictoria ilson, Charlotte Sheedy, Neei Madan, Catherine Mcinley, ] acqueline Woodson, Ellen Ray, Sheilah Mabry, Eve Ensler, and imberly Goodman. I also wish to thank and acknowledge the Millay Colony and The Write�s Room. I f thou be one whose heat the hoy oms Ofyoung imagination have kept pure, Stranger! henceorth be waned; and know, that pride, Howe'er disguised in is own majesy, Is littleness; that he who eels contempt For any living thing, hath f aulties hich he has never used; that thought with him Is in is inf any. The man, whose ye s ever on himse, doth look on one, The least ofnature s works, one who might move The wise man to that scon which wisdom hos Unlawul, eve. 0, be wiser thou! Insucted that ue knowledge leads to love ... WILLIAM WO RDSWO RTH Evey blade ofrass has is Angel that bens over it and whispers, "Grow, row." THE TALMUD PUSH I I was let back when I was twelve because I had a baby for my fahver. That was in 1 983 . I was out of school for a year. This gonna be my second baby. My daughter got Down Sinder. She's retarded. I had got let back in he second grade too, when I was seven, 'cause I couldn't read (and I sill peed on mysel). I should be in the eleventh grade, geting ready to go into the twelf grade so I can gone 'n graduate. But I'm not. I'm in the infe grade. I got suspended rom school 'cause I'm pregnant which I don't hink is fair. I ain' did nothin' ! My name i s Claireece Precious Jones. I don't know why I'm telling you that. Guess 'cause I don't know how far I'm gonna go with this story, or whether it's even a story or why I'm talkin'; whether I'm gonna start rom the begining or right rom here or wo wees rom now. Two weeks rom now? Sure you can do anything when you taling or wriing, it's not like livng when you can only do what you doing. Some people tell a stoy 'n it don't make no sense or be rue. But I'm gonna y to PUSH make sense and tell the truth, else what's the ucking use? Ain' enough lies and shit out there already? So, OK, it's Thursday, September twenty-four 1 987 and I'm waling down the hall. I look good, smell good-resh, clean. It's hot but I do not take of my leather jacket even though it's hot, it might get stolen or lost. Indian summer, Mr icher say. I don't know why he call it that. hat he mean is, it's hot, 90 degrees, like summer days. And there is no, none, I mean none, air condiioning in this mutherucking building. The building I'm taling about is, of course, I.S. 1 46 on 1 3 4h Sreet beween Lenox Avenue and Adam Clayton Powell J r Blvd. I am walking down the hall rom home room to irst period maf. hy hey put some shit like maf irst period I do not know. Maybe to gone 'n git it over with. I actually don't mind maf as much as I had thought I would. I jus' fall in Mr icher's class sit down. We don't have assigned seats in Mr icher's class, we can sit anywhere we want. I sit in the same seat everyday, in the back, last row, next to the door. Even hough I know that back door be locked. I don't say nuin' to him. He don't say nuin' to me, now. First day he say, "Clas� urn the book pages to page 1 2 2 please." I don't move. He say, "Miss Jones, I said tun the book pages to page 1 2 2 . " I say, "Mutherucker I ain't deaf! " The whole class laugh. He tun red. He slam his han' down on the book and say, "Try to have some disci pline." He a skinny little white man about ive feets four inches. A peckewood as my mother would say. I look at 5 him 'n say, "I can slam too. You wana slam? " 'N I pick up my book 'n slam it down on the desk hard. The class laugh some more. He say, "Miss jones I would appreci ate it if you would leave the room right NOW" I say, "I ain' going nowhere mutherucker till the bell ring. I came here to learn maf and you gon' teach me. " He look like a bitch just got a rain pult on her. He don't know what to do. He y to recoup, be cool, say, "Well, if you want to lean, calm down-" "I'm calm," I tell him. He say, "If you want to learn, shut up and open your book. " His face is red, he is shaking. I back of. I have won. I guess. I didn't want to hurt him or embarrass him like that you know. But I couldn't let him, anybody, know, page 1 2 2 look like page 1 52 , 2 2 , 3 , 6, 5-all the pages look alike to me. 'N I really do want to learn. Eveyday I tell myself something gonna happen, some shit like on . I'm gonna break through or somebody gonna break through to me-I'm gonna learn, catch up, be normal, change my seat to the ront of the class. But again, it has not been that day. But thas the irst day I'm telling you about. Today is not the irst day and like I said I was on my way to maf class when Mrs Lichenstein snatch me out the hall to her oice. I'm really mad 'cause actually I like maf even though I don't do nuin', don't open my book even. I jus' sit there for iy minutes. I don't cause rouble. n fac' some of the other naives get restless I break on 'em. I say, "Shut up mutheruckers I'm yin' to lean some- PUSH thing." First they laugh like ing to pull me into uckin' with Mr icher and disuping the class. Then I get up 'n say, "Shut up muheruckers I'm in' to lean something." The coons clowning look conuse, Mr icher look conuse. But I'm big, ive feet nine-ten, I weigh over wo hundred pounds. ids is scared of me. "Coon fool," I tell one kid done jumped up. "Sit down, stop ackin' silly." Mr icher look at me conuse but grateul. I'm like the polices for Mr icher. I keep law and order. I like him, I pretend he is my husband and we live togeher in Weschesser, wherever that is. I can see by his eyes Mr icher like me too. I wish I could tell him about all the pages being the same but I can't. I'm geting pretty good grades. I usually do. I just wanna gone get the uck out of I.S. 146 and go to high school and get my diploma. Anyway I'm in Mrs Lichenstein's oice. She's look ing at me, I'm looking at her. I don't say nuin'. Finally she say, "So Claireece, I see we're expecting a little vis itor." But it's not like a question, she's telling me. I still don't say nuin'. She staring at me, rom behind her big wooden desk, she got her white bitch hands folded together on top her desk. "Claireece." Eveybody call me Precious. I got three names Claireece Precious Jones. Only mutheruckers I hate call me Claireece. "How'old are you Claireece?"